A look at Polygamy - Future Family Model

[princessbelle]

Originally Posted by sassy_girl

((((( Belle )))))

I hate that this happened to you, I remember it breaking my heart when we talked about it years ago.

I feel this way,

You are either wired for poly or you are not, either way is fine but there is no wavering from the way you are wired, I don't think one can learn to be poly if it's not in the wiring.

You are either with someone who is wired for poly or they are not. Act accordingly.

Yes my dear Sassy you are right. You dried a few (or more) tears for me back then. Thank God i had friends on these sites that were there for me.

What you have though, is so different.

It is beautiful and i know there is a huge difference.

I am happy for you, all of you.

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by princessbelle

I feel i should respond to this. I hope it is ok. I was thrown into a poly relationship after being in a monogamous relationship with a woman for seven years. I was a sister wife to this new wife but not by choice exactly. My ex wanted it, i did not. But, in the end, i truely loved her and wanted her happy, so i agreed and went along with it. Long story but, i tried it. It was not a good experience for many, many reasons.

One thing that stands out about that experience more than anything was this promise to me....

If it isn't for you we can stop and go back to being monogamous.

After the first night of my partner being in the next bedroom with her new gf, i knew i didn't want it and couldn't do it. I told her immediately, but it continued. So, the line above given to me was a lie. It went down hill from there.

Four months of me begging and pleading and crying in the fetal position for her to stop, i was packing everything i could into my car and heading East. I've never looked back.

I know poly can work for the right people. I know it. I've seen it work. Communication of course is a key. But, also true detailed what ifs should be set in stone. If it don't work for you, we will stop...very, very important.

Be careful, make sure it is not a fantasy but a true reality and be totally honest with yourself and your partner. Just wanting to fullfill the other one's dreams does not neccessarily mean you can do it in the long run.

I don't mean to be a "debby downer" and again i say it can work. But, the OP is asking for all sides. Just please remember it has to be something you BOTH want and one isn't being talked into it for the sake of the other.

Peace and luck to you both...

Honey I don't think you're a debbie downer at all! What happened to you was not consensual and that is NOT what a loving relationship is about. I agree that you are with it or not. To each his/her own.

I am sure there are parameters and boundaries that are discussed but I also think that some people find it to be very natural.

I wonder if poly families are easier within a D/s context. Perhaps it is easier if someone is in control or the conductor so to speak? Anyone know?

[Glenn]

An extremely successful alpha femme I do business with has five wives. She' s currently sleeping with number five, but she still does her best to maintain emotional and financial responsibility for all of the others as well. She has purchased homes for them etc., and even though they have other lovers also, she does'nt seem to mind. They also celebrate together on special occassions just like one family.

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by popcorninthesofa

An extremely successful alpha femme I do business with has five wives. She' s currently sleeping with number five, but she still does her best to maintain emotional and financial responsibility for all of the others as well. She has purchased homes for them etc., and even though they have other lovers also, she does'nt seem to mind. They also celebrate together on special occassions just like one family.

I want a few wives. I need a few wives (Butch trapped in femme body?) and a butch boi. OMG the boi could be our toy.

But seriously I think a wife or two would work for me


It sounds like she has a harem and not a poly family. lol But hell I don't make any rules

[Glenn]

I've been married for thirty-five years and one is enough for me!

[Sachita]

Hey Sassy I want to come live with you guys. Can I be the Mommy? We'd have a problem with the bathroom tho. But I'm a hell of an angler, great cook, gardener and outdoors woman.

[Apocalipstic]

I liked the question you asked about family...people living together sharing everything and not having sex....would that be poly?

I don't know for me. Maybe it would work and maybe that is something to consider.

I am the Momi too. For I long time I thought I might be a Femme Daddy, but I do know for sure now that I am a Momi. I am not submissive at all, but like having Daddy energy around in a Momi/Daddy kind of way and I like to have a baby or girl or pool boi..etc..who is submissive to me. Even if I have a one on one relationship with someone, I like having a sidekick to do stuff with or for me. I am a handful lol.

I am jealous when lied to and manipulated, but if all info is out on the table I am really not.

Jealousy is a horrible, mind killing thing....getting past it is beautiful.

I can see where this would work well logistically with a farm, but in city life it works well too. More income, another set of hands, more love, more fun....less pressure to be the perfect daughter in law....

It takes very very confident people to live this I can tell.

Thank all of you so much for sharing, I look forward to reading more!

[girl_dee]

More input:

I know it's just a reality show but the show Sister Wives on TLC opened my eyes to a LOT of things.

The wives have their own very solid relationship outside of the husband (butch in our case)

One is a outside the home worker who brings in a financial income, that is how she serves the family. When she gets home her kids have done their homework, dinner is ready for family. She gets to enjoy them !

Second also works outside the home, she also does lots of household stuff too, this feeds her soul and she is the typical soccer mom.

Third wife, the first wife is the domesticated wife. She loves to stay home, get the house clean and wait for kids to come home from school.

My point? Each has a place and they operate like a well oiled machine.

I am the domesticated wife, who also feeds her soul with healing and bringing in some financial support.

