Friends of Bill W.

[LeftWriteFemme]

Hey Friends of Bill, Jimmy, Lois and so on who are going to the Reunion,

I spoke to the GSR of the gay meeting in Little Rock and she explained to me that the only gay meetings are Friday and Sunday evenings. We had hoped that there were day time meetings that we could visit while in town, but alas this will not work out. So I purpose that folks PM me and let me know when they would like to meet. Tommi and I are morning people and 7:45 AM Friday morning has been suggested, but if there is a time that would be better please let me know.

Thanks very much,

Sherrie

[LeftWriteFemme]

August 10




Michal Rovner


I have numbered all the blocks in my ancestral walls. This has enabled me to recreate them stone by stone everywhere I go. It all fits to create the tomb I now have to learn to leave. I must change the equation and reorder the numbers allowing these rocks to be recycled and find a wonderful useful life as a stairway out of this pit of despair. What was once an edifice to lives unlived is now able to facilitate elevation, a restoration of a level playing field. It was not wrong for me to catalog the stones and there was no way for me to leave them behind, but nothing matches the satisfaction of using them to build a life, except for the ability to live in it.






Take a look at yourself from a distance


*
THE SEDUCTION OF SOBRIETY

I was seduced away from my duties
As an alcoholic by the promise of sobriety,
Allegiance to my disease was sidelined.

Alluring stability and beguiling integrity
Curried favor with my desperate heart,
Pulling me from the arranged marriage of addiction.

How could I cling to the corpse of dependence
When sanity shimmered just out of reach,
Then not out of reach but within my grasp.

I couldn’t resist the golden flicker of life.
I had been bound to death
Unable to see an alternative.

My loyalty to loss and grief slipped from me
And I limped into the daylight,
Like the widow of the night.

I have been lured to my senses
By a love like no other,
The love of life.

[Tommi]

Originally Posted by LeftWriteFemme

Hey Friends of Bill, Jimmy, Lois and so on who are going to the Reunion,

I spoke to the GSR of the gay meeting in Little Rock and she explained to me that the only gay meetings are Friday and Sunday evenings. We had hoped that there were day time meetings that we could visit while in town, but alas this will not work out. So I purpose that folks PM me and let me know when they would like to meet. Tommi and I are morning people and 7:45 AM Friday morning has been suggested, but if there is a time that would be better please let me know.

Thanks very much,

Sherrie

So, looks like we don't have many early risers in the crowd. Maybe some will want to just meet and do the infamous AA Coffee style meeting somewhere in the lobby/lounge, and chat. A meeting is were two or more gather, so, see ya'll in Little Rock..8 days away for U/s.

So Easy Does It, and get lots of rest and avoid screaming H.A.L.T. too loud. If the sights and sounds get overwhelming, grab one of us.

Tommi

[LeftWriteFemme]

August 11




Hoover’s Fault


When happiness is hard work I have to learn to look for the lie. There must be a lie for happiness flows unrestrained when not dammed. What was built too far up river for me to see, dries out my once liquid existence; leaving me to flounder in the shallows. I can’t allow myself to flop in the muck of waters muddied with deceit. I will permit myself to look for clear bright prospects from melting glaciers and accustom myself to the invigoration of a life lived under a loving watchful eye.






Keep water near by

*

KILLER SQUIRRELS
AND OTHER SOBER DRAMA

I can tell you stories to make your hair curl.
Death defying fifth steps,
Speaking commitments with microphoned podiums,
Sponsees with killer squirrels trapped in the house.

The courage and sheer determination
Needed to face plague, after crisis, after pestilence
And yet sober mind and willing heart these travails
Are surmounted and we live on.

Tears turn to laughter with rescue and remedy
How strong we feel as the cape is passed
When one time panic prone sponsees
Become the model of calm and stable sponsors.

Hoards of relatives at holidays,
Interaction with bankers, police officers
And all manner of people in shiny shoes
Are handled with grace and boundaries.

Porch loving skunks, children becoming teenagers,
Are faced with humor and wit.
Things which in years gone by would have sent us screaming
To the phone are now casual asides during after meeting discussion.

Life does keep spinning on
But we learn how to stand still.

[TenderKnight]

Hey all!

