Healthy Weight Loss

[msW8ing]

Originally Posted by Medusa

Hey ToKiss -

Are you a small person naturally? What I mean is that a size 2 is tiny, tiny, tiny - Is that a reasonable expectation for your body frame?

I am a large-framed person. I have broad shoulders and hips and know that my body would probably never be smaller than a size 10 just because of how I'm built and how I carry my weight. (big boobs and ass - SHAZAAM!)

I encourage you to give yourself reasonable time to be the size you want - Or hell, don't even focus on the size but rather what makes you feel good.

And I'll tell you something else - I am hearing you say that dressage is important to you and you want to be "seen" in the ring. I say fuck the idea that fat girls are out of place! Who made that rule? Who says that fat girls, or medium girls, or girls with small frames aren't all deserving of being in that ring if they've worked hard for it! I think you should get in that ring no matter what size you are and show those people how a fat girl works it.

Don't let someone else's idea of beauty control what you do! If you want to be in that ring, get in there - No matter your size! (and not in spite of your size, but BECAUSE of your size.)

You are perfect just the way you are. I think it's totally ok to want to be healthier, but do it for YOU!

Awwwww Medusa now you've made this 5'10" bbw go an have a crush on you for a minute. You are truly inspirational. Thank you!!

[JustJo]

Originally Posted by little_ms_sunshyne

Question: I have issues with becoming stressed and emotional eating. Does anyone have any tips/suggestions/ideas??? I feel like I sabotage myself with this and am sick of going through that cycle!

I struggle with emotional eating...big time!

One of the things that has helped (even though it sounds crazy) is to give myself permission and not beat myself up. I will literally say...okay...I'm stressed, I'm upset, I want something chocolate and I'm going to have it. It's okay, and it doesn't need to start a whole binge. Then I eat the one thing I really want....enjoy it tremendously....congratulate myself on managing that stress, and go on with life.

It's when I go into the beat myself up cycle that I keep eating and can't stop with that one treat.

The other thing is that I've found when I'm stressed crunching helps....big loud crunching. I think that's the reason I used to head for chips and doritos and things. Now I try to do carrot sticks, raw cauliflower...seriously loud crunchy food. It seems to help me.

[little_ms_sunshyne]

Thanks I will definitely try these suggestions. Today I am feeling really under the weather cant seem to get up and do anything! I am hoping today is not a hard one for me.

[PinkieLee]

Originally Posted by little_ms_sunshyne

Thanks I will definitely try these suggestions. Today I am feeling really under the weather cant seem to get up and do anything! I am hoping today is not a hard one for me.

We all have those days honey....tomorrow will be a better day! Rainy, gloomy or those dreary days have a way of bringing down our spirits where we have a tendancy to slide. I'm proud of you for being aware of how you feel... acknowledgement is a great step and keeping things under control is a giant leap!

Jo is right, find something crunchy. When I feel signs of a binge, I pop a big ol' bag of popcorn. The 94% fat free kettle corn in my favorite! I can eat the whole bag, for only 4 WW points! It's a great low calorie options, a filler and cures my craving for salty & sweet.

Popcorn lets me eat all I want, without going overboard. Call it a mind trick, but for ME it works.

[ReDo]

First I want to say that I do not ever mean to offend anyone at any time that is not who I am at all. My comment about "fat girls" is harsh and maybe I should have worded it differently however the horse world is sadly that harsh.

I suppose I don't have the needed self confidence to go out there at my size and rock the horse world and make the judges wake up and notice that anyone can do this sport. There are plenty of women who are not tiny that do go out there and make it happen it isn't impossible however points are knocked off for appearance. Something I did not know until I saw my mothers score care who is a size 0. Yup she is tiny and tall and beautiful.

I have a small build except for my hips. God played a great joke by giving me child bearing hips and then made it impossible for me to have children. (that is a whole story of its own). So a size 2 is do able it will just take a lot of hard work and commitment but I know it is possible.

What happens if I don't make it to a size 2 then I smile and hold my head up high and go into the show pen and show them that even at an 8 it's okay I still look great. I just wish I had what it takes to go in right now but for my own self I don't. I would feel out of place like everyone is staring at me and making those comments that hurt the most.

So my journey begins and again I meant no disrespect to anyone at anytime. I am here to support you as well as take in the support from you.

So lets go kick some booty.

[PinkieLee]

Hi there again ToKissAgain!

Oh honey, I feel you on the self confidence thing. I can be the biggest cheerleader for everyone else, but have the hardest time being one for myself. That's probably why I post in this thread so much... I get back the strength & encouragement that I give out to others.

