Street Harrassment

[Christy51274]

Originally Posted by Gemme

Yes to harrassment.

Because I'm female, with female bits.

And one tme, because I was at a gay club.

@Gemme: Would you care to elaborate?

[Parker]

Originally Posted by WomenMoveMe

As they held me down, he talked of killing me, of teaching me a lesson, I was told I would be left without a hair on my head. It seems if I were going to act like a man, it was their intent to have me look like one. At least that is what they proclaimed as tufts of my hair surrounded me on the pavement beneath my forced resting place.

Wow. This* was powerful. Thank you for sharing it.




*the whole story, not just this paragraph - I just quoted the opening paragraph as a space-saver for my post.

[mariamma]

WomenMoveMe, what a horrible and powerful story. Butch women get the brunt of the abuse for not being 'feminine' and effeminate men for not being masculine. It's horrid and ugly.

[mariamma]

I used to make out with my GF in her car. I was 18, she was 26, I was attending Humboldt State in Nor Cali. One hot and heavy night, I kept hearing someone shouting something. After a while I realized it was some jocky lil shit yelling "DYKE!" We ignored him. A few nights later, he threw a tennis ball at my GF's car. I looked up and saw that he had about 4 guys with him. They tried to hide in the shadows when I got out.
I reported the harassment, he got a reprimand. A while later, there was an incident with a stranger asleep in my dorm room. Apparently, he was drunk, walked onto the campus and yelled out "Who's the finest chick on campus!" His idea was to seduce the finest chick on campus. Someone...I wonder whom...told him I was and sent him to my room. Mind you, I was not known as the finest chick but as a lesbian who was friendly with the hippies and scorned the jocky lil shits. Everyone heard about that story. I pointed the lil shit out to all who would listen. He didn't come back the next semester though I don't know why.
That was the only lesbian related harassment. Many other issues. Usually they involve being followed by men in grocery stores and what not. I find looking them in the eye with my patented Mom-look-of-death-and-nut-shriveling and ask, "What do you want from me?" leaves them speechless and they go away. Except a few, they all usually lower their eyes and walk away.

[aishah]

i have not been harassed a lot for being queer, but i have been for being a woman. the street harassment was especially bad when i was in undergrad at florida state...i'm not sure why (i've never been thin or cute, and it absolutely had nothing to do with what i was wearing - i dressed very modestly even before i became muslim). it was practically a daily thing, probably exacerbated by the fact that i've always walked and taken the bus so i've been more exposed i guess. it really got to me. when i first converted to islam and began covering, it nearly stopped - the only difference in what i wore was that i covered my hair, which marked me as religious. i did get harassed by strangers and the police a few times for being muslim but it was much less often. since i stopped wearing hijab recently i've gotten catcalls a few times but nothing on the level of the daily sexual harassment i used to deal with (i live near the university of kansas now, so i wonder if it's a geographical thing).

[apretty]

Originally Posted by mariamma

Usually they involve being followed by Latin men in grocery stores and what not.

I thought that your statement was just about your racism but then I googled and did indeed see Latin men in grocery stores--Look at this one, near the mangos!




That smile surely means he's groped someone in canned goods!

[Jess]

Originally Posted by mariamma

I used to make out with my GF in her car. I was 18, she was 26, I was attending Humboldt State in Nor Cali. One hot and heavy night, I kept hearing someone shouting something. After a while I realized it was some jocky lil shit yelling "DYKE!" We ignored him. A few nights later, he threw a tennis ball at my GF's car. I looked up and saw that he had about 4 guys with him. They tried to hide in the shadows when I got out.
I reported the harassment, he got a reprimand. A while later, there was an incident with a stranger asleep in my dorm room. Apparently, he was drunk, walked onto the campus and yelled out "Who's the finest chick on campus!" His idea was to seduce the finest chick on campus. Someone...I wonder whom...told him I was and sent him to my room. Mind you, I was not known as the finest chick but as a lesbian who was friendly with the hippies and scorned the jocky lil shits. Everyone heard about that story. I pointed the lil shit out to all who would listen. He didn't come back the next semester though I don't know why.
That was the only lesbian related harassment. Many other issues. Usually they involve being followed by Latin men in grocery stores and what not. I find looking them in the eye with my patented Mom-look-of-death-and-nut-shriveling and ask, "What do you want from me?" leaves them speechless and they go away. Except a few, they all usually lower their eyes and walk away.

