I'm Fired Up Now! - A Rant

Waldo · 04-30-2010, 05:06 PM

It might be my hormones. It might be that I'm working out again. Or it might be that I'm eating "right" again. Whatever it is, it's got me fired up and ready to rumble.

Today's rant:

I don't date bisexual women. I have in the past and I never had a particularly bad experience. My experience, as I've gotten older is that for many bisexual women it's strictly about who they are sleeping with. For me, my queerness also has a component of politics. Yes, I've found some bisexual women who carry their queer politics forward into relationships and I think that's great. But for me? There's just something inherently sexy about a woman who proclaims loudly, and proudly, that she's queer.

That's all well and good but my rant today isn't about bisexuals. It's about what happens around a bisexual person, generally female, after a relationship goes south. All of the recriminations about "you should have known better than to date a bi-girl."

Right now, on another forum I participate in there's a conversation going on about a member who has ID'd as bi for years and years. She's engaged to a man but has recently realized that she's no longer attracted to him. And in realizing this she's realized she's not really attracted to men at all any more. She knows she has to break things off and she's asking for insight and suggestions on how to do this gently with the least amount of pain.

And people are responding as though this is some hideous thing that she's done to him. Saying that she's been lying to him and leading him on. That he's wasted years of his life with her, etc. There's significant blame going on and it saddens me. No, it really makes me angry.

On a day when I'm already at my boiling point over the racial intolerance in Arizona this has just kind of tipped me over the edge. So you fine folks get to read my vent.

Discuss, don't discuss. Share your own story of getting fired up over something. I feel better just having gotten that off my chest. Thanks BFP! You're all peaches!

apretty · 04-30-2010, 05:25 PM

i feel really on-edge over the racism in arizona, too.

so much so that ez wants me to take a break and 'unplug' and i'm considering it. ...and what stops me is this is *really* happening and looking away does what/helps who? i get caught up feeling like this is an *emergency* --there's no time to 'unplug'.

Waldo · 04-30-2010, 05:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by apretty

i feel really on-edge over the racism in arizona, too.

so much so that ez wants me to take a break and 'unplug' and i'm considering it. ...and what stops me is this is *really* happening and looking away does what/helps who? i get caught up feeling like this is an *emergency* --there's no time to 'unplug'.

I totally understand both sides of this. After Bush won his first presidential election I stopped watching the news. I stopped reading the paper. I was far too angry. Dumbfounded really.

But turning our backs on this isn't going to help. But taking a break now and then? Probably a good idea.

Toph · 04-30-2010, 05:59 PM

most of my friends are straight folks... i am tired of the judgements the whispers the games that seem to plague our community (20 years as a bar tender/owner of womens bar i am talking from experience) the lables the glossaries...the termonologies... simply tired of it... live and fucking let live!

be who you want, live your life for you... frankly you wake up in your own mind every day...allow your conscience to be your guide (as i tell every one) it is truely all we have...

your friend/acquaintance who has just made a revelation in her life, ought to be supported for finally finding her self.

a great woman i knew as a child once told me "girls mature faster than boys, but men know who they are earlier in life, woman don't really know themselves for decades" i have never forgotten that... we evolve everyday... time to support rather than attack.

i am glad your friend has found herself... i just hope the rest of us can and do sometime soon!

Enchantress · 04-30-2010, 06:01 PM

Why is she a terrible individual? Because she's realized what it is she seeks, wants, needs and desires?

Wouldn't it be more appropriate to say it's wonderful that she figured this out before the relationship went any further? Before the marriage took place? Isn't it more important that she is being fair to the man rather than unfair? Giving him the opportunity to find true love with someone who wants everything he has to offer, including his maleness?

She is going to end the relationship, she is not leading him on and fuck anyone who believes otherwise (sorry, I've had my own sort of day).

When one enters into a relationship, queer or otherwise, one takes the risk of it not working for a cornucopia of reasons. Would so many be up in arms if she ended the relationship because she was not attracted to him any longer if she were still holding on to heterosexuality? Please. Spare me.

We in the community need to rally around each other, not beat each other down. Aren't there enough homophobes out there to do that for us? I find that too many people in glass houses are throwing stones and it's abhorent.

As for Arizona, it's disgusting. Cut and dry.

Enchantress · 04-30-2010, 06:08 PM

.. I'd like to say that I have had it with attack mob mentality.

Thanks for listening.

