Can You Really Be Friends With An Ex? - Page 2

wahya · 03-29-2013, 03:57 PM

I never used to think so. But yeah depends on a lot of things..But I do agree it can happen. My ex and I have a very special common factor. ( Our love for our kids and and grandkids ) So it makes it easier to make sure we all get along. Took some time but I believe we are getting there.

SuddenlyWestFemme · 03-31-2013, 10:52 AM

I agree with those who said "It depends."

If there is still pain over an ex... even if it ended with honesty... I don't think friendship is wise.

If there was cheating or dishonesty... I actually think forgiveness can happen and with forgiveness can come friendship. I forgave my ex who lied and cheated because they made an amends that was genuine. I know it is wise to forgive regardless, but the amends makes it easier to move to friendship. I am not ready for a friendship with this person because the situation still causes me pain. But one day... when there is no pain... we may be able to be friends. Only time will tell.

I think the hardest for me has been to remain friends when someone leaves your life without a goodbye. Even if you hurt or upset them... going without a goodbye just seems so mean. But again, if they no longer cause pain... then friendship is possible even in this situation. Although, it would be hard for me to trust that they wouldn't just decide to leave again with no notice... and I guess that is a form of pain... so this one might not work for me.

So nothing new here... it depends.

cuddlyfemme · 04-01-2013, 06:27 AM

I'm another one who says it depends.
I think it depends how things ended mainly and what happened that ended the relationship. I have several ex's that I'm not friends with but I have several that have turned into wonderful friends

GeeGina · 09-12-2013, 01:01 PM

I can't say being friends with an ex has ever worked for me (and by ex I mean someone I was in an actual relationship with). I prefer the clean break, myself.

Of course, that's easy for me to say. The closest I came to a custody battle or division of assets was over a comfy college sweatshirt. Had there been children or a longer, shared history together...I'd probably think differently.

Lately, I've been dating mostly older women and they have a much healthier, more centered idea of parting. Grateful for the time we shared together and with good wishes and thoughts for the road ahead (and I was the one who was being "dismissed").

I could see myself possibly connecting with a few, maybe even meeting for a friendly glass of wine or coffee. But - I'd certainly buy myself a new dress and some good lipstick first.

macele · 09-12-2013, 03:07 PM

every time i see this thread i think of the old msn chats (gone but not forgotten). the bot would randomly appear in the room and ask the question, ... can you be friends with your ex? i wish that i could remember her name LOL. the bots name, of course. not the ex.

D Phryxus · 08-28-2014, 06:24 PM

Yes "it depends"
However, in my experience and in seeing similar situations with others...very rarely does this work out.

The only ex I still associate with is only an ex because we now have 5k miles between us. We still have feelings for each other and if distance were not a factor we would still be in a sexual/romantic relationship.
The other exes and I don't speak to each other unless we are at an event and run into each other. We are civil but I wouldn't say we are friends.

Part of me really wishes I could be optimistic about exes as friends. I want to believe it can happen. However, I would always advise caution. There is a reason that person is no longer in your life.

MysticOceansFL · 08-28-2014, 06:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by D Phryxus

Yes "it depends"
However, in my experience and in seeing similar situations with others...very rarely does this work out.

The only ex I still associate with is only an ex because we now have 5k miles between us. We still have feelings for each other and if distance were not a factor we would still be in a sexual/romantic relationship.
The other exes and I don't speak to each other unless we are at an event and run into each other. We are civil but I wouldn't say we are friends.

Part of me really wishes I could be optimistic about exes as friends. I want to believe it can happen. However, I would always advise caution. There is a reason that person is no longer in your life.

In every situation is dealt with differently same with ex's and not all will turn out the same where as I'm friends with an ex and another I don't even talk to her and her and I live in the same state!

candy_coated_bitch · 08-29-2014, 05:44 AM

For me, the answer is overwhelmingly no. If I break up with someone it's for a reason. I think if there are still feeling involved it's an awful idea! But yeah. It depends on the situation and people. I have exactly one ex I am still good friends with. And we had a very close friendship before we ever got involved, and it took time and space.