CRAIG!!!! You go girl! Big hugs... if I am ever out your way, you owe me a dance

[Parker]

I have been very lucky that I have been in very few physical altercations in my lifetime - I remember a straight guy hanging out in the local dyke dive bar in Fresno picked a fight with me on Halloween night sometime in the mid-90's.

It seemed odd to me that someone who hated dykes would be in a bar filled with them and then pick a fight with one, but he was drunk, got pissed, we had words, and then he grabbed me by the shirt and slammed me down on the pool table (this was when I was very thin - like 135lbs).

Before he could actually hit me, several of my friends started grabbing him, jumping on him, etc, so I just stood up, wrapped him up in a bear hug, picked him up, carried him out the door, and tossed his ass on the sidewalk outside. I was offered the job of bouncer that night. lol

But, like I said, I have been very lucky in that area. I know it and I am thankful for it - especially after reading and hearing some stories others have gone through.

So, I guess my worst incident of harassment came when I was living in Tulsa, OK back in the early 2000's. I played football with a women's contact team down there and we were at a local park holding practice when I heard a bunch of popping sounds. Since it was so close to the 4th of July, I assumed it was early fireworks until someone yelled, "hey - isnt that your car?!"

I looked over to the packed parking lot (I say that bc he chose my car out of dozens - bc mine was the one with gay stickers all over it) and saw a dude with a sledgehammer just fucking whaling on my little car. I mean, he beat the hell out of it - roof, hood, all the windows, etc.

When we all finally realized what was going on, we chased his ass and he took off in (what we later found out was) daddy's car - complete with Christian stickers on the back - while laughing and flipping us off.

One of my team mates was a cop so she immediately called it in and we had like 6-10 witnesses just from our team who saw him, his car, his plates, etc. But nothing ever came of it. The cops said they didnt have enough to pull him in for a line-up and he refused to have his picture taken for a photo line-up.

It all sounded like good ol' boy bullshit to me, but what're you gonna do, right?

The local gay rag did an article on it and took a pic of me with my car - it's posted below. It says Deborah Barnett because that's my birth name - I didnt change my name (legally or otherwise) until 2007, when I finally decided it was "ok" to change my name just because I wanted a name other than the one my parents gave me.





Oh god this pic .... this is the weight I would love to get back down to - I was about 200lbs or so here vs the 265lbs or so I am now.

[DeviantDaddy]

Originally Posted by mariamma

Many other issues. Usually they involve being followed by Latin men in grocery stores and what not. I find looking them in the eye with my patented Mom-look-of-death-and-nut-shriveling and ask, "What do you want from me?" leaves them speechless and they go away. Except a few, they all usually lower their eyes and walk away.

I am not sure how to take this. May I ask what exactly you meant by that statement?

[DeviantDaddy]

Originally Posted by WomenMoveMe

He brought the knife close to my face. I looked into his eyes. If he were going to kill me, he was going to remember me. I remember thinking how important that was for me for some reason. I wanted to try to make him know me before he ended me. I became obsessed with this thought and it almost made me laugh aloud.

WMW, I'm so saddened by your story. I have chosen this particular part to quote because it resonates within me, for some time I wondered if anyone could understand it.

I recall being knocked to the ground and catching myself by my hands. One of the two had grabbed me from behind unexpectedly and threw me down. I remember getting upset because I landed on the side of the street which was covered in gravel. Resulting in small rocks cutting the palms of my hands and cutting through my jeans. I quickly got back on my feet and turned around to face my assaulter and attempt to figure out what the hell was going on.

I remember seeing two of them as I turned, I couldn't see their faces because it was late at night and the street chase had led us to a dead end. I was more worried about the friend getting dragged out of the car and laying on the ground with three females pounding on her. Yet before I could even register the situation one of their fists landed right in my face. It lit a fire inside me; rage fueled by anger, frustration and hurt. The adrenaline pulsed through me and I began to throw punches. I recall the onslaught of fists hitting my face but at that moment I could not register the pain. All I heard were the taunts.

"Want to be a man? We'll show you."
"Fight like a man if you want to be one."
"You fucking dyke."

It was repetitive, then again, I cant imagine people like that having much more to say. But I do remember the feeling of humiliation, how dare these strangers do this? Not knowing me, let alone having any reason to do this. I threw harder punches and did everything in my power to stand strong. I would not allow them to put me down, I couldn't - I just couldn't. We boxed, punch after punch. One swung, the next swung and I would come back and swing.

