Relationships - What things do you want & need?

[Soft*Silver]

I use to have this laundry list of what I looked for in someone. It started it out with the "givens"..honesty, faithfulness, emotionally available, sober, good conversationalist, responsible, financially secure, developmentally mature, good hygiene, accepting of my daughter, understands my love of horses, and of course, trustworthy.

I have dated people who were not those things...in one or more ways. I thought that I could ignore these characteristics I desired or I thought they had the potential for these things and in time would come around to them.

I was just plain stupid in thinking that! But until recently, I was angry at them for not meeting up with my desires.

Fairly recently I have pretty much decided that the real answer lies in me. I need to be all of the above and not quiver away from it when the other person doesnt seem to fit. Its ME that doesnt fit them! ME!

So, I have worked hard at making sure I am secure in myself and that I have myself, what characteristics I want in someone else.

right now I have a LDR with a very nice guy. We are moving very slowly...very very slowly....meaning no geographic changes, and no making decisions in our personal lives based on the other person. We love and care for the other...but we both are working on ourselves. Until we are ready, we simply arent ready for the Big Stuff.

So...what I needed in someone, was for them not to grab for the brass ring when the ride just started. What I needed was to have that brass ring and enjoy it and wait awhile befire I am willing to share it with someone else, and not just give them a free ride.

What I want, is to live happily ever after...and what I know, is I am doing that..with or without someone. I am the only one who can make me happy. Me. Someone can match me, like a twin, in happiness but I am not relying on anyone again, to do for me what I need to do for myself.

I am so much calmer nowadays...lol.

[Just_G]

I have never been the type that can't live happily unless partnered with someone...quite the opposite really. I will admit that I have gotten into a couple of relationships that I knew in my heart wouldn't work out....as my gut is never wrong....but when all of my friends are coupled and I was the only single going to all the events with them, it got old, so I thought I could make something work with someone. WRONGO G!

I have learned that I would rather be alone for the right reasons than with someone for the wrong ones.

Sachita is the one that mentioned secrets I believe (without going back and looking..correct me if I am wrong), and while I think everyone has skeletons in their closets, myself included, I think that secrets in relationships do not work out in the end. I try to be an open book to everyone I know...within limits of course, but I don't want secrets to come between us. Feelings get hurt, resentment starts, trust is damaged, and those are all things that are hard to overcome and move on from....yet they are all things that you need in any kind of relationship. One of my exes kept some things from me that my friends knew about, and after the break up, they all came to me and told me they knew...which then made me resent them in a way because they didn't come to me sooner. I thought my friends were supposed to be there for me....not just after the fact, but when it went down so that I didn't get hurt to begin with. I had to distance myself from them and when I see them out, they want to act like nothing is wrong and hang out like before.

My grandma always said, "secrets don't make friends". Wise woman! So, I don't think secrets have any room in a relationship.

[bigbutchmistie]

As others have stated I make myself happy. And I do enjoy my alone tiime, as well. That being said when I seek a partner I seek for starters basic things I need just for a friendship. I dont want someone in my life that isnt honest and who I cant trust. That being said here are the other things on my list per say :

Loyalty. Has staying power through good times and bad.

Able to laugh

Communication. Can talk to her about anything

Someone my age or older

Someone who lives in Dallas/Fort Worth

Someone who can accept the fact that I do not have family.

Someone who like me doesnt have or doesnt want kids

Someone who doesnt have cats

Very Affectionate

Passionate

Romantic

Nurturing

Sensitive

Someone who will attend services with me

Financially Secure

Good Hygeine

Kind to animals, kids and older people

Someone who is monogamous


What I will not tolerate is:

Lying

Cheating

Abuse of any kind emotional or physical

[Jet]

Originally Posted by bigbutchmistie

As others have stated I make myself happy. And I do enjoy my alone tiime, as well. That being said when I seek a partner I seek for starters basic things I need just for a friendship. I dont want someone in my life that isnt honest and who I cant trust. That being said here are the other things on my list per say :

Loyalty. Has staying power through good times and bad.

Able to laugh

Communication. Can talk to her about anything

Someone my age or older

Someone who lives in Dallas/Fort Worth

Someone who can accept the fact that I do not have family.

Someone who like me doesnt have or doesnt want kids

Someone who doesnt have cats

Very Affectionate

Passionate

Romantic

Nurturing

Sensitive

Someone who will attend services with me

Financially Secure

Good Hygeine

Kind to animals, kids and older people

Someone who is monogamous


What I will not tolerate is:

Lying

Cheating

Abuse of any kind emotional or physical

nice thoughts Misty. do they have to be good lookin? otherwise i was going to fly down and take you out to dinner, lol

[Jet]

Originally Posted by LieslKate

hmmmmmmmm maybe... grits with that roasted peach and pecan stuffed french toast?

have to pass on the grits, darlin'

[Semantics]

1. Should have the ability to cock one eyebrow at me.
2. Must like children, animals, and plants.
3. I’ll share my closet but not my bookshelf. Bring your own.
4. I don't mind weird but I don't do well with inconsistent.
5. Should be non-religious.
6. Unwillingness to let me push the cart in the grocery store is a deal breaker.
7. Never, ever compare my Italian Greyhound to a rat.

[bigbutchmistie]

I should add to mine

Someone who is a complete girly girl. But who isnt materialistic or stuck up.

Down to earth, and funny, kind and sweet. Someone with a huge heart like mine...

I love to spoil and pamper my partner. Someone who loves it but doesnt expect it.

[LieslKate]

Originally Posted by Strappie

I "want" to be happy... but "need" a girl *smirk*

Dammit you haven't found one yet???????? What are all those Minnesotaaaa grrlies thinking????