I think the potential for drama is high.

cinnamongrrl · 08-29-2014, 06:34 AM

I think it definitely depends on the ex. In light of recent events, I have become more open to this possibility than I once was....

jools66 · 12-10-2015, 11:04 AM

it really depends on how you parted.
like some ppl have said here, sometimes a break is needed to get to know yourself again just for you.
personally speaking, i see no problem being friends with a ex.
as long as you keep to the boundaries that you know just friendship entails.
the best exe's/now friends are the ones you started out just being friends with in the first place.
am a great believer in, if its meant to be and you have real respect for one another then you can be friends.
because lets face it, real true friends are hard to come by, and you will always find that out when ya down on ya luck.

gotoseagrl · 12-10-2015, 12:41 PM

Only if there is a truly mutual respect and selfless desire to wish the best for each other. That's what friendship is based on.

It's also possible to hope they will be happy, as a friend, even if you can't stay in touch. As others have said, the only ones I've been able to consider a friend are those who were true friends to begin with. In my experience, someone who truly cared about you would still wish you well, and luckily that's been the case for almost all of mine.

imperfect_cupcake · 12-10-2015, 01:26 PM

I think it makes a difference that I have many exes, rather than one or two. I also don't tend to get serious super quickly. So if we stop seeing each other after 6 months, a year, 18 months, I haven't started living with them, I haven't merged lives with them and I am not sure we will be together forever yet anyway.

To me that is utterly different in terms of becoming friends than someone I was with for five years who cheated on me after we got married.

09-12-2013, 01:01 PM	#4
GeeGina Member How Do You Identify?: Femme, but flexible. Preferred Pronoun?: Miss Relationship Status: Single. Looking. Available. Open. Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: Philadelphia, PA Posts: 111 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 10 Thanked 410 Times in 76 Posts Rep Power: 4115106	Hmm... I can't say being friends with an ex has ever worked for me (and by ex I mean someone I was in an actual relationship with). I prefer the clean break, myself. Of course, that's easy for me to say. The closest I came to a custody battle or division of assets was over a comfy college sweatshirt. Had there been children or a longer, shared history together...I'd probably think differently. Lately, I've been dating mostly older women and they have a much healthier, more centered idea of parting. Grateful for the time we shared together and with good wishes and thoughts for the road ahead (and I was the one who was being "dismissed"). I could see myself possibly connecting with a few, maybe even meeting for a friendly glass of wine or coffee. But - I'd certainly buy myself a new dress and some good lipstick first.

08-28-2014, 06:24 PM	#6
D Phryxus Junior Member How Do You Identify?: bi femme Preferred Pronoun?: Feminine Relationship Status: Poly-married Join Date: Aug 2014 Location: Alaska Posts: 31 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 35 Thanked 61 Times in 23 Posts Rep Power: 92902	Yes "it depends" However, in my experience and in seeing similar situations with others...very rarely does this work out. The only ex I still associate with is only an ex because we now have 5k miles between us. We still have feelings for each other and if distance were not a factor we would still be in a sexual/romantic relationship. The other exes and I don't speak to each other unless we are at an event and run into each other. We are civil but I wouldn't say we are friends. Part of me really wishes I could be optimistic about exes as friends. I want to believe it can happen. However, I would always advise caution. There is a reason that person is no longer in your life. __________________ Love knows no Limits.

08-29-2014, 05:44 AM	#8
candy_coated_bitch Pixie Stick How Do You Identify?: The arteest formerly known as musicfemme. Preferred Pronoun?: She. Relationship Status: Happily taken. Join Date: Aug 2012 Location: Northampton, MA Posts: 11,293 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 31,723 Thanked 31,852 Times in 6,111 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	For me, the answer is overwhelmingly no. If I break up with someone it's for a reason. I think if there are still feeling involved it's an awful idea! But yeah. It depends on the situation and people. I have exactly one ex I am still good friends with. And we had a very close friendship before we ever got involved, and it took time and space. I think the potential for drama is high. __________________ My Etsy Shop My Patreon My Website

08-29-2014, 06:34 AM	#9
cinnamongrrl Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: cleverly disguised as a responsible adult* Preferred Pronoun?: wild woman Relationship Status: No, thank you. Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Home in NC..gonna dig in like a tick this time… Posts: 7,655 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 15,207 Thanked 27,592 Times in 6,951 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	I think it definitely depends on the ex. In light of recent events, I have become more open to this possibility than I once was.... __________________