At some point in time, we've all been victims to society's standards of beauty and perfect size. I'm sure in the horse world, it's a tough competition, and people are always looking for ways to improve scores. You seem like a very determined person, that doesn't back down easily, so I'm sure that you will have great success on your weight loss journey!

You've got spunk honey... and I sure do like that! You are right, let's go kick some booty

[Zimmeh]

Good Afternoon ToKiss,

You do have that self confidence in you and just look deep inside of yourself and you will find it! I grew up with three brothers who made fun me all of the time and I used food to hide my pain. I took control of my life and I have kept 45lbs of the original 60lbs off since January of 2007.

Good Luck!

Zimmy

Originally Posted by ToKissAgain

First I want to say that I do not ever mean to offend anyone at any time that is not who I am at all. My comment about "fat girls" is harsh and maybe I should have worded it differently however the horse world is sadly that harsh.

I suppose I don't have the needed self confidence to go out there at my size and rock the horse world and make the judges wake up and notice that anyone can do this sport. There are plenty of women who are not tiny that do go out there and make it happen it isn't impossible however points are knocked off for appearance. Something I did not know until I saw my mothers score care who is a size 0. Yup she is tiny and tall and beautiful.

I have a small build except for my hips. God played a great joke by giving me child bearing hips and then made it impossible for me to have children. (that is a whole story of its own). So a size 2 is do able it will just take a lot of hard work and commitment but I know it is possible.

What happens if I don't make it to a size 2 then I smile and hold my head up high and go into the show pen and show them that even at an 8 it's okay I still look great. I just wish I had what it takes to go in right now but for my own self I don't. I would feel out of place like everyone is staring at me and making those comments that hurt the most.

So my journey begins and again I meant no disrespect to anyone at anytime. I am here to support you as well as take in the support from you.

So lets go kick some booty.

[Zimmeh]

I did very well today for eating.

I had for breakfast: One container of Lemon Greek Yogurt, chocolate milk and coffee with two tablespoons of French Vanilla creamer.

I had for lunch: one small scoop of tuna fish, with olive oil based mayo, thyme and black pepper and a small cup of sweet peas and orange juice as a beverage. I also had a king size bag of plain M&M's as a snack.

I am having for dinner: Weight Watcher's Smart One's, chicken, rigatoni and broccoli TV dinner with water to drink.

I am going power walking tonight once it cools down..

Let's go!!!

Zimmy

[foxyshaman]

Originally Posted by little_ms_sunshyne

Question: I have issues with becoming stressed and emotional eating. Does anyone have any tips/suggestions/ideas??? I feel like I sabotage myself with this and am sick of going through that cycle!

One more thing...Curves are hot!! Own them! That is all!

Little Ms Sunshine I had to figure out what my core issue(s) are/were that I was/am eating. I took a book out of the library called Mind over Mood by Dennis Greenberger. It helped me TREMENDOUSLY. I faithfully create and use the behaviour modification charts. I have only had three overeating/binges since January. I define those as ones I cannot control or my mind takes a walk and my mouth keeps eating. I worked with a therapist over the phone who recommended the book to me and then I had two more sessions with him to move through some of my own blindspots. I have not stopped losing weight since I took my brain on in the battle against my bulge.. or burgeoning hips, whichever came first!!

I am fortunate to live alone so I just buy what I can have in my house. And if something comes into my house (via a party or well meaning friends) I promptly take it to the office the next day, or put it in the trunk of my car to take to the office the next working day. I don't know about where you work (except I think you are on break right now??) but in my office food is right quick. So, less temptations for me.

I have also found the less of something I eat the less tolerant my body becomes when I try to eat it. I have essentially cut out all dairy, except for one cheese that I use 3 pts worth when I am making my vege wrap. Oh and abit of butter here and there for cooking. I avoid sweets, except for my coffee... but I count every one of those points!!! Sometimes that can be hard, but I really am grooving on my success and that is my biggest encouragement.

I had a party this weekend and I thought..oh crap here goes everything. I had it in my mind that I would not be able to control myself... I was soooooo wrong. I made sure I had food I could eat and then ate very little of what were danger foods (roasted pita chips). I am quite happy with myself. And today I took all the unhealthy foods to the office and they were promptly eaten!!

Anyway, we all have different ideas and ways to eliminate and promote healthy eating. I just wanted to share with you some of the things that I have found quite helpful.

[Zimmeh]

I completely agree with you Foxyshaman!

My family drinks soda and whenever I go to my mom's house, I grab a huge bottle of water from Starbucks and I drink that. It is still very hard to walk away from certain foods, but I do it. My friend keeps telling me that I have a wonderful self control mechanism and how I can stay away from red meat, soda and fried foods.

