Friends of Bill W.

[LeftWriteFemme]

September 6



Nightcrawlers and Nightingales



I wriggle blind eyed through the dirt; friction, my friend giving me something to push against, resistance aiding my travels. I worm my way through life and believed that was all there was; having never seen the sky. I traveled far and wide once I had taken to the air. Open eyed I push against a thing I cannot see and peer down on the dirt I left behind. I soar rather than struggle and go the distance leaving my mind open to the next frontier.







Say what everyone knows in a way that no one thought of

*

HUMILITY

A great woman walks my street everyday.
She carries a tall walking stick with a loop for her hand.
Each morning I see her low crown of hair and the half smile,
Her friendly wave when I catch her eye.

Each morning when I see her
I see the secret play across her face--humility.
This is the secret she cannot share.
I know she would sing it from the mountain tops if it would help.
But humility is not a secret you can tell.

It’s a secret you have to live with.
As I slowly learn this precious thing I see it shine in others.
Recognition of persons with inborn dignity
And a keen understanding of their personal value lights inside me.

When I see this fine woman walking with purpose
I appreciate myself better and am so very grateful
For those who keep humility alive by living it.

[LeftWriteFemme]

September 7



Genius



I am often bonded to a self which thinks I know everything and when in doubt believes I should know even if I don’t. Freeing me of this requires the constant support of friends and neighbors’ assuring me that in a capricious world willingness is a more practical resource; it packs neatly and handles most jobs with aplomb. Staying consistently free from the bondage of self requires truckloads of willingness and the spirit of humility and sometimes even forgiveness. I am freer when I like myself, for the true bondage of self is the hatred of self.



Acknowledge the marks left by the street you came from

*

YES---THAT TOO

When kindness becomes weakness,
When mental agility becomes emotional instability,
It’s time to reassess everything.

I cannot leave things off my inventory
Because my Grandma, society or the preacher says
It’s a good thing to be.

Every blessing can be a curse.
All my characteristics have their dark side.
I have to list the entirety of my cargo
And keep a watchful eye.

I have to moderate my investment
In all my abilities or lose myself.
Warmth is nice but I don’t want Death Valley.

Integrity requires balance
Or depraved indifference will be the outcome.
Weak or strong, right or wrong.
It all goes on the scale.

[LeftWriteFemme]

September 8




Helping Hands?


Why would you go to a rattler for a snakebite remedy? It feels so much like the hair of the dog that bit me. The truth is I must, must stay away from the quick answers. I am a slow healer, but I do heal if I allow myself to do so unencumbered by poison or untruth. When I am returning to the vomit of my past it is incumbent upon me to search for the old lies and/or the new ones, either or both will get me drunk; do I even need the help of a prescription pad?






Never cage harbingers

*

SELF-SEEKING IS A DEBIT

Trying to get credit for everything I do
Has run me into debt in my anonymity account
Which draws directly from my humility bank.

I cannot expend my resources seeking acknowledgement
And expect to retain much dignity or class.
How can I build within, while constantly grasping,
For nods and smiles from scenery and landscaping?

I want approval so much that I have lost my center.
In an attempt to top the charts I forgot my song.
My ego writes checks that my soul can’t cover.

I run my potential into the red
Looking to get my name in black and white.
If I keep my name out of lights
I have a chance of building up my dignity.

[LeftWriteFemme]

September 9




Barnum, Bailey & Me


When I wake to find a whip and a chair by the side of my bed I know I am in for a circus of a day and the tears of this clown will not change a thing. I ready myself for the tightrope walk and watch out for stray elephants. All the trained poodles in the world can’t make this into a day in the park. Painted ponies prance through their paces; I try to stick to my own act, meanwhile remembering that no matter how difficult these routines may be it still beats a seat in the stands.






Raffle off the surplus grit from your nitty gritty

*

MEGAPHONE

The point of surviving
Or maybe the goal after survival
Is enabling the voices of victims to be heard
Starting with my own.

I allow the surging waves of thought and feelings
To rush the gates and exit
I try to bleed the bad
With and without the use of leaches.

So much is stumbled upon rather than sought after,
Some things hound me, I run down the street
With memory at my heels
I must let the screams out or become them.

Today I talk, tomorrow is for others.
When I pour forth I open the way for the rest
I have become the megaphone
Rather than the cheerleader
It is good to be of use.

