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#141 | |
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#142 |
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But I do think that if there are a few in a committed relationship that kissing would be ok. I know there are poly relationships where there is emotions but rules on physical, sexual contact. If I had a few slaves, which is the only way I'd be interested in poly, they would belong to me and have to keep to my rules. This would also mean when it came to any level of intimacy.
Ms Meander I can feel the excitement in your sexual liberation and I'm excited for you. I know how hard it is when your friends and family want to judge you or they don't understand why you want certain things. I would say the best solution is happiness and to live by example. When people see that you are happy they suddenly don't care. If anything they become curious.
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#143 |
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Syr and i are only intimate with each other so kissing others is a non issue.
i am glad that Syr allows for an open forum in Her household. Yes She sets the tone, the rules, the bylaws and i appreciate that. You can ask just about anything, sometimes the answer is no, sometimes yes. If it's no and you proceed anyway, you've cut your own throat so to speak. If there is something that needs fine tuning, we talk. She mostly just asks for us to be peaceful and figure things out as best we can. There are some things She etches in stone. Some things we can tweak to meet a happy medium. We are also partners so we have many levels here. We are in this for the long haul, and Syr wants me to be happy. She also understands that if She were to say *My way or the highway* on every single issue, i would feel voiceless and shut down. i love that even as a slave i have a voice, i may not always get the answer i am seeking, and often get reality checks, but She leads from a place of love and respect. It's hard not to want to be the very best i can be and please Her with my submission. |
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#144 | |
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First I consider kissing to be one of the most intimate things you can do with a person. I never kiss "play partners" it is just a non-issue and something I have lived by because of what the act of kissing means. In the polyamorous relationships I have been in the past it was a non-issue because well simply because I made the rules and I was the only dominant involved. So yes I kissed the women I was in a relationship with. Then again we all lived under the same roof. Now though I am finding myself in polyamorous relationships where we do not live under the same roof and I am starting to ask myself that very question. Where does kissing play a part in each relationship and how do I or should I handle such an intimate act/subject? Like everything else I think it should be discussed..openly and honestly. I also think it will depend on who the other people are, if I know them or not. It will also depend on how many are involved. I will need to be able to kiss my primary partner. I need that level of intimacy. Yet, there will be other things to consider so it is not as simple or as easy to answer as I first thought it would be. When I sat down to answer how I felt about kissing in polyamorous relationships that involve me.
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#145 |
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#146 |
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I wondered the same thing.
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#147 | |
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Thank you for sharing in my excitement! It is a sexual liberation of sorts. It is also, perhaps more so, a mental, emotional, and even spiritual liberation. For many years I have been trying to jam myself into boxes which did not fit me. And because I am now healthy, strong, grounded, and confident -- so much more is possible. Including the ability to explore different ways of having relationships that are healthy and meaningful. I think you are right, anyone who observes me for a little while will come to see that whatever I am doing is working for me, and maybe even be happy for me whether they understand it or not. ![]()
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#148 | |
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My family and very close friends know just about everything about me. Including my mom. She use to have a bad habit of getting past the guard at the gate and letting herself in. One day she walked in on something she didn't want to see! lol It broke her of that habit. Being queer was something everyone accepted right away and I've always been queer but I kept adding layer on. But I must say they accept me and only want me to be happy. I couldn't imagine not sharing my adopted family with my real family.
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#149 | |
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When I'm thinking of myself in relation to this topic I have a lot of questions. First, I don't know what kind of relationship structure will ultimately work best for me. What if I decide not to pursue a primary relationship of my own and am content to be the second or third to others -- and then they all have agreements only to kiss their primaries? Who do I get to kiss? Obviously there are potential solutions to this but these are the sorts of questions that pop up. I find it useful to hear other people's thoughts and experiences as I form my understandings and opinions on these topics. I thank you all for playing along!
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#150 |
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#151 | |
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At least you have questions and are trying to find answers to them for you and the type of relationship you may get into. I have found it is easier and better to have the answer to my questions before I get into the situation. As long as I keep in mind that each relationship is different and I may have over looked a possible answer. That is why communication, open and honest communication, is always key. Even with the who to kiss question...as my relationships change I continue the communication so that needs are being met or hopefully met. I thank you for asking the questions...it helps me know where I stand today compared to years ago when I began this process.
