Randomly Posting Stuff Cause You Feel Like It

[Write14u]

Originally Posted by Softly

I can't decide if I should sleep or watch dirty videos.

I can't believe this even came up for debate. No brainer, darlin! *wink*

[Write14u]

Softly has reminded me that I really should upgrade my porn collection.

Anyway ...

Speaking of mild porno ... I was doing census stuff last week. Dude comes to the door in just a towel. Invites me in to finish census questionaire and goes upstairs, presumably for clothes. Five minutes later, apparently, he finds boxer briefs and walks back down the stairs in front of me on his way to the laundry room. Finally comes back wearing board shorts/no shirt. I do the interview. Dude is higher than a kite on something. Does not know the birthdays or middle initials of his "old lady's" kids. I get a running commentary on how the 19-year-old "thinks he's a man, but he's not."

Good times.

[Delish]

Originally Posted by Write14u

Softly has reminded me that I really should upgrade my porn collection.

Anyway ...

Speaking of mild porno ... I was doing census stuff last week. Dude comes to the door in just a towel. Invites me in to finish census questionaire and goes upstairs, presumably for clothes. Five minutes later, apparently, he finds boxer briefs and walks back down the stairs in front of me on his way to the laundry room. Finally comes back wearing board shorts/no shirt. I do the interview. Dude is higher than a kite on something. Does not know the birthdays or middle initials of his "old lady's" kids. I get a running commentary on how the 19-year-old "thinks he's a man, but he's not."

Good times.

lol Gotta love ur state

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by afixer

I'm missing her quips.

Awww, thanks!

Originally Posted by BestButchBoy

If you can touch it, you can catch it.

This is true, no matter if you are talking about the stars (as in "reach for the stars") or something a bit more sinister ("You have CRABS??? WFT???").

Originally Posted by Enchantress

I looked down and there, on my left breast was the largest spider in the history of spiders. Of course I completely lost my mind, screaming, swatting, twirling like a mad woman.

Said spider was then found on the ground without two legs. Yes, I feel badly (sort of). I was forced to put it out of it's misery.

Now how about mine?

Good Lord, where did it come from?

Was I its target or simply a mistake?

It was the same gray shade as the t-shirt I'm wearing, did it blend in to disguise itself?

Did it fall from the sky?

Does it have minion?

Ugh.

Originally Posted by TenderKnight

hmmm.. now, here, my question would be.. OMG, did the legs fall into my shirt??

Yeah, spiders give me the iggies too

and yes.. it has minions, and they are coming for it's legs.. so make sure they aren't still in your shirt..

I once saw a HUGE spider in my computer room in FL. It was walking on the ground and, I thought, an easy target. I smacked it and....THOUSANDS (okay, maybe 90 or 100) babies came pouring out of Momma Spider.

Twenty minutes later, a ton of cussing and dancing around in my bare feet, several runs with the vacuum, 2/3 of a bottle of bug spray, an unknown number of smacks with the back of my flip flops and the broom and a solid case of the heebie jeebies, I got them all.

True story.

Originally Posted by TenderKnight

Cute video of a baby and dog playing tag.. Gotta tell ya, the dog has the kid totally out classed..

This is freakin' adorable. I want that dog. It's a great babysitter. Did you notice the kid didn't even CARE that he lost his binky? Just felt around for it and popped that fiber-covered sucker right back in there like nobody's business.

Originally Posted by BoDy*ShOt

has learned a valuable lesson - never, ever take your debit card into a strip club.

Or you could come here. Our closest strip club is one that you wouldn't be the slightest bit tempted to spend money at and you don't have to worry about getting drunk and spending money because they don't have alcohol.

Originally Posted by Softly

I can't decide if I should sleep or watch dirty videos.

Video first, then sleep.

[Diva]

I'm a notorious insomniac.....I woke up at 3 this morning.....

So I popped a movie in which I had rec'd yesterday from Netflix: Julie & Julia.

WOW!


I LOVED this movie! How charming! And Julie Powell is from Austin, Texas! The whole movie touched and lifted up my soul.....what an inspiration!

As I watched, I held my only Julia Child cookbook....trying to channel.

[NJFemmie]

Originally Posted by Diva

I'm a notorious insomniac.....I woke up at 3 this morning.....

So I popped a movie in which I had rec'd yesterday from Netflix: Julie & Julia.

WOW!


I LOVED this movie! How charming! And Julie Powell is from Austin, Texas! The whole movie touched and lifted up my soul.....what an inspiration!

As I watched, I held my only Julia Child cookbook....trying to channel.

Channel me a banana nut bread.

(I've got a craving).

[UofMfan]

Whether in the philharmonic or real life, no one wants to be second chair. Profound

[Rook]

The Force is Strong in this one ~ Yogi Wan

Much he has to learn, Honey to leave, Pic-a-nik Baskets too, DarkSide Tempting it is - BooBoo Yoda

[kassykit]

What you say does not say nearly the same about you.... as your actions reflect who you are on the inside... and we are all failable, imperfect, and human... unless your a robot or alien.. but i've not yet met one of those ...


<= <-- smiley with a hat :P

[Sam]

the morning sucked, heres hoping the day gets better.

emotion is a very hard thing, i hope i lose it soon

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by Rook

The Force is Strong in this one ~ Yogi Wan

Much he has to learn, Honey to leave, Pic-a-nik Baskets too, DarkSide Tempting it is - BooBoo Yoda

He's totally raving.

