Too much honesty?

[agape]

Actually, I didn't read all the comments before I posted my reply so I didn't see you had written sth about hair-cuts...
What I wrote, I didn't mean as a criticism against white-lying in general... What I meant is more that I'm having a hard time with the whole thing for reasons like this:

1. I truly am incapable of telling white lies and sometimes it feels like a slight social handicap not to be able to in some occasions do so... meaning: I wish I could, then I would!
2. I personally want my friends true opinion when I ask how I look so I sometimes forget that no everyone wants that...
3. I often feel I can tell when someone is lying and it can be very confusing in the long run when surrounded by ppl who tell white lies too often... (in the end I don't know what to believe...)

Originally Posted by Ciaran

I will happily "lie" about such things. It depends on context to me.

I totally agree that it depends on the context!

Once I was out with friends at a place without mirrors. At some point during the evening my make up got ruined and I basically looked like a raccoon the entire evening... My friends didn't say anything so I realized how I looked when I finally got home. I find that them not telling me was way more rude than if they would actually tell me so I can do something about it.

Originally Posted by Ciaran

Does that make me insincere? Maybe. Does it make me a bad person? No, although many other things about me do.

I too often give compliments -I don't find it insincere. Just because I personally don't like something doesn't mean it cannot be seen as nice by others... One can almost always find something nice to say to others.

I most definitely wouldn't think of white-lying as something that would make someone a "bad person". What's "good" and "bad" always depends on the situation imo...

Originally Posted by Ciaran

It's the same when someone asks me about their haircut or a dress that they are wearing. Often they are not asking for an honest critique but, rather, for validation. If I think that they are looking for validation, then I'll validate where possible. Of course, if it looks ridiculous, I'd politely say something - it's all about context.


Take, for example, someone who is wearing a new dress on a night out. I don't particularly like it but, if asked, I'll try to be complimentary about the dress and how the lady is wearing it.

In my case if I realize the person is actually looking for validation (hard to know what is in ppl's heads...) then I will try to avoid the question. I might turn the question back at the person or avoid answering it... I can try to find sth I like in the dress or the person so I can give a fair compliment -just like you said (if I understood correctly).

What I can't do is tell someone "you look great" when I find they don't. I'm not saying it's bad to do so I just personally can't do it and don't like it when others do it to me... Also, I don't understand why my opinion of other ppl's looks would be of any interest. I'm not so much into looks, I'm more like into the "energy" of a person, what it feels like when I'm around them... but that's a whole different story...

Originally Posted by Ciaran

On the other hand, if my friend shows me the dress because she bought it and is having second thoughts, thinking of taking it back, then I'll feel more able to give an honest critique and, diplomatically, will do so.

That's exactly the type of situation I would find mean to not tell the truth. So totally agree on that one as well!

I would like to share another example: There is this very handsome butch at my work and once when we were having a break she took of her "working-hat" (I don't know how they are called) and said: "I know, my hair looks like a mess". Obviously she didn't want to hear what her hair looked like and I felt I couldn't say "oh no, it looks great" when we both knew very well that it didn't... So I replied sth like: "oh, I don't care about stuff like that" which is very true I really don't care about looks so much.

So I guess I can be a bit of a diplomat too...
Had I been completely honest I would probably say sth like: "oh, you could shave your head for all I care, I would still find you smokin hot but since you have a girlfriend and you are a co-worker you are more like look but don't touch for me. Not to mention you are probably out of my league as well..."

It's a good think ppl can't read minds isn't it? lol