For the Love of Intentions!!

[Cin]

Originally Posted by weatherboi

It is funny because I don't see it as a person getting on a soapbox when they are trying to communicate to someone about a written offense. For me, when a person comes into a space and pontificates or even insinuates something offensive I see them as the person standing on the soapbox and being judgemental. It is not logical to me to blame the person that is having to call out another person on an ism and insinuate they have some "trigger" that makes them behave in a manner that makes a person feel "pummeled". I happen to be one of those people that has been accused of that and I can say that it is an unfair It doesn't warrant bullying inside this venue or outside this venue.


For me the camel, straw, back breaking moment is going to be that one time I decide not to call out someone's ism and it goes totally ignored by my other community members, or better yet thanked by fellow community members. I deal with all that yucky stuff in my life at work and my recreational time when out and about. I am pretty direct in most situations even when I am dealing with a client. I am direct here and am not a person that is going to lighten that up in my words because that is not me. Honestly, I feel pretty unwelcome here for reasons that exist outside this venue.


I generally don't want to think people have bad intentions behind the things they talk about. I also don't think people reacting to it have bad intentions either. I also realize how much work our community needs to do surrounding all the ism's and continue to have that fact reinforced everyday. Focusing on that is just as important as policing the posting styles of our community members and trying to assign them some sort of deficit for reacting to something negative.

All this post resonates with me but I highlighted the specific areas that really touched me. When someone comes into a forum and posts something racist, sexist, classist, misogynistic, or in some way blatantly offensive they may not be doing it to stir up shit or for any nefarious reason other than that is how they really feel. They may not be aware that they are being offensive. I don't think that changes the fact that they actually are being offensive. It always feels unfair to me that a person has to read those offensive words, feel all the yucky ways that stuff makes one feel, make a decision not to take the easy road and remain silent but to speak out, point out the problem explaining why it is offensive and then be attacked and labeled as someone who is always making a big deal out of stuff. To quote weatherboi "It is not logical to me to blame the person that is having to call out another person on an ism and insinuate they have some "trigger" that makes them behave in a manner that makes a person feel "pummeled"."

I think it is important to ask people to be responsible for their words. It's not fair to say things and then when someone asks you to be accountable for what you are saying and to look at the implications of your words that you accuse them of attacking you or pummeling you.

I think it is just as important to call out this stuff in one's online community as it is to call it out in the real world. I would never allow someone to throw racist, sexist, classist etc comments around me unchallenged in my everyday life, why should I allow it in my online community.

Again to quote Weatherboi "Focusing on that is just as important as policing the posting styles of our community members and trying to assign them some sort of deficit for reacting to something negative."

Asking people to be accountable is like taking a stroll through a minefield. I certainly wouldn't do it if I didn't believe in my heart that it is the right thing to do. I don't know why people feel like being asked to look at the things they are saying is such a terrible thing. Or why they think it is a judgment against them as a person. Maybe that is something we should examine. Everybody says something that is offensive to someone at some point. We all have blind spots. That's what other people can do for you. They can show you where you are failing to see something clearly or where you are failing to take into account the way your words can effect others, the way you can be unclear on the implications of what you are saying. That's not a bad thing. It can facilitate personal growth. I don't know why someone who helps facilitate the opportunity for growth is seen in such a negative light. I am grateful for each and every person who has helped me grow. I'm not saying growth isn't painful but it's the growth that is causing the pain not the person trying to illuminate a blind spot.