What do you do for closure?

[The JD]

I once made a "break-up" diorama with Lego people to help with closure, or at least to turn the anger over such a ridiculous break-up into ridiculous art.

The healing for me always comes when I'm too busy being engaged in my own life to think about it. I've had a break-up where I felt like the healing would happen when she acknowledged the ways in which she hurt me. I imagined the kind of Hollywood scene where people suddenly grow up and see the harm they've done and take responsibility for it. And amazingly, I even got that moment several years later. But I didn't need it, because I'd already healed on my own. What's more, had she given me that acknowledgment and apology before I was healed, it wouldn't have healed me or given me closure. That's something I can only give to myself.

I know I've got closure when I can feel compassion again, instead of anger or disgust. That doesn't mean I always reach out when I feel it, though. I need to have compassion for myself too, and that sometimes means leaving the past in the past.