Have a great day,

Zimmy

Originally Posted by foxyshaman

Little Ms Sunshine I had to figure out what my core issue(s) are/were that I was/am eating. I took a book out of the library called Mind over Mood by Dennis Greenberger. It helped me TREMENDOUSLY. I faithfully create and use the behaviour modification charts. I have only had three overeating/binges since January. I define those as ones I cannot control or my mind takes a walk and my mouth keeps eating. I worked with a therapist over the phone who recommended the book to me and then I had two more sessions with him to move through some of my own blindspots. I have not stopped losing weight since I took my brain on in the battle against my bulge.. or burgeoning hips, whichever came first!!

I am fortunate to live alone so I just buy what I can have in my house. And if something comes into my house (via a party or well meaning friends) I promptly take it to the office the next day, or put it in the trunk of my car to take to the office the next working day. I don't know about where you work (except I think you are on break right now??) but in my office food is right quick. So, less temptations for me.

I have also found the less of something I eat the less tolerant my body becomes when I try to eat it. I have essentially cut out all dairy, except for one cheese that I use 3 pts worth when I am making my vege wrap. Oh and abit of butter here and there for cooking. I avoid sweets, except for my coffee... but I count every one of those points!!! Sometimes that can be hard, but I really am grooving on my success and that is my biggest encouragement.

I had a party this weekend and I thought..oh crap here goes everything. I had it in my mind that I would not be able to control myself... I was soooooo wrong. I made sure I had food I could eat and then ate very little of what were danger foods (roasted pita chips). I am quite happy with myself. And today I took all the unhealthy foods to the office and they were promptly eaten!!

Anyway, we all have different ideas and ways to eliminate and promote healthy eating. I just wanted to share with you some of the things that I have found quite helpful.

[little_ms_sunshyne]

Thank you Foxyshaman! This has been an issue for as long as I can remember. In my family, we eat when we are happy, we eat when we are sad, we eat to celebrate, WE EAT!!!! I come from a traditional hispanic home and mexican food was on the table every night. I remember my mother cooking in the kitchen. She would let me know supper was ready and ask me how many tacos I would want, if I said 2 she would bring 4 and so on and so forth. We didnt have much and she used food as a way to show us she loves us. She still does!!!

This is something I will definitely be working om.

PinkieLee~ thank you for just being you! You are always very uplifting and have the ability to make us all smile! I appreciate you!

[Zimmeh]

This is what I am listening to:

It is a mixture of videos from the Vevo app on my iPhone, YouTube and the iPod on my iPhone.

Vevo:

PitBull:
Shut It Down
Give Me Everything
Be Quiet
Hey Baby <Drop It To The Floor with T-Pain>

Jennifer Lopez
On The Floor <Featuring PitBull>
Waiting For Tonight
Do It Well

Enrique Iglesia
I Like It <Featuring PitBull; Jersey Shore Version>

Rihanna
S&M Remix with Britney Spears
S&M Original Video

Katy Perry
ET <With Kanye West>
Waking Up In Vegas

Britney Spears
Circus
I Wanna Go
Til The World Ends

Lady Gaga
Bad Romance
Judas

Guns N Roses
Patience
Sweet Child of Mine
Paradise City
Welcome To The Jungle
November Rain

Poison
Every Rose Has It's Thorn

Nine Inch Nails
Down In It
Head Like A Hole

YouTube:

Rammstein's
Du Haust

Metallica
One
Seek and Destroy
Master of Puppets

iPod

The Cure
To Many Songs to List

Black Eyed Peas

Lacuna Coil

Loreena McKennitt

Marilyn Manson

Michael Jackson and

Cradle of Filth

I truly am a music junkie, lol..

Zimmy

Originally Posted by EzeeTiger

I hope that some of you will share your favorite musical choices for workouts as I'd love some new ideas! Have a great day everyone. Thanks for this thread!