Just an FYI, San Diego's Feeling Good confrence is coming up. http://www.feelinggood.org

It's held during Labor Day weekend and is a huge confrence with a lot of GLBT focus. I'll be volunteering and if anyone else volunteers, there is a wave for the confrence fee. I believe that for every 4 hours of volunteer work you get the rest of the day free.

There are lots of things planned including speakers and work shops. I am looking forward to it! If anyone wants to come by and say hello or hang out, that would be pretty cool too.

Hope that everyone that is going to Little Rock has an AWESOME time and I hope that the AA meeting gets put together ok, I know that those kind of things kinda happen as they should anyway

On a personal note, I am considering going into a residentialprogram here in San Diego.. The more I pray about it and share about it the better it feels and I will take whatever the next indicated step is for me.. Now, it's heading to Point Loma for a TB test.. lol

Love and Light to everyone on this thread and around the rooms.

-Tony, who has 20 days as of today.. A fucking maricle.. lol

[Tommi]

[QUOTE=TenderKnight

-Tony, who has 20 days as of today.. A fucking maricle.. lol[/QUOTE]

[LeftWriteFemme]

August 12




Seen on the Street


Sometimes graffiti improves a place, other times it degrades it. I now wonder; is this defined by the breaking or breaching of public norms? Or is it built from the intent of the artist/perpetrator? Possibly the pedestrian traffic or the light of day determine the difference between art and recalcitrance. What if all these factors flashing like a neon kaleidoscope facilitated what this all really means? What if it all signifies nothing other than yet another way for me to entertain my brain while avoiding work? I guess I better get back to the spray cans, I have a wall to cover.




Open your mind to unusual collaboration
*



THE TEAM

The dream sobriety I envision,
The fantasy recovery I mentally construct,
Blows out to sea as so much mist
In the face of actual life.

Setting out sports teams, which don’t exist
Is playful and entertaining.
Trying to rebuild the principals of the program
Is a delusion I can drink over.

Finessing my network and pretending I can put together a team
On a basis of specialized talents instead of ground level willingness
Is like designing a plane without regard to physics
Playing only to esthetics.

Anytime I am redesigning
I must realize I am no longer participating
If I keep my head in the game
I can stay away from statistics and stop planning outcomes.

[LeftWriteFemme]

August 13



Phillips Head


What’s stuck in makes the thing. What sticks out is all that’s seen. I can tell so much from what is left out, yet there is much I will never know, can never tell. The twist, the give, the opening to variation is known, but never acknowledged. Somehow indecent if spoken or thought of too loudly, insinuation is ignored and society allows us to focus on what is held after or due to this act. We have built the whole world on what we can screw together, but we will merely hallow this, never embrace the fact until it falls apart. Then we exclaim over the rawness of how it caused us to be turned around, the risk and wrongness, ignoring just how much good can come from just a simple screw.





Acknowledge rain clouds as puddles on lay-away

*

MEETING INVENTORY

The manicurist at the meeting sits and does her nails.
The discussion goes on around her as she files away.
Cell phones go off for people
Who can’t put their lives on hold for their sobriety.

The knitter knits.
And the dissenters dissent.
The chatting chickens and grumbling grouse
All these populate the meeting.

It has taken the first half of the hour
To take everyone else’s inventory.
I have the remaining thirty to take my own.

[Tommi]

23 YEARS LeftWriteFemme

[LeftWriteFemme]

Thank you, Daddy! I am so very grateful to be sober. This has been a great year for me and I am so looking forward to the year coming up. Thank you for being sober with me and thank you even more for leading the way!

all my love,

the girl

Originally Posted by Tommi

23 YEARS LeftWriteFemme

[Bootsandheels]

Hi All,
I'm new and I have 9 yrs and 5 mos. sober by the grace of my HP and the program! Nice to meet you all and thanks for starting this thread. I managed to stay sober through a breakup this year with an ex who went back out with the same amount of time and is still out...This is a killer disease.
So grateful to still be here...



Boots

[LeftWriteFemme]

Welcome and congratulations!!!!!

Originally Posted by Bootsandheels

Hi All,
I'm new and I have 9 yrs and 5 mos. sober by the grace of my HP and the program! Nice to meet you all and thanks for starting this thread. I managed to stay sober through a breakup this year with an ex who went back out with the same amount of time and is still out...This is a killer disease.
So grateful to still be here...