12-10-2015, 12:41 PM	#11
gotoseagrl Senior Member How Do You Identify?: old-fashioned queer stone submissive girl Preferred Pronoun?: mermaid, very lucky babygirl Relationship Status: Saltwater mermaid ♡ Join Date: May 2010 Location: CA Posts: 2,209 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,192 Thanked 6,105 Times in 1,727 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	Only if there is a truly mutual respect and selfless desire to wish the best for each other. That's what friendship is based on. It's also possible to hope they will be happy, as a friend, even if you can't stay in touch. As others have said, the only ones I've been able to consider a friend are those who were true friends to begin with. In my experience, someone who truly cared about you would still wish you well, and luckily that's been the case for almost all of mine. __________________ Be still when you have nothing to say; when genuine passion moves you, say what you've got to say, and say it hot. D. H. Lawrence

03-29-2013, 03:57 PM	#1
wahya Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Me Preferred Pronoun?: Me Relationship Status: im good Join Date: Mar 2013 Location: Massachusetts Posts: 296 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 506 Thanked 857 Times in 240 Posts Rep Power: 0	I never used to think so. But yeah depends on a lot of things..But I do agree it can happen. My ex and I have a very special common factor. ( Our love for our kids and and grandkids ) So it makes it easier to make sure we all get along. Took some time but I believe we are getting there.

03-31-2013, 10:52 AM	#2
SuddenlyWestFemme Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Nov 2011 Location: Seattle Posts: 116 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 296 Thanked 522 Times in 88 Posts Rep Power: 7145835	I agree with those who said "It depends." If there is still pain over an ex... even if it ended with honesty... I don't think friendship is wise. If there was cheating or dishonesty... I actually think forgiveness can happen and with forgiveness can come friendship. I forgave my ex who lied and cheated because they made an amends that was genuine. I know it is wise to forgive regardless, but the amends makes it easier to move to friendship. I am not ready for a friendship with this person because the situation still causes me pain. But one day... when there is no pain... we may be able to be friends. Only time will tell. I think the hardest for me has been to remain friends when someone leaves your life without a goodbye. Even if you hurt or upset them... going without a goodbye just seems so mean. But again, if they no longer cause pain... then friendship is possible even in this situation. Although, it would be hard for me to trust that they wouldn't just decide to leave again with no notice... and I guess that is a form of pain... so this one might not work for me. So nothing new here... it depends.

04-01-2013, 06:27 AM	#3
cuddlyfemme Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Stone Femme Preferred Pronoun?: her/she Relationship Status: single Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: South Carolina Posts: 2,271 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 717 Thanked 2,452 Times in 1,270 Posts Rep Power: 11496123	I'm another one who says it depends. I think it depends how things ended mainly and what happened that ended the relationship. I have several ex's that I'm not friends with but I have several that have turned into wonderful friends

09-12-2013, 03:07 PM	#5
macele Member How Do You Identify?: a bold-assed maximus Preferred Pronoun?: she Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: mississippi Posts: 1,066 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,178 Thanked 3,231 Times in 847 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	every time i see this thread i think of the old msn chats (gone but not forgotten). the bot would randomly appear in the room and ask the question, ... can you be friends with your ex? i wish that i could remember her name LOL. the bots name, of course. not the ex.

12-10-2015, 11:04 AM	#10
jools66 Member How Do You Identify?: lesbian Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Mar 2013 Location: uk Posts: 289 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 192 Thanked 696 Times in 227 Posts Rep Power: 3251484	it really depends on how you parted. like some ppl have said here, sometimes a break is needed to get to know yourself again just for you. personally speaking, i see no problem being friends with a ex. as long as you keep to the boundaries that you know just friendship entails. the best exe's/now friends are the ones you started out just being friends with in the first place. am a great believer in, if its meant to be and you have real respect for one another then you can be friends. because lets face it, real true friends are hard to come by, and you will always find that out when ya down on ya luck.

12-10-2015, 01:26 PM	#12
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,713 Times in 1,611 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I think it makes a difference that I have many exes, rather than one or two. I also don't tend to get serious super quickly. So if we stop seeing each other after 6 months, a year, 18 months, I haven't started living with them, I haven't merged lives with them and I am not sure we will be together forever yet anyway. To me that is utterly different in terms of becoming friends than someone I was with for five years who cheated on me after we got married.