Punk:
Kiss Off-Violent Femmes
California Uber Alles-Dead Kennedys
What do I get?-Buzzcocks

Oldies:
I’ll be Good to You-The Brothers Johnson
Lowdown-Boz Scaggs

Rock:
White Room-Cream
You’ve got another thing coming-Judas Priest
Ironman-Black Sabbath
Rock & Roll-Led Zeppelin
Ladies & Gentlemen-Salvia
Master of Puppets-Metallica
Enter Sandman-Metallica
Sabbra Cadabra-Metallica
Testify-Rage Against the Machine
Guerilla Radio-Rage Against the Machine


Dance/Electronic:
Absolutely Not-Deborah Cox Queer as Folk Soundtrack 2nd Season
Underwater (Mauve’s Dark Vocal Mix)-Queer as Folk Soundtrack 2nd Season
Hold It Don’t Drop it (Club Mix)-J Lo Moto Blanco Mixes
No More Drama-Mary J Blige (from the Dance For Me EP)
Tush (Anthony Acid X-Rated Club Mix)-Ghostface & Missy Elliot
I Wasn’t Kidding (Freemasons Vocal Club Mix)-Angie Stone
Boys wanna be her (tommy sunshine mix)-Peaches
Beautiful Liar-Shakira & Beyonce
Weapon of Choice-Fatboy Slim
Downhill Racer (Kenny Dope Remix)-Everything But The Girl

[Softly]

hey guys

I wanted to share the website I spoke about earlier...
myfitnesspal.com
or you can download the APP to your android/iphone for free

I have forever been on diets and such, this is the only thing that has helped me stick to my calorie and exercise goal. the community there is amazing, the success stories are inspirational and, it really works. you HAVE to put every single thing you put in your mouth (hah!) and I mean everything : creamer in your coffee, little mayo, anything. You will be amazed at how many empty calories are going into your body.

I was eating almost double than I should of been eating! I mindlessly ate all day not thinking that a bagel for breakfast took most of my daily calorie intake then grazing on a little here, little there...it does add up!

now my day is like this (I eat what I want, just not as much):
Breakfast
Luna Bar - Iced Oatmeal Raisin, 1 bar 180 calories
Dunkin' Donuts - Medium Ice Coffee With Cream and 2 Splenda, 24 oz 85 calories

Snack 1
Mw: Generic - Fuji Apple, Medium, 1 small 80 calories

Lunch
Home Salad - 2 cups 180 calories
Chicken Salad Sandwich Lunch 290 calories

Snack 2 (is coffee a snack? lol)
Starbuck's - Venti Iced Coffee - Nonfat Milk - Dc, 24 fluid oz. 160 calories

Dinner
Wonton Soup, 1 cup w/ 2 wontons 115 calories
Chinese - Steamed Chicken With Broccoli (No Sauce), 2 cups 280 calories
Chinese Mustard Packets - Chinese Mustard, 7 tablespoon 35 calories
Chinese - Fortune Cookie, 0.5 cookie 13 calories

all under 1500 calories for the day
+ going to the gym, per my heart rate monitor, I burned 235 calories in an hour

it becomes fun!! and it's a healthy loss every week!

[Softly]

OH and I downloaded an APP on my phone called JANGO and it has helped me forget I am even on the treadmill at times.

I like the hip hop station.
I worked out to Dr. Dre and Snoop tonight hah

it's like Pandora but a million times better.
lots of stations AND you can skip songs as many times as you want to!

[Medusa]

Let's talk about emotional eating!

I was all hyped up to make this post last night but talked myself out of it because this part of the process is so personal. Today, I said "fuck it", because really, what am I about to say that is going to be so personal when so many people have dealt with this exact issue. Besides, I think talking about the process helps forward our understanding and I'm willing to take the chance on feeling exposed in order to work out my shit around it.

So here goes:

I had cake yesterday! It was luscious and wonderful! Someone at work sent around an email to our entire unit saying they had "about 50 pounds of wedding cake in their office" and was basically begging us to come and eat it (being facetious here!). All day a steady stream of my coworkers filed past my door with napkins piled high with a creamy-looking white cake. Finally someone said "oh come on angie, you gotta have just one piece of it!".

Normally I would have waved my hands and said "Oh no no no! I can't, I'm on a diet!" and would have been all dramatic about how I was just going to eat come carrot sticks or whatever.

Then I would have sat in my office brooding for the rest of the day over that cake and being silently (and not super aware of why) irritated and angry.

Then I would have gotten off of work and gone straight to the McDonalds drive-thru and ordered a sack of crap and ate it all the way home.

Then I would have gotten home and proceeded to marathon-eat for the rest of the night until finally falling into bed stuffed full of food and feeling empty still.

Why would I have done that? Because that is my cycle. That's what I do. That is how I self-soothe when I deprive myself of something that is actually a reasonable desire. So what if someone had a wedding cake at work, right? It's a piece of fucking cake. It's not a line of cocaine.

I would have been internally deprived and pissed off at myself for saying no to the cake when I really wanted it and then would have proceeded to fill my face for hours after as a way to say "Im now going to punish the external me because the internal me didnt provide the cake."

I have come to realize that it is simply NOT reasonable to live as if I am never going to eat another piece of cake as long as