03-11-2010, 05:33 PM | #241 |
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I think...that ppl stay in an abusive relationship for many reasons...including the church. Also I think when abuse is all you know...there is a comfort there that is hard to break away from. You know what to expect, you know how to behave, you know how to protect yourself and what the particular buttons are to avoid. Its comfort in knowing how to be or how to exist. It is taking me a long time of trying to believe friends when they pay me a compliment because...I feel so unworthy of kindness and good ppl. I am so used to knowing how to behave and talk , walk, dress be what was expected of me...just so i could survive. I wonder if perhaps this isnt true for your mom? If you think about it..and I dont know how old you are to begin to guess how old your mom is...but my mom was born in the 30"s and they were taught to do what the husband tells you to...that you suck it up and never complain. Family secrets are to remain as secrets and you "never aire your dirty laundry" god how many times I have heard that in my life! I was raised with the same mentality...I was told over and over again..."you dont have to know how to do (this or that) because you will have a husband and he will take care of those things." Like oh how to start and maintain a checking account. How to get a car fixed or what to ask to do so...how to budget money, how to fill a gas tank. Hummmmmm <looking around> there aint any husband here...or even a hym for that matter. My brother on the other hand was taken aside and taught all of these things ad many more....just trying to point out how parent influence us and their parents influenced them. Just a thought! hope it helps a bit
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03-11-2010, 05:36 PM | #242 | |
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03-11-2010, 05:43 PM | #243 |
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I am sorry to hear about your mom...my mother died too...and we werent very close at all..as a matter of fact she is part of my PTSD...both of us girls...were far from her faviourite and she let us know on a daily basis...!!!! I hope you didnt have the same issues w your mom!!!
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03-11-2010, 06:00 PM | #244 |
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I adore and love my mother dearly. However, I am 46 yo and lost a lot of respect for her because she refused to stand up to my father, and protect her children. I believe a mother - no matter what the situation is - should always be there for their kids. That is the one thing I can't say for my mother. She chose her husband over her kids. All the time. Each and every time. Life is not easy. It is a challenge. It is not for extra credit. Extending a hand is not something that a mother should have to be taught. |
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03-11-2010, 06:10 PM | #245 | |
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03-11-2010, 06:23 PM | #246 |
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Yea, I think it is much easier to keep peace than go against the waves. You're right about that one! |
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03-11-2010, 07:27 PM | #247 |
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I really can understand the anger for moms not standing up for their kids.
What allows me to have any relationship with my mother, even though she did not protect me, is this: I dont think my mom saw that horror as abnormal. I think it was so normal to her, that even though on one hand, she knew it was aweful, for her it was also inevitable. I really think it was hard for her to relate to my dad because he was NOT horrible. For Mom, she kept waiting for the shoe to drop, and bad things start to happen. When it didnt, she began to unravel and be horrible just for things to feel on even keel for her messed up fragile psychotic brain to process as "safe". This will probably make no sense unless you have delt with people who have schitzophrenia and personality disorders like my momma does. It is through this experience that I filter my anger through. In this context, I dont know what options my mom had. I really do believe that she did the best she could with the information she had at the time. I dont know if that might work for anyone else- I wish you healing and peace on your own journeys. |
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03-11-2010, 07:47 PM | #248 |
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When my trauma occurred, my mother flew in from California to take care of me. She took care of my apartment, car, bills and sat in the hospital with me until my release. There was no one like her as being a terrific mother and friend to me. As I relive and reprocess my trauma, after 17 years, thinking of her being there helps with this purging and reliving process today. These days, I think of her often as I remember what happened. It helps to sooth the pain.
My father and stepmother were also there and so were my friends. |
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03-11-2010, 08:14 PM | #249 | |
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03-12-2010, 01:56 AM | #250 | |||||||
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03-12-2010, 09:07 AM | #251 | |||
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03-12-2010, 09:09 AM | #252 |
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I am just so glad we have all made it this far. It is a miracle really.
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03-12-2010, 11:15 AM | #253 |
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It is a miracle. By the grace of God I know I made it thru. I was homeless. I know what it was like to be hungry, cold, fithly dirty, and needing love. I know rejection and abandonment. In fact, that is why I am so sensitive today. So those who want to belittle me, online or in real time, I say go right ahead. I have my faith. You may tire me out, but the next life will be much better than this one. |
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03-12-2010, 04:35 PM | #254 | |
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I absolutely agree, and this makes Me think of a saying in My cross-stitch book that I think applies to all of us in the support and love and encouragement that we get from one another ......... it goes like this: "That you and I could live our lives at the same time on earth, how incredible God's plan" |
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03-12-2010, 05:02 PM | #255 | |
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I know this song is about loss in a romantic relationship, and that is not where my PTSD comes from at all....but this song has been on my mind all week. Elton John I'm Still Standing You could never know what it's like Your blood like winter freezes just like ice And there's a cold lonely light that shines from you You'll wind up like the wreck you hide behind that mask you use And did you think this fool could never win Well look at me, I'm coming back again I got a taste of love in a simple way And if you need to know while I'm still standing you just fade away Don't you know I'm still standing better than I ever did Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid I'm still standing after all this time Picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind I'm still standing yeah yeah yeah I'm still standing yeah yeah yeah Once I never could hope to win You starting down the road leaving me again The threats you made were meant to cut me down And if our love was just a circus you'd be a clown by now
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03-12-2010, 05:06 PM | #256 |
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I love that song, and I'll include another one that seems fitting too:
[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZBR2G-iI3-I"]YouTube- I Will Survive[/ame] |
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03-12-2010, 05:14 PM | #257 | |
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03-12-2010, 05:17 PM | #258 |
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That is a great one Braedon!
For those of you who listen to music to calm down, what do you like? For me, it depends on mood, but for deep relaxation I like Kitaro best. When I am depressed, Elton always helps. Duke Ellington, Count Basie always put a smile on my face. I will find myself at my desk, listening to music from the Great Depression...or Requiems and I know its time to put on Big Band.
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03-12-2010, 05:26 PM | #259 | ||
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[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kisFOIeT8SA"]YouTube- Klymaxx - I Miss You[/ame] |
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03-13-2010, 12:28 AM | #260 |
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Hi Everyone!
Just thought I'd stop in real quick before I go to bed, and say hello...I have been running around all day, praise God! The pneumonia doesn't know what hit it! lol...It's been downgraded to acute bronchitis but it might as well go on now, cuz I got too many things to do this weekend! Also, I spent the day running errands with my daughters, reconnected with an old friend, shopped and shopped some more...had dinner with the hunny and the kids...(kids, 23 and 17)...my girlie chihuahua is in heat, my daughter's miniature pinscher is also a girlie and also in heat...(Oh Lord) we have these poor lil girls taking turns humping each other and trying to do something and not really knowing what...lol...I figured I would share this with you all, since well, it's kinda funny haha and funny strange at the same time...and I'm mortified one moment and laughing and screaming the next...lol...just thought I'd get ya to laugh with me...oh my goodness...lol... That's most of my day...will be back soon....sorry for the derail... Love and many blessings to all! Shug |
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