Breaking it down - describe the Femme that you are

[gotoseagrl]

It's strange to see that in 6 years, not much has changed. A few things have evolved. The older I get, the more I am humbled by life and able to see what matters and what doesn't.

I have definitely grown even more into my femininity, as far as what it means to me. My hair is the longest it's been in almost 20 years, and while it can be a mess sometimes, I like how it feels. I enjoy wearing just enough makeup to feel "pretty" without overdoing it. I literally feel much better when my nails are painted. I live and breathe my passions, and always will. I can't survive when they are stifled. I'm even more of a painful, pathetic romantic than I was before.

I like to draw swirls and other doodles. I love floral patterns, lace, pearls and vintage colors & designs, in general. I am even more obsessed with vintage and bygone eras than I was before, and I didn't think that was possible. I guess this passion has also contributed to shaping my huge passion for homemaking and old school, old-fashioned values & dynamics, which only seems to grow stronger with time.

I've also had to accept that I have a darker side, that loves Halloween & spooky things, and a lighter side that still loves many things I did as a child - from crafts to games to Disneyland. There are many things I will never outgrow. I've also learned that I don't just love nature, I need it, in whichever way I can have it. Being at the beach or by water, taking a walk in the breeze near dusk.

I love the dichotomy of complementaries. I feel less inadequate about the fact that I am stone. It hasn't been easy to reach this point. And I have a special respect and admiration for those who are unwavering with this as well. Much like my admiration for butch, male ID and trans. Anya wrote beautifully about being a harbor, and I feel the same way.

Originally Posted by *Anya*

I am the femme that is a port in the storm for the butch that has the courage to go out into an unaccepting, unforgiving world to be exactly who and what they are

Originally Posted by gotoseagrl

good thread.

hmm. i am an old spirit and always have been. there is a sensitive place in my soul for things of the past. i am attracted to people older than myself. i consider myself very femme and am fiercely attracted to butches. i am very shy (writing this is a bit difficult, but i love the topic), reserved and introverted, though i will always find a way to be direct when i feel so compelled (see quote below). i am always very polite. i warm up easily to those with whom i effortlessly connect. i am usually "the quiet one." it is easier for me to express myself through writing or touching. in a bad situation i tend to draw into my shell at first. not a chatty type, but with the right people can spend endless hours going on and on. i am a homebody, but do love traveling. i am an over-thinker. i do believe in that space between self and thought. i am extremely passionate, but am generally not an extremist. i tend to admire passions of others whether i agree with them or not. i'm deeply moved when people are simply or unexpectedly kind and thoughtful. i am open to truth and exploration. i cannot do without honesty. i love learning. i embrace diversity. i think individuality is hot and blind conformity is not. i don't believe propriety is always necessary. i find it gratifying aligning to grids, but more aesthetically pleasing when they are broken (think David Carson & April Greiman). i am a hopeless romantic who has tried fighting it as a curse (lol). i am a marshmallow. i am very submissive and i like a clearly defined dynamic in a relationship. i love intimacy. i love partnership. i love exchanging "that glance" no matter the place. subtlety can be hot. so can raw straightforwardness. music and nature are my solace. beaches (any place with water), libraries and museums are my sanctuaries. i'm a nerd. i am hypersensitive to my environment. generally don't like big crowds or loud noises for an extreme amount of time. i love minimalism over extravagance. i love simple pleasures. i love laughing to tears. i tend to find extraordinary joy or peace in the smallest or most overlooked aspects of life. sometimes i just love darkness, silence and stillness. i am not a clothing label type of person. i'd rather shop for books or art over clothes. i don't wear fake nails, mine grow naturally. i stopped wearing makeup a few years ago but shaping eyebrows and keeping lips soft are a routine. i dress casually most of the time, but do enjoy dressing up whenever i have to. love boho style clothing and jewelry, though the only particular fashion i tend to adhere to is comfort. i love wearing long, comfy skirts, especially while treading on the shore or relaxing somewhere. i love dressing for fall & winter. i don't think i'll ever let my hair grow past my shoulders again. i prefer alternatives to fancy purses. i can be ready in less than an hour. i generally despise materialistic fluff. i don't like facades. i am a realist who loves to escape. i feel as though there are uncharted parts of my soul and can strongly sense things & places i've never truly experienced before. i am sincere.

