What expanded your mind today?

[justanolecowboy]

Originally Posted by girl_dee

verbiage.

Am i the only one who is bothered by this phrase, when used to describe a victim of violence?

"They were in the wrong place at the wrong time"

*i* feel this somehow puts the victim at fault, even though it is not intended that way, and that really bothers me.

Is it just me?

No - you are not the only one bothered - I do believe it is not intended that way - but (yes) - the phrasing does lean toward the victim of the circumstance being at fault.

[~ocean]

~ I listened ~

[Hollylane]

Couples of Color Scarce in Formulaic Gay Cinema

Deron Dalton

Journalist

During my rare free time I love to watch movies. Usually I go through a period of watching a particular genre, then I move on to another. This past summer I became highly intrigued by LGBT cinema, particularly LGBT films focused on gay men. The films I was watching were mainly on Netflix.

Some of the films I watched were dramas, and some were comedies with a lot of romance, but all were gay-themed. As I moved through them, I noticed a common formula, especially in gay romantic comedies: An average-looking (but attractive in an adorable way) white male becomes interested in a hotter, confident and charming white male. The movie's plot is typically built around the funny obstacles, lies and deceptions that arise when these two archetypes date or become close friends, and that eventually brings them together in the end. This formula, or some variation on it, could be found in literally every gay-themed movie I watched. I sought out different types of gay-themed cinema, but all the films I came across utilized that common formula. It started to bother me that there were rarely black or Latino males in prevalent roles, and Asian-American males were almost nonexistent in these films. A lesbian or transgender character might be added to the mix in a smaller role, but rarely with depth. Heck, "fag hags" had more screen time than did characters of color and diverse gender identities!

Here is a list of movies I enjoyed this past summer that I thought could have used more diversity:

The Eating Out series (2004 to 2011): This series epitomizes the gay romantic comedy. All five movies focus on an average-looking white guy who uses lies and deceit to win over some smokin'-hot white guy. At the end of each 90-minute movie, the two men are somehow in each other's arms. Well, the couple in the fourth movie does not get back together until the end of the fifth movie, but it's the same thing.

Adam & Steve (2005): In this movie the average-looking white guy is Adam (Craig Chester), who also happens to be an ex-addict, and the hot white guy is Steve (Malcolm Gets), who also happens to be a successful psychiatrist. They first meet in 1987, when Adam is a goth kid and Steve is a Dazzle Dancer. They plan to hook up, but in a nice twist on the formula, Steve comically embarrasses himself and runs out. Seventeen years later they meet again and actually date. When Steve figures out who Adam is and realizes that he might have caused Adam's drug addiction, he breaks up with him... but it's a romantic comedy, so the breakup doesn't last, of course.

Another Gay Movie (2006): The title says it all. It's actually a parody of teen comedies like American Pie and gay-themed romantic comedies. Although the film is well-rounded and pokes fun at gay culture, lesbians and people of color have very small roles.

BearCity (2010): This one doesn't follow the formula exactly. It's about the bear community, a subculture of the gay community that doesn't get a lot of representation in gay media. The movie focuses on a skinny, above-average-looking twink, Tyler (Joe Conti), who has a thing for bears. Through some bear friends he meets Roger (Gerald McCullouch), a muscle bear. Roger is hesitant about Tyler, because the latter is from outside the community, so he lies about how he feels. The two go through the typical obstacles until they get together in the end.

Is It Just Me? (2010): This one is very similar to the Eating Out films. To sum it up, a newspaper writer, Blaine (Nicholas Downs), begins an online relationship with Xander (David Loren), who believes that Blaine is his sexy roommate, Cameron (Adam Huss). I know, that was a word-full for me, too!

These films are fantastic, non-mainstream movies, but like primetime television series, they lack representations of gay people of color, especially within gay relationships. But interracial couples and couples of color definitely exist within the gay community, and people (including me) love to see characters in the media that they can relate to. Nevertheless, gay-themed romantic films tend to leave them out, and when these films do include gay characters of color, black gay characters typically fulfill the "black man on the down-low" stereotype, and Latino/Hispanic gay characters usually fulfill the "hot-and-sexy Latin lover" stereotype.

For those reasons outlined above, gay and straight filmmakers should be inspired to include more gay characters of color in their work.

