Relationships - What things do you want & need?

[*Anya*]

Originally Posted by oboejive

I have been with my partner over 5 years. I love her dearly, we live together, and she is caring, compassionate, and supportive. However, we are both really busy as well. She works 60 hours a week (give or take), and I work 40 hours, am in school online, and I perform in local GLBT wind ensemble here in South Florida. Well, I wanted everyone's take on this. For those of you who have been in long-term relationships/partnerships, do you ever experience lesbian bed death? Or a lack of sex? I have a sex drive, but my partner claims she has none now, and I don't even remember the last time we had sex. Does this happen a lot? I guess that sex is something I need too, and we've talked about marriage, but we are having difficulties getting around the whole sex thing. Thoughts?

The phrase lesbian bed death always makes me touchy.

I might be sensitive to it, being a lesbian and all...

I believe that all relationships go through periods of time when sex may wax and wane.

I was married to a bio man in my early 20's that had virtually zero sex drive, so I try not to generalize.

My GF and I will be be together 2 years in the beginning of December.

Did we have way more sex in the first 8-12 months; yes. Absolutely.

After that, it did fall off. I think that between my very demanding job and hers, we let life get in the way.

Then she got laid off and I know that affected her libido.

I know folks in their 80's and 90's still have sexual relationships but I am sure it is not nightly, either.

I know I had a much greater libido until after I had a total hysterectomy.

50% of a woman's testosterone is produced by her ovaries. If ovaries are removed, one will have a marked drop in testosterone. At least with menopause, the drop is more gradual than immediate.

The point that I am making is that life stressors, unverbalized anger or irritation with a partner or medical reasons or not putting the effort into ensuring a sexual relationship is maintained; can affect a sexual relationship.

About 3 months ago we both decided that it was not acceptable to let our sex life slide. Even with love, I believe that good sex is the glue of a relationship.

We make dates at least once per week to have sex. Regardless of what is going on! You know something, we always get in the mood and are always so glad and happy that we did.

We made a commitment to each other to not let it slide again. We really try to be open and honest about how we are feeling, even if it is difficult or makes us feel vulnerable or embarrassed.

It is really critical to be able to communicate about this.

I hope this helps a little.

Good luck.