My Sister runs a very successful clinic in which she serves this family and others everyday. I make sure she has a wonderful love filled lunch and we have a family dinner everynight, that feeds my soul.
Is it perfect? No. Is it heaven? yes.

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

I liked the question you asked about family...people living together sharing everything and not having sex....would that be poly?

I don't know for me. Maybe it would work and maybe that is something to consider.

I am the Momi too. For I long time I thought I might be a Femme Daddy, but I do know for sure now that I am a Momi. I am not submissive at all, but like having Daddy energy around in a Momi/Daddy kind of way and I like to have a baby or girl or pool boi..etc..who is submissive to me. Even if I have a one on one relationship with someone, I like having a sidekick to do stuff with or for me. I am a handful lol.

I am jealous when lied to and manipulated, but if all info is out on the table I am really not.

Jealousy is a horrible, mind killing thing....getting past it is beautiful.

I can see where this would work well logistically with a farm, but in city life it works well too. More income, another set of hands, more love, more fun....less pressure to be the perfect daughter in law....

It takes very very confident people to live this I can tell.

Thank all of you so much for sharing, I look forward to reading more!

I think living collectively would be a type of commune. I think this is cool too and see myself living with a group of people. But I also think the concept of poly, people sharing intimate lives is really wonderful. I don't know what degree of this is for me. I'm just curious and you never know!

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by Sachita

Hey Sassy I want to come live with you guys. Can I be the Mommy? We'd have a problem with the bathroom tho. But I'm a hell of an angler, great cook, gardener and outdoors woman.

LOL hahah.. oh my......

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by sassy_girl

More input:

I know it's just a reality show but the show Sister Wives on TLC opened my eyes to a LOT of things.

The wives have their own very solid relationship outside of the husband (butch in our case)

One is a outside the home worker who brings in a financial income, that is how she serves the family. When she gets home her kids have done their homework, dinner is ready for family. She gets to enjoy them !

Second also works outside the home, she also does lots of household stuff too, this feeds her soul and she is the typical soccer mom.

Third wife, the first wife is the domesticated wife. She loves to stay home, get the house clean and wait for kids to come home from school.

My point? Each has a place and they operate like a well oiled machine.

I am the domesticated wife, who also feeds her soul with healing and bringing in some financial support.

My Sister runs a very successful clinic in which she serves this family and others everyday. I make sure she has a wonderful love filled lunch and we have a family dinner everynight, that feeds my soul.
Is it perfect? No. Is it heaven? yes.

It would need to be a well oiled machine and everyone doing what inspires them in that dynamic. Some domestic, others not. If I had to do housework and laundry I think I'd get resentful and be a grumpy girl. But I am a good provider, good managing things and great at running a household as long as someone cleans.

I like Sister Wives but think they have too many damn kids!

[Apocalipstic]

I want to make clear that I am looking at Polyamory, not Polygamy. I did not read closely enough.

[WolfyOne]

Interesting thread and I'm enjoying the read while I wait for the dryer to stop, so I can fold sheets

Every day I learn something new whether I think I do or not
Today Sassy has brought words with definitions to this thread that I was clueless about

[girl_dee]

There is also a difference between and open poly relationship and a closed one.
We are CLOSED lol. We don't venture outside this marriage or invite others in.
I think Syr has her hands full anyway


Sachita you would love having a very domesticated wife. I LOVE being the more domesticated wife!! my Sister is very domesticated but 1) She does not love housework like I do and 2) She runs a business outside the home, the girl is spread so thin now! She also runs a yoga/dance class once a week, lots of stuff to keep her busy and enjoy life!


I was given the domestic duties once I came here to stay for a while, I LOVE IT!!!!! *Kisses Syr's boots* for giving me this. Now everyone can relax and leave that mess in the sink because it's dee's job to take care of. I love giving this back to people that have done everything in the world for me!

We run a farm here, Syr runs the farm, I help. It's neverending chores, especially in the summer...Sister runs her clinic, I will be joining her very soon as I do bodywork too, so we will connect on that level at her clinic too! How blessed I am!

I am the one who makes sure everyone has a good meal to eat, the groceries are stocked, shirts are ironed (YUM), the house is clean, the dogs are fed and well, etc etc. I like that they come into a fairly clean house while they are out making this place happen. Our nightly family dinner is the highlight of my day. Meals are not on the run and we have quality time together to talk about our day.

As Syr's slave and *housewife* I have received an allowance for the work I do here, soon I will be generating somewhat of an income but for now how lucky I am! They actually want to pay me for what I do! LOL it's such a joy I can't even imagine ....

[Sachita]

Thank you sweetie! And let's not forget all the awesome fishing trips! lol You are a lucky girl.

I believe the times have and are changing. If ever there was a time to gather and build micro communities or families it's now. We really need to look at the larger picture. Loving more then one person is something we all do or have done. Who doesn't want more love? Do we allow sex to determine how or if we will have a connection with others? Am I making any sense here? lol maybe not

Ok let's use some examples of family/relationship models:

Loving Commune: 3 couples living together. Collectively they elect who will be responsible for what. They pool their income together, all work together just like any family. At night they each go to their rooms. They all share love, home, family but they are monogamous couples.

