What Is A Crush?

[Nic]

Originally Posted by honeybarbara

interesting!

I use "sweet on" to imply sexual attraction with the mental/emotional attraction. as in "I'd go there" if circumstances were different (they weren't an ex that things would get complicated and rediculous with; they are friends I enjoy but they just don't live close enough; or I believe for one reason or another it wouldn't work out in a way that one of us would be unhappy, so I don't go there; I have a partner that I love so the bulk of my feelings are else where and I can't get more interested (not as in a choice, but as in I'm emotionally just unable).

I do get scared or confused if people bounce up to me and say "I have a crush on you!" because it obviously means something different to them than it does to me. But then maybe not and they are just insane. that's the thought process. More than likely they mean something different but I can't help the fear response because of course my meaning is my go to meaning in my head.

I cannot get a crush on someone I don't know. I used to be able to, long ago. LONG ago. But now I just can't. crushes for me can start before sex or after we've had sex.

and I understand in love as Miss Tick does - it's something that is temporal. for me it comes and goes. If I'm in a life long commitment, I fully expect I won't be in love with me partner at times. I've been told this over and over by people who have been together for 15+ years. But you do get the bliss of falling in love all over again.

it confuses me when people say "I'm not in love with you anymore" after 2-3 years. well duh. of course not. that's limerance for you. the average life span of limerance is two years. I don't feel for them like I first did either. but I personally have reached a higher level of love. and the "in love" bit fades in and out. I m of the opinion that this is normal. And good. I do have lovely things like getting excited they are coming home from work - not every day, but most days. and I like to watch them sleep. little things that give me the "feeling" of being in love. but if I've reached a higher level of loving them, of course I won't feel in love with them all the time.

For me that kind of love requires trust, real trust, proven trust and making it through hard things together. That's why I put "love" (in the sexual/romantic sense) higher than in love.

I am finding this an interesting conversation... I think... this is something I'll have to talk about with someone if I am serious minded about them. I think it could show where we are fundamentally different in ways that won't work.

please keep coming with your own words and own orders. This is a great lesson for me...

ETA - for those feelings of romance I have for people but with NO sexual feelings of attraction, I call "romantic friendships" ... but these are not minor friendships. I think they come from a deep sorral feeling towards others. and I have been confused by having sorral feelings, in love feelings and sexual feelings for the same person (on of my exes) not only was I falling in love with her but she also reminded me of my dead brother in the nicest of ways, so it kinda did my head it at times.. lol...
but without sexual attractions I call those my romantic friendships. I know people who call me their "twin" and they flirt with me (but they don't mean it) and we have a deep friendship. that is a romantic friendship.
Lust is the other side of that coin. I just have pure animal lust for someone and I want them to use me in every way possible. then have a cup of tea a chat and a laugh and then we part ways. that's the bootycall... lol but there's already a thread on that...

(in blue)
Brilliant. Well said.