This side of Heaven

Sweet Bliss · 09-13-2014, 12:43 AM

Not feeling very poetic today.

Big dog pulled me down so hard and fast this morning didn't realize I was down until the pain in my arm from scraping the rough utility rug permeated my dull brain. Then the scary pain in my chest started to rise.

Have been out of it all day. Not a good day.

Sucks living with someone who doesn't give a shit when you are flipping out on the inside. Don't feel safe expressing my fear and pain. More suckage.

Pathetic way to live don't you think?

I lie to myself and say it would be worse if I was alone. Truth is I am always alone. Even when she sits staring at her ipad 4 ft away. Never speaking more than a few disjointed thoughts since 10 pm. It's almost one thirty. Since 2009 I have not met anyone in person that can carry on a conversation when technology is in the same room.

How ridiculous is that? Geezus... Soren and I would read to each other at night. I would crochet, or she would work on carving a walking stick as I read to her. Such a simple act of loving intent. I miss that. Quality time. Sharing ideas, philosophy, personal epiphanies, childhood experiences, fantasy future happenings. Isn't there even one person out there who wants a lover AND a companion? I can live without mind blowing sex, material things, fabulous vacations, nice cars, a house. Don't miss what you've never had. I cannot live much longer without true companionship. I'm just plain fucked aren't I?

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09-13-2014, 12:43 AM	#31
Sweet Bliss Senior Member How Do You Identify?: I Am Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: solo Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: the Beach, Pacific side Posts: 4,160 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,354 Thanked 7,268 Times in 2,159 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	Not feeling very poetic today. Big dog pulled me down so hard and fast this morning didn't realize I was down until the pain in my arm from scraping the rough utility rug permeated my dull brain. Then the scary pain in my chest started to rise. Have been out of it all day. Not a good day. Sucks living with someone who doesn't give a shit when you are flipping out on the inside. Don't feel safe expressing my fear and pain. More suckage. Pathetic way to live don't you think? I lie to myself and say it would be worse if I was alone. Truth is I am always alone. Even when she sits staring at her ipad 4 ft away. Never speaking more than a few disjointed thoughts since 10 pm. It's almost one thirty. Since 2009 I have not met anyone in person that can carry on a conversation when technology is in the same room. How ridiculous is that? Geezus... Soren and I would read to each other at night. I would crochet, or she would work on carving a walking stick as I read to her. Such a simple act of loving intent. I miss that. Quality time. Sharing ideas, philosophy, personal epiphanies, childhood experiences, fantasy future happenings. Isn't there even one person out there who wants a lover AND a companion? I can live without mind blowing sex, material things, fabulous vacations, nice cars, a house. Don't miss what you've never had. I cannot live much longer without true companionship. I'm just plain fucked aren't I?