PTSD and Trauma recovery

[JustBeingMe]

Thanks and same to you as well Andrew, and everyone here on this thread.

[JustBeingMe]

My stress level and anxiety crap has just been pushed over my limit. And I can feel my depression sinking my ass. I gotta go get some antianxiety meds again dammit. I am so sick of dealing with this shit its NOT EVEN FUNNY.

[Apocalipstic]

So sorry about all the anxiety, I totally understand that! I am so thankful for anti anxiety medicine. I call them my fruities .

I have good days and I have fruitie days.

Know that things will get better and also know that there is no shame in taking medicine. It keeps us going when we just can't otherwise...no shame in that

I hope you day gets way better! Hugs!

Hi Andrew!!!!!!

[Andrew, Jr.]

I take medicine for anxiety. There is no shame in that. It helps me tremendously. It is like insulin for a diabetic. Who would deny that to a diabetic? Nobody. So why deny anxiety medicine to someone who is suffering?

I call it common sense. If it helps, do it. Nobody online or in real time can walk in my shoes. It is what I think of as taking care of myself.

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by Andrew, Jr.

I take medicine for anxiety. There is no shame in that. It helps me tremendously. It is like insulin for a diabetic. Who would deny that to a diabetic? Nobody. So why deny anxiety medicine to someone who is suffering?

I call it common sense. If it helps, do it. Nobody online or in real time can walk in my shoes. It is what I think of as taking care of myself.

Yet I hear people all the time say that they are afraid of what "people will think" if they take medicine they need.

There is so much stigma around mental illness!

Thank you for sharing! I think it is important that those of us who are proud of how far we have come with the help of medicines need to speak out.

[Jet]

I just picked up meds today.
My doc was really angry.
I neglected 2 meds for months.
She told me I could get another doc
if I wasn't "going to behave."

RX is important, i'll affirm to stay on course.
of course.

[Andrew, Jr.]

The stigma around mental illness is shamefull. I just don't get it. I mentioned the psa's that Glenn Close did with her sister, and you would have been shocked at the emails I got. You would have thought I was going mad for even mentioning it. People disappointment me each and every day.

The name of the psa's Glenn Close and her family endorse is called BringChange2Mind.Org. Ron Howard directed them.

Psych Week starts on Discovery Health on Sunday, May 2nd.

[Apocalipstic]

Jet, sorry your doc was angry, but glad you are back on track.

Andrew, I have not seen them, will check them out.

Now a question, do any of you ever have moments when talking to a friend who is crossing your boundaries where you flash back into an earlier time of trauma. Where you get a sort of "this is familiar" rush of anger and pain at the same time?

Where you want to be there for this person, but you KNOW what they are saying is not the entire truth and that though their motives are likely not bad, they are trying to manipulate you into being on their side?

The tone of voice, the words....I have heard them all before....from someone who is dead. The catch in the voice, the tears, the anger.

The burning of my own mind as I wonder how somehow the words "I need a break for my own mental health" are somehow not enough.

Anyone had this happen? How did you handle it? I have therapy this afternoon. Just I wondered is this something that happens to all of us? Are we more susseptible to manipulators?

[Andrew, Jr.]

Yes, I have had that happen. It is strange. The only time it happens is when I am trying to hold a decent conversation with my abuser (my bio-father). He's nuts. He just only knows how to be nasty, and I ignore him. It makes him angry, and then he tries to overpower me with his ignorance. And that triggers it for me. And that is when I walk away.

I limit my time and my effort being with and around my bio-parents. It is a matter of survival for me. However, there are times when I have to be in the same room with them. It can't be avoided. So, I take someone with me for protection. It is a matter of life and death literally. My father can push me over the edge to suicide in a heartbeat, and he knows it. He uses that against me repeatedly.

I also cannot handle it when someone questions my neurological disorders. If I am this or that. UGH! I would love to have them meet me and live with me. Then see how hard life is. This just sends me over the edge into the land of pissy moodness, which I hate.