[nycfem]

Bear City was very helpful to BB's youngest son (my step-son) who is in college and came out as a bear (a cub, heh heh) which is an extra challenge after coming out as gay because it is a specific subculture and not as mainstream as coming out just as gay is. Before he came out to us, BB and I watched Bear City and with him at home, and it was a great bridge to use for him to gain confidence and to open up with us.

[Hollylane]

It's the birthday of the first woman to graduate from medical school, Elizabeth Blackwell, born on this day in Bristol, England, in 1821. She wanted to become a doctor because she knew that many women would rather discuss their health problems with another woman. She read medical texts and studied with doctors, but she was rejected by all the big medical schools. Finally the Geneva Medical College (which became Hobart College) in upstate New York accepted her. The faculty wasn't sure what to do with such a qualified candidate, and so they turned the decision over to the students. The male students voted unanimously to accept her. Her classmates and even professors considered many medical subjects too delicate for a woman, and didn't think she should be allowed to attend lectures on the reproductive system. But she graduated, became a doctor, and opened the New York Infirmary for Women and Children.

[DamonK]

That one instant this evening, walking to the car, a brilliant sunset, taking my breath away, knowing immediately who I wanted to share it with, and having that feeling consume my entire being.

[Ginger]

My mind remains a tight little hibernating bear today.

[Hollylane]

[Hollylane]

Originally Posted by justanolecowboy

I do some dog training (not as much as I used too) - but I enjoy it - and I had occasion to talk with one of the monks from the New Skeet Monastery - that train GSD's - they have several books - and a very unique approach.

I would recommend to anyone who not only wanted to train but just to "know" more about your four pawed baby.

I do have a couple of them (the books that is) electronically - I would be willing to share - if anyone would be interested.

The monk I spoke with - was incredibly kind and generous - just as you might expect - and was full of laughter as well. Funny - you never really think of "monks" as men who laugh alot - but - well...they do!

An enlightening conversation!

I found this video about the monastery, and I would most certainly be interested in a digital copy of the book(s).

My Obi, the feisty one (as Gaige says), has some behavioral issues that could I could use some help with. I am usually quite good at training my dogs, but I have found Lhasas to be especially challenging. Gaige is really good with him, but I have trust issues with him, because he has been known to bite (including me).

[jcisbutch]

my good friend Jaison and I discussed the physics of a pressure cooker and like the dorks we are googled alot of information and came up with a theory to support our hypothesis.....in other words we both had way too mcuh time on our hands lol

[TimilDeeps]

Insect Growth Regulators

[Hollylane]

[DamonK]

The dream I had, knowing what it means.

[AmazonWoman1]

I found this in my email today.It was amazingly serendipitous which is what expanded my mind today to remember how the universe always is there for you & to make me so thankful.

“Judge nothing, you will be happy. Forgive everything, you will be happier. Love everything, you will be happiest.” ~Sri Chinmoy

Are you judgmental? Not many people would be aware if they were, let alone admit to being so, but it’s so easy to form an opinion about a person or situation without knowing all the facts.

What if the conclusions people spring to could really hurt someone? I like to think there are very few people who would actively want to upset others. Has someone passed judgment on you? What can you do if you feel misunderstood?

I want to share with you an unpleasant situation I was in recently, which has had a great impact upon my personal growth.

A few years ago in my thirties, I was in a car accident that caused me some spinal damage and exacerbated a pre-existing pelvic condition, subsequently leaving me initially in a wheelchair.

Currently, I am at a stage where I can now stand unaided and potter around a bit, but I still rely on a wheelchair or crutches for more than short periods of standing or walking.

One evening my partner surprised me with theatre tickets. I hadn’t been getting out much—outings now need to be meticulously planned—so I was really excited.

We were lucky enough to be able to park in the disabled bays right outside the venue (I am registered disabled and have a badge). We sat in the car and discussed whether I should take my crutches inside, as I was quite anxious about blocking the aisles. We decided that with his support I would manage the few steps inside without them.

The first upset of the evening was getting out of the car. A man queuing for a space behind wound down his car window and shouted that we should be ashamed of ourselves for parking there. We clearly didn’t “look” disabled and we literally “made him sick.” Hmmm.

This wasn’t the first time something like this had happened. I have a hidden disability, and unless I am in a wheelchair or using an aid, I look perfectly “normal” and am (relatively) young.

I tried to concentrate on the show for the first half, but the evening had been ruined for me by then. In the interval I needed the bathroom. The female bathrooms are down two flights of stairs (no elevator), which I couldn’t manage, so I went into the disabled bathroom on the ground floor.

