Tourist Etiquette

[Kobi]

It's Memorial Day weekend, the official beginning of summer vacations.
Those of us who live in touristy areas always have some stuff to say about tourists. Sometimes it is just to rank on them cuz they are frustrating and annoying and rude. Sometimes, its because tourists do some pretty funny stuff.

Regardless of the reason for doing it, there are always lessons to learn. Lessons for those of us who might both put up with tourists and who have been tourists ourselves. Let's call them friendly reminders for the travel season.

I live on Cape Cod. Tourists for me are a necessary evil. They make up the bulk of our economy in one way or another. So, we have to tolerate them.

You can always tell a tourist from regular folk. Aside from the out of state license plates, tourists always come with a lot of stuff. Stuff on bike racks, stuff on roof racks, and this year stuff on platform racks on the front of vehicles. WTF is with all the stuff?

You can also tell a tourist by the way they drive. Taking into account that a typical drive here will involve 5-25 miles of traffic standstill before you actually reach one of the 2 bridges linking the mainland with the island, we understand the hours sitting in an overheating car with screaming children who have to go potty or are hungry can make you cranky.

Nonetheless, this is no excuse for turning into a "road warrior". Speed limits here range from 25-55 for a reason. This is rural living with 95% of the roads one lane in each direction. Even the few roads that are two lanes in each direction, at certain points, turn into one lane. Some roads are not even paved. Some are "paved" with crushed seafood shells which at high speeds puncture tires like balloons. This will make you even crankier.

Another reason for the speed limits is we have things like people walking and people riding bikes and we dont have many sidewalks. Exercise is a good thing and we encourage it. Road warriors striking people at high rates of speed screws things up.

Merging is a way of life here not a sport. Refusing to yield may make you feel superior, like a winner, like a competitor but there is always a tree or telephone pole just waiting to make your acquaintance.

We also have wildlife here. Aside from the dolphins, seals and sharks, we also have deer, fox, wild turkeys, coyotes and things like duck families who cross main roads like they own them. Smooshing our ducks is frowned upon. Traffic stops for ducks crossing. Get used to it.

Smooshing nesting piping plovers or disturbing their nests in anyway is a violation of Federal law and will land you in jail.

We have a thing here called personal space. It is an agreed upon area of air that is ours and ours alone. It surrounds our person and our vehicles. Violations of personal space include tailgating, and bumping into us repeatedly with supermarket carts.

Parking is at a premium here. If you cannot figure out how to get your big azz SUV or monster ford f-<insert number here> truck between 2 consecutive white lines, why did you buy it?

After the Kennedy's, the beach is what we are most noted for. Beaches are for fun, to get some sun, to swim, to have a place to sit and rest. Marking off your territory with garden fences, then filling the space with towels, blankets, sheets, pop up tents, boom boxes, portable tv's, coolers, and pool toys is obnoxious. It's a beach, not a refugee camp.

Pool toys and the ocean do not mix....unless you want to retrieve your child from their impromtu trip to Boston via the currents.....dont use them.

When someone tries to educate you about tides....listen. Tides do not go out or come in in a straight line. When you are told the sandbar you are camped on will be surrounded by water in 15 minutes heed the warning....unless you feel like floating your belongings, kids, toys, and stuff back to shore. Its funny to watch tho.

The important thing to remember is we are not on your vacation. A little common courtesy leads to common courtesy returned.

Anyone else have stories or reminders for our upcoming vacations?