Boots

[Greyson]

Originally Posted by Bootsandheels

Hi All,
I'm new and I have 9 yrs and 5 mos. sober by the grace of my HP and the program! Nice to meet you all and thanks for starting this thread. I managed to stay sober through a breakup this year with an ex who went back out with the same amount of time and is still out...This is a killer disease.
So grateful to still be here...



Boots

Again, welcome to the Planet and congrats on your progress in recovery. Yes, I know sometimes as my years of sobriety roll by, I can forget just how devestating addiction to alcohol and/or drugs can be.

[LeftWriteFemme]

August 14




Participant Observer


Underneath it all I am more than naked; I am hidden by exposure. My body can never be as nude as life with you in my thoughts. My mind is a polygraph you wander through. I have determined this is more than safe and unlock the closets. You are not my warden looking for contraband, nor the janitor looking for trash, you are here, you are my friend having a better look around simply to know me better and to love me well. Your unfamiliar stride is exciting, I show off the places I long for you to see and stand aside from the rest, it is all yours to look through. I do not resist. You are my peaceful guardian; I am your willing charge.







Sit with impatience and sooth it

*

CAMPAIGN

Sobriety is the Santa Clause that brings delightful gifts
Which make me smile.
Recovery is the Gene
Which comes from staying out of bottles.
The Jin makes treasure possible
But doesn’t bring it to the door.

The ads and billboards of illusion built a world of booze
But no hope for a real life.
I have learned to turn from all the lies of picking up
And live in the possibilities which open
Only when I put down the drink and the thinking.

I don’t need to pin up stockings
Or rub lamps, just take direction
And make willingness my campaign.

[LeftWriteFemme]

August 15



The Dark Fantastic


When the tornado touches down worry ends; the anticipation is over and thought stops. Tragedy is funny that way. In the aftermath I find out what mattered and what didn’t; whether I have helped or injured myself trying to plan for the worst. I fail to realize there are cloud filled days when nothing happens and days when trouble comes from out of the blue. What matters ultimately is if I was happy yesterday all the way into today until the thunder struck. Greed is not: living for today; greed is my attempt at gathering the future while dragging the past.






Compel your brilliance to shine

*


AUTUMN

The falling leaves slap my hand
As I ride the road a fifty mile per
My arm dangling.

Exposed they stand stark,
Stripped naked to the soul.
The growth of this years yearnings on the fringe.

I can follow this lead
Remove pretence not clothing
Stand before all who have an interest in seeing me.

Unashamed of my wants and the things I reach for
I can cast off the uniform of evolution
And enjoy a long winter of truth.

[LeftWriteFemme]

August 16



Single Serving Sterling


When the menu of life feels vast I must focus on my teaspoon; a simple tool that fits well in my hand, whose use I well understand. The possibilities conceived when I ponder the intangibles conspire to suck me down the rabbit-hole where all that’s left to me is a drug. When I come back to stir my tea and lick the spoon clean the world revolves around me and without need of my completed unified theory. Need looms, loss stacks, salvation keeps a steady distance, my only hope is to drink my tea, I shan’t even sharpen my spoon; I can and need to stay out of my fear built prison and off the streets of hell. My task is at hand and the size of the scoop is a reminder to take all of life in small doses.




Treat hope as a living thing; feed its hunger, quench its thirst

*


NATURAL LAW

Gravity is always in effect
But invoke the laws of lift
And you can make a stone fly.

I have no gills
But strap on a tank and rebreather
And I can share space with the sharks.

Given enough willingness and step work
I can walk through the world sober
Though every cell of my body is alcoholic.

The laws of nature are fluid
When I flow with them I can keep my goals.
Instant gratification is often my stumbling block.

Gaining access to my far-flung desires
Is not impossible
But it is also not immediate.

[LeftWriteFemme]

August 17


Go where it’s warm



The intangible rightness of cohesion is difficult to explain. What is it that makes a group congregating into a congregation? What makes a rag tag tousle into a home group? It is the thing I yearn for, but dare not chase. I know this too makes a grub into a butterfly, yet private transformation seems necessary, where the change of masses is gratuitous. A thousand geese fly overhead; arrows of individual miracles, pointing the way to the meaning of it all.







Score your rhythm so you can reflect the music of your soul

*

THE DREAMER

What about the dreamer?
What about her, responds my sponsor.
You ask me about her like I was the one
Who pushed her off the cliff.

