Shit Heard Around this House!!

[Kenna]

All in the course of one day.....


A chihuahua fart!!
(We all laughed till we cried!!)
Me: Skippy!! You rotten little fart! I didn't squeeze you that hard!!
Skippy's Daddy: sounded like you squeezed the shit outa him!!
(OMG!! MORE LAUGHTER AND TEARS)

*******************later....

Friend 1 about buddy 2: Look...I think hy wants a threesome!!
Friend 3: (looking at buddy 2 with a cocky grin) I only do two and you ain't one of the two.

*********************

Them: Get that thang off my foot!
Me: What thang!
Them: THAT thang!
Me: it's just a string on your pants.
Them: NOT THAT THANG! THE OTHER THANG!
Me: there's noTHANG on your foot!
Them: look there....
Me: oh? That tiny little thang? *chuckles* give me the flashlight, who gave you warts on your foot?
Them: I was born with it...maybe when I was a little boy I stepped on frog poop?
Me: (cracked up laughing)

**************

While watching a very descriptive commercial for treatment (Osphena) of post menopausal dryness .....
Friend 1: OH MY GOD...at dinnertime they play commercials about Viagra...then at night they play this before little kids go to bed?
Friend 2: .....(looked at Friend 1 with a cocky grin then looked at the TV and declared....) Ohhh baby! If you were with me, you wouldn't have that problem... GLIDE INNNN....glide out...
Friend 1: YOU ARE SOOOOO BAD!!
Friend 2: Well? My woman wouldn't need lube...
Friend 1: *rolling eyes and laughing * LOOK!! *pointing at Buddy 3* Hy just winked at me!!

*****************
Them:
Me: OH NO YOU DIDN'T!! YOU'RE GROSS!! THANK GOD YOU ROLLED OVER TO FACE ME BEFORE YOU DID THAT!!
Them: (laughing hard) What did you think of that?
Me: it sounded like your ass cheeks flapped together!!
Them: HAHA...Told you I'm all boy!!
Me: I've known that forever but daymmmm you!!
Me: looked over at Buddy 3...are you ok??
Buddy 3: winked at me then hid hys face under the pillow