Ask a trans person!

[deb0670]

Hi Gemme,
Thank you so much for all your advice and your friendship.
I have to admit, the person is the same, yes.. however, the mother/daughter things we used to do together, such as dress shopping, trying different make up, etc.. u will not have anymore.
Yes, I am accepting my son and am excited about helping him with his new journey and getting to know him better..

In my son's journey to find himself, he went through many experiences as a girl and young lady, and enjoyed them.. such as going shopping with my daughter in law and i for her Homecoming dress, and getting all dolled up and stuff..
Now... my son does not wish for me to talk about those girlie things anymore around him cause it helps his dysphoria.
So, yes.. i do absolutely love and support our son. .
There is and will be a sense of loss of my daughter.
Will I bring it up and make my son feel guilty? He'll no.
I do truly appreciate you and your kind words and help and friendship.

Originally Posted by Gemme

I'm not trans and this is the 'ask a trans person' thread but I feel strongly about this, so hopefully no one will mind my interjection too much.

deb, you won't miss your daughter. You'll miss the social expectations that come with having a daughter as well as the hopes and dreams you designed for your child at birth and through the formative years. And that will take some time to shed. But you get to form new hopes and dreams now! Ones based on your child's desires and hopes and those are best ones, yes?

Your child is your child. Period. That PERSON doesn't change but the social expectations will. Truth be told, you always had two sons. One just dressed in drag for 17 years.

You're a darling person, deb, and the best advice I can give as someone who has no right (neither a parent nor trans) to give advice on this topic, is to do what you and Ethan are already doing. Be open-minded with your son. Kids are resilient, especially when they have a good support system. Sit down with him and maybe make a ritual of switching things over.....like putting out new family photos or reworking the family album. I'd journal for yourself and ask your son if he'd like to do that on his own too. He'd be able to look back and see that X was hard but he made it through so Y and Z won't be so bad either. Don't hide your personal process from him but don't let him feel guilty about it either. None of that "I'm losing a daughter" stuff. You're gaining a child who is more self-confident, happier and more in control of their life. That's the type of kid that can make it through anything life throws at him.

Congrats!