Butches: how do you like to be treated on a date?

[Mel C.]

Originally Posted by Elijah

Alright, let me give this go...

Of course I wanted to be respected - and more. What does that look like?

*You are polite and attentive (and of course - I will be too)

*Assuming you are interested, you are flirtatious without being pushy. All I need to know is the interest is there and (if I am interested too), I can take it from there!

*You are engaged in the conversation and are interested in getting to know me (and I will be too)

*You touch me casually on my arms and/or legs

*You laugh at my jokes (I am funny, you know.)

*You allow me to pay unless otherwise negotiated

*For the love of G-d, put your cell phone away! (unless there is a legitimate reason i.e. young children, emergency calls, etc)

*If you want a goodnight kiss or other physical intimacy at the end of the evening (or whenever) have an open body posture that is congruent with that. Touch me, face me, lean closer, whisper in my ear, put your head on my shoulder (be creative - and tasteful).

*Be dressed appropriately for the date.

*I don't like people to be overly agreeable or overly combative, not on the first date, not ever.

*Please be smart, sexy, engaging, open, appropriate and easy to get along with (and I will be too, I promise)

The End.

Excellent post! I will be back to chime in, but for now "subscribe"

[Mel C.]

Be attentive...engage in conversation and ask follow-up questions to show you are listening (don't just parrot the conversation).
Be open....show me you are interested in me knowing you.
Be real...don't try to sell me a version of you that can't be maintained.
Have fun...if I can't tell that you are enjoying yourself, i wont be relaxed.
Be friendly...even if you have bitchy resting face, make the effort to flash a few smiles
Touch me...find a reason.
Be appreciative...I expect to pick up the tab, but I don't "owe" you anything.
After the date...follow up and show you are interested in another date.

I agree with an earlier post, put the cell phone away!

I need sleep and reserve the right to post again after I get some rest.

Be your clever, gorgeous self and don't get hung up on what you think I need on a date.

[EnderD_503]

Originally Posted by honeybarbara

I do notice a lot of people say "I like to be treated with respect." Everyone does. I don't k ow anyone that likes to be treated with disrespect. But the thing is, respect looks different to everyone. What I consider respectful will not be respectful to someone else. And vice versa.
I know but this isn't a popular topic thread but I am actually pretty interested. Do you like being flirted with? How much? How forward? Do you prefer someone to go all out in their own way or do you prefer a girl that just is completely casual? Do you like to be asked out? Do you like your arm being touched and leaning in or do you prefer to do all the work? Do you like her to be agreeable.or do you like her playful and sassy? How word she behavave on a date that would pop your clogs?

Respect for me means not questioning another person's identity (especially when it comes trans related stuff), not ridiculing the other person and things like that.

As far as flirting or women being forward with me. I'm a pretty shy guy myself and have always really sucked at flirting with people I don't know well. In my own mind I always sound awkward as hell. So I actually really like it when someone is more forward with me. I might not actually be with my current partner if she were as shy as I am and wasn't more forward. She's definitely the one who started hitting on me first and kissed me first (but to my credit I covered some other "firsts" to even things out! ), but luckily for me my awkwardness was apparently what made her fall for me in the first place So in short: nope I have no problem with a date flirting with me or being more forward than I am, and it kind of makes me feel more comfortable to flirt back.

As far as someone "going all out" I'm a bit less comfortable with that. I like dates that are more casual. If by that you mean romantic gestures. I don't like many "formal" romantic gestures because it makes me feel...you guessed it...awkward! Casual is more my thing...which isn't to say that romantic is bad, I guess my partner and I have different ideas of romance than most people (f.ex. zombies).

I really don't care who does the asking out. For example, even though my partner was the first to put the moves on me, I was the first to ask for a date (moar zombies). However, I've had plenty of women ask me out and I'm also 100% cool with that too. I have a tendency to end up with femmes who are more outgoing/forward/louder/more social etc. than I am, kind of my "type" I guess lol

I'm cool with touching as long as if boundaries are ever expressed, they're respected (and that goes both ways of course).

Agreeable is boring, bring on the sass

[Charmingbutch21]

If I've asked you on a date, then I obviously feel some type of connection. I'm one of those people that you meet and you feel like you've known me forever. I have a knack for making people feel comfortable. Now, knowing that...I like to flirt and for my date to engage back, I'm a sucker for a quick wit. I like when my date looks me in the eyes as we talk, this can be really sexy. I like to share brief touches (fingertips, forearms, knees) and if I'm really into a woman, to put my arm around her shoulders. I really love when a femme takes my elbow as I guide us through a restaurant or down a sidewalk. Makes me puff my chest out a little I like to open doors, pull out chairs, and (if she's comfortable) give her a few bites of food while we dine.

-cb

[Tuff Stuff]

She can respect me if she wants to,or not.++=

[Roman]

Originally Posted by RockOn

Treated with respect, kindness ... if she likes me on the first date and I like her too, it feels good to me to be lightly touched on the arm, shoulder, thigh ... it feels sort of like a subtle gesture of fondness to me.

Once on a first date, I knocked on her door with a bouquet of roses. When she opened the door, she grabbed my hand, yanked me inside and literally swallowed me whole. I did not like that. Felt way too cheesy ... as in a cheap-themed movie.

Subtle will get my attention.