Are you saying I pushed her,
I questioned my sponsor.
Yes, that is just what I am saying.
Do you need me to sing it?

You wanted the dreamer to fly off,
To safety and happiness
And wanted her to take you with her.
In an attempt to grab hold of her ankles
And propel her to heaven
You threw her off the precipice.

Now she is broken and bleeding
Far from your sight
Your dreamer is damaged
And you ask about her?

Do you want to know what you did
And how to remedy it
Or were you looking to duck responsibility?

QUACK------

[TenderKnight]

OK, first off, welcome to the folks that are new to the thread and Congrats to you, LeftWriteFemme on your milestone

Now, I need to share this because I could use some advice.. I went to meet with the intake person for the treatment program that I'm wanting to get into. It is a LGBT focused rehab and a residential program. I was told that I would probably have to be housed with the females.. Even though I am trans and have been on hormones for over a year now. She asked if I had had surgury and I said no.. This seemed to emply for her that it was natural that I'd be in with the girls.

I know transwomen that have been through the residential program and were not forced to be with the men. I guess I am the first FTM that they have had to deal with. On learning this I am now really stressed out and pretty depressed. The thought of being housed and treated as a woman after all these years of fighting to be seen and treated as a man in the recovery community, it is making me sick. I am going to talk with my sponcer about it and I am looking into getting an advocate, but jesus, this is a blow for me right now.

Not to mention the 2 to 3 month waiting list for women.. The one for men is shorter.. That part just fucking pisses me off to no end. All that aside, I know that I need treatment. I know that my sobriety means life and death for me, literally. My job means nothing, my apartment means nothing.. I am willing and ready to drop it all in order to get the help that I need.. But I can't help but feel that I have just been descriminated against and it hurts deeply.

As I said, I am talking about this with my support system here in real time, I am going to meetings and not using, but fuck.. It's friggin hard for me right now.. I just feel pretty hopeless in a lot of ways. Blah.. This too shall pass and I am taking it minute by minute right now.. Looking and getting lots of AA hugs, but I still feel like my ass is about to fall off and I feel lost.

*sighs* Venting here.. Will be ok, going to see about staying with my sponcer tonight, being alone right now isn't looking too good..

Love and Light,
Tony

[LeftWriteFemme]

August 18



Blind Man’s Bluff



Turning your head to see doesn’t help when you have a blind eye. All the rotation in the world won’t restore your sight. Addressing life problems with a solution involving spin is counter productive and sometimes counter clockwise to boot. If I find I just can’t see, then maybe it’s time to listen better and compensate for my shortcoming through some other action. Turning away doesn’t help and walking away is worse. When I am blind in one eye and can’t see out of the other stepping up to the plate may not be an option, but I still need to find a way to stay in the game.






Molt bad ideas
*


PUBLIC PRIVACY

My public privacy is protected
By my smile not my scowl.
Maintaining boundaries as I travel
The common areas of life
Is more readily accomplished
By a pleasant demeanor than a dark stare.

I have used negative attitude
And found myself outside of my own protection.
The buoyancy of my manner keeps surface tension
A natural and acceptable reality.
Hooded behavior drags every interaction
Into suspicion.

When I make part of my business
To put others at ease
It is easier for me to persevere
My business as my own.

[LeftWriteFemme]

August 19



Endlessly Moving Maps


I try to survive by memorizing the chaos. I do well up to five layers deep and then lose it, as the details become too great. I am staking my life on my ability to track the patterns in a storm while at the same time treading water. I think this skill kept life and breathe in me for many years, but now I fear I’ll drown in this roiling mass. I must touch down my tender toes and learn to walk this twisting path and keep a pace with this spinning world. Everything moves and I am overwhelmed. I have forgotten my flesh and blood nature; have mistaken myself for a stone, one which dare not roll, one which has no part in this endlessly moving map.








Be honest with your toes

*



SATISFACTION

Satisfaction is like a marble in my pocket.
Formed when correctness was still red hot
And my sponsor rolled my mind until I was whole.

I sigh and square my shoulders
I know I am up to any task.
I am skilled with my tools and know well the talents
Of my intimates and helpmates.

I am not invincible but I am capable.
I value who and what I am today.
I sleep the sleep of a person
Not a hostage or captor, I am me.

I have a marble in my pocket
And it reminds me of the world.
I have a world within me
Knowing how to live with that
Is a great satisfaction.