Same Sex Marriage and Divorce

[~ocean]

I have been married since 1992 ~ we exchanged our vows in Provincetown, Ma. and we are legally registered there ~ then we got legally married in 2004 ~ we do not live together but we are still married and very close ~ I believe in marriage with my whole heart ~ love prevails when it is true love ~ as far as divorce goes ~ well lets just say my wife sings this song lol

[Greyson]

Before legal same sex marriage became a reality I like many had various live in, long term partners. Yes the break ups were at times emotionally and psychologically painful but we could go our separate ways without having to go through the legal fight.

For me all of that changed when I bought a home with a partner. We saved money together and put in equal amounts and after moving to the SF Bay Area from my hometown of Los Angeles, I was a home owner for the first time in my life.

When it came time for the inevitable break up, it was nasty. Owning property with someone puts a whole new spin on things. We were not legally married but we did have a home and a small investment together. After that, I would never buy a big ticket item again with a "partner" unless we were legally married.

The irony of it all is now I am married and as a Grad student I cannot afford to buy a home or make long term financial investments. I admit it left me jaded a bit. I have to remember marriage for me, is not about a financial strategy of some sort.

[JDeere]

Originally Posted by dark_crystal

I was in a relationship where it took me three years to fully understand that the other person was completely delusional, so I would say not to get married until after 3 years

In a LDR/relocation situation I wouldn't even start that clock until a year after the move.

I'm all for long engagements, though. A significant rock can go a long way towards incentivizing patience in situations where one partner may feel more ready than the other-- it worked on me for 2.5 years, and it wouldn't have taken a lawyer to undo if things had gone south

We are only on our one year right now, I just take it day to day but somethings need to change on her end before I even think about getting married to her. My relationships don't last very long anyways so this too may pass.

[JDeere]

BUMP BUMP BUMPITY BUMP!

[Shystonefem]

Originally Posted by CherylNYC

I don't know you, so I apologise in advance if my unsolicited advice is unwelcome. Do yourself a favor and block her number! It's not OK speak to another person like that.

She is blocked. She sends texts from different friends numbers. Mainly when she is drunk. Lol

[Shystonefem]

Originally Posted by ~ocean

(((((( shy ))))))) if Jesus can resurrect so can't u lol ~ move on after all these years you have more to offer than this

((((Ocean)))) I have moved on in the regular sense. I am not emotional about her or the divorce anymore. I really believe though that you don't know a person until you have been with them for 4 or 5 years and marriage is not really in my radar at this point in my life.

I do, however, plan on going to PTown every other weekend this summer. Time to just have some fun without the work that goes into a relationship.

[~ocean]

Originally Posted by Shystonefem

((((Ocean)))) I have moved on in the regular sense. I am not emotional about her or the divorce anymore. I really believe though that you don't know a person until you have been with them for 4 or 5 years and marriage is not really in my radar at this point in my life.

I do, however, plan on going to PTown every other weekend this summer. Time to just have some fun without the work that goes into a relationship.

shy have FUN enjoy ~ don't forget Hyannis has gay clubs too ~ f u want to be down the cape ~ whenever I need to heal from anything ~ I go down and the energy of our community heals..

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by ~ocean

shy have FUN enjoy ~ don't forget Hyannis has gay clubs too ~ f u want to be down the cape ~ whenever I need to heal from anything ~ I go down and the energy of our community heals..

i had the best time those few years living near the Cape............

i never saw a bar in Hyannis, though I did work in Hyannis.........

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by ~ocean

I have been married since 1992 ~ we exchanged our vows in Provincetown, Ma. and we are legally registered there ~ then we got legally married in 2004 ~ we do not live together but we are still married and very close ~ I believe in marriage with my whole heart ~ love prevails when it is true love ~ as far as divorce goes ~ well lets just say my wife sings this song lol

i have often said my ideal marriage is one where I have my own place. I don't think I am easy to live with. I like my own space a little too much I guess.