Open Triad: 3 people sharing, living, sleeping together, having sex, pooling income and yet they are free to date and have sex with people outside the triad as long as they are safe.

Goddess Collective: Small collective of goddess type spiritual women living together, home, sharing, loving, much like the Loving Commune but they have a small collection of boi's and girls (submissive) sort of like their loving little minions. lol- Ok this is my fantasy! sorry, couldn't help myself!

Polygamous Family- Completely committed to each other in every way, sacred marriage, shared income, shared living, each has their own room, one is the primary who has sex with them all but they are mono only have sex with the primary.

Poly Celibate - Living, loving, sharing, intimate but no one is having sex. They are committed to celibacy and spiritual, however they are very intimate in sharing love. Yes, there are some groups like this!

what else? Can you think of any?

[girl_dee]

I will think on that last post, I am sure there are many. There is a whole different level of Kink based Poly I feel.

Well poly is a VERY cost effective way to run a household! Lots of wives doing the work for efficiency, one larger household to support rather than multiple. The farm here is the *hub* in our family, everyone congregates here, which is what I love.

I am never quite sure what to call the house "leader" as a general.. I guess it would apply to the situation, We have a Master here, who is also Lord and Master, Syr, Daddi.. She is the Dominant force for sure. We are sometimes consulted with and we have family talks all the time, always bringing info and questions to the table in which we make decisions on, BUT the last word is Syr's and that is always respected and honored. )The sign says *Because Daddi says so, thats why* )

Basically what She (Syr) wants is for us to be happy. She would like for us to work out things between us and make for a happy home, which we strive for. Now and then we need Syr to sort things out but the best case scenario is when the wives manage to keep things running smoothly without the Dominant referring a cat fight or drama llama episodes. My Sister and I talk quite a bit and we are learning that not everything needs to go to Syr, and some things should go to Syr. If so we talk about the *approach* LOL.

It can work, It does take the right people though, one bad apple and permanent damage can happen. As I keep saying, this is the most natural way to live for me. I am glad I was not first wife, I love being the *lagniappe*,( the extra gift), They had a long solid relationship when I entered and no one was looking for a *new girl* to have fun with, but boy has it been fun being the new girl! My Sister has made my being here a good thing and yes we have had struggles but we overcome each one because we come from a place of love, not malice.

I am also thinking that things change.. evolve.. we are ! We do things now we didn't do in the beginning and vice versa,..

Also in the summer we are very busy and tired,,, long play /sex / cuddling sessions are just not in the schedule, we DO find time for fun but long winter days give us much more intimate times..

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by Sachita

Thank you sweetie! And let's not forget all the awesome fishing trips! lol You are a lucky girl.

I believe the times have and are changing. If ever there was a time to gather and build micro communities or families it's now. We really need to look at the larger picture. Loving more then one person is something we all do or have done. Who doesn't want more love? Do we allow sex to determine how or if we will have a connection with others? Am I making any sense here? lol maybe not

Ok let's use some examples of family/relationship models:

Loving Commune: 3 couples living together. Collectively they elect who will be responsible for what. They pool their income together, all work together just like any family. At night they each go to their rooms. They all share love, home, family but they are monogamous couples.

Open Triad: 3 people sharing, living, sleeping together, having sex, pooling income and yet they are free to date and have sex with people outside the triad as long as they are safe.

Goddess Collective: Small collective of goddess type spiritual women living together, home, sharing, loving, much like the Loving Commune but they have a small collection of boi's and girls (submissive) sort of like their loving little minions. lol- Ok this is my fantasy! sorry, couldn't help myself!

Polygamous Family- Completely committed to each other in every way, sacred marriage, shared income, shared living, each has their own room, one is the primary who has sex with them all but they are mono only have sex with the primary.

Poly Celibate - Living, loving, sharing, intimate but no one is having sex. They are committed to celibacy and spiritual, however they are very intimate in sharing love. Yes, there are some groups like this!

what else? Can you think of any?

I like the Goddess with minions idea! Minions make me happy!

I can't picture me on a farm though. I am pretty city.

[Chazz]

I've had two poly relationships. They worked for awhile. In the end, I found that poly relationships required more time, energy and emotional processing than I could manage.

Though I genuinely loved the people involved, I was never "in love" with any of them.

When I'm "in-love" with a woman, I'm wired for monogamy. For me, monogamy represents a kind of intimacy that allows me to flourish.

[Chazz]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

I like the Goddess with minions idea! Minions make me happy!

I can't picture me on a farm though. I am pretty city.

How 'bout a farm with a McDonalds and a shoe store?

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by Chazz

I've had two poly relationships. They worked for awhile. In the end, I found that poly relationships required more time, energy and emotional processing than I could manage.

Though I genuinely loved the people involved, I was never "in love" with any of them.

When I'm "in-love" with a woman, I'm wired for monogamy. For me, monogamy represents a kind of intimacy that allows me to flourish.

you hit the nail on the head for me. Although I could live happily with people I love in a poly household, I most likely would look for a deeper connection with one I was in love with. When I'm in that space I see no one else.

but until then..... love the one your with!