What Is A Crush?

[MasterfulButch]

Originally Posted by honeybarbara

Everyone has different words for different ideas. And we certainly have different meanings for each word.... So I'd like everyone to define those attractions for me... the words I use are: "attracted to" "I'm sweet on her" "I have a crush on her" "I'm falling for her" "I'm in love with her" "I love her"

If it's still of interest, my personal definitions are:

"attracted" - means I find something particularly appealing about her and I'd welcome the chance to be around her more. A woman's physical appearance can be irrelevant to my initial attraction to her but becomes more relevant at the higher stages of this range. Once there, I am thinking about how it would feel to kiss her.

"sweet on" - I don't use this phrase.

"Crush" - this is all about mental air-time for me. Someone I'm simply attracted to will probably pass out of my mind soon after they disappear from sight. A crush will return me to that person repeatedly through the day. I'll wonder things about her, imagine in detail what it would be like to touch her, and enjoy thinking up ways to make her smile. I'd like to be alone with her and yes, I'd like to have an opportunity to light the candles and stick the Barry White CD on.

"Falling for" - this is a magical stage. We've crossed the intimacy boundary and just want to do it again and again. I get a soppy smile on my face whenever I think about her, which is most of the time. I suddenly need a lot less sleep and feel energised and almost invincible. Once here I expect two way monogamy but there may or may not have been mention of the word 'love'.

"In Love" - this is the ultimate romantic partner state although you can be in love with someone but no longer with them (though rarely by choice). For me 'in love' is when the initial rush of novelty has passed and you suddenly realise that you are forever altered for this person's part in your life. You feel simultaneously blessed by and fearful of the connection. It brings a new vulnerability but you know you would be opting for a tepid version of life if you turned away from it now.

"Love" - this is a general term for beings I love - pets, friends and family. Obviously, I can love a partner too but I would have warning bells sounding in my head if I 'loved' but was not 'in love' with them. I've been in that situation before and it translated to pretty much a deep platonic relationship - nice, but not what I'm looking for in a life partner.

[homoe]

Sometimes I like to use this word. It seems like such a cute. harmless, and unthreatening word IMBO. To me it means, I find this person as someone I already like and want to get to know MUCH better and see where it might lead~~

[imperfect_cupcake]

LOL words are so different for people. Smitten to me means obsessive thinking. If I'm smitten with a cat or a person or a job or a hobby... It means, to me, that I am constantly thinking about it and deeply fed by my I terest in it.

I use the word "love" for a partner as a sexual love. For me its the highest kind of commitment.
I know in love comes and goes and I just don't trust people who drop others when that limerance "feeling of being in love" phase first passes. Probably why until we get past the four year mark, I'm likely not going to trust someone is going to stick around. And I won't trust someone will stay until the relationship has gone through a.couple crisies and we were able to negotiate through them and work as a team.
For me, love is managing through long term - commitment to work together. In love is for lovers. And lovers only last a few years. Sometimes I don't feel in love. Nor do I like my partners. That doesn't mean I give up. I know that passes and the in love feelings come back. Stress, death, poverty, depression, conflict, new situations... They all mask feelings. I've had friends for 30 years. I know that kind of love is incredibly deep and acceptance for each other is absolute. Patience and tolerance and adoration. I've had fights with mates that last months. Space, time, talking and accepting they are in my life forever allows us to move through those times.
When one friend Y was livid with me, I accepted it. I let her work through it. There wasn't anything I could do at that point. She eventually came round. We've been friend since we were 14.
I think the concept of friends and partners as *family* and therefore nonnegotiable in acceptance of who they are and working through our relationships is key.
But when people expect that its going to be soul mates and connected and flowers and no crisis ever in being together for 25 years... I have to ???????
I *will* work through am infidelity with someone. I will work through a health issue. Death. School. Depression. Etc.
I know many people won't. But I have a very different concept of commitment and very different expectations around that word.
And unfortunately, I have partnered with too many people that don't believe in forever. Or they do, as long as forever (alive!) Means until it gets really, really hard. I've worked through fuck off hard things with exes and friends. But I have yet to find someone who will do that as a spouse or partner.
I don't want someone just when everything feels good. That's why my independance is so important. Suffocating each other in expectations and demands... I don't think that works so much anymore.

If I want forever with someone, I want them to know I love the enough to give them the independance they and I need too.

I dunno. Maybe I just feel a bit old these days.

[homoe]

Yes I so agree that different words have very different meanings to each of us. I took a class once on this very subject and it was very interesting to say the least!

[imperfect_cupcake]

Absolutely. That's why people's communication skills are something I deeply value. The ability to not make assumptions and to ask questions. Some people find the questions I ask too invasive or offensive. But, we all have out own dictionaries. What Butch means to me is very different than what someone else thinks. What I mean when I say "I love you" is very different to what someone else may mean. What I think is kinky is vastly different to what someone else thinks is. And what I consider independance, won't be what you think.

That's why the ability to talk to me. Openly, freely and without trying to hide stuff out of nerves or fear is probably the thing I admire most in someone.

[firegal]

Some times life is so simple.... Someone who I excitingly look forward to ..... All the simple things... Talking... Joking.... Sharing....any kind of contact where you have that lil anticipation...

Isn't a crush such.... A gift

[~ocean]

~ it's when u say to yourself ohhhhh baby baby ~~ and u get butterflys ~

[Contessa]

I would say that I mostly agree with the stages MasterfulButch posted. However, I would like to add a final one.

The final stage of a crush for me:

Passionate Love: You love this person physically, mentally and have a spiritual connection. You really can't see yourself without this person. The passion is roaring in the bedroom because EVERYTHING is there between the two of you.

[flapdoodle]

I love the word "crush".

excitement in my tummy, flushed cheeks, heart races, you know it when you feel it. I had a crush on the butch I married within seconds after I saw him, still do.

For me, the "crush" is how I feel, intrigue or that certain something gets the initial spark.

Hot for...Come here Big Boy

Love......The love of family and friends and the love for someone I am dating, very different.

In love..scary good

I do...I did

[Jane Bond]

For me, a crush is when I am at a function and I see a woman I noticed at another recent function and thought she was attractive. If I run into her a third time I will assume this was an act of God, so the least I can do is buy her a drink, exchange business cards, then call every one I know to find out all I can about her. If I discover she is gay, feminine and single I'd just call her and ask her to dinner or the beach next weekend. If we had fun, the crush would be developing then. If she said no, I would send her a postcard with a blue frowny face on it.