PTSD and Trauma recovery

[Jet]

One of the things that I have found over the past several weeks, is that I am finally at a place where
I'm less hesitant to feel the feelings. That is a huge stumbling block, because it feels as though you relive the event.

This took weeks to get a hold of and understand. Now I think the process may be a lot quicker.
It's starting to feel good to let the feel arise and then let them go. Tonight, I thought I owe it to myself to let feel and let go.
This is a major step because the ordeal and feelings associated with it have been internalized and supressed for a long time.

[TenderKnight]

Originally Posted by Princess4u

But I am glad to report.....no anxiety today or lastnight and no bad dreams...in the past when this abuse episode was triggered by something I not only had to deal with the psychological aspect of remembering...but the physical, does that make sense to anyone. Like my body remembered what was done to it and I feel it all over again. Crazy huh? But I was glad that i didnt have to endure any of that again..at least this time...maybe its all gone...wouldnt that be nice! Hugs and love and blessings to you all. May you have a beautiful week and find great joy and peace in your lives.

Princess, I know exactly what you are talking about.. I was once told it is called "body memory".. Like your body remembers the event and it's played out again. I have it too. Thank you for your post and I'm sorry that you hit a trigger, but I am glad to hear that it went over pretty well so far. Happy Monday to you

-Tony

[Apocalipstic]

Hello my friends!

I have the body memory thing too. In a huge way.

Princess, I know the feeling. I am so sorry this happened. We love you and hang in there.

Jet, so glad you have made a breakthrough. We are here for you!

Andrew, you are a sweetie pie!

Sug, I wonder how many of us have Fibro or other autoimmune "opportunities" I think they come with childhood abuse, our bodies attacking.

Tender Knight and Rockin, you have such a sweet spirit! Thank you!

Dells, glad your daughter is better

Everyone who comes in to wish us well or hang out, thank you so much!

[Andrew, Jr.]

There were times during my abuse when I remember the prayer Jesus said. It went something like this..."Ask and you shall receive; seek and you shall find; knock and it shall be opened to you." Well, I also remember saying and thinking wtf? Where in the hell are you?

Today, all these years later, someone reminded me that it is not our will but God's will that will be done.

[Apocalipstic]

My belief in God is all tied up with the crazyness of my father. His being a missionary and evangelist preacher...so many of his actions explained by "God told me to".

He said God told him to act like he did, so many times. It has always messed with me.

So Andrew, I don't know what is real and true religiously, but I do know that things happen in their own time and somehow things eventually seem to right themselves....

Except, our bodies and minds are left with the scars and the coping mechanisms we learned to deal with our individual traumas....coping mechanisms that seem all out of whack with everyday life.

I wish you and everyone who posts or reads this thread a peaceful evening and a good and refreshing night of sleep tonight.



Jen

[Andrew, Jr.]

Jen,

Thank you. I needed that. This afternoon was very rough. Very rough.

Peace to you,
Andrew

[Princess4u]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

My belief in God is all tied up with the crazyness of my father. His being a missionary and evangelist preacher...so many of his actions explained by "God told me to".

He said God told him to act like he did, so many times. It has always messed with me.

So Andrew, I don't know what is real and true religiously, but I do know that things happen in their own time and somehow things eventually seem to right themselves....

Except, our bodies and minds are left with the scars and the coping mechanisms we learned to deal with our individual traumas....coping mechanisms that seem all out of whack with everyday life.

I wish you and everyone who posts or reads this thread a peaceful evening and a good and refreshing night of sleep tonight.



Jen

I didnt grow up in a religious family, I have searched in my heart for answers to my questions about God and the power of prayer. I think I do more talking to God than praying. Because in my experiences, when I have prayed, they have never been answered, when I have asked for something good, I usually was given bad, when I closed a door, I find myself alone in a black room without an exit. But yet I talk to God no asking, not praying but just talking. I have no expectations of our "conversation" other than I hope someone or something hears me because I have no one else to listen to my darkest fears and secrets. Perhaps its just my way of coping, I dont know. But I have no expectations of God or of prayer. What may be will be and I will just have to suck it up and deal with it as it comes. I dont know if that helps Andrew...its just my little way of making it minute by minute sometimes.

Love and Peace to you all...
Princess

[Kimbo]

Princess4u, I also have body memories. It is horrible to have to relive the things we do. Mine have faded much through the years and the therapy but they still happen on occasion, especially, if I feel unsafe around someone. I also can have some serious reactions to smell and a few other things. Our senses are truly amazing and powerful.