[apretty]

Originally Posted by betenoire

You are to only speak about yourself and what you are. You are not permitted to frame your Femmeness in what you are not.

i love your mind, i want to lick it.



so, i've stayed away from this thread because it's nearly impossible for me to put into exact words what my femme is but i feel i must try and know it won't be perfect. she is hard to pin down as she side-steps being tied to just one thing.


fem/me

i'm competitive, sensitive and simultaneously obnoxious and completely surprised when i've hurt someone's feelings and taken aback when criticized because i often think i am above reproach.

i'm protective, loving, giving, maternal and territorial.

i'm evasive and persistent, i push for sheer practice.

i'm my dad's daughter, self-made with a rather large safety net and my mother's daughter, torn up and ripped apart before she was even old enough to drive.

i'm a lovely aunt, parading and pretending that the blonde-haired and blue-eyed beauty is my own, generous with gifts and rule-bending to a fault.

now i am 36 and i want my own daughter for many reasons including experiencing a mother-daughter relationship that i've never known. i frequently push away these feelings, hoping that they'll go away but i've made a promise to explore them for the next few weeks. i'm my harshest critic--motherhood scares me.

i've been femme since birth, most likely--without the words for why it was
so fucking important that i wear a little powder on my nose in 6th grade, and secretly shaving my legs and checking the mirror--hoping no one would see because my pending womanhood and vanity threatened my mother in ways she couldn't explain.

i went through my one and only (painful) *tomboy* period in 4th grade--i have a picture of myself someplace in the school spelling bee i have short hair and i'm wearing levis and a black member's only jacket zipped up--for years i hated that picture because it reminds me of being pulled in so many different directions, of not having anyone to talk to about body stuff or anything else... but i now recognize the ever-present jacket was my armor against the world--the same thing that red rubywoo mac lipstick does for the femme i am, today.

and as much as i want to be his bottom bitch in our private lives, my politics are my ever-present guide--i will always align myself with what i believe to be truth and justice and i'm firmly positioned under a large umbrella of militant feminism. (especially if i'm wearing short-shorts and swinging a parasol.)

i see art in things like a broken stiletto heel, an anal plug, muscle cars, diners, yellow legal pads, fat women, chicks with knives, fierce femmes, a broken heart, a good argument, foucault.

i'm a lady, i'm a tramp, i come on strong--just until it's time to pay up or shut up. yeah, i talk big --and always have an exit strategy.

i'm competent, hardcore, slutty and refined, at my discretion (i have perfect manners, my austrian grandmother and would have accepted nothing less).

i hold my Femme close to my heart, and i make this shit look easy.



.

[Sweepea]

I am soft like a cactus--- I am femme. I am Mother, sister daughter but not lover---to someone.
Once I love you ... I love you forever.I dont love quickly. I am a strong and powerful woman when I need to be.
I am not a good housewife-- I hate to cook and clean the house. I am passionate and loving and will bring you caugh drops at midnight.
I am a BBW and I love myself.
I have long nails and short hair yet do not wear makeup.
I love being a woman who loves woman---and hyms and hys...
I have a "thing" for shoes... high heels... I love them. Can't wear them...I like to people watch and the beach is a perfect place to watch.
I am a Cancer---ruled by the moon. I am bitchy and demanding and loving and giving in 0-5 seconds. I forget. But when I do rememeber--- beware!!!

I am content with myself.

[Laerkin]

I'm so inspired by so many of you. It's like reading bits and pieces of myself in each post.

Hmmmm. How to put this into words...

I am in love with my femininity and my girlie parts. I love my curves and I like to show them off. But I do it for me and no one else.

I am smart. Education is important to me. I use my brains to navigate a largely male-dominated profession and I excel at it.

I'm not hell-bent on titles or labels. I am Femme, but I am so much more and so much less. It is one tiny facet of my multi-dimensional person. The moment I begin to take myself too seriously, I question why and move in another direction.

The Femme I am is bossy, independent, strong, opinionated, passionate, caring, loving, affectionate and sometimes I need more than I am willing to let on because I don't like appearing weak.

Being a woman is a gift the likes of which I cannot describe (and yes, I think women are better than men because of the magic they can create and nurture within their bodies...LOL).

I am not a mother and I'm not sure I want to be.

Strength is vital to me, but I weep at the thought of an animal suffering for any reason and I cry at the drop of a hat at the movies (but don't point it out or I'll get embarrassed).

I love being touched, I think laughter is not only the best medicine but the sexiest trait about a person, and I try to live as close to compassion as possible...but I fail often.

My confidence rarely wavers and when it does I won't admit it because I'm stubborn. It's rare that my feelings get hurt because I don't take much personally, but when they are hurt it cuts deep.

I forgive easily, I trust readily, I love frequently, and I try to appreciate the people around me every single day.

I am loyal to a fault, I protect everyone around me.

I put everyone before myself which makes the people in my life feel nurtured and cared for, but often leaves me exhausted and without any energy to care for myself.

I am a work in progress and I love the lessons I learn every day, even the ones that hurt a lot.

