Femmes: How do you like to be treated on a date?

[silkepus]

I have always though a first date should be short with less pressure. Like just having a coffee something like that.

I would love to have the old school opening doors treatment, never have before. I would probably think better of the person I'm dating if they did, but I wouldn’t think worse of them if they didn’t. It’s more like an added bonus than a necessity.

And for the whole cost thing, I think the best dates are definitely free. I would rather someone took me on a hike in the mountains than on a fancy restaurant.

[willow]

I do not need to be the centre of your universe but I do need to feel at least as important as anything else in your life at this moment in time. Be respectful, be kind, be polite (to everyone). Regardless of what you do for a living do not take calls from work, we are either on a date or we are not. Do not check your emails, texts, facebook, or twitter. In fact, I do not want to see your phone at all. It's not about spending a lot of money, or any money. I'm perfectly fine with sharing the bill.

Talk to me.

Originally Posted by silkepus

<snip> I would probably think better of the person I'm dating if they did, but I wouldn’t think worse of them if they didn’t. It’s more like an added bonus than a necessity. <snip>

Definitely more an added bonus than a necessity. Just don't let the door shut in my face

[imperfect_cupcake]

the variety is staggering in what people like.

what some people need I would be baffled by or put off from.

what I want, other people would feel totally unnecessary or completely not enough.

but that is the whole point of hanging out with each other: to find out and to see if it's a match.

for example - I don't care if people answer their phone. people have jobs that do demand an answer, the have kids or parents in care. They have other friends that may have an emergency (I was out on a date once and my ex called me in hysterics because her new partner was stuck in a very dangerous flood and did not know how to get hold of her, she was missing and she needed just someone calm to talk to her for a few minutes and help her out. My date totally understood and was glad I was open hearted enough to take the call).

I like going to a pub. I don't want a meal. snacks and some drinks and a long conversation and a good laugh.

that's a first hang out with me. Don't fuss but be cool, be a bit smooth. make me laugh, be open, tell me stories about your life.

[willow]

Originally Posted by honeybarbara

the variety is staggering in what people like.

what some people need I would be baffled by or put off from.

what I want, other people would feel totally unnecessary or completely not enough.

but that is the whole point of hanging out with each other: to find out and to see if it's a match.

for example - I don't care if people answer their phone. people have jobs that do demand an answer, the have kids or parents in care. They have other friends that may have an emergency (I was out on a date once and my ex called me in hysterics because her new partner was stuck in a very dangerous flood and did not know how to get hold of her, she was missing and she needed just someone calm to talk to her for a few minutes and help her out. My date totally understood and was glad I was open hearted enough to take the call).

I like going to a pub. I don't want a meal. snacks and some drinks and a long conversation and a good laugh.

that's a first hang out with me. Don't fuss but be cool, be a bit smooth. make me laugh, be open, tell me stories about your life.

You are right, my no phone ban was too sweeping. If there are dependent children or elderly relatives to consider then that's a whole different thing.

[Smiling]

For me, what makes a date great is if I feel like the other person is not just in attendance, but present; and happy to be there with me. It doesn't take much to convince me of that; just a genuine smile, easy conversation, and some friendly -don't overdo it, just be easy about it- body language will do the trick.

I don't require any grand gestures beyond that. I do appreciate a door being held for me, but it isn't an issue for me if it is not. However, I do agree with whomever stated that a date had better not let a door close in their face, lol.

[WingsOnFire]

I have been on 2 friend dates in the past week. She was quite chivalrous opening the door for me and always doing polite things. It was nice.

I personally like having their hand in the small of my back, holding the door for me, paying attention to me not their cellphone, just having wonderful easy conversation. I so miss being courted

[tiaras-and-books]

I haven't dated very much, but for me I like some of the old fashioned stuff, like doors being held open for me. It's just nice. I like, too, when I can tell that the date is a little bit of a special occasion for both of us. It doesn't have to be anything fancy, but just that someone bothered to look a little extra nice, similar little things, makes me feel a little special.

Personally, I'm broke a whole lot of the time, so I definitely don't mind doing free/inexpensive stuff on dates. I usually plan to pay my own way on everything, unless for some reason it's really important to the other person to pay for the date, in which case I don't have a strong enough opinion on the subject for it to conflict. So inexpensive options make me happy. Mostly I think dates are for spending time with the other person, a getting-to-know-you time or kind of an arranged "let's focus on each other" time. One of my favorite dates for fun-factor was a picnic (the same stuff I was making for dinner anyway, just packed up) at the park with travel Scrabble. They have free concerts once a week all summer at that park, and that's a really nice date, too.

I will say, I've been picked up one or two times for dates when I had to spend five minutes clearing stuff off the passenger seat of their vehicle so that I would have a place to sit, or with the footspace all full of fast food cups and stuff. That I didn't like!

The last man I dated before I sorted out that I wasn't actually straight used to bring me little trinkets when he came to see me, which was kind of neat. Nothing fancy usually - a flower he'd picked on the way over, or a stuffed animal he'd won out of a claw machine. (He was remarkably good at those games, so it never cost him more than a dollar.) But nobody had ever done that, so it just felt incredibly sweet to me. He was a really good date in general - he just treated me beautifully. If I were any kind of straight I'd probably be married to him by now, the sweetheart.

Like I said before, I haven't dated a whole lot, so really I don't have a lot of experience to point me toward anything concrete. But basically what it boils down to is that I want to be treated respectfully and like I'm special to them, that our time together is special to them.

[Martina]

Originally Posted by tiaras-and-books

I will say, I've been picked up one or two times for dates when I had to spend five minutes clearing stuff off the passenger seat of their vehicle so that I would have a place to sit, or with the footspace all full of fast food cups and stuff. That I didn't like!

Lol. I have told this before, but it became a pet peeve. I have had folks pick me up and then go to the ATM and get gas, etc. I get it if you had a particularly busy day -- and you explain that -- or if you've been together a while. But for it to be early on in dating and for the person to not do all those things first . . . red flag. I am serious. DO NOT BORE ME. Kiss of death.

I was on a first date with a butch who had to make a stop for something work related. I waited for 45 minutes. I didn't have a book or anything because who knew? Then she talked about her ex. No second date.

I absolutely will not have my time wasted like that. To me that is so disrespectful. I don't do it to others, whether they are dates or friends or even acquaintances. If I am going to transport someone in my car, I have already put gas in the car and have gone to the ATM.

While I expect everyone to be clean, I don't even notice how people are dressed unless it's super sexy. I could not care less. My colleague said to me yesterday about a student who had just left, "If you had a daughter, would you let her walk out of the house like that?" Honestly, I couldn't even remember what the student had been wearing. I just don't care.

Edited to add: Oh and know how to get where you are going or have GPS or whatever. We can all get lost, but at least have written down the directions or something. I have had a couple of people not know how to get back on the interstate after we have gone somewhere new to both of us. I get lost easily, but I prepare. Anyway, things that are careless and cause me to be bored -- done and done. Maybe it's cruel, but I effing hate to be bored.

[kittygrrl]

engaging conversation about, astronomy, art, climate change, world hunger, (in other words passionate, or compassion for people, interests or causes)

[Joness]

Originally Posted by kittygrrl

engaging conversation about, astronomy, art, climate change, world hunger, (in other words passionate, or compassion for people, interests or causes)

Totally agree with this chat! I would add in for me Quantum physical and energy work. Now that's what excites me :-)

[kittygrrl]

Originally Posted by Joness

Totally agree with this chat! I would add in for me Quantum physical and energy work. Now that's what excites me :-)

as in physics? if so, that would be a very interesting conversation