What are your three non-negotiables (in a relationship)?

[CA_BabyCakes]

1. Sense of humor, I love someone who can make me laugh, and in return someone who can laugh at all my silly jokes and comments and not get offended.

2. Integrity!! I have tons of it you must be able to match mine.

3. Loyalty and fidelity, I am a one guy one girl kinda girl, as i have previously stated, I dont share well.

Is there such a person who exists?

[yotlyolqualli]

Honesty, complete and total open honesty

Once committment is agree'd too, monogamy and faithfulness. Added to that, my last LTR was a "I'm not ready to commit yet, but soon!(her)" relationship. It lasted 5 years. I'll never go that route again. Sex falls under this for me. Sex is not going to happen until a mutual love has been established, acknowledged, accepted and embraced. I am not promiscuous, by any stretch of the imagination and I don't want to be with someone who is (WAS is ok).

Willingness to work. Once the relationship has been established, especially after committment has been made... I want someone who isn't going to run at the first rough spot. I want someone who is just as committed to working on our relationship in the times where we want to climb the walls and the emotions get ugly, as much as the times where it's easy and beautiful. We are too willing to throw things away as soon as we perceive them to be broken or we think someone elses grass is greener. I want someone who wants to work with me to pick up the pieces, mend the fences and keep our own grass greener.

I do have one more non negotiable and this is core.
Faith. I believe in God. I serve God. If I have any children (yours, mine or ours) I will raise them to believe in and serve God as well. The woman I am meant to be with, will believe in God too. She doesn't have to be Mennonite, she doesn't even have to be a professing "Christian" but belief in God is non negotiable.

[alexri]

I'm pretty blunt about what my "dealbreakers" are to save a lot of time and heartache for people. These are the things I won't bend on.
I'm totally stretching the "three" on this...

This is not me judging anyone else's lives, interests, opinions, etc. This is just where I stand on certain things.

1) No illegal drugs (and this includes pot), no cigarette smoking. If someone is a social drinker, social drinking is okay. I prefer to be with someone whose ideas of a fun time do not revolve around alcohol.

2) Morals and values... some basics...
No cheating. You cheat, you're done.
Don't lie to me (excluding the situations like lying about something if you're arranging a surprise). If you have to lie to me, something is wrong with our relationship and we need to talk. Tell me the truth even if it hurts both of us.
If you need with something personal or emotional, please ask. I'd be more hurt by how bad things would get if you didn't stop and ask for help. If something is wrong I need to know so we can work on it if possible, get help, etc. People are human, we are not perfect, and we make mistakes. There are some mistakes I can't forgive, but that's very few and they're very serious. I love the quote "if you're in a hole, stop digging." I can't help you get out of the hole if you don't tell me.
Never fake an orgasm. Ever.
I am a very loyal guy, but once you've lost my trust, it's very hard to get it back.

3) I personally don't want to have kids. I don't hate kids (many assume this when I say I am childfree). I don't want to raise children or be a parent. I know I would not make a good parent. I don't have the interest, patience, etc. So I am clear and up front that if someone is looking to start a family, I'm not the guy.

[chefhmboyrd]

1: pet the puppy nice

2: keep the puppy clean

3: give the puppy lots of love

[bcelly1894]

Originally Posted by CA_BabyCakes

1. Sense of humor, I love someone who can make me laugh, and in return someone who can laugh at all my silly jokes and comments and not get offended.

2. Integrity!! I have tons of it you must be able to match mine.

3. Loyalty and fidelity, I am a one guy one girl kinda girl, as i have previously stated, I dont share well.

Is there such a person who exists?

I would like to hear one of your silly jokes.

[StrongButch]

Well its more than 3 and you can watch this on youtube Native American code of ethics I live by this and prefer my partner to as well or at least understand it even if you are not native

[pinkgeek]

I don't tolerate fools, crazy ex's, drama llama behavior, rampant stupidity, bad table manners or an inability to appreciate fine cuisine, art or theatre.. A lack of communication skills will show itself quick enough as will any of the above.. I keep my standards high and it has served me well.. Your mileage will probably vary..

[chefhmboyrd]

Originally Posted by chefhmboyrd

1: pet the puppy nice

2: keep the puppy clean

3: give the puppy lots of love

and uh....