I'm not sure how long that went on for but by the time they all ran back to their vehicle I remember going back to ours. The friend who had gotten dragged out managed toclimb back into the passenger seat. I jumped into the backseat, locked my door only to turn around and find my friend's little.brother beside me crying. His lip had been cut open and blood was spilling out of his mouth. Apparently another male had opened the backdoor and punched him in the mouth so hard that his braces cut right through his lip.

I remember blocking out his sobs and the commotion in the car to simply tell the driver to get us out of there, now. As she pulled out of the dead end, my adrenaline slipped out of my system and the pain hit me like a wall. But the physical pain was secondary. The absolute worse damage had been done to my pride, my self-esteem and my Psyche.

I remained silent the rest of the trip, not saying a word. I snuck into my house as quiet as possible. Went into the bathroom and washed my face carefully. I laid on my bed and tried to fight the tears yet failed. Staring up at the ceiling I cried silently until I fell into a deep sleep.

The next day I had to face the day. I walked out of my room yo face my parents, who took one look at me and were left speechless. The look of horror and concern is forever burned into my mind. I walked into the restroom to face myself in the mirror. The entire right side of my face was simply one huge bruise, along with half my mouth swollen to three times its size. I could not open my right eye at all because it was swollen shut, completely. The left eyebrow was now scabbed over. I felt so much anger, and shame, overcome me. Like a tidal wave washing over me, as I struggled to find air. I contacted my job and took a week leave. I couldn't face the world.

That has been the worst, physical harassment I have encountered. The stares, the whispers and random insults are part of my everyday encounters.

Do I face harassment? Everyday of my life.

But not once will I allow it to silence me again of bring me shame.

[~ocean]

when i was very young i was working at a clothing mfg'ing company. I soon became the compnay expediter. part of my job was to go to every foreman and push certain orders threw the production line. I have always been a friendly person and i didnt run around screaming it nor did i look like i was gay. This compnay hired manily italian ppl .. one year i was w. my g.f i just started dating , a tall handsome black butch, one night we both went into Bostons st, anthony feast. I had seen many of my co workers
but i stayed to myself. That next monday morning in work the men in the pressing room began yelling slurs at me about being a nigger lover etc, ( no offense ) wich fllowed later on that week w. spitting in my hair and ob my back. then my boss. got a letter someone sent using letters from a magazine saying i was a lesbian. then graffiti at the apartment i was living at. all over teh sidewalks and porches. of course i became scared,being a small femme i felt vulnerable.i went to my boss to help me,then one night, on my last visit to teh pressing room, for orders to be shipped, 6 men cornered me onteh steps, they grabbed eachothers wrists so i couldnt get passed ,, they were saying all kinds of dirty things @ me, and spitting ,, they started to close in ,, i had nowhere to run, then i heard the elevator door open ,, i screamed, and on of the foreman came into teh stairwell and seen what they were doing to me, he broke up the men ,, and they threaten to rape me, i quitt that night and moved, the next week it being the first, my boss called me up pleading to go back to work there , he said i suspended afew w orkers, that were responsibale forthat treatment ,, i declined knowing ,, it would have never been safe, I still to this day wont go where there r men who gather.

[mustangjeano]

Wow, these stories are sad and horrifying. I have had more than a few dirty looks and comments but nothing phisically threatening. One time I walked into a women's bathroom and two strait women looked at me and said "you are in the wrong bathroom--it was embarassing. Another time I was approaching the entrance to a gay bar and a car full of young guys yelled "faggot" . I laughed at them and yelled back "Your sister loves it"

[~ocean]

lol good comeback .. but u got lucky my friend !

[Ebon]

I've been called a faggot quite a few times but thats it.

[Arwen]

Originally Posted by mustangjeano

Wow, these stories are sad and horrifying. I have had more than a few dirty looks and comments but nothing phisically threatening. One time I walked into a women's bathroom and two strait women looked at me and said "you are in the wrong bathroom--it was embarassing. Another time I was approaching the entrance to a gay bar and a car full of young guys yelled "faggot" . I laughed at them and yelled back "Your sister loves it"

This reminded me of a time a lover and I were sitting on the steps outside a gay bar in the Flats (an area in Cleveland). A car of boys went by yelling, "Faggot."

