It's a Conspiracy, I tells ya!

[Hack]

Work in public/media relations for a government agency and experience these conspiracy theory people up close and personal. I love public service, but, really, they don't pay me enough to put up with some of the people I have who call me regularly with their latest "black helicopter" theories or who send me endless emails on the genetics of wolverines.

I can't even make this stuff up.

[Linus]

Originally Posted by Hack

Work in public/media relations for a government agency and experience these conspiracy theory people up close and personal. I love public service, but, really, they don't pay me enough to put up with some of the people I have who call me regularly with their latest "black helicopter" theories or who send me endless emails on the genetics of wolverines.

I can't even make this stuff up.

Well, we probably can thank the X-Files for the black helicopter stuff (or was that "War Games"??). As for the genetics of wolverines... I haven't heard that one. Can you share?

[Hack]

Originally Posted by Linus

Well, we probably can thank the X-Files for the black helicopter stuff (or was that "War Games"??). As for the genetics of wolverines... I haven't heard that one. Can you share?

For the last few years, we have had a random, lone wolverine running around in a region of Michigan. We haven't had one in the state in at least 200 years, and never one documented in modern wildlife management here. Well, a few weeks ago, it was found dead by a couple of hikers. It died of natural causes. I work for the state agency that handles wildlife management in Michigan, and we issued the report and along with it some genetic testing we had done on the animal to better determine its origins. Some guy out there disputes our findings and writes me 1000+ word emails every day with all his "research" and "proof" that disputes our findings. He wants me to run a retraction in every media outlet in the state.

Right.

[MsDemeanor]

Originally Posted by Hack

For the last few years, we have had a random, lone wolverine running around in a region of Michigan. We haven't had one in the state in at least 200 years, and never one documented in modern wildlife management here. Well, a few weeks ago, it was found dead by a couple of hikers. It died of natural causes. I work for the state agency that handles wildlife management in Michigan, and we issued the report and along with it some genetic testing we had done on the animal to better determine its origins. Some guy out there disputes our findings and writes me 1000+ word emails every day with all his "research" and "proof" that disputes our findings. He wants me to run a retraction in every media outlet in the state.

Right.

It's probably a baby bigfoot. I say retract now before the truth comes out.

[Kobi]

I find conspiracy theories to be fascinating. While I take them with a grain of salt, I also keep in mind that truth is stranger than fiction. And people hungry for power and wealth are known to do bizarre things to achieve their goals. And what better way to do something then right in the open where people will question their own eyes and perceptions. It's brilliant in its simplicity.

And sometimes, people are just weird....example....Jim Marrs and his theories of mutated lizard people who are some of the most influential folks in the world mingling with genetic humans. Of course the lizard people are from some planet in the third dimension. Google him.

And here I thought my E.R. patient, who swore during outpatient surgery that we implanted some device that gave him uncontrollable erections, was odd. Gawd I dont miss that job.

[Hack]

At least one reporter a year asks the Michigan Department of Natural Resources if Bigfoot exists.

But I call to ask about any sightings of another monster - the stuff of hellish nightmares called El Chupacabra.

The dog-beast hybrid is rumored to suck the blood and life from goats and other unfortunate farm animals and pets. And an Ann Arbor resident claims to have possibly seen one around town.

"...I need to ask this question. Have you had anyone report the witnessing of a...and I know this sounds insane...chupacabra...in this area?"

I decide to investigate.

"Chupacabra? I haven't heard of it," DNR spokesperson (name withheld to protect the innocent... i.e. me) tells me. "Was the sighting around Hash Bash?"

"Possible."

"We get more calls with people telling me they have a cougar in their backyard, but we don't keep track of those."

"Oh, so we have cougars in Michigan?"

"One verified sighting up in the UP last year, the only one we've had recently."

"Oh."

Back to El Chupacabra:

Our reader says he and his wife saw the otherworldly animal stalk across East Huron River Drive under US-23 the afternoon of March 29. Then it slipped off into the wetlands - causing nary a ripple.

[Bit]

Originally Posted by Hack

"Chupacabra? I haven't heard of it," DNR spokesperson (name withheld to protect the innocent... i.e. me) tells me. "Was the sighting around Hash Bash?"

"Hash" sounds about right....


*tries to avoid snickering*


*fails miserably*

[Enchantress]

Originally Posted by Hack

For the last few years, we have had a random, lone wolverine running around in a region of Michigan. We haven't had one in the state in at least 200 years, and never one documented in modern wildlife management here. Well, a few weeks ago, it was found dead by a couple of hikers. It died of natural causes. I work for the state agency that handles wildlife management in Michigan, and we issued the report and along with it some genetic testing we had done on the animal to better determine its origins. Some guy out there disputes our findings and writes me 1000+ word emails every day with all his "research" and "proof" that disputes our findings. He wants me to run a retraction in every media outlet in the state.

Right.

All I'm saying is it's quite possible it was not the only Wolverine in Michigan...

Don't even get me started about the conspiracy theory I have concocted in my head regarding the swans and the Amber snails.

*blink*

[MsDemeanor]

Originally Posted by Hack

Work in public/media relations for a government agency and experience these conspiracy theory people up close and personal. I love public service, but, really, they don't pay me enough to put up with some of the people I have who call me regularly with their latest "black helicopter" theories or who send me endless emails on the genetics of wolverines.

I can't even make this stuff up.

My mother has on more than one occasion offered to drive me out to where the black helicopters are so that I can see them for myself. Yeah, mom, the secret black helicopters are stored in a visible location just outside of Denver.