When I came out, there was a queue of old ladies.

The first lady in the queue took one look at me and declared to her friend in a loud voice “young people are so lazy nowadays.” She looked at me and said “there’s nothing wrong with your legs,” and rapped me across my ankles with her walking stick! I went home in tears.

This evening affected me emotionally for weeks.

Although I shouldn’t need to justify myself to others, I would have been happy to answer genuine questions about my health instead of being met with accusations and aggression, but after much reflection I realized that forgiveness was the only way to move forward.

The points below really helped me to come to terms with how judgmental people can be.

1. The only person who can know the absolute truth about you is you.

People can and will have opinions, but never start to doubt yourself. Have absolute faith in who you are and don’t let another’s “idea” of you become your reality.

2. Ultimately, the opinion that really matters is yours.

If somebody doesn’t agree with what you are doing or how you are behaving, don’t feel pressured into changing. Have the courage of your convictions, even when others disagree or don’t understand.

3. People can’t “make” you feel anything.

I felt ashamed after being judged so harshly. I felt my body had failed me, putting me in that situation, and shame soon spiraled into self-loathing. I recognize now that these are feelings I had underlying anyway, and the situation just bought them to the surface. I know now we can choose how we want to feel and I choose to be happy.

4. Someone else’s judgment will be far more important to you.

It is so easy to dwell on things, but putting negative energy into running a scenario over and over in your mind is detrimental to your health. Although I found their remarks about me hurtful for weeks afterward, I doubt if the old lady or the man above ever gave me a second thought. Focus your energy on the positive things.

5. We don’t need to try to read people’s minds.

If we do not have compete trust in our actions, it can be easy to sense disapproval from others that may not even be there and then unnecessarily alter our actions accordingly. If you want an honest opinion, ask. Clear communication is far easier than second-guessing.

6. Forgiveness sets you free.

I am an honest person, and having my integrity brought into question momentarily resulted in anger and bitterness. Harboring this would ultimately have had absolutely no effect on anybody else but me. By forgiving, I have freed myself from this situation. Learn to accept an apology even if, especially if, it’s not actually offered.

7. Compassion changes everything.

People with limited vision and steadfast opinions will have a harder life than me. I send them love. Everyone deserves kindness. Always.

I hope you never find yourself being unfairly judged, or indeed forming an opinion of your own without all the facts, but if you do I hope my story can help you.

[MissItalianDiva]

an ah hah moment...like a freakin light bulb! Realizing I have been a hot mess full of horrid choices and decisions for about 3 weeks now and enough is enough. Time to get over whatever the heck my problem is and deal with it.

[Kent]

Originally Posted by MissItalianDiva

an ah hah moment...like a freakin light bulb! Realizing I have been a hot mess full of horrid choices and decisions for about 3 weeks now and enough is enough. Time to get over whatever the heck my problem is and deal with it.

It happens to all of us. Be thankful that you are willing to deal with it and move forward. Prayers go out to you.

[nycfem]

I was on the subway today, and a man got on and set down his boom box and readied for a performance. He was very no nonsense and announced in a matter-of-fact way, "I'm not going to accidentally kick anyone during my dance" which felt reassuring and thoughtful to me, also exciting, because I knew he'd be doing flips and stuff. He turned on an energizing yet chill wordless beat and started with a long handstand on one hand with only the bottoms of his feet pressed lightly against the bar that strap hangers hold onto. He was completely vertical yet upside down on the subway holding himself that way on that one hand for an extended period of time, and during that time my mind expanded. It was fucking impressive and got everyone's attention which is hard to do in New York City, especially on the train. When he was done with the whole performance (he break danced and flipped his ass off) people smiled and clapped, also something New Yorkers don't do, and I felt at one with everyone. We knew this was as good as it gets, and we filled his hat with coins and bills.

[Kent]

Filling out an application, downloading my resume, writing a cover letter and an online assessment... Nowadays, you gotta work hard just to get in the door... I worked it hard!! Must've paid off, cause I have a teleconference interview next Tuesday...

[starryeyes]

Originally Posted by Kent

Filling out an application, downloading my resume, writing a cover letter and an online assessment... Nowadays, you gotta work hard just to get in the door... I worked it hard!! Must've paid off, cause I have a teleconference interview next Tuesday...

Wahoo! Good luck!!!

[Kent]

Originally Posted by starryeyes

Wahoo! Good luck!!!

Thanks, Starry!!