Recently, I am not sure if anyone picked up on this or not, but I received a negative finding on my mammogram/sonogram. I have to have a workup for breast cancer since both my mother and grandmother had/have the disease. It also doesn't help matters that I had cervical cancer. In filling out endless paperwork I called my bio-mother for her information concerning her breast cancer. She refused to give it to me. She told me that only her husband knows what it is. So the game begins. She refuses to call her oncologist for anything. All I can say about this is that this is just a great example of what it was to grow up in my home. Everything is about my parents, and their selfish needs, wants, and desires. They never should have had children. Never.

Andrew

[Jet]

Hi everyone,

just to let you know, something very difficult is coming up—this will happen fairly soon I think. I'm going to mel's to help her garden her backyard. Plans could change because of weather or any reason.

Both Wal-mart's are out of 2 of my RX to get me through this, but the one near Mel's says they'll get it in and have it in sometime after three tommorrow.

This is going to require some real grounding—meds, not isolating, and understanding the nature of this, and God's help. This is a nightmare, folks. Trust me. I can feel my insides starting to cave, as it did that night, but that will pass. These are old feelings. And if anything would become serious or unmanagable, mel would haul me into the hospital. I don't think that will happen because I've faced so much of this now, and I can anticipate and take medicine as needed.

I'm posting about my experiences of facing my trauma as a matter of record to those of us who suffer from PTSD, but also to let you know that i may or may not be around to post much—i just don't know yet.

Anyway,
everyone take care.
j

[Andrew, Jr.]

Parker,

Can't your doctor give you another drug that will give you some relief? Maybe not a brand name drug, but a generic of the drug you are taking?

[Jet]

Originally Posted by Andrew, Jr.

Parker,

Can't your doctor give you another drug that will give you some relief? Maybe not a brand name drug, but a generic of the drug you are taking?

No. they are generic. And both Wal-Mart's are out of them, one of them is cogentin which you would think would be common and on hand. The wal-mart near mel's said they would have them ready tomorrow after three.

I don't have a choice because mel lives in a different town outside of atlanta—I told her I would help her. She's coming to get me, and i'm trying to make this easy for her—so, i'll pick them up near her house..my RX is in the nationwide pharmacy, so i can get them filled there.

[Andrew, Jr.]

Parker,

I am saying prayers for you. I hope that all will be well for you.

Andrew

[Apocalipstic]

Andrew and Jet,

I am so sorry you are facing these bumps in the road. I know for me a bump is sometimes all it takes to send me to the depths of hell.

Try to do things that calm you and reward yourself for each thng you get through!

I will be thinking about both of you and sending you healing light.

[Jet]

BTW, my thanks to everyone who prays and supports me in this thread. I'm traveling through something very difficult.

As most of you know I am a catholic, (not a good one, mind you...but Catholic just the same.)

IF and when I am included in your prayers (if you wouldn't mind) I would ask you to add to your prayers to GOD, the help of these three saints:

St. Ignatius
St. Benedict
St. Anthony of Padua

There are reasons, and you don't have to be catholic to ask for their help. Just know, they have something that I need.

Thanks everyone,
I 'll be in touch,

j

[JustBeingMe]

I just got back from the mental health clinic in a nearby small town. I can't get in to see the shrink for my anti anxiety meds for about 4 to 6 weeks. I don't live in a large town and can't afford to go far on my income due to some other issues also I am paying for that has cut my throat with my disability funds. So I have to wait until I can get in to see the shrink to see if they will put me back on my ativan cause that's the ONLY drug that helps my anxiety. I thought the woman in the intake interview was gonna call an ambulance by the look on her face when she was talking to me, then she said, Jesus, "Your really stressed out and anxious that's apparent to me I can see it and hear it in your voice and body language."..... I was thinking....DUH !!!!! That's why I am here. Well, I guess I"ll be alright til I can get in, otherwise I don't know what else to do. No doc around here will prescribe me what works cause it's a controlled substance. UGH.