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#152 | |
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I've been in poly relationships in the past but I find that dynamic doesn't work too well for me. As a Daddy & Dominant, I prefer to be a priority and not an option. When in a D/s relationship, my girl & I don't kiss others outside of our connection. It's intimate and special to me and not something I want to share outside of my romantic commitment. However, when I'm single and playing with someone particularly hot who is likewise, unattached, I may ask for permission to kiss. I'm a good kisser and enjoy kissing, so sometimes it is an option when negotiating play with someone else who is single. I, of course, respect their boundaries and don't feel upset or slighted if no kissing is allowed. |
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#153 | |
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i think it's great that people address these things BEFOREHAND. While one may think kissing is no big deal, someone else feels it's as intimate as sex. |
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#154 |
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Kissing... Highly sensual, highly erotic.
I'd never deprive a partner the opportunity to kiss someone they're dating as long as all those affected are aware of it and okay with it. Fondling, sex... On the other hand, is different. You can come home and tell me, "hey, I grabbed .. and kissed them.". My response? Did you have fun....? You come home and tell me, "hey, I slept with.." and my response will be WTF?! Things happen. I get that. I'm very forgiving. Just communicate with me. Beforehand preferably. |
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#155 |
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for me, if i want to be with someone, then usually i want to be emotionally intimate with them as well as physically, and that can involve kissing. so we don't have rules or boundaries around that.
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Wow, thank you all for the thoughtful responses. Even though I've had some experience with polyamory in the past, and have continuously had some poly people somewhere in my sphere, I am throwing everything I thought I knew out the window and starting from scratch. Because my former perceptions were based in different types of biases, which limited me.
I was apprehensive about sharing openly here and still am, a little - but mostly out of habit. I've never been one to share too deeply in the forums because I had a lot of wounds that needed protecting. Now that they are healed, I am finding my voice, my liberation. And I am very grateful to have a place to share and wonder. Thank you.
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#157 | |
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My journey for liberation wasn't about the type of sex I wanted to have, being queer or the many other things I engaged in. It was about being a woman and being whatever kind of woman I wanted to be. Not a mold from the society I was born into. It's a brave person who follows the beat of their own drum. Not an easy thing but the most fulfilling to your spirit.
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#158 | |
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Yes good for you. IMO ALL Poly relationships are unique. Ours certainly is! One size does not fit all so you either have to join a family that suits you or build one that suits you. Ours has had some shifts but our foundation is rock solid with Syr at the helm. My biggest gripe is that people assume that poly = free for all sex/play for everyone. The Head of the Household has sex with anyone, everyone, whenever they want. That could be true for some but not all. |
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#159 |
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I am having some interesting and growth provoking experiences already in my journey into polyamory. Because this is all new and I started out single, I am mostly just dating. I could be called a solo polyamorist. What makes my situation different then just plain dating is that am open to multiple lovers and open to the possibilities of those relationships evolving into something deeper and long-lasting. The people I become involved with must understand and agree to these terms. I love the openness and clarity of it all. I am challenged to put my communication skills to work in ways that are still unfamiliar and a little uncomfortable at times, just because it is new. But the result is satisfying.
There have been a couple of bumps in the road already, that are being overcome. An ongoing lover who I believe to have longer-term potential is a very busy person and I got lost in the shuffle over the holidays, there was miscommunication when she thought we had spoken about something when in fact, I was left dangling. I didn't like it and I had to let her know. It was awkward for me but I did it and I'm glad I did. She's sorry and feels badly that the circumstances did not reflect my importance to her. I am valuable. My time is valuable. My relationships need to reflect that. It was also awkward for me to tell her that I'm about to go on a date with someone new. All of this openness is not second-nature. Society breeds it out of us and we have to work hard to re-learn it. So glad I'm making the effort.
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My wish for you is that you continue. Continue to be who and how you are, to astonish a mean world with your acts of kindness. Continue to allow humor to lighten the burden of your tender heart. - Maya Angelou Last edited by Ms. Meander; 01-02-2013 at 05:50 AM. |
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#160 |
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great thread
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