Ask a trans person!

[Melissa]

Originally Posted by Satiated

I've debated for the last hour, whether I wanted to post my ramblings here or not. I tend to be a private sorta lady, but my need to understand has overwhelmed me so, here I be.

1. This isn't a medical question, more an emotional one directed at the Males partaking in this thread.

2. Where as my ex partner isn't here to add his two cents, I have nothing ill to say. He was a dynamite butch befor his transition, and now is just an incredible guy after.

For the most part, I have tossed around the idea of dropping the status label of lesbian these days, and just referring to myself as femme. Why you wonder, I'm blubbering about this here? Because randomly 5 years ago, my long term butch girlfriend stated she wanted to become a man and transition. I was shocked, angry, sad and various other things. Bottom line, I supported her right up till he was born.

Surgeries, hormones, and varies other things rocked us apart, but I remained diligent. I loved this persons soul. At this stage, I considered us a hetro couple. Something, I'd never thought I'd say, do or be. But, I did.

Things smoothed after the initial year, and then the confession came. " I can't date a lesbian, you like women. " I said yes, that's a fact, but I also love you, and you are male.

To no avail he dumped me, to date straight women.

Yet, here I see many Ftm's surrounding themselves with all sorts of labels.

So, all this rambling aside...

Have any of you males that transitioned ever felt your current (or at the time partner) looked at you as being anything but whom you are now?

I read your post with a lot of interest. I am not sure I can be of much help. I am married to an FTM but I identify as lesbian and as femme. I have kept this identity all through his transition. He has been supportive of that. We have been together 8 years and married 5 years in October.

I have been with him through the whole transition. We talked a lot before, during and after his hormones and all his surgeries. I have to admit I was afraid of losing my id as lesbian and femme. As you probably experienced, it is a weird "head trip" when it comes to labels and identity. I wondered if I would lose my identity as he transitioned.

Everyday I am perceived as a hetero married woman, an identity set I never thought would ever apply to me. In my mind I am lesbian, femme, queer. My husband who formerly identified as an old school butch now Ids as male and hetero.

A couple of years ago I came across an article by an FTM who said it was highly disrespectful and insulting for the partners of FTMs to continue to id as lesbian. As soon as I read this I asked my husband if he found it insulting that I identified as lesbian and would he prefer I id as straight? He said something along the lines of "hell no, what difference does it make to me how you id." So that was that. I have asked him the same question a couple of times since and I get the same answer.

I guess it really depends on the person. Some guys will be opposed to you holding on to your lesbian identity and some, like my husband do not see it as a problem or a threat or insult to his identity.

Personally, I do not think we should be required to change how we id. I still love my husband and he knows that. I loved him as a butch I love him as a man. He is still the same person, same personality, same sense of humor, same habits, he has always had.

When I read that article a few years ago I was surprised that this idea was out there that holding on to our lesbian id was something negative or hurtful. I am sad that some people think that. FOr me, I have come to realize how all these labels are really sort of meaningless. I sometimes think that I id as lesbian because I am just comfortable with that. It is an id I have had for over 25 years. I am just used to it. That is how I view myself even though the world now perceives me as a hetero married woman. Which still blows my mind