[LieslKate]

Originally Posted by Ol' Jet

have to pass on the grits, darlin'

NO grits??????????? Ohhhhhhhhhhh wait you are a GA transplant... skip the grits... how about lots of good, dark coffee with real cream??

[LieslKate]

A well seasoned Butch... confident, comfy in their own skin, must LOVE sex, monogamous, a sense of humour, adores Femmes, snogging and has not forgotten how to play... in every sense of the word !

[bigbutchmistie]

I forgot to add. A girly girl that accepts the fact that I am trans.

[apretty]

Originally Posted by Semantics

1. Should have the ability to cock one eyebrow at me.
2. Must like children, animals, and plants.
3. I’ll share my closet but not my bookshelf. Bring your own.
4. I don't mind weird but I don't do well with inconsistent.
5. Should be non-religious.
6. Unwillingness to let me push the cart in the grocery store is a deal breaker.
7. Never, ever compare my Italian Greyhound to a rat.

great list!

[SouthernStud]

i would make a negotiation on the cooking part...ill be ya cookin daddy if u do the cleanin!!! Now it wouldnt be exactly fair for me to do all the work....and that includes ALL aspects...not just cookin and cleanin!!! Use ur brains for just a moment...ahhh it just dawned on u what i was saying. Thats right,i said it...if i can cook for my woman and occasionally clean,then u can save a horse and ride a cowboy...cuz thats just SEXY AS FUK!!!!!

[little_ms_sunshyne]

Hmmmm...Hadnt seen this thread...

Wants & Needs

~ A great sense of humor (although I am pretty easy to make laugh)

~ Optimisitc

~ A warm smile

~ Kind to others

~ Telling Eyes

~ A nice bottom lip that I can tug on when we kiss

~ Ambitious

~ Someone who is not afraid to take control...

~but can sit back and watch me when I decide to...

~ Gentleman

~Passionate, Lustful, and Loving (yes rolled up into one)

~ Someone I can drive nuts on a regular basis

Is this too much to ask for?? lol Oh and if they are my height or taller a plus Ok done...just saying..We can dream right?

[nicetgurl_30]

Let's see I'm older now so:

Honest
Family-centered
Sense of humor
Likes God
Playful "trying new things"
Has a job
Likes artsy things
And my obsessive need to practice tantric things
*stayin in bed on rainin days ( I have no tv in bedroom) u get the hint...
Communicate To Me

[Soft*Silver]

I have learned so much about myself this year!

I learned I need to be the Dominant in a relationship.

I learned I need to be in a female run relationship...meaning regardless of what gender I date, *I* am the one who leads in the dance

I learned I need to be the lead in bed too. And I need to be with someone I can reciprocate sex with. While I have enjoyed my time with Stone Butches, I know to be sexually satisfied, I need to be the one giving. And if *I* feel like it, he can give back.

I learned I need this to be a 24/7 in and out of bed

I learned I am not shy sexually and certainly not submissive. Assertive doesnt even begin to define what I am in this realm and trying to be anything different (a role I was taught to play from childhood) just wasnt working for me

I learned that I am still coming into myself and am single for this reason. I dont want to mull it over while engaging with the energy of another person.

[Blaze]

I am at the 3/4 part of my life.
I really don't have expectations anymore.
I do want to have the freedom to do what makes me happy.
As I would give you the same respect to have happiness.
I don't want to have a list anymore, to much paper work to keep up with.
I would like the respect part of the relationship to be there.
I guess basically what I'm saying is when the right person comes along.
It's most fitting to say both will be different, and it's up to the both of you
to establish a well balanced relationship. You can't change anyone, nor expect them to change, because it's what you want.
As relationships grow, we to change, and sometimes the change is together, other times there changes that are apart.
If you grow apart, it's okay, because we all move at our own pace. Only then will you know if you can go on together or it's time to seperate.
Which ever it is. The love and respect will always be there. Because no only were you lovers, but you are best friends, and friends are there no matter if your up or down.
Once again, no more expectations in my life... Live hard, live fully, open your eyes...........

[SouthernStud]

Originally Posted by little_ms_sunshyne

Hmmmm...Hadnt seen this thread...

Wants & Needs

~ A great sense of humor (although I am pretty easy to make laugh)

~ Optimisitc

~ A warm smile

~ Kind to others

~ Telling Eyes

~ A nice bottom lip that I can tug on when we kiss

~ Ambitious

~ Someone who is not afraid to take control...

~but can sit back and watch me when I decide to...

~ Gentleman

~Passionate, Lustful, and Loving (yes rolled up into one)

~ Someone I can drive nuts on a regular basis

Is this too much to ask for?? lol Oh and if they are my height or taller a plus Ok done...just saying..We can dream right?

Hmmmmm.... *thinks to self* ....ummmm how tall are u exactly???

[girl_dee]

at the risk of sounding needy I would rather say is that I do best with someone who is not afraid and can handle me! Someone who wants the same things in life as I do, someone who is not afraid to lock the chains to me...someone who is not afraid to cage me. Someone who is interested enough to see past the crap and to the next layer. Someone who is not afraid to give me what I really need especially when I need it. Someone who is real and lives and walks their own truth. Someone who is not afraid to tell me what they need and want. Someone who challenges me and puts me in my place when I push the line. Someone who is tender when it's needed and also throw me to my knees when it's time.. Someone who is not afraid to commit and capable of loving themselves enough to take care of themselves.. someone who takes responsibility seriously and acts accordingly. Someone who I can't live without. Someone willing to walk the walk... not just talk the talk.

and oh, must love dogs.

[Luckydwg07]

a brainy & sensual femme who can think on many levels.
its ok not to agree however people who discount ideas without exploring them bother me