My sexuality and identity are fluid. I change and grow every single day and I try not to ever get stagnant or content.

I smile. A LOT. A LOT. LOL.

I squeal when something startles me, I'm super ticklish, I love cute shoes and low-cut tops but I don't mind getting dirty and getting my hands into something messy. I want to learn as much as I possibly can about the world and other cultures.

Though I would never admit it out loud (EVER), I sometimes need protection from the world and I'm too proud to ever ask for it.

I am me and I love being complicated and messy and fun and crazy-passionate.

I love being pretty and sassy even though it's totally impractical.

I've been wounded deeply more than once in ways that are unforgivable, but I am never a victim. I don't believe in feeling sorry for myself or in using something from past as an excuse for my behavior now.

Strong women and kind men inspire me. Spirituality is super important to me but I am not religious in any way.

I am Laerkin.

[waxnrope]

Damn. This is a beautiful thread. Thank you all for just being. For expressing both grace and power.

[LieslKate]

Prime Lesbian Femme Feminist Submissive Amazon Dyke Riot Grrl... kind of says it all !

[girl_dee]

I'm many different femmes!

Sometimes I am feisty and have quiet an edge

Sometimes I am a tomboy gutting a fish in cutoffs and tank tops

Sometimes I am a girl, in a pretty frock, waiting for Daddy to get home

Sometimes I am submissive, and restrained to Sir's bed

Sometimes I am a hard worker and get the job done

Sometimes I am a writer, a photographer, an artist and a deep thinker.

Mostly I am just me.

[JinxdGirl]

I am the femme that was told I wasn't.
I am tomboy and girlieboi.
I rarely wear make up or perfume.
I shower before chatting with my crush, to make sure I am feeling pretty.
I have an amazingly sexy voice.
I don't believe I'm beautiful, but I'd like to.
I'm not a "what you see is what you get" girl.
I'm a grown ass woman.
I'm a little girl.
I am tougher than most.
I am strong physically, emotionally and spiritually.
I am a survivor of life.
I am a middle school drop out with a Good Enough Diploma.
I struggle, daily, to love myself.
I am loved, cherished, respected, praised.
I am the devil's advocate.
I am a provider.
I am a co-parent.
I am protective, intimidating, fierce.
I am painfully shy in person.
I am flirtatious without trying to be.
I have been broken, dropped, forgotten.
I am putting myself back together, remembering my truth.
I am my own worst enemy.
I am partially deaf.
I am a home chef, a nurturer, a baker, a babysitter, a friend.
I am disowned.
I am fighting the good fight.
I am healing, changing, evolving.
I am and always will be fat.
I enjoy being a fat chick, even though I am working to be a less fat chick.
I am healthy.
I am bipolar.
I am every woman you've never known.
I am becoming my own friend.
I am FEMME by my own damned standards!

[Mtn]

Originally Posted by sassy_girl

I'm many different femmes!

Sometimes I am feisty and have quiet an edge

Sometimes I am a tomboy gutting a fish in cutoffs and tank tops

Sometimes I am a girl, in a pretty frock, waiting for Daddy to get home

Sometimes I am submissive, and restrained to Sir's bed

Sometimes I am a hard worker and get the job done

Sometimes I am a writer, a photographer, an artist and a deep thinker.

Mostly I am just me.

and you are PERFECT

[paintedleofemme]

I am not submissive. I like working in the yard and I do not care of my nails get dirty. I love to rock. I burp, and it does not disgust me when I or someone else does it, same with a toot.
and lastly, I am a switch, I will not always be the bottom submissive femme to any butch.

[lettertodaddy]

I'm this kind of femme:

Lipstick and flats. Leaving powder on your collar. Bookish and introverted. Wouldn't know what to do at a nail salon, but knows my way around Sephora/a makeup counter. Jeans and sweaters most of the time, but who loves to get dressed up for a special event (or just a nice dinner). Nappy headed, dreadlocked womanist with trust issues who loves deeply and fiercely. Always puts a camera in your face, because butches are beautiful, and you're the most beautiful of all. Wounded, but ready to love again. Hopeful. Funny. Fiercely loyal.

[lettertodaddy]

whoops, posted earlier

[Ms. Tabitha]

I am a Queer Femme who Is a Mother, a Grandmother, a Sister, an Aunt, a Daughter and a Friend. I have put my life on the line without a second thought. I have saved lives and held the hand of those whose time was running out. I am strong, compassionate, reserved and passionate. I listen and have strong shoulders. I have common sense and logic. I am an Aquarius. I hide my emotions and will smile and tell you everything is fine even if it is not. My love is pure and given without judgment or expectations. I believe in friendship, communication and laughter. I am sweet with a sassy, mysterious side. I love romance and hand holding; yet, I also like lustful raunchy sex. I am lady who is strong willed and mindful; yet, I have a submissive side. I'm a kisser, a hugger, and a hand holder. I am patient, nurturing and generous, but yet I can also be unemotional and detached. I have a warped sense of humor. I am funny and quite unique. I'm a humanitarian. I am honest and loyal, almost to a fault. In my true German blood, I have a tendency to be stubborn and head strong. I make friends easily but once on my bad side that is where you stay.

