The Love list.

[Mr Nice Guy]

Great lit T4T. Good luck in finding love.

[LaneyDoll]

Originally Posted by T4Texas

There are lots of things I could put on a list I suppose, but I sat and thought about this a lot and decided to condense it to the things I felt were really the most important to me.

1. Must be able to have intelligent conversation.

2. Must be willing to communicate

3. Must have a kind heart

4. Must love me for who I am, try to understand the flaws and embrace the positives, and I will do the same for you.

5. Must be more than just vanilla

Well said! I could add these to my list-well, the ones that are not already there.

[msW8ing]

Of course the obvious attributes..confident, sense of humor, honest, faithful, loving, affectionate, animal lover and the like. For me it's the one that can look at the wrinkles (worry lines) on my face and see that they were earned from years of worrying about loved ones being a nurturer it happens..see the stretch marks from carrying two lives inside of me and know that I brought two beautiful, amazing children into this world and not be jealous of my love for them or my two amazing grandaughters..respect one anothers morals, values, ethics and beliefs. Gets that entering my kitchen would be like me entering thier garage..only touch what you have to and put everything back as I had it..I wont put your hammer in the screw driver drawer if you don't put my spatula in with the scrapers..laughing together..willing to grow and change as all people do with me, together. Not having to be attached at the hip 24/7. Not belittling one another in front of others..call me out when I'm wrong but do so in private I will love and respect you for that and do the same for you. Know that when I prepare your meals it's with love, I do it because it's WHO I am not what I think is required. Doesn't think I'm wierd because I full face sniff your shirts sometimes before I put them in the washer. Wrap me in your arms when you feel me shaking because it's a bad storm outside. When the world has kicked your ass and your frusterated..let me make it go away. You don't always have to be big and brave. Know that no matter our differences I will always have your back. Days I feel ugly, make me feel beautiful and I will do the same for you. Talk WITH me..not AT or TO me. Gets that for me it's old fashioned in the home. I may be a leader, self confident, strong, decisive, and bold in the work place..but at home I am the nurturer, lover, wife, romantic and caretaker. Look into my eyes and see the love and admiration I have for you. I am me, I'm not your ex/exes do not confuse or compare us. I live by the saying."Lady in the streets, whore in the sheets". And speaking of streets..doesn't ogle other women in front of me, or acknowledge when being flirted with by others. Dang no wonder I'm single I didn't realize until I typed it out just how finicky I am.

[Morgan]

There are a number of things I am looking for in a relationship, but will list only the most important items, anything else is nice, but not a must.

1. Kind (must have a big heart)
2. Faithful (you only get one chance)
3. Honest (don’t lie, big deal breaker)
4. Femme (oh yes, very, very important)
5. Intelligent (need to be able to carry on good conversations)
6. Sense of Humor (make me laugh)
7. Deep (not afraid of showing or expressing feelings and emotions)
8. Willing to work through the rough times (I don’t want someone who
gives up on a whim)
9. Sexually uninhibited, kinky, willing to experiment (no vanilla sex)
10. Cuddling, touching, nurturing and loving behavior (both receiving and
giving)
11. No bitching or nagging (no ands, ifs, or buts on this topic)
12. Independent, has a life outside the relationship (go hang out-you need
friends and activities on your own)
13. Stable/Self-sufficient (employed or looking)
14. Playful (I enjoy the serious side, but playing must come natural)
15. Clean and neat (includes self and home)
16. Somewhat Organized (I am weak in this area, need all the help I can
get)
17. Kind to children and pets (show me)
18. Emotionally strong (lean on me, but do not suffocate me)
19. Not afraid to give up control (give me the control)
20. Open and able to express what is going on (I cannot read minds)
21. Spunky and fiery behavior (if you don’t like something, tell me, I can
agree to disagree)
22. Respectful (no snide comments or innuendos)
23. Enjoys being pampered and spoiled (willing to reciprocate)
24. Likes going to movies, dinners out, relaxing at home, family
outings, vacations, traveling and trying new things (very important)
25. Must be somewhat active (cannot tolerate laziness)
26. No heavy drinking (absolutely)
27. Treat me as if I am the most important person in your life as I will
you (aside from children)
28. Wants to look good (does not spend an excessive amount of time in
front of a mirror on a daily basis, in order to do this)
29. Spontaneous (most times willing to do things on the spur of the
moment)
30. No drama (leave the drama at the door)

[MissItalianDiva]

I will only speak for myself here and not for anyone else because what didnt work for me might work for someone else just fine. I have always been very girly and growing up I was your typical girl who fantasized about the perfect Prince Charming to come along and whisk me off my feet. I made "lists" very young and even into my adulthood except around 20 I really did make a true physical list on paper.