It's a good thing when you are triggered like that and you didn't have a major reactions. Things do get better, no?

[Princess4u]

Originally Posted by Kimbo

Princess4u, I also have body memories. It is horrible to have to relive the things we do. Mine have faded much through the years and the therapy but they still happen on occasion, especially, if I feel unsafe around someone. I also can have some serious reactions to smell and a few other things. Our senses are truly amazing and powerful.

It's a good thing when you are triggered like that and you didn't have a major reactions. Things do get better, no?

I agree, our bodies are a great defense for our psychological protection. I just dread the physical pain it inflicts. It lasts for days even weeks. It is very painful. That is the hard part to endure, and I dont understand why it lasts so long. I really thought i was crazy...until all of you confirmed your own experiences. For decades I have thought I was a freak or something. There are triggers to it that I still havent pin pointed what they are. But endure is all I can do...it seems all I have a choice in doing. I have been to therapists in the years pasts, not very good ones...seems I was never a priority to them during my sessions. Which contibuted to my feeling like a freak and so insignificant. So none of these topics or issues where ever explained to me the way you have all described. So I thank you for that. I am not in a place to seek help, so I cope the best I can. Not that I would seek help most likely...for I dont feel anyone would want to help me. I have always just managed to survive one way or another. With a few leaps off the deep end here and there, if you know what I mean.

thank you all for you love and support and for understanding and most of all for making me feel less like an insignificant freak.

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by Andrew, Jr.

Jen,

Thank you. I needed that. This afternoon was very rough. Very rough.

Peace to you,
Andrew

So sorry your afternoon was hard, I hope today is better my friend!

Originally Posted by Princess4u

I didnt grow up in a religious family, I have searched in my heart for answers to my questions about God and the power of prayer. I think I do more talking to God than praying. Because in my experiences, when I have prayed, they have never been answered, when I have asked for something good, I usually was given bad, when I closed a door, I find myself alone in a black room without an exit. But yet I talk to God no asking, not praying but just talking. I have no expectations of our "conversation" other than I hope someone or something hears me because I have no one else to listen to my darkest fears and secrets. Perhaps its just my way of coping, I dont know. But I have no expectations of God or of prayer. What may be will be and I will just have to suck it up and deal with it as it comes. I dont know if that helps Andrew...its just my little way of making it minute by minute sometimes.

Love and Peace to you all...
Princess

You are not a freak. very time I get upset about something or even really stressed or angry, I am in pain for weeks, sometimes months depending. Even my skin hurts.

I burn Virgin Mary candles (and sage) when I am freaked out. I am not sure what I think about her as she relates to Catholicism, but for me it helps. Maybe it is being in touch with the Divine Feminine and the Earth? Or maybe it reminds me of my mother. I do know when I hear Ave Maria I always cry. Always.

Prayer? I think positive thinking never hurts. No matter what form it takes. So in that sense I do think it helps. I think we have to ask for things in a "Greater Good" kind of way, and we need to be careful what we ask for.

[Andrew, Jr.]

Jen and Princess,

Yes! You have to be very careful for what you ask for. The universe, God, your higher power is so willing and able to help. Sometimes in life when you least expect it, boom it happens. I believe in Karma, life cycles, and destiny. It is what it is.

For me, I know I have no expections in others. That way I won't be disappointed in people. Growing up I was constantly told that I was a failure by both of my parents. I never expected to be told positive reinforcements. Never. So, when I heard one it was like or or .

Another example, say someone wants to cross my boundaries and read my personal emails - go ahead. I have nothing to be ashamed of. Nothing. I know who has, and who has not. I also know pretty much the "why" of it. I just think of that person as sad and I pity that person. Same category as my father (who is missing a cylinder or two). Same holds true for gossip, and the mud slinging that goes on. There is no need for it. But someone wants to have the upper hand, and be "superior". Go for it. In the end, that person has a very long fall to the ground. I have seen it happen time and time again, especially when dealing with the paranormal. Big time. Never wish for something or do something that you will one day regret. It is called the boomer-rang effect of Karma. What you do to one, you do to all type of thinking.

When my father went thru my room hunting for God knows what, he never found anything. So, he thought he would "beat" it out of me. I am not sure of what this accomplished. Now, if you saw my Dad, you would see an elderly, very weak and sick man. Not someone who would be able to hurt a fly. But when you are 4-5-6-or 7 yo your father looks huge.

