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Old 07-28-2016, 08:35 AM   #621
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Talking

Quote:
Originally Posted by ksrainbow View Post
On a shopping trip to the city, a backwoods farmer bought a 24-piece
jigsaw puzzle. He worked on it every night for two weeks. Finally,
the puzzle was finished.

“Look what I’ve done, Jess,” he said proudly to a visiting neighbor.

“That’s surely somethin’, Willard. How long it take you?”

“Only two weeks.”

“Never done a puzzle myself,” Jess said. “Is two weeks fast?”

“Darn tootin’,” Willard said. “Look at the box. It says, ‘From two
to four years.'”

Hahahaaaaa
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Old 08-03-2016, 03:48 PM   #622
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*What is the difference between ignorance and apathy?

I don't know and I don't care.


*Dwarfs and midgets have very little in common.


*How do you make Holy water? Boil the hell out of it.


*I wrote a song about a tortilla, actually it was more of a wrap.
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Old 08-26-2016, 12:44 PM   #623
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What's a dogs favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni
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Old 08-26-2016, 07:56 PM   #624
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Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don’t work.

What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bull-dozer.

How does a rancher keep track of his cattle?
With a cow-culator.
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Old 09-13-2016, 10:59 AM   #625
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Guy: Why ride a rollercoaster when you can ride me?

Girl: Because rollercoasters actually make me scream.






A friend has good news for you.....

So what's the news?

I'm not your friend.

That is good news.
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Old 09-14-2016, 05:39 PM   #626
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Old 10-25-2016, 02:21 PM   #627
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The illustrator had a sketchy past.


The cab had a checkered past.
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Old 10-25-2016, 04:42 PM   #628
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A string walks into a bar with a few friends and orders a beer. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve strings here."

The string goes back to his table. He ties himself in a loop and messes up the top of his hair. He walks back up to the bar and orders a beer.

The bartender squints at him and says, "Hey, aren't you a string?"

The string says, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."
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Old 10-26-2016, 04:41 PM   #629
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I tried to catch fog once.

Mist.


Why did the scarecrow get a raise?

He was outstanding in his field.
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Old 10-26-2016, 05:13 PM   #630
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why didnt the skeleton go to the halloween party?



he did not have the guts!
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Old 11-30-2016, 09:28 AM   #631
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What do you say when you're comforting a grammar nazi?


There, Their, They're
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Old 12-01-2016, 05:16 AM   #632
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Two guys walk into a bar and one yells for the bar tender "Hey jackass get us two beers" They finished, and again- same guy yells out at the bar tender "hey jackass! Get us two more beers"
He downed his beer and left, but the other guy was perplexed as to why the bartender didn't get enraged at someone calling him a jackass..So he asked him..Don't that piss you off when people call you names? The bartender spoke up and said.."Hee Haw, hee haways talk to me that way..
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Old 12-01-2016, 06:24 AM   #633
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Default corny jokes

Why did the chicken cross the road? For foul reasons.
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Old 12-01-2016, 06:37 AM   #634
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How do you stop a bull from charging? Take away his credit card.
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Old 12-01-2016, 08:02 AM   #635
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Why did the elf go to school?








To learn the Elfabet..
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Old 12-01-2016, 08:09 AM   #636
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Why don't some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don't work out.
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Old 12-01-2016, 08:20 AM   #637
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When I was a kid, my English teacher looked my way and asked, "name two pronouns."

I said, "who, me?"
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Old 12-01-2016, 11:44 AM   #638
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What disease do you get when you put up the Christmas decorations?


Tinselitus.
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Old 12-02-2016, 10:44 AM   #639
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How does Rudolph know when Christmas is coming?






He checks his calen-deer
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Old 12-03-2016, 08:17 PM   #640
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What did the Gingerbread man put on his bed?





Cookie sheets!
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