04-30-2010, 05:06 PM	#1
Waldo Member How Do You Identify?: Special Snowflake Preferred Pronoun?: she/her Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Wine Country, Oregon Posts: 470 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 22 Thanked 795 Times in 238 Posts Rep Power: 1006287	I'm Fired Up Now! - A Rant It might be my hormones. It might be that I'm working out again. Or it might be that I'm eating "right" again. Whatever it is, it's got me fired up and ready to rumble. Today's rant: I don't date bisexual women. I have in the past and I never had a particularly bad experience. My experience, as I've gotten older is that for many bisexual women it's strictly about who they are sleeping with. For me, my queerness also has a component of politics. Yes, I've found some bisexual women who carry their queer politics forward into relationships and I think that's great. But for me? There's just something inherently sexy about a woman who proclaims loudly, and proudly, that she's queer. That's all well and good but my rant today isn't about bisexuals. It's about what happens around a bisexual person, generally female, after a relationship goes south. All of the recriminations about "you should have known better than to date a bi-girl." Right now, on another forum I participate in there's a conversation going on about a member who has ID'd as bi for years and years. She's engaged to a man but has recently realized that she's no longer attracted to him. And in realizing this she's realized she's not really attracted to men at all any more. She knows she has to break things off and she's asking for insight and suggestions on how to do this gently with the least amount of pain. And people are responding as though this is some hideous thing that she's done to him. Saying that she's been lying to him and leading him on. That he's wasted years of his life with her, etc. There's significant blame going on and it saddens me. No, it really makes me angry. On a day when I'm already at my boiling point over the racial intolerance in Arizona this has just kind of tipped me over the edge. So you fine folks get to read my vent. Discuss, don't discuss. Share your own story of getting fired up over something. I feel better just having gotten that off my chest. Thanks BFP! You're all peaches! __________________ Perved lately? \| My website \| NEW: lez.org

04-30-2010, 05:59 PM	#4
Toph Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch as fuck Relationship Status: alone until i heal Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: S W Ontario Posts: 34 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 24 Thanked 124 Times in 26 Posts Rep Power: 977870	a rantless rant... most of my friends are straight folks... i am tired of the judgements the whispers the games that seem to plague our community (20 years as a bar tender/owner of womens bar i am talking from experience) the lables the glossaries...the termonologies... simply tired of it... live and fucking let live! be who you want, live your life for you... frankly you wake up in your own mind every day...allow your conscience to be your guide (as i tell every one) it is truely all we have... your friend/acquaintance who has just made a revelation in her life, ought to be supported for finally finding her self. a great woman i knew as a child once told me "girls mature faster than boys, but men know who they are earlier in life, woman don't really know themselves for decades" i have never forgotten that... we evolve everyday... time to support rather than attack. i am glad your friend has found herself... i just hope the rest of us can and do sometime soon!

04-30-2010, 06:01 PM	#5
Enchantress Senior Member How Do You Identify?: A complex confection. Preferred Pronoun?: Miss Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: The land of milk and honey. Posts: 2,169 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 741 Thanked 3,422 Times in 1,201 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Look at yourself before you judge others. Why is she a terrible individual? Because she's realized what it is she seeks, wants, needs and desires? Wouldn't it be more appropriate to say it's wonderful that she figured this out before the relationship went any further? Before the marriage took place? Isn't it more important that she is being fair to the man rather than unfair? Giving him the opportunity to find true love with someone who wants everything he has to offer, including his maleness? She is going to end the relationship, she is not leading him on and fuck anyone who believes otherwise (sorry, I've had my own sort of day). When one enters into a relationship, queer or otherwise, one takes the risk of it not working for a cornucopia of reasons. Would so many be up in arms if she ended the relationship because she was not attracted to him any longer if she were still holding on to heterosexuality? Please. Spare me. We in the community need to rally around each other, not beat each other down. Aren't there enough homophobes out there to do that for us? I find that too many people in glass houses are throwing stones and it's abhorent. As for Arizona, it's disgusting. Cut and dry.

04-30-2010, 06:08 PM	#6
Enchantress Senior Member How Do You Identify?: A complex confection. Preferred Pronoun?: Miss Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: The land of milk and honey. Posts: 2,169 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 741 Thanked 3,422 Times in 1,201 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	While I'm fired up... .. I'd like to say that I have had it with attack mob mentality. Thanks for listening.

04-30-2010, 05:25 PM	#2
apretty Senior Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: sea shell Relationship Status: married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: san diego Posts: 1,687 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,927 Thanked 4,377 Times in 1,015 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	i feel really on-edge over the racism in arizona, too. so much so that ez wants me to take a break and 'unplug' and i'm considering it. ...and what stops me is this is really happening and looking away does what/helps who? i get caught up feeling like this is an emergency --there's no time to 'unplug'.