I am supportive and respectful. I will try anything twice - this way I can make sure I didn't like it the first time. I am a great defender and protector, not only in what I believe, but to those I love and hold dear. I'm a flirt. I like old movies and football. I like to dress up and dress down and I look good both ways. I wear make up; sometimes I don't, but I always smell good. I love my pedicures and manicures and yet I am not afraid to get messy. I love to cook and bake. I show my gratitude and I am thoughtful and respectful. I love to spoil and pamper'; you will always know where you stand with me. I love to cuddle closely, but yet I enjoy my space. I'm a giver. I'm a lover. I' a helper. I enjoy a good movie, but I also love to read. I love rainy days and hot tea. I love over sized t-shirts and a good cup of coffee. I have a green thumb and a sense for design and décor. I love a clean and tidy home and I enjoy being organized. I always have a camera and a sense of adventure. I am understanding. I am forgiving and I am fair. I'm great at multitasking. I enjoy music of all types. I love Lowe's as much as I love Ulta. I am a Lady, always. I am, Me.

[*Anya*]

I am the femme that is a port in the storm for the butch that has the courage to go out into an unaccepting, unforgiving world to be exactly who and what they are

I am the femme that is the keeper of butch secrets

I am the femme in whose lap lays a butch who needs solace but will never tell another living soul about that need

The butch card will never be revoked by me.

I am strong and at times, weak; brave and at times, fearful; courageous and at times-not-so-much

I am an every-woman and at the same time, uniquely me

I am femme

[Dominique]

I'm too sexy for my self!

I discovered velcro rollers (reminds me of sponge curlers way back when)
I love what they do for my hair, and no more heat treatment.

[uniquetobeme]

Lets see...I don't always wear make-up, a dress, and high heels, but I love it when I do. I'm a mom and have a very nurturing nature. I am sensitive, giving, and I have a big heart.

Oh, I LOVE getting my nails done and seeing my toes with purple polish and for some strange reason, I seem to type better when I have nail polish on my fingers...

A cute butch always catches my eye. It is profound, those moments we pass in a grocery store and lock eyes for a second that feels like an eternity...anyway...LOL

I don't need much, but I do really enjoy all the little things that make me feel special. Ok, I love to be spoiled, and I don't mean with gifts (although I don't mind those LOL), but I mean opening the door for me, saying and doing things that make me feel like a lady, making time for me, and flirting with me (which are actually the best gifts to me).

This may sound wrong, but I love when someone I'm attracted to is attracted to me, and that discomfort that they show, it is adorable. Or, the first time they see me in a dress and heels and are speechless...or can't form a complete sentence..that rocks :-) Ok, I like what I do to butch women, but not at all in a malicious way. Alright...I'll admit it...I might be a slight tease...but I don't think they mind...LOL (plus it all turns around and I end up wrapped around their finger...so I enjoy my moments while I have them) LOL

There is so much more, but at some point, or perhaps at all points, it becomes difficult to distinguish which traits are specified to the kind of femme I am and to who I am as a person...so, maybe I should keep it simple and say that I'm just a femme and I like it :-)

[girl_dee]

BUMPPPP for the femme sisters!


today i feel fearless and brave!

[LipstickLola]

It's time for me to change the oil in my truck again. I'll probably wear my pink ballcap, and just a tad of lipstick.

It will be nice to be someone's princess again someday

[Lady Pamela]

This is one of my favorite threads...So I had to BUMP IT, in hopes all you femme's out there will add to it.

It is such a beautifully raw, truthful thread...gotta love it!

Hope to see more writing...smiles

[sweetee]

I am a true southern femme...im a big girl (i find alot of bois dont like us big girls)I love being outside but i love my makeup,lip gloss and my toes painted,i am easy going wear my heart on my sleeve.I cry over sappy movies and love strays of all kinds .Im fiercely loyal to my family and friends...and when i fall ...i fall hard and fast...(that gets me in in trouble)love amimals and my 3year old grand daughter is the love of my life...she call me moi-me and is the closest thing to heaven there is...Im a simple gal i enjoy giving more than receiving and I am the best southern cook since Paula Dean i am above all else ...just a girl