My list was long and tedious. It was everything I was looking for or not looking for. I knew these were needs of mine because I had been on numerous dates or experienced numerous things along the way that encompassed my vision of a perfect mate. I am the type of person who sometimes has a tendency to be very black and white in the way I view people and the world. So once my list had been made I became even more rigid than previously.

I dated numerous people who had all the attributes of my list but for some reason it still was not a match or in dating them I found some other little thing to add to my ever growing list of requirement and in turn I would cease the relationship due to them not fitting my "standards"

I did this for years and only recently have realized I am an idiot and have been for some time. Love is not about lists or requirements. Sure we all have preference but the thing about life I have learned to love the most is that just when we think we have things figured out or just when we decide what we absolutely don't want the Universe steps in and shows us something different.

Love is kind and gentle. Not filled with unrealistic expectations of ourselves or others. Sometimes our preferences and requirements are not in our own best interest. I know for me I am my own worst enemy at true happiness sometimes because I think I know myself so well.

It's a work in progress but I am learning to relax and just let life happen. Without the rigid lists or without unrealistic expectations of others. My list got burnt in a bon fire about 2 months ago and I can honestly say my view of potential dating partners and life in general is much more enjoyable.

[girl_dee]

I have developed a *what does not work for me* list rather than a *I want this in a person* list.

Hard limits can't be ignored no matter how much someone makes you the center of their world, as indicated in some of the lists.

[Morgan]

My list may look unrealistic, I do not expect someone to sweep me off my feet and have everything I require on my list. I beleive it would be quite rare to find someone with all the qualities I am looking for. Some of the items on my list are deal breakers and some are not. If I did meet a very special woman, I would attempt to find out as much as I could before I jump into a relationship. I too have failed at relationships and when I look back, I wish I would have taken heed of the red flags that I had failed to see or refused to see. I believe with a list, I can now look at the things I want in a relationship and see if they may have the qualities I desire and/or need.

[Sassy]

I like this list idea. I'm currently in a relationship and there are a few things that haven't felt like a great fit. Making the list helped me see exactly what those things are. But also, let me see/revisit the multitude of awesomeness that my SO does bring into the relationship. So, a good idea, even if you are involved.

--------------------------
The Love List

1. Earth-based spirituality
2. Open-minded sexuality (kink, poly)
3. Has goals and a career
4. Has time for love and family
5. Respects outside relationships (family, friends, coworkers)
6. Likes to spend time together
7. Understands time apart (with friends or alone) is necessary for my sanity
8. Prejudices unwelcome: No racists. No sexists.
9. Must like kids. (Doesn’t have to want children. But my nephews are important.)
10. Financially responsible
11. Generous with their time and resources, but not to a fault
12. Knows how to communicate and does so willingly
13. Enjoys occasional forays into nature
14. Non-judgemental towards those who indulge in libations, recreation
15. Must love coffee
16. Enjoys experimenting with food, new recipes
17. Strives to live healthy, but doesn’t obsess
18. Stays current on politics, news, issues
19. High sex drive
20. Allows me creative freedom in my home, decorating, cooking, hobbies
21. Willing to be supportive when life challenges arise
22. Allows me to fight my own battles, doesn’t speak for me when I can speak for myself
23. Makes me laugh
24. Enjoys and respects a wide variety of music
25. Loves sci-fi and fantasy books and movies
26. Plays video games, but not compulsively (No WOW or Evercrack)
27. Has a deep love for animals but won't bring home every stray
28. Doesn't complain or make fun of my driving
29. Knows how to ride a bike, canoe and kayak
30. Will kiss me, and mean it, every day

[Vlasta]

I see that there any not many demands from a partner just 30 ? * laughing*

I guess I will die alone and just in case I will choose to date again .

honesty
communication
brain
job
chemistry

after that everything can be worked out

[LaneyDoll]

Originally Posted by ElusiveButch

The Love List.

Hi all, my name is Elusive and I saw this on Oprah. Its about these three women who are unlucky in love. So what they did was create a love list. Whats a love list you ask? Its a list of qualities you want in a partner. You see these three women didnt know about each other but they all had the same problem as some of us have here.Finding that true love.I know we are all looking but sometimes we let our negative thoughts get in the way of finding that one that makes your heart melt. Thats called bad karma. What these ladies did was to right down the traits they wanted and then they put the list somewhere. Two of these ladies met their partners and got married and after that they were going through their stuff. they came upon the list only to find out that what they listed was found in the person they met. I know that when I looked for someone I made all the wrong choices so I decided to try it and see if it works.<<disallowed word>>
<<disallowed word>>It all comes down to being honest with youself and writing it down not only reminds us but gives us good karma.Also it doesnt hurt. Ill share mine with you and who knows we might all make a match.