[LeftWriteFemme]

September 10



Oh the Wells Fargo Wagon



Tying myself to one rail of a set of railroad tracks gets me the same results as tying myself to the other. Swapping one chemical fix for another is like changing my socks in a rainstorm, nothing dry will come of it. Not seeing potential harm does not eliminate the harm. Like a child with my hands pressed firmly over my eyes I yell, “You can’t see me,” and run headlong into disaster. Whether the train comes and makes a mess or not I make my own soup Ducky and must get on track by staying off the rails.




Go relax on the porch of your imagination

*
WILD

When I run wild through the rain
My hair streaming behind me
Water fleeing my face
I see with my heart
The thousand other rains
Pouring from my past.

How I peel from me the soaking luggage
Covering my naked pain
Nothing drives me to the cozy retreat
Of my bed like the humid chill
Of an early fall drizzle.

I slip my trembling skin between the comfort
And the comforter, flex my toes,
Towel my hair, wipe scenes of lost love
From my pale, pale soul.
Leaves rush my gutters, clog my mind.

I see the change in me as I turn heel to heel.
Trees spinning bare in a blank wet world,
I know this ever relived fluid, recycled life.

[RockOn]

Sherry, your writing here hits the nail on the head:

"Swapping one chemical fix for another is like changing my socks in a rainstorm, nothing dry will come of it."

Hope things are good with you.

This past Tuesday and Wednesday were rough at work. Not the actual work but a noisy, very noisy women in cubicle beside me. Yesterday was better. This really gets to me sometimes when I am trying to concentrate but I love my job, specifically the technology I am working in, what I am getting to do ... plus a terrific supervisor. Yesterday it was 11:00 before I knew it ... that is always an indicator to me I am enjoying myself. Regarding the noise on previous days, it was about about sticking the earplugs in deep and accepting life on life's terms. If the earplugs are not enough, I put on my headphones and listen to some Led Zepplin tunes. Two of my women friends at work, who are terrific cooks, have been feeding me all week. They see the situation I am trying to tolerate and what is going on. Becky also made me a cake. Have you ever heard of a "sweet milk cake?" It is a wet cake and oh my gosh, the best cake I have ever eaten in my life. I ate every bit of it in two days except the large hunk I gave my buddy, Jerry. He loved it too. Becky and Rosemary always feed people at work as a comfort mechanism. I have figured out it is their way of showing people they care ... it is not just me they cook for. They put the food in the refrigerator with my name on it, then send me an email that morning. I appreciate them so much but I had difficulty buttoning my pants yesterday morning. I need to back off the goodies this weekend - cannot stand too tight clothes.

There was an older guy at the noon meeting on Labor Day (Monday) who had time and relapsed for one day on Sunday. He shared about it when it was his turn. I knew when I sat down one chair over from him at the beginning of the meeting that something was wrong. He was so dumbfounded, so filled with enormous shame and humiliation, said family members had regained all their trust in him and then he let them down when he picked up. Sherry, I felt so bad for him. Sunday was one year since his wife's death. If we chose, we can use any excuse. I know this but still my heart went out to him. He was so emotionally banged up. Cunning, baffling, powerful - it is true!

My sponsor was in New York City for a week. She got home on Wednesday. Her mother came home with her with her to visit. They met there for holiday and to visit Cheryl's brother. I get to meet her mother tomorrow and am pretty excited. Cheryl is having a get together at her house, she mentioned a cook out by the pool so this will be fun. I am chairing the Women's 6:00 Sunday night meetings for the next three weeks. I will be researching a topic before then - time to dig around in our AA literature. Chairing is so good for me because it puts me more in the books.

My new dog, Kevin Daniel, is a wonderful blessing. He and Kelly, my female, love each other. I tell you, she is smiling now all the time. Poor baby needed a companion to keep her company while I am at work. I whisper in her ear "Do you like him, do you like Kevin?" I wish you could see her face when I ask her this. She immediately wags her tail and starts licking my hand. They know each other's names.

Wow, I sure was chatty here. I am aware I get quite verbose a lot of the time. LOL!

Loved the new photos of you and Tommi in the gallery.
Time to shower and get to work.
Happy Friday and hope you have a fantastic weekend.
Brock

[LeftWriteFemme]

September 11



Louet


Consolidating fuzz into yarn makes me a friend to sheep everywhere. Spinning the filaments of truth into cables of life does not impress the mutton in anyway, but sure does my mental health a world of good. Free floating fiber is bad for my lungs and piles lint all around. Giving things a firm twist pulls together what used to be fluff and keeps me warm and dry.





