Does not being a "feely" person mean you are incapable of intimacy (all kinds)?

[Daisy Chain]

Hello Gráinne,

HHmm...a few points here.

We are all different in our ways of handling and showing our emotions, there is no right and wrong. I think its important not to have any expectations of people and take them for how and who they are and even how they feel comfortable being when are around you.

Just because people dont show their feelings and emotions openly does not invalidate them from having any. I know people who are a closed book when it comes to showing feelings and yet I have grown to be able to read how they are doing from their body language, tone of voice and general manor, often with far more clarity and insight than I can some who `talk and cry` openly.

And some paint pictures with their emotions to create what they would wish you to think that they feel rather than what they do actually feel. There is at times more honesty in distance I think.

As for your friend..well you said it yourself....you have grown to like who you are...perhaps she is not there herself yet . She says she accepts who she is...but she needs to learn to accept who you are too and not see it as a silent judgement of herself and become so defensive.

Actually I have and value friends who come at me with the `what are your options` approach....just as I do the ones who I can have a sob about something with, they are all of equal importance in my life in their own different ways.

Daisy

Originally Posted by Gráinne

Hi, all:

As usual, I don't really know how to express myself well in a post I begin, so here goes:

I have a friend who is very much in touch with her feelings and emotions, about everything. She's very good with expressing herself, and is a very sensitive person as well. She has a partner whom I haven't spoken to but who seems much the same way.

I am the opposite, and it's throwing a wrench into our friendship a bit. If she describes a situation and all her different emotions, I tend to come back with "OK, what can you do in this situation?" or "What are your options?". I am not very emotional. I think in terms of actions I can take or choices to make. It's not that I don't have emotions, but I don't express them or speak of them very often. A wall goes up, I think.

We got into a small tiff about this. She got impatient with me and said "I respect that you aren't emotional, Grainne, but I am and I finally accept that part of me. It's also what I think drew *Partner* to me". We smoothed things over, and I think I appreciate her trying to draw out how I feel, and she somewhat appreciates my Spock-like side.

But, the remark about her partner kind of stung. It's not that I dislike who I am-like her, I've come to like myself as I am and I'm not likely to become touchy-feely at this point anyway. It's just not who I am. But I've also not ever really been in love. Is that impossible for someone like me? I fervently hope not. I can see myself getting into a far more intellectual than romantic relationship, and I probably wouldn't do well with a mushy partner anyway. Or am I going to miss out?

Sorry for all this. Maybe I'm just feeling very down and not seeing a lot of good tonight.