This is exactly how I feel. I greatly appreciate subtle gestures. To me, there is a lot of power in a subtle gesture. it takes great attention to detail and talent to make a move at the right time in the right way. A few people have mentioned respect. Mastering subtle gestures is definitely a way to show respect. It means you've taken enough interest to realize that being too "touchy-feely" will overwhelm me especially if I haven't been around you much before.

[Tuff Stuff]

I still like it when they want to rip my clothes off on the first date..but that's just me.*sigh*

[homoe]

I'd like to take priority on a first date! I mean for gods sakes put your phone away and live in the moment! Other than good conversation and your full undivided attention, I'm good!

[SaltyButch]

If we have managed to get to a date, it would have been after having had some good conversation. So, I would expect that you would be the same as you have been as I've gotten to know you over the past little while. I am big on manners and am OFOS, so my behaviour will reflect that, don't disrespect me by saying I'm a guy.

Although I know we can get shy I will do my best to make you feel comfortable, it would be appreciated if you would do the same. I'm a self described 2x4 so if you are interested I will need a sign with your flirtatious banter, your slight touch of my arm or that lovely smile. The conversation should flow easily and if at the end of the night we are both feeling it a nice kiss goodbye with plans to meet again.

[job]

I don't need to be treated in a particular way. Just smile and be happy. Make me laugh and I will return the favor.

[AishasWrath]

I'd want to be treated like a friend having fun quality time with a friend, no fuss no pomp and circumstance no expensive stuff, just doing things together and talking and enjoying one another's company.

[Chad]

Treat me with respect. I will take very good care of my date. I will open the door for her, make her comfortable, treat her with respect, and offer conversation topics. I will take her to a restaurant or event that I know she will enjoy and I will keep her safe. In return I would like good conversations on any topic, she should be polite, happy, and friendly.

[Angeltoes]

Recently I had a butch tell me they felt like a 'loser' when I opened the door for them. I honestly wasn't trying to prove a point. I got to the door first, so I opened it and held it open. I'm totally out of practice and don't remember the 'rules' anymore. How do other butchers feel about the door thing?

[Chad]

Originally Posted by Angeltoes

Recently I had a butch tell me they felt like a 'loser' when I opened the door for them. I honestly wasn't trying to prove a point. I got to the door first, so I opened it and held it open. I'm totally out of practice and don't remember the 'rules' anymore. How do other butchers feel about the door thing?

If you opened the door for me I would think you were very sweet and we may even chuckle about it later.

[JDeere]

With some respect even if we don't agree on everything!

[Tuff Stuff]

Originally Posted by Angeltoes

Recently I had a butch tell me they felt like a 'loser' when I opened the door for them. I honestly wasn't trying to prove a point. I got to the door first, so I opened it and held it open. I'm totally out of practice and don't remember the 'rules' anymore. How do other butchers feel about the door thing?

I like to be the one to reach the door first and open it for her..i've always did that for women and I will do it for men also...its a habit of mine.*shrug*

I don't know why it is but I just don't like people opening doors for me.

[Angeltoes]

Originally Posted by Tuff Stuff

I like to be the one to reach the door first and open it for her..i've always did that for women and I will do it for men also...its a habit of mine.*shrug*

I don't know why it is but I just don't like people opening doors for me.

I don't mind people opening doors for me, but it's definitely a habit for me to reach for it as well. I hold the door for men, women, and children.

There is another thing. Some guy was staring at us holding hands in a department store and the butch started to chuckle and stare him down. I mean, don't you think that's a dangerous thing to do? I don't feel like getting assaulted or worse because someone was staring at us.

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by Angeltoes

Recently I had a butch tell me they felt like a 'loser' when I opened the door for them. I honestly wasn't trying to prove a point. I got to the door first, so I opened it and held it open. I'm totally out of practice and don't remember the 'rules' anymore. How do other butchers feel about the door thing?

It would make me/has made me, uncomfortable, but I know that it shouldn't.

Originally Posted by Angeltoes

I don't mind people opening doors for me, but it's definitely a habit for me to reach for it as well. I hold the door for men, women, and children.

There is another thing. Some guy was staring at us holding hands in a department store and the butch started to chuckle and stare him down. I mean, don't you think that's a dangerous thing to do? I don't feel like getting assaulted or worse because someone was staring at us.

I don't know exactly how the butch did it, but I would just smile at the guy as if I didn't notice he was staring...but he would also know on some level that I knew that he was staring and that I thought he was a douche. It is kind of hard to explain.

Was it dangerous? My experience as a butch over the last 25 years is that I am very good at quickly deducing if it is a safe situation to "stare back", or an unsafe situation. You were in a department store. More likely than not, the guy was not going to come at your butch, right? It is all situational what you can do and still be safe. NOW, if my partner did not feel safe if I gave back a big ole, "fuck you" kind of smile, then I would not do it, and just pretend like I didn't notice the guy. There are really a number of variables to the "butch response" to people looking at them with disgust/anger they are with a femme.

[TL1]

Originally Posted by Angeltoes

Recently I had a butch tell me they felt like a 'loser' when I opened the door for them. I honestly wasn't trying to prove a point. I got to the door first, so I opened it and held it open. I'm totally out of practice and don't remember the 'rules' anymore. How do other butchers feel about the door thing?

People are quick to get hung up on roles and how things should be. We all have our ideas... Even I do.
of course my natural instinct is to open a door for my date but it doesn't define who I am if someone opens the door for me. To each their own but I find it a bit petty when someone has a fit over such things.