Someone get that bear some glow sticks!

[Sam]

e·mo·tion   [ih-moh-shuhn] Show IPA
–noun
1.
an affective state of consciousness in which joy, sorrow, fear, hate, or the like, is experienced, as distinguished from cognitive and volitional states of consciousness.
2.
any of the feelings of joy, sorrow, fear, hate, love, etc.
3.
any strong agitation of the feelings actuated by experiencing love, hate, fear, etc., and usually accompanied by certain physiological changes, as increased heartbeat or respiration, and often overt manifestation, as crying or shaking.
4.
an instance of this.
5.
something that causes such a reaction: the powerful emotion of a great symphony.

[BestButchBoy]

In Monopoly, buy the orange properties.

[Strappie]

I burnt my ass and tummie... ~just saying....

[BoDy*ShOt]

Originally Posted by Strappie

I burnt my ass and tummie... ~just saying....

ooOOooOOOhhhh how i want to comment on this

[Blaze]

This was sent to me and I don't know where it is originally from.

If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet syndrome, including toilet flush burials for dead goldfish, the story below will have you laughing out
LOUD!

Overview: I had to take my son's lizard to the vet.

Here's what happened:

Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was 'something wrong' with one of the two lizards he holds prisoner in his room.

'He's just lying there looking sick,' he told me. 'I'm Serious, Dad. Can you help?'

I put my best lizard-healer expression on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little lizards
was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do.

'Honey,' I called, 'come look at the lizard!'

'Oh, my gosh!' my wife exclaimed. 'She's having babies.'

'What?' my son demanded. 'But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom !'

I was equally outraged.

'Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we didn't want them to reproduce,' I said accusingly to my wife.

'Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?' she inquired (I think she actually said this sarcastically!)

'No, but you were supposed to get two boys!' I reminded her, (in my most loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth).

'Yeah, Bert and Ernie!' my son agreed.

'Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, you know,' she informed me (again with the sarcasm)!

By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on. I shrugged, deciding to make the best of it.

'Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience,' I announced. 'We're about to witness the miracle of birth.'

'Oh, gross!' they shrieked.
'Well, isn't THAT just great? What are we going to do with a litter of tiny little lizard babies?' my wife wanted to know.

We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like a tiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later.

'We don't appear to be making much progress,' I noted.

'It's breech,' my wife whispered, horrified

'Do something, Dad!' my son urged.

'Okay, okay.' Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed the foot when it next appeared, giving it a gentle tug.
It disappeared. I tried several more times with the same results.

'Should I call 911?' my eldest daughter wanted to know. Maybe they could talk us through the trauma.' (You see a pattern here with the females in my house?)

'Let's get Ernie to the vet,' I said grimly. We drove to the vet with my son holding the cage in his lap.

'Breathe, Ernie, breathe,' he urged.

'I don't think lizards do Lamaze,' his mother noted to him. (Women can be so cruel to their own young. I mean, what she does to me is one thing, but this boy is of her womb, for God's sake.)

The vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the little animal through a magnifying glass.

'What do you think, Doc, a C-section?' I suggested scientifically.

'Oh, very interesting,' he murmured. 'Mr. And Mrs. Cameron, may I speak to you privately for a moment?'

I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside.

'Is Ernie going to be okay?' my wife asked.

'Oh, perfectly,' the vet assured us. 'This lizard is not in labor. In fact, that isn't EVER going to happen. Ernie is a boy. You see, Ernie is a young male. And
occasionally, as they come into maturity, like most male species, they um . . um . . masturbate. Just the way he did, lying on his back.' He blushed, glancing at my wife.

We were silent, absorbing this.

'So, Ernie's just . just . . excited,' my wife offered.

'Exactly!' The vet replied, relieved that we understood.

More silence. Then my vicious, cruel wife started to giggle. And giggle. And then even laugh loudly.

'What's so funny?' I demanded, knowing, but not believing that the woman I married would commit the upcoming affront to my flawless manliness.

Tears were now running down her face. 'It's just that . . . I'm picturing you pulling on its . . its. . . teeny little . . ' She gasped for more air to bellow in laughter once more.

'That's enough,' I warned. We thanked the vet and hurriedly bundled the lizard and our son back into the car. He was glad everything was going to be okay.

'I know Ernie's really thankful for what you did, Dad,' he told me.

'Oh, you have NO idea,' my wife agreed, collapsing with laughter.

Two lizards: $140.

One cage: $50.

Trip to the vet: $30.

Memory of your husband pulling on a lizard's winkie:Priceless!

Moral of the story: Pay attention in biology class.

Lizards lay eggs!

[Kätzchen]

My soccer team is squaring off against Serbia tomorrow at 0-dark thirty!



14 hours to go....

[Soon]

I'm not sure if I am liking my new landlord--and we haven't even moved in!

[Sam]

Originally Posted by HowSoonIsNow

I'm not sure if I am liking my new landlord--and we haven't even moved in!

lmao, sorry

[Scorp]

*sniff sniff* Hmmm, I smell bacon...

Originally Posted by Strappie

I burnt my ass and tummie... ~just saying....