[storyspinner70]

I've been married in the past. Once to a complete and total asshole and once to a good guy with a lot of issues. A LOT. Bless his heart, he is 44 and has had a lot of physical and mental illnesses we found in his late 20s/30s. We're still married and he lives with me, mostly because his only family is a sister that's more mentally ill than he is. For all intents and purposes, he is my adopted brother now. He has a girlfriend and so do I.

My butch and I are long distance. When that changes, and should she ever want to get married (or, for that matter, if he wanted to marry his gf and I felt she could really take care of him), obviously I'd divorce him, though the logistics of taking care of him would be a bit tricky if I moved. I have no children so that does make it easier.

So, I have been married for a long time, but it hasn't been a marriage in a long long time, if that makes sense. lol I like marriage. I'd marry my butch in a heartbeat, but I'm not sure she's into marriage at this point in her life. She's settled into her "old dykedom". lol...She's had a committment ceremony before, so it's not that she's never liked it, and we will definitely live together when it all works out, just not sure if it'll be as wife and wife.

As for divorce, if it's not working (barring abuse, cheating, etc. whatever your limits are) and you really try to make it work (actually, really try), then there's a certain point you just call it. You say, "I love you. I'll always love you. But this isn't working. Keep in touch and let me know how it's going." lol

[Glenn]

"Love Rules all of Heaven and Earth below." For love, I was married illegally for 35 years.. Divorce? Ha! Legal marriage and divorce to me now, however, should always be about financial security...FIRST! Suppose I was legally married for those thirty five years? I now know that we would have needed at least 35,000 minimum emergency funds, at least 50,000 yearly combined income to live just above the poverty line, and since she became extremely ill, we would need to carry all the health and life insurance we could handle to protect our assets. Plus, I would also have been responsible for her student loans, and other debts So, if I were to ever get legally married, I would certainly ponder on these things..I would have gotten divorced before too many debts accrued between us.. I woulda shoulda..yadda. yadda..

[JDeere]

I am kinda glad that I didn't marry my ex, because I can see the divorce now, it would have been horrible and very painful.

I am going through a lot of emotions and feelings since we broke up and marriage is no longer in my future with anyone, I refuse to deal with the heart break.

[Chad]

I have never been married. Perhaps someday I will meet someone that is a good match for me but I am in no hurry.

My life is pretty darn good.

[Stone-Butch]

We had a union (no legal marriages then) and lived together for 22 years. A wonderful woman. We grew apart and I knew she was not happy. I was in school for 5 years and she said she felt like a widow. I went all year long. We had 3 beautiful fur babies and we had bought a home. I signed the house over to her and moved to an apt. It is sad as I never really will stop loving her but have moved on so I hope she is happy. She gave me wonderful years. I didn't need a divorce just an unhappy woman in my life so that's it.

[introverted1]

I am now one full year (+) out of my divorce.

I honestly don't know how people move on to eventually marry again. The legal disentangling from a woman I adored, after sixteen plus years of togetherness was hands down the most soul killing thing I have ever experienced in my life.

I truly can't imagine taking that leap of faith on another, ever again.

The lawyers, judges, harsh words and cruelty were way too much for me to ever think about doing that again.

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by introverted1

I am now one full year (+) out of my divorce.

I honestly don't know how people move on to eventually marry again. The legal disentangling from a woman I adored, after sixteen plus years of togetherness was hands down the most soul killing thing I have ever experienced in my life.

I truly can't imagine taking that leap of faith on another, ever again.

The lawyers, judges, harsh words and cruelty were way too much for me to ever think about doing that again.

i could have written this. Big hugs..

[NavyButch]

I have only been with one partner (9 years) that I asked to marry Me. We broke up while we were engaged. Even though we never formally tied the knot- we really did not need to for Me to feel the great sense of loss- and all that came with it.

The one thing that I have made sure of is that it would not leave Me jaded to the point of not letting My heart be given fully to another to the point of asking that person to marry Me.

At the very least, I still hold out hope that the person that is meant for Me in a long term sense comes into My life.. and if that happens and we want to become official in the marrying sense- I am still open to that.

[JDeere]

I am still not open to the idea of marriage, ever!