Dont be afraid to be honest. cause not being honest will get you what you had before. So Im trying it and i hope it works. Oh heck it will work if your positive!!!

I think that when we are honest with ourselves about what we want & what we do not want, we are more likely to be picky. After all, these are our thoughts about what we want.

I made my list in the when this thread was started. And I kept dating. One of the girls had horrible table manners and did not practice the level of personal hygiene that I do. Then, there was the matter of kids. I spend a lot of time with my kids during the week, like any single mom. My weekends are 100% free. But she still came over for dinner one night then complained about how much homework my 13 year old had that he needed help with.

Do I need a list to tell me that this is match will not work? No.

But, if I had stuck to the list in the beginning, I would not have invested time in something that was not going to work out. Trust me on this-she immediately did not meet several of the items.

Currently, I am with someone who meets 29 of the 30 items on my list. Additionally, they go beyond the list in ways that really make me happy.

Do I think that the list is the end all be all? No.

But, knowing what you want makes it easier to weed out what you don't.

[HoustonHuny]

Originally Posted by Vlasta

I see that there any not many demands from a partner just 30 ? * laughing*

I guess I will die alone and just in case I will choose to date again .

honesty
communication
brain
job
chemistry

after that everything can be worked out

Great List, Vlasta. I would add one more thing. Humor

[sara-bera]

Over two years ago, I read this book called Meeting Your Half-Orange. I was so happy to find a book on dating that was positive and upbeat. It has really, really helped me learn about myself and helped me figure out what it is I really want the next time I commit to a relationship.

I have complete faith that I am will meet The One and I know they're looking for me, as well.

I want a relationship...

… filled with passion; for each other and for life. I want someone who enjoys life and living it.
… filled with joy.
… that is healthy in mind, spirit, and body. I want someone comfortable, happy, and secure with themselves and I want us both to be gentle motivators to stay that way, always.
… in which I feel truly known and loved for exactly who I am and I want to be able to give love like that as well.
… that has comfortable, easy communication. I want to listen, speak, and be honestly heard and understood. There will be transparency (honesty) from both people.
… in which we can share many meals together because our eating habits are similar.
… in which I feel wanted and can make them feel wanted.
... in which we only have birds, fish, lizards or other small, hypoallergenic pets (as I have painful allergies).
… in which there is a balance of our opposites: their masculinity to my girlishness, their strength and force to my softness, their decisions where I cannot make up my mind, their initiative to my shyness, their maturity where I am happily a little bit childish, their dominant nature to my submissive one.
… in which I feel perfectly safe.
... in which the relationship itself is important and protected.
… that sometimes has lovely, warm, comfortable silences.
… filled with intimacy of all kinds: physical, emotional, passionate!
… filled with respect; for each other and for other people. I want to be with someone that loves people as much as I do so that we can be happily and comfortably social together.
… in which even the off parts of me are loved… and loved a lot. We should both be abother to love one another, 'warts and all.'
… that is peaceful.
… that finds us living in a comfortable space with very little clutter.
… in which any big, loud, passionate interaction between us involves laughter or sex.
… that allows us to sleep snuggled together, often.
… in which we are important to one another. I want to matter as much to the other person as they do to me. I want to feel loved and special.
… with someone who likes being needed.
… in which there is consistency and stability; emotionally and financially.
... In which there is just the two of us.

I wish you all love, happiness, and healthy relationships!

[WomenMoveMe]

A woman that embodies the very essence of what a woman should be. A woman that wants and needs to be adored...cared for...and protected. A woman who shall come first...and in return...will protect my vulnerabilities and bestow unto me the respect and adoration bestowed unto her.

She shall be a lady...feminine...with all that entails.
Passionate...genuine...warm... kind...adventurous...and creative. She shall be honest and spontaneous. She shall possess humor...wit...and compassion. She shall give...she shall take. She shall perpetrate grace under pressure and the ability to adapt to the ever changing perplexities of life. She shall have a mind of her own with opinions she is unafraid to share. She shall come to me with wants...needs...and desires...knowing they will be fulfilled. She knows her worth and will not settle for less.

[tazz]

a Butch that is strong enough, is able to Love enough, give enough, is able to accept another enough, forgiving enough, is able to communicate, have a sense of self awareness, trust, respect, who takes good care of themselves, and supportive of my ventures, just as much as i'm supportive of hers/hym.