4: take the puppy to the beach

[bcelly1894]

I was glad to read over all of the posts and see the variety of responces. That no one was put down or avoided on this site because of something that they felt comfortable sharing. I just like the fact that I can be Unapologetic about what I like and dont like for my life, And feel secure in expressing that here on this site. I have no problem stating that Im a lesbian that never want any pets in my life. And that this is a non-negotiable in a relationship for me. Alot because I have allergies, and the other reason is that I just dont like certain pets, Or Im afraid of certain pets, like spiders and snakes-EEEEK! thats when you will see me running away like a little girl.

[bigbutchmistie]

Someone I can connect emotionally with (share deepest darkest secrets, talk to about anything, laugh, etc)

Someone who has morals and values. (like, honesty, integrity, loyalty, knows how to communicate)

Someone that I can connect with physically (someone who like me is extremely affectionate, and passionate.....)

[bcelly1894]

Originally Posted by June

Because little boys never run away from anything? We don't care for sexist euphamisms here. Everybody gets scared sometimes. I am afraid of snakes and right now I'm in Copper Head Country. I am sure there is one behind me now. But there probably isn't.

Glad to see you posting and reading, just be careful that your verbiage is respectful of women, and everyone else

With all due respect June, I have only been a member on this website for 5 days. Some of your words to me seem down right Bullyish. I thought that this was an open forum where we can feel safe around what we say. I love women and I also respect women. I think that you could have sent me a private message about the sexist euphamisms, So, that I can turn around and act accordingly. I have said nothing in this whole forum, to show any disrespect or attack or harm to anyone. I have no ill will or Trolling intentions for any part of this site as you may think is a potential on my part without just cause. This site is beautiful and very informative to me. I may not be as progressed as you are but there is no need for your so called "kind correction" to me in the open. I refuse to be a part of a network that is suppose to be a loving and progressive environment. And yet feel attacked and singled out by your Bullying.

[Greyson]

1. narcism
2. arrogance
3. Too cutsey

Things I find incompatible for a romantic relationship.

[Nomad]

the buzz kills:

- double standards

- using affection as a weapon (removing it when angry, dangling it like a carrot in order to encourage a particular behavior, using it as a reward)

- insults/name calling when angry


(and yes, you could call me out if i do this stuff. i'm human, not perfect.)


the must haves:

- be over your your mistakes and your losses. i'm a right here-right now kind of girl

- cut the apron strings. love the family. visit the family. involve the family in some of our comings and goings. but unless you're related to someone who can order the removal of my pinkie for missing a family reunion i'd prefer that you didnt spend valuable relationship time worshipping your family.

- talk. talktalktalktalktalktalktalktalktalktalktalktalkta lktalktalktalktalktalktalk


the addenda:

- handle your health. i like you. i want to drive you batsh*t crazy for a long time.

- dont treat me like i'm fragile. i'm a tough little bitch. i might cry. i might struggle with the reality of my mistakes or the enormity of the clusterf*ck i created because of those mistakes but i want full metal jacket honesty. i can handle your anger, i just need time to breathe sometimes. i'll sit still and listen while you get things off your chest, i just need a minimum of yelling and "tone". but if you think i cant handle your truth i promise you that you're kidding yourself. f*ck that. i'm still standing arent i? that's right. you can suck my dick if you think i'm fragile.

- i'm a femme and i'm a girl and i'm queer. deal. i'm not a lesbian and i'm not gay, i'm not bisexual and i'm not straight. i have no issue with the ways that other people identify or the words other people use to define themselves. i dont care if someone wants to call themselves a skittles eating squid, these are my words. dont ask me to pretend i'm someone i'm not. if you're not out of the closet i will make room for that because i dont live your life and i dont feel the need to tell you how to take up space or how to structure your world. but i am queer and i will say so when people ask.

- indulgence and patience. you'll need both. i'm a handful.

[Vivacious1]

Respect
Honesty
Faithfullness

[Jesse]

Here's three to get started...

1. Honor yourself and our relationship.

2. Have things that you have powerful belief in...starting with yourself.

3. Do not abuse yourself, me, or my dog.

[bcelly1894]

Originally Posted by June

bcelly --

What you said WAS sexist. Alluding that girls are weak and run away. On this forum, we call isms out in public so we can discuss them, and ALSO because if someone says something like that, and no one responds to them, they might think it's okay. The next thing you know, we have a forum that's rife with blatant isms. So, you can expect that in the future should you choose to use sexist language like that, you will be called on it publicly.