She and I both turned around but no one was behind us. They came back around and did it again.

I yelled, "NO, DYKE"

The look on their faces was priceless.

For some reason, they did not come back.

[iamkeri1]

These stories sicken me. So much progress has been made in my lifetime, yet the personal danger remains even despite this progress. When one supposedly "human" being decides that the life of a queer person is offensive to them in one way or another, and that it is OK to threaten and/or harm this queer person.

On one hand I want to apologize to you all over and over and over for these horrible things that have been done to you. On the other hand, I would like to wrap my arms around you all, pat your heads and hands and comfort you.

The beauty of queerfolk is so strong in my heart that I am shocked each and every time someone chooses to see other than that beauty.

Smooches,
Keri

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by mariamma

That was the only lesbian related harassment. Many other issues. Usually they involve being followed by Latin men in grocery stores and what not. I find looking them in the eye with my patented Mom-look-of-death-and-nut-shriveling and ask, "What do you want from me?" leaves them speechless and they go away. Except a few, they all usually lower their eyes and walk away.

Originally Posted by ~ocean

This compnay hired manily italian ppl ..

Mariamma was taken to task and corrected her post and I appreciate and thank her for that, but can we all just leave the specific nationalities out of our stories?

It boils down to people. People who threaten us and are threatened by us, for whatever their personal reasons are. Why do we have to point out that this guy was this and that woman was that? What does it add to our story and what does it say about us?

[Lady Pamela]

Most definately..but most has eiter been due to me being femme..sexual harrassment..out of the blue..Or due to being a lesbian..though most can't tell.
Like when I was holding someones hand or stepped out of the club with others.

Will explain that later when I am not rushed for time.
But femmes have it alot due to sexual issues I have found. And butches in my own experience have it due to being with femmes or because they often show butchness.

Should not matter either way.
And as a femme who has had this alot in my life. I find it sickning that just because someone has an ass or boobs or whatever, that this happens.

spouting off sorry..lol

Last summer this just happened to me because I have breasts..2 men on the street started spouting off about stuff..I made a ruckus to make people pay attention. They touched me I freaked...Then they said I shouldnt flaunt em. Not in those words...I was wearing a regular t shirt btw..I can not help it if my breasts are noticable. Nor should I have to hide such.

Sorry soft spot in my mind I guess,,,lol

More later. Chow for now...smiles

[Breathless]

Back in the day, chokes me up even to think about it now. I was at a meet the teacher night with my two kids. It was held in the school gym, a dinner put on by the teachers, and i swear every single person in town was in attendance. My son was about 7 and my daughter 4. Big round tables, barely any seating left, the place was full. A couple with their 3 children were standing against the wall with no where to sit. When my husband and I were together, we were kind of a best friends couple. I hung out with D the wife, all the time, we would watch each others kids, take shopping trips together, just basically hung out 4 out of 7 days a week. She was one of my closest friends. My husband and her husband M worked together, and had been friends since kids. I had not talked to her since the day before I left my husband, I didnt know what to say. Anyway.. I had left the table I was sitting at to go and grab a coffee refill from one of the banquet tables with my daughter, my son had stayed at the table to watch the program being put on by the teachers. When I returned to the table D and M and their children were sitting at the table I was at. I thought, here is my chance to break the ice, so I said hi! nice to see you guys here, with a big smile on my face. D stood looked me right in the eye and said.. your kind of people disgust me! The chatter in the entire gym was instantly silent. D then said, you are going to burn in hell. My little daughter tugging on my arm say mommy what kind of people? I whispered to my daughter, happy people honey.. and sat back down. D and M took their children from our table like i had a plague or something, everyone was staring.. I wanted to much to run from the gym, I can still feel the heat of the red of embarrassment that my face must have glowed with. The silence continued. Fake smiling, I had just wished it would have stopped. I moved to a bigger city with my children about a month later.

[Deborah]

Yes I have and it's always been when I was with a partner (due to my looks that is the only indicator that I'm queer)....

It could range from Stares, Glares, saying voyeur type stuff, to smirks of icky thoughts...or on more than one occasion waiting till I was away from partner (like walking at flea market etc) and saying something about being with a 'real man' of which I would reply "really do you know one....cause a 'real man' wouldnt walk up to me and say something so ignorant"

I know it could be a lot worse and has been for some people...which makes me sick and angry!