Adult Children Moving Home

[julieisafemme]

I am a sandwich child. My siblings and I just spent the last year taking care of our Mom during her terminal illness and raising our own kids.

It is so funny that you mention that because in my post I said I hope my daughter does not come to live with me but then I was thinking when you posted that well she better take me in!

I do though as a parent believe that my number one priority is to take care of my own retirement so that my daughter won't have to.

Originally Posted by stepfordfemme

It was your post that was actually my starting point, so I'm glad you responded.

I think it is important to contribute to a household- in whatever form. But here is where households get blurry at times. If parents do not treat their children as "tenants" are children automatically responsible to pay them rent?
I think that is the point where children and adults need to have discussions around what the expectations are of them living in the household as adults.
It's a negotiation that goes both ways. If it's a free ride-- it's a choice of the house owners. It is no different than relationships when one partner foots bills and the other can be perceived as a big mooch. It's an enabler and a user relationship. No one likes to be taken for granted.

I personally do not view that as a generational issue and that's where my concern came from with the description of the "twentysomethings"


For context, I am Canadian. I attended public schools, equivalent to what is a "state school" university, and one private school (post degree- paid for by working two low paying jobs, my own blood sweat and tears money). I am debt free --because I took a career path that paid well, completely unrelated to what I want to do. I am right now working on going back for a graduate level degree which I'll end up borrowing for, to do what I love. I gave up and worked incredibly hard for the majority of my twenties to pay back for my undergrad.

When I graduated I was lucky enough that my mother (who did not actively contribute to my education due to low income and later permanent disability)-- offered me a temporary situation to get a nest egg built up so I could move to more feasible place to find employment. I moved to a big city and here I am. My mom kicked me out at one point in high school for being queer. We don't see eye to eye, but I gritted my teeth and took her help.



I think the next ten to twenty years will be interesting for us all. There was an interesting article that I read discussing the sandwich generation. Where inter generational housing situations will become the norm. I wish I could find to link at the moment because it would be a great point to continue discussion. In summary, there is and will continue to be a group that will have their parents and children living all under one roof---to due prohibitive costs of home ownership and facilities for seniors who need constant care.

Many retirees will also be looking for help when they are going into retirement with debt and are forced to stop working. I hope that their children will be able to find themselves better off in terms of responsibility and financially to help their parents out.

Great discussion!