Your poor choice of the words "Bully" and "Bullied" because I deigned, as a Lesbian Femme to take exception to your sexist language and responded to you as a member of this forum, and not a moderator, letting you know how we do things here, and do not do them, was clearly designed to try to shame and silence me, did not work. Let's do that better too, shall we?

With regards to the private exchange we had yesterday, where I let you know that the Admin team wanted you to slow down, read and get to know us before starting a bunch of threads clearly irritated you and has carried over to the post below. You are at this point, very close to a timeout per Jackhammer.

June (Moderator)

June, wow how much of a Bully you really are. My comments were directly totally and completely at you and no one else who owns or runs this website. I was approached by an administrator before you, With no problems what so ever. Then as you see, approached by you, with no problems what so ever, Until your comments became those of a bully. So, dont come on this forum trying to include any one else who runs this site or owns it, in your Bully behaviour. And maybe you should check the record, You can not be discredited by me or anyone else on this website unless it is by the owner or another administrator, not by me. So, get off of your high horse. I dont just want a time out, what are we five? I want to get banned from this website only because of your Bully behaviour June. I do not plan on signing back into this website so if this is the only way to do it, then that is fantastic.

[Gentle Tiger]

Originally Posted by bcelly1894

June, wow how much of a Bully you really are. My comments were directly totally and completely at you and no one else who owns or runs this website. I was approached by an administrator before you, With no problems what so ever. Then as you see, approached by you, with no problems what so ever, Until your comments became those of a bully. So, dont come on this forum trying to include any one else who runs this site or owns it, in your Bully behaviour. And maybe you should check the record, You can not be discredited by me or anyone else on this website unless it is by the owner or another administrator, not by me. So, get off of your high horse. I dont just want a time out, what are we five? I want to get banned from this website only because of your Bully behaviour June. I do not plan on signing back into this website so if this is the only way to do it, then that is fantastic.

bcelly1894, I am not sure what is going on with you right now. But you have clearly shown that you do not wish to be a member of this community. So your wish will be granted. You have been rude and disrespectful since your arrival. You have been spoken to privately. And yet you feel the need to show your hind parts publicly. Therefore you will be banned from the site.

I am asking that no one respond to any of bcelly's posts. Let's not continue to keep this type of behavior in the spotlight.

Thank you,

Malcolm (Moderator)

[Gentle Tiger]

To help get the thread back on track...

My three are:

1. Smart - They cannot be allergic to independent thought.
2. Strong/Independent - They cannot be a mouse with this Tiger. Be able to do your own thing. I don't do well being smothered.
3. Sexy - this will be true in my eyes if they are 1 &2. Smart, strong and independent is mega sexy to me!

[lusciouskiwi]

I used to say that the three "C's" were important to me (in no particular order):

culinary stimulation
cerebral stimulation
clitoral stimulation

These days I would say:

1. You enjoy using your intellect - I'm not such a snob that I would only be with someone who has a university education but I will be bored to tears if you're not interested in talking/reading about anything. So I should add to #1, enjoy talking about everything and anything.

2. Enjoy food - different food, experimenting at home, trying new restaurants. 5 star is lovely but not something I can usually afford. Street food is good. TGIF and Outback Steakhouse, etc are fun every so often but I'm just as happy to go down to the local Vietnamese restaurant or fish and chips on the beach.

3. Sex. I'm never going to be in a relationship again where my partner isn't sexual with me. Of course we go through periods - so damn tired and stressed from work, sick, etc where sexual drive takes a bit of a hammering, but still, if you aren't prepared to be sexual with me AND not prepared to work out why, then I hope I have the balls to end the relationship.

4. Why stop at 3? You need to be interested in me. I don't mean hanging on to every word I say or being joined at my hip. Like others have said, we each had our own lives previously right? And if we didn't perhaps we shouldn't start this journey. If you can't describe who I am then it means you don't really know me or understand me, so why would you be with me?

And as staunch as I may sound,

5. Be gentle with me. And patient. Oh yeah, also gentle and patient with Madam Butterfly.

For the hell of it, I'm going to add #6

6. We are each other's Number #1 Fan Club.

[Corkey]

Integrity
Intelligence
Self confidence.

Luckily my wife is all of these and more.