Jones for candor


*
WORKS

I cry the waterworks so necessary to the healing of my heart.
I explode with the fireworks required
For anger to set living boundaries.

I sleep the sleep of angels, as I link to dream works
Allowing mental maintenance to occur,
Slip into my political face, making time for public works.

I return to my abode, call the pie maker and order “the works”.
Have it delivered so I can face the homework
Waiting for me and baring my name.

[LeftWriteFemme]

Hey Brock!

Sorry it has taken me so long to write back, the days have been flying away from me. I am in the book building process of the new coloring books that Tommi collaborated with me to create. I love hys work, hy is such a fine artist! I am so delighted to have my work next to hys, this is pretty exciting for me!

I hope this week has been better for you at work! It must be hard to say no when women are cooking for you. I grew up in a family where food was love, if someone meant something to you cooking was the way to convey that. I still haven't gotten over it either, when I fly to west to see Tommi, filling hys freezer with individual containers of my cooking is a very important task to me. I know hy says not to worry about it, but I feel like that is a demonstration of my affection.

It is so cool that the dogs know each other's names and that they like each other! What a great pair they must be!

I'm glad you liked what I wrote, that means a whole bunch to me!

I hope the guy whose wife died is doing okay, it is tough on folks when they relapse. I will keep him in my prayers.

You are in my prayers too. I wish you well, Brock. Have a great rest of the week!

Sherrie

Originally Posted by Brock

Sherry, your writing here hits the nail on the head:

"Swapping one chemical fix for another is like changing my socks in a rainstorm, nothing dry will come of it."

Hope things are good with you.

This past Tuesday and Wednesday were rough at work. Not the actual work but a noisy, very noisy women in cubicle beside me. Yesterday was better. This really gets to me sometimes when I am trying to concentrate but I love my job, specifically the technology I am working in, what I am getting to do ... plus a terrific supervisor. Yesterday it was 11:00 before I knew it ... that is always an indicator to me I am enjoying myself. Regarding the noise on previous days, it was about about sticking the earplugs in deep and accepting life on life's terms. If the earplugs are not enough, I put on my headphones and listen to some Led Zepplin tunes. Two of my women friends at work, who are terrific cooks, have been feeding me all week. They see the situation I am trying to tolerate and what is going on. Becky also made me a cake. Have you ever heard of a "sweet milk cake?" It is a wet cake and oh my gosh, the best cake I have ever eaten in my life. I ate every bit of it in two days except the large hunk I gave my buddy, Jerry. He loved it too. Becky and Rosemary always feed people at work as a comfort mechanism. I have figured out it is their way of showing people they care ... it is not just me they cook for. They put the food in the refrigerator with my name on it, then send me an email that morning. I appreciate them so much but I had difficulty buttoning my pants yesterday morning. I need to back off the goodies this weekend - cannot stand too tight clothes.

There was an older guy at the noon meeting on Labor Day (Monday) who had time and relapsed for one day on Sunday. He shared about it when it was his turn. I knew when I sat down one chair over from him at the beginning of the meeting that something was wrong. He was so dumbfounded, so filled with enormous shame and humiliation, said family members had regained all their trust in him and then he let them down when he picked up. Sherry, I felt so bad for him. Sunday was one year since his wife's death. If we chose, we can use any excuse. I know this but still my heart went out to him. He was so emotionally banged up. Cunning, baffling, powerful - it is true!

My sponsor was in New York City for a week. She got home on Wednesday. Her mother came home with her with her to visit. They met there for holiday and to visit Cheryl's brother. I get to meet her mother tomorrow and am pretty excited. Cheryl is having a get together at her house, she mentioned a cook out by the pool so this will be fun. I am chairing the Women's 6:00 Sunday night meetings for the next three weeks. I will be researching a topic before then - time to dig around in our AA literature. Chairing is so good for me because it puts me more in the books.

My new dog, Kevin Daniel, is a wonderful blessing. He and Kelly, my female, love each other. I tell you, she is smiling now all the time. Poor baby needed a companion to keep her company while I am at work. I whisper in her ear "Do you like him, do you like Kevin?" I wish you could see her face when I ask her this. She immediately wags her tail and starts licking my hand. They know each other's names.

Wow, I sure was chatty here. I am aware I get quite verbose a lot of the time. LOL!

Loved the new photos of you and Tommi in the gallery.
Time to shower and get to work.
Happy Friday and hope you have a fantastic weekend.
Brock