[Leigh]

I've come to realize that I am not going to put some drawn out list in the thread because for Me, personally, what truly matters to Me is that I find someone who will love Me for Me and I will love them for who they are ~ no relationship will be perfect and we will both have flaws but as long as we love each other then that to Me is all that matters

[Vlasta]

Originally Posted by HoustonHuny

Great List, Vlasta. I would add one more thing. Humor

oh , you are right ! I forgot , I was listening about Demi Moore and A. Kutcher are getting divorce and nobody should be surprised . hmm , at least it lasted more than 72 days :l ... well , kutcher got sheen's job and started acting like him

[Leigh]

It still boggles My mind at how these celebrities can marry faster than I change My underwear and yet we can't marry ~ WTF is that kind of crap?

[chai~]

-someone who won't let me get away with shit!

ahhhh, this goes on my list too.....I want someone to challenge me when I need to be challenged.

[chai~]

I'm not perfect nor do I care to be. I just try to be a little bit better than yesterday.

I think I will echo what you are all saying, now let me see if I can add any!


Physical atributes:
I am about 5'1". I like to feel delicate and lady like.
I am most attracted to confident, assertive masculinity.
claybaby said, "5'0" to 5'6"....I like to kiss "down" into her, not "up".
I like to kiss "up" so taller please! I like to look up and stand on tippy toes!

Enjoys the simple things in life. I have 2 families of raccoons that visit me nightly. One mama with one baby, and another mama with 3 babies. I put leftover food on the deck for them and LOVE watching them dig into the bowls. It's magical and makes me happy! Would you enjoy watching that?

A biggie for me, is someone MUST has a life outside of the relationship. Go, please, see your friends, have fun. I need my own time and space. I will not smother you, nor will I be smothered. I would like us to blend, but not become "one person". Be independent, financially, emotionally, spiritually. When you are happy and balanced and a complete person, I would want to be near that energy.

If I disagree with you, then let's sit down and talk about it, I want to know where you are coming from, I want to understand. I want to challenge you, and I NEED you to challenge me.

Constant tardiness is disrespectful and immature. IMO. I am rarely ever late. I always give myself a lot of time to get to where I need to be. I understand if there was a train blocking the road, car broke down or the need to stop for fresh flowers to bring! I get that. I don't do "fashionably late". Am I a control freak? Perhaps, but I am a timely one!!!

Social drinker, no problem. I do draw the line at cigarettes and drugs. Deal breakers.

Experienced...in life, in love, in relationships, in sex.


I am kind, so I surround myself with kind people.
I am thoughtful and appreciative.
I do say please and thank you a lot, I've been told it gets annoying.

I want the initial spark of electricity, that takes my breath away and make me go dizzy! A friend first and foremost, a good person who inspires me to be a better person.

[Sachita]

Ok, this should be interesting. I'm going to work really hard on this.

1- Completely honest

2- Secure with themselves and financially (dont have to be rich, just able to fend for themselves)

3- health conscious (prefers organic, buys responsibly)

4- wants to live rural on a farm and a strong desire to become sustainable

5- adoring- submissive to me. Enjoys the type of dynamic that inspires a true female led relationship. They are strong, secure, able and highly intelligent- the simply allow me to be in charge because it "feels" right to them.

6- environmentally conscious - cares about the planet

7- open-minded - non-judgmental

8- adventurous and spontaneous - responsible most of the time yet can enjoy child like play.

9- deeply enjoys gardening and growing food

10- Loves animals-especially dogs!

11- enjoys deep family connections, including our own

12- Likes to clean and do laundry I hate it! I cook!

13- allows me to touch them and submits to my sometimes aggressive and wild nature.

14- Isn't needy and doesnt get insecure at the amount of personal space I require. they too enjoy time a lone and able to enjoy their own space.

15- - for the past 10 years I've dated butch. I'm more open now and into the human. I prefer masculine appearance but have met some submissive femmes that bring out my own masculine energy. I have a lot of it and whoever I am with appreciates this about me. They can be masculine, butch, etc. just remember who is in charge! (wink)

16- enjoys the outdoors- camping, fishing, just being outside.

17- loves making our nice and a special place- nice flowers, organized, inviting for friends and family.

18- not afraid of hard work or getting dirty.

19- intelligent, able to hold conversation but isn't yapping in my ear all the time or hurting my brain with constant chatter.

20- enjoys good food and wine in moderation (I cook- I buy)

21- does not use drugs of any kind

22- who's idea of a perfect evening is sitting outside (or inside) by a toasty fire, having a glass of wine, maybe playing a game, eating, talking and just being in the moment.


at this point in my life I avoid any red flags whereas in the past I overlooked things. I only become committed once I know we are both invested in the long haul. I am slow moving, watching, studying and carefully making decisions.