I hope this makes sense. I feel for some reason I needed to post this. I am not too sure of why, but I just did.

Andrew

[Apocalipstic]

Oh Andrew, that totally makes sense, my father was the same way.

[DELSDAUGHTER]

i understand the body memory thing....
growing up i had a very abusive father until the age of nine....

when i was about 24 and had gotten my first apt....
i was sitting watching tv one evening and got a call from a strange woman that said she had someone on the other line that wanted to talk to me.

After a few seconds a mans voice came on the phone......it took me only a few seconds to realize it was my real father......my body/mind reacted instantly and i just fell to the ground hanging up in the same instance.....
It was like i was 8 years old all over again....fear, terror, sadness and all the feelings came rushing back......so yes i do believe that your body has the ability to react to memories....

another instance is when i was 12 i had an extremely high fever..with this fever came tunnel vision.....and to this day..when i see certain hole configurations...i get that same sick in my chest feeling as i did with that tunnel vision.

i know this is not as an instense situation as some have you have been thur but i can totally relate to the body reacxting to past situations..

[JustBeingMe]

Man, I wish I could tell you what's goin on but it's personal and this really isn't the appropriate place to vent it. It's just unbelievable that this crap is happening to me and how it's wrecking my life. I cannot understand (wrap my head around it) at all why I am having to go through this. I just know that it's caused me to have new anxiety and PTSD about it now. I wouldn't wish what I am going through on my worst enemy. Please just pray that the outcome will benefit me in a good way so that I can move on with my life, and take the steps toward making a new life for myself and get my life back on track. Thank you for making this thread available for us all.

[Jet]

Originally Posted by JustBeingMe

Man, I wish I could tell you what's goin on but it's personal and this really isn't the appropriate place to vent it. It's just unbelievable that this crap is happening to me and how it's wrecking my life. I cannot understand (wrap my head around it) at all why I am having to go through this. I just know that it's caused me to have new anxiety and PTSD about it now. I wouldn't wish what I am going through on my worst enemy. Please just pray that the outcome will benefit me in a good way so that I can move on with my life, and take the steps toward making a new life for myself and get my life back on track. Thank you for making this thread available for us all.

Has your doctor diagnosed you as having PTSD?
How long have you suffered the psychiatric or emotional affects of PTSD?

We've listed some of them here:

Hypervigilance and scanning
Elevated startle response
Blunted affect, psychic numbing
Aggressive, controlling behavior (a high degree of insistence on getting your way)
Interruption of memory and concentration
Depression
Generalized anxiety
Violent eruptions of rage
Substance abuse
Intrusive recall -- different from normal memory in that it brings with it stress and anxiety
Dissociative experiences, including dissociative flashbacks
Insomnia
Suicidal ideation
Survivor guilt

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by JustBeingMe

Man, I wish I could tell you what's goin on but it's personal and this really isn't the appropriate place to vent it. It's just unbelievable that this crap is happening to me and how it's wrecking my life. I cannot understand (wrap my head around it) at all why I am having to go through this. I just know that it's caused me to have new anxiety and PTSD about it now. I wouldn't wish what I am going through on my worst enemy. Please just pray that the outcome will benefit me in a good way so that I can move on with my life, and take the steps toward making a new life for myself and get my life back on track. Thank you for making this thread available for us all.

So sorry you are having such a difficult time! I hope that things will settle down for you quickly and you can get back to peace and joy.

[Apocalipstic]

Some times I am so frustrated when I can't be the kind of friend I want to be because I have to be careful of my own very fragile mental health.

I think I should give more, do more, be more. My therapist says I need to keep "should'ing" myself, but it is hard to stop.

I wish everyone a safe, peaceful weekend. We are having storms, so I plan to get the basement tornado ready (candles, weather radio) this evening and spend the rest of the weekend reading and meditating.

Peace!

Jen

[Leigh]

I just wanted to come in and say hi to everyone, wishing all of My friends a wonderful weekend

[JustBeingMe]

Jet, the answer to your question about being diagnosed by my doctor as having PTSD is YES. I won't go into what all the symptoms are personally for me as it's not something I wish to discuss at the moment. I am trying to limit my sharing of personal information on the internet as it has back-fired on me in the past. I do hope you and all the rest of the folks on this thread understand this. It's not a matter of embarrassment or anything as such, it's more of protection than anything for myself.

[Andrew, Jr.]

I hope everyone is doing well here. Remember it is hump day!