OFOS Butches & Femmes

[Jess]

I love seeing new breath being given to this thread. For me, being OFOS means quite simply honoring the romance and respectful traditions we have learned from our parents or grandparents or through watching older members of our communities. The thoughtful and mindful ways with which we treat our beloved is what being OFOS is about for me. As Miss ~ocean mentioned, "it takes two", meaning the same respect and courtesies are given as well as to be expected.

I loved the post that Miss Firedance made including the blog that speaks in practicality. Thank you so much for gentle reminders and for hopefully igniting further dialogue.

I am a door opener, hand kisser, forehead kisser, escort her properly in given circumstance... in general "treat her like a lady" kind of guy. The manners of romance were something that while not always present between my parents or grands, I was acutely aware of when I did get to witness them. I still love seeing the subtle grandeur with which a gentleman (gentleperson) attends his lady and likewise, the graceful nuances that express pleasure and consent on the part of a well mannered mindful lady.

I loved the blog in that while not exactly a "how to" it was more of a "why for" sort of instruction to todays gentlemen. There are many benefits to treating a lady with observant mindfulness, not the least of which is endearing her to yourself and allowing her to feel safe, nurtured and protected. There are also the secret intimacies that are shared more privately between you that these gestures help promote. A playful quote from a beautiful woman regarding gentlemen and their reserved inner thoughts:



A couple of things I was moved to consider from the blog and then I will come back later to add to the discussion as time permits. I have "snipped" the post to just highlight the things I am addressing now.

Originally Posted by Firedance

A Gentleman’s Chivalry Acts Explained in Practicality.


If you don’t understand what you are doing and more importantly WHY you are doing it, your actions become simply a pantomime, and imitation, that ends up looking awkward. This is especially true if we don’t have a sense of empathy towards the person in the receiving end of the action. Keep in mind that manners are nothing more than a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter what fork you use.

Opening a door for a Lady
Let me start by clarifying, this has nothing to do with a Gentleman thinking women can’t open their own doors. It came from two specific traditions, the overelaborate clothing women used to wear and the role of the Gentleman as a Bodyguard. First off, a woman’s skirt was so wide, they couldn’t even reach the door handle. That is no longer the case, so we don’t need to take this into account any longer. The second is the role of the Bodyguard, of creating a safe environment for women. This is something that still needs to be maintained and even promoted.
A gentleman will open a door first, making sure that the room is safe for her to enter. As she enters, he is able to scan the surroundings to make sure that the area is safe. As he enters after her, the lady is kept from having her back to the door. You might think this seems somewhat paranoid and overly cautious. Just take a few minutes viewing some of the stories of what the ladies have to deal with in a daily basis, and then tell me I am being overly cautious.


Helping a lady into and out of a Car
Take a minute and look at your car. Imagine trying to get into it or out of it with a short skirt and heels. Now imagine doing it gracefully. If you drive a low profile sports car or a high truck or SUV, the difficulty level this is even higher. Gentlemen, this is just simple act of consideration towards the Lady.

This is also the reason why you should help a lady when she is walking up and down stairs. Try doing it with 3”+ heels.


I know that most of the comments are based on how the lady is dressed, and you can simply say it’s her problem, that she chose to dress that way. You might think that it was her choice to wear heals, or a strapless dress, or short skirt. Yes, it was her decision. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be considerate.

For this moment, I am considering the "why's" and specifically the "how's" of opening car doors and escorting a lady. I will come back to other points later.

I love both placing a lady into the car and helping her out of it. As the blogger pointed out, especially when she is "dressed up" there are more things to consider for her than those of us in mens wear deal with. If she is in a dress or skirt I like to make sure she has gotten comfortable and none of the flowing fabric has fallen over the door opening and will gently tuck it inside the car if it has. I will usually ask to make sure she hasn't forgotten anything inside that I might need to retrieve as it is easier for me to do that than her if she is in heels. I also make sure her seat belt is accessible and again, not caught in between the door closure and will more often than not, wait until she has fastened it before I close her door. It is usually after I know she is comfortable and secure that I will get into the car.

When assisting her out of the car, I will usually position myself to obstruct the view of anyone else in particular if she is wearing a shorter dress or skirt that may have risen during her ride and that might expose more than appropriate areas of flesh. This is secretly a thrill as only I am allowed access to those views and yes, I definitely enjoy the view. I admittedly love the vision of a woman's foot in a sexy shoe stepping out of a car and welcome any opportunity to view it. So, if being helpful isn't enough reason to do it, then remember the benefits :




I will be back later and hopefully new thoughts and discussion will be added. Next I will discuss how I like to escort my lady. If no one adds to the discussion I guess I will simply consider it an opportunity to think out loud and reflect on a few wonderful steps of this dance that is butch/femme (in whatever presentation butch/femme appears in).

[Kelt]

Originally Posted by Jess

<snip for space>

For this moment, I am considering the "why's" and specifically the "how's" of opening car doors and escorting a lady. I will come back to other points later.

I love both placing a lady into the car and helping her out of it. As the blogger pointed out, especially when she is "dressed up" there are more things to consider for her than those of us in mens wear deal with. If she is in a dress or skirt I like to make sure she has gotten comfortable and none of the flowing fabric has fallen over the door opening and will gently tuck it inside the car if it has. I will usually ask to make sure she hasn't forgotten anything inside that I might need to retrieve as it is easier for me to do that than her if she is in heels. I also make sure her seat belt is accessible and again, not caught in between the door closure and will more often than not, wait until she has fastened it before I close her door. It is usually after I know she is comfortable and secure that I will get into the car.

When assisting her out of the car, I will usually position myself to obstruct the view of anyone else in particular if she is wearing a shorter dress or skirt that may have risen during her ride and that might expose more than appropriate areas of flesh. This is secretly a thrill as only I am allowed access to those views and yes, I definitely enjoy the view. I admittedly love the vision of a woman's foot in a sexy shoe stepping out of a car and welcome any opportunity to view it. So, if being helpful isn't enough reason to do it, then remember the benefits :




I will be back later and hopefully new thoughts and discussion will be added. Next I will discuss how I like to escort my lady. If no one adds to the discussion I guess I will simply consider it an opportunity to think out loud and reflect on a few wonderful steps of this dance that is butch/femme (in whatever presentation butch/femme appears in).

These are great points and I thought I'd add a couple of steps that I use when a femme is going to be in my car.

Prep: Of course the car is clean and if there is anything that would normally be in the front seat I would put it in the back before picking her up. If needed I would also make sure that the interior surfaces and especially the door sill are freshly wiped down. If she's wearing a dress the fabric might get dirty passing over it. A couple of touches I like to add is to stock certain items that seem to be appreciated and used if present such as bottled water, hand wipes, and a packet of tissues in easy reach. All fresh and unopened.

Another small addition for me would be to pull out the seatbelt out the first foot or so as soon as she is settles so she can get it without having to twist around looking or reaching for it. Optionally I would offer to hold her handbag while she is getting in depending on size.

I also liked the part about WHY to do it and how awkward it can be when you see someone doing these things when that understanding isn't there. For me it is part of taking care of her and if she is is dressed up nicely showing appreciation for the fact that she is done up at least in part for me.

I look forward to your next musings.