Open Letter: Dear Femme

[evolveme]

Dear Femme,

In the last week, here and elsewhere, heated discussions have arisen as to the overwhelming male-centric nature of our on-line spaces, our communities. We have come into those discussions to address this concern, always as a voice of support. Support for those who feel challenged (trans and male-id’d people). Support for those who feel unseen (women-identified butches).

In the process, we have been accused of “acting straight.” We have been told we too often “roll over for the men.” Some of us have been accused of flagrant misogyny. We have had to listen to old theories wherein female is connected to Feeling and male is tied to Logic. If we ask for facts, we are buying into the Patriarchy, not thinking with a whole and human mind.

Out of these debates I have seen how it may be true, the notion of male-centrism, but perhaps it is more true that this bias is generally a masculine one, than simply male.

In these communities, too often, our voices have been ones of undying support. When the masculine other requires us, we never fail to stroke, to attend, to remind her or him that yes, all things are as you wish them because we are here, beside you. Being that thing you most desire. That thing you need to remind you of your own worth and worthiness.

But, Dear Femme, when I read what you have to say in published essay, or blog, or on-line journal, you are so much else. You are alive with your own power. Your desire for Butch is only a passing commentary in the ungraspable passage of what-all is You.

And so I ask you, how do we recover ourselves, no matter how we identify, from the grip of the vortex of the masculine mean? How do we attend ourselves, or will we? While it may be true that the masculine bears an ancient wound, it is equally true that so does the feminine. I challenge you to consider her, You, and to talk about her tenderly and bravely, well and wisely, wholly and without the self-editing that comes of the reservation we put into so much of what we say here when we are attending to our masculine counterparts.

Let her loose.

I have an incredible amount of love for All of Them, but were I honest, even more for You.

Julie