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by JustBeingMe

I just got back from the mental health clinic in a nearby small town. I can't get in to see the shrink for my anti anxiety meds for about 4 to 6 weeks. I don't live in a large town and can't afford to go far on my income due to some other issues also I am paying for that has cut my throat with my disability funds. So I have to wait until I can get in to see the shrink to see if they will put me back on my ativan cause that's the ONLY drug that helps my anxiety. I thought the woman in the intake interview was gonna call an ambulance by the look on her face when she was talking to me, then she said, Jesus, "Your really stressed out and anxious that's apparent to me I can see it and hear it in your voice and body language."..... I was thinking....DUH !!!!! That's why I am here. Well, I guess I"ll be alright til I can get in, otherwise I don't know what else to do. No doc around here will prescribe me what works cause it's a controlled substance. UGH.

Emergency room?

I know this is not a big help, but Benadryl has mild antianxiety properties. 4 to 6 weeks is insane. I am so thankful to live in a large city.

[Jet]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

Now a question, do any of you ever have moments when talking to a friend who is crossing your boundaries where you flash back into an earlier time of trauma. Where you get a sort of "this is familiar" rush of anger and pain at the same time?

Where you want to be there for this person, but you KNOW what they are saying is not the entire truth and that though their motives are likely not bad, they are trying to manipulate you into being on their side?

The tone of voice, the words....I have heard them all before....from someone who is dead. The catch in the voice, the tears, the anger.

The burning of my own mind as I wonder how somehow the words "I need a break for my own mental health" are somehow not enough.

Anyone had this happen? How did you handle it? I have therapy this afternoon. Just I wondered is this something that happens to all of us? Are we more susseptible to manipulators?

yes, but if I may.....I'm speculating that two things need to happen, one them is some deep processing through whatever happened to you—extensive therapy, otherwise there will be constant triggers.

Honey, only you can decided on therapy and facing the events in your life, otherwise You'll enever be free and you'll live with constant discomfort and triggers.
I speak from experience—mine, as you know took 17 years, and only because the "Hound from Heaven" tracked me down and said, "no, you cannot commit suicide", yes, you can get through this," and right now, you are imprisoned by fear, dread, unconsionable hurt" and deep seeded pain, but there is hope, I can help you."

I don't want to push God, but what I do believe is that a greater power than you in conjunction with solid therapy, a regimin of self-postives daily, and medicine can help you conquer. There is catch: you HAVE to face your fear of fearing the worst and your imprisonment by the trauma if that's the case.

My prayers go to you as well, Jen

j

[Andrew, Jr.]

The one thing that I think is essential to me is my faith. I go to Church often daily or every other day. It is the time I find to just chat with those who give me comfort. As I have aged, I have found that it is my faith that has just grown stronger over the years. It isn't for everyone. And some just don't get it. That is ok. But for me, it works. I am working on forgiving my bio-parents, but that has just taken its toll on me, and all of my siblings & their respective families. So, with that said, I go and pray. I pray for those who are hurting. I pray for those who suffer from illnesses, or poverty. I also participate in a number of social programs that the Catholic Church endorses like feeding the homeless, or giving out lunches to children for when they go to school, or during the summer months.

[tuffboi29]

Hypervigilance and scanning (yup)
Elevated startle response (yup)
Blunted affect, psychic numbing (not sure what that is)
Aggressive, controlling behavior (a high degree of insistence on getting your way) (alot yes)
Interruption of memory and concentration (ye...what was that????)
Depression (yup)
Generalized anxiety (all the time)
Violent eruptions of rage (yup)
Substance abuse (thank Moses not anymore)
Intrusive recall -- different from normal memory in that it brings with it stress and anxiety (and panic and unneccesary fear,yup)
Dissociative experiences, including dissociative flashbacks (so im not hallucinating??????i still see it???)
Insomnia (alot)
Suicidal ideation (not as much anymore)
Survivor guilt (constantly)



Now if i may ask? What about violent dreams?Acting out physically during those dreams?Confusion and hard to awake and realize it's not real?I was told those are night terrors....someone help please?And please note i am not intending any insult whatsoever....just tired of being terrified and consistantly on gaurd.Any response would be greatly appreciated.