PTSD and Trauma recovery

[Andrew, Jr.]

Tuffboi29,

Yes, they are night terrors. I have those. I find myself kicking, hitting, screaming, and the like. Go see a sleep disorder doc. Get a study done. Then from there you will be sent to a therapist. Go. See if you can get relief.

[JustBeingMe]

Yep, those are night terrors as they call them. I have them too. I have night terrors all the time. Sometimes I remember them, sometimes I can't remember most of the event of the dream. I wake up sweating, panicky,breathing hard, chest pounding, and mostly can't get back to sleep cause it's racing in my mind.....WTF just happened is usually one of those things I ask myself .I don't sleep well as it is, insomnia alot, and when I do sleep, I crash and burn hard, and then the night terrors begin, waking me up, and I am exhausted all over again. It's PTSD, anxiety,stress, and depression that triggers a lot of this. I am going through a lot of crap right now and it's just going to take time to get this done and over with. Not knowing the outcome is the hard part as well. Being at home with family where I am not really wanted but can't afford to leave in the first place is a huge stressor on top of all the other stuff. I just wish I could move on with my life, but financially I am being strangled to death paying for something I should not have to, and I can't afford to move at this point. If I could, I would never have gone home in the first place. My family doesn't understand let alone do my siblings care, and mom breathing down my neck daily and calling me names don't help my anxiety and stress and depression and it's adding to my PTSD symptoms too.

[tuffboi29]

In the beginning i sought out this so-called 'help' and was told i had tourrettes(dont know if i spelled it right) because of facial and bodily tics that kept me out of public for years bacause of embarressment of being stared at.Also i was diagnosed a a scitzoefective(i know i didnt spell that right) because of these things i kept seeing.Now recently much to my relief i was told i have neither of those conditions and i wasnt hallucinating.I've been 're-living' all these unmentionable memories over and over while awake and while asleep.But guys...heres the kicker to it all....I did seek further help and made the damn shrink CRY!!!She said she could'nt help me and to go find a different therapist.So now i'm researching on my own and trying to find help anywhere possible.Even going to school for pschycology to study and treat myself.I can also relate to some of you when you say that family doesnt help and heightens the stress levels.Example:4 days ago I had a horrible panic attack that made me puke and had my ma standing over me at the toliet yelling at me to "stop it!!there's nothing wrong with you!!you just need to grow up and face life!!" Needless to say i should have my own apartment next week so i can panic in 'peace' so to speak.OK,so now I'm asking,will you all keep up the comments and suggestions, anything you've learned to lessen or ease these symptoms?I would so love to have a nap....


sinserly,
a confukled boi

[*Magic_and_Silk*]

Yes, I have PTSD. It came from years of horrible abuse from when my kids were young (They are both over 21 now). Last year I had a horrible episode and a person (they know who they are...no names) gave me a meditation that helped so much, I was astounded. I think it helped so much because I WANTED it to.

I have been to counseling.

I have read and cried and felt so alone. It brings tears to my eyes now to see how many other people have had to endure these things in life that were so terrible that it scarred so deeply. We are fragile souls, all of us, even in the midst of being strong.

Having PTSD is difficult, terrifying and so lonely. But, what is worse is knowing that there is no one in your immediate vicinity who will hold you while you cry. THAT is the worst. The thread is like the hug and TLC that I never got when I needed it most.

Thank you, so much, to all of you who have written here. Thank you for your courage and your honesty. When I am more comfortable (I am new here), and I know I won't cause waves, step on toes or be the target of more disdain or anger, I will tell my story.

Until then, Bless you all, EVERY ONE!

[Andrew, Jr.]

Magic and Silk,

I am glad you are here. You are most welcome to post here about whatever you wish too. Just know that this is a public site, and people are people. I take what some say with a grain of salt. You know what is best for you. Just be yourself. You are a gift from God. A treasure. We all know that. Make sure you know that too.

My father held a knife to me, and at my throat. I know what physical, emotional, spiritual, and sexual violence from a parent is, and the damage it does. I come here getting support. I am responsible to myself, and to help myself heal, and move on with my life. It is like opening up . I have no other way of putting it. Just go with the flow. That is what most of us do.

Best regards,
Andrew and Dino

[*Magic_and_Silk*]

Andrew (and Dino),

Thank you for that. It was good advice.

I am always myself, on that you can depend.

[Apocalipstic]

I am amazed by how many of us have the same symptoms.

Yes, I have night terrors. I have had a sleep study and also have sleep apnea, but I was almost waking up 60 times an hour before I got my CPAP. Now as I fall asleep I jerk awake freaking out, or crying or talking to myself quite a bit. The more stressed I am, the more it happens.

I hear things and sometimes see things, but I know they are not real, so they tell me it is part of my PTSD, which mnakes sense considering what I see and hear. Also, I have ticks sometimes and I fall or things fly out of my hands or off shelves around me if I am really really freaked out.

Work has been busy and I kind of fel like my nerves are misfiring today.

I wish you all the best and a peaceful happy evening!

[Andrew, Jr.]

Apocalipstic,

I have sleep apnea too. My level was at 70. I use the nasal pillows. That works best for me. However, when I hit a period of stress I sleep walk, sleep talk, and all of pretty much the same as you.

If I have insomnia I take Ambien. However, I have been known to get in my car and drive. So, I have a dead bolt on my front door - inside out or backwards. That way I can't get outside and hurt myself or others.

I had to stop using my bypap machine because of how violent I am at night. I have been known to throw things, and move the matress off the bed (or vice versa), the sheets are always either on the ceiling fan, on the floor, or somewhere other than my bed. This happens each and every night.

I hope everyone has a good night!

Andrew

[JustBeingMe]

This past month has been horrible to deal with for me. My anxiety is Through the roof, my depression is worse, my PTSD is being triggered out the whazzooo. I can't get in to see the new shrink for 4 to 6 weeks, and I feel like I am having a melt down already. I don't know how much more of this crap I can seriously take, the stress is killing me. I just need what I am going through to be over with already. And no, the ER room around here won't prescribe the meds I need either....so that's outta the question too. I just am hanging in there by a couple of threads left over. I just hope they don't break.

[*Magic_and_Silk*]

Originally Posted by JustBeingMe

This past month has been horrible to deal with for me. My anxiety is Through the roof, my depression is worse, my PTSD is being triggered out the whazzooo. I can't get in to see the new shrink for 4 to 6 weeks, and I feel like I am having a melt down already. I don't know how much more of this crap I can seriously take, the stress is killing me. I just need what I am going through to be over with already. And no, the ER room around here won't prescribe the meds I need either....so that's outta the question too. I just am hanging in there by a couple of threads left over. I just hope they don't break.

Hugs you hard. I know .....I really do.

[Andrew, Jr.]

I am telling you all something, we are like key lime pie. Strong tasting, and all good tasting! Everyone here is always in my thoughts and prayers.

[Apocalipstic]

So sorry yall are having a hard time, my nerves are pretty shot too with the flooding and all.

Hanging in there by a thread with yas.

[Apocalipstic]

It really is almost surreal how similar our symptoms are, and how much the same other people's reactions have been.

I fight crying, with everything I have...but sometimes it just happens, like today when I finally talked to a friend who has been missing since Saturday (in the flood).

Sometimes a kind work really helps. Thank you all for being there!

Love you guys!

[JustBeingMe]

I think my last couple of threads I've been hanging onto have finally broken today. I just can't take no more, I am no longer the resilient child I once was long ago.

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by JustBeingMe

I think my last couple of threads I've been hanging onto have finally broken today. I just can't take no more, I am no longer the resilient child I once was long ago.

Try and relax, sleep if you have to.

Things will get better, they always do.

Sending love and light!

[Andrew, Jr.]

Everyone here is in my constant thoughts and prayers.

[JustBeingMe]

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by Andrew, Jr.

Everyone here is in my constant thoughts and prayers.

Oh thank you Andrew, you too!

Originally Posted by JustBeingMe

Hey, at least you are hanging in there, thank you for checking in!

My PTSD is kind of kicked up with the flood and how tense everything is and has been. In addition to helping who I can, my therapist made me promise to do soem things for me. Can't be a long bubble bath though...water is rationed since we lost one water treatment plant.

I am very weepy and feel guilty we were not affected as much as others were.

I love you guys! Have a peaceful weekend.

[PearlsNLace]

Night terrors can be bad for me. When I sleep alone.

It use to be worse, Id wake up under the kitchen table with a knife in my hand, not knowing how I got there, and having to do a body check to find where the blood was comming from.
I have not had that happen in years. It helps that with the exception of below the knees, I feel my body pretty much. Even all the way down to my toes there is significant improvement. I need to remember to be greatful for that next time Im being tickled on the bottoms of my feet.

Usually now when I sleep alone, I just wake up all cockamamie position with an annoying mess of blankets and pillows on the floor. Exhausted.

I havent hurt a bed mate in almost a decade. In fact, I sleep better with another body in the bed. I hope to never be single again. But if I do Im getting a large dog with a propensity for hogging the bed, and snuggling.
( I have one of those NOW< but she goes with the guy Im with.> Id rather keep them both hehehe)

I did have a crap load of panic attacks, wich happens sometimes when some new memory fits into place, recently. I was relieved that the attacks pretty much receeded after I took my RN boards. I dont relish the idea of new memories to pop up. Should that happen, im plopping my round arse firmly back into therapy somewhere. And if things dont gel with that therapist, damnit I will continue to look for one that does. I have learned that if Im not showing progress in a couple of months, to change treatment, even it that means change therapists. (with appropriate closure, and communication as to why) This may not be for everybody, this is just my journey.

I have recovery and step work which really has helped me deal with a LOT of my stuff. It has been instrumental in helping me be a survivor, not a victim.
It also helps me deal with my symptoms. Cause I can be pretty hard on myself when I get really symptomatic. I loose patience with my panic attacks, and my flashbacks, and get angry that they are happening.

I dont like to spill this crap out. Im dealing with some body issues right now. And some cold hard fear. I know for a fact that when I loose weight Im scared, its directly related to my trauma. Yet I also want a baby. I need to loose a significant amount of weight to have a healthy pregnancy now that Im in my late 30s. I had a miscarriage at 12, that of course, is part of the trauma too. So, anyway, I wanted to subscribe to this thread cause I get it. Im dealing with it too. So thanks for hearing a bit of my crap. Is kind of good to remember the stuff that WORKS for me. It be great to hear other coping skills. Glad this thread is here.


kinda feeling shy now~ thanks for reading.

[Apocalipstic]

Hey there P&L and welcome!

I have some of the same issues around weight, totally understand!

So glad the achievements you have made are helping with the PTSD. Mine comes and goes depending on what is going on in my life.

Thank you for sharing, you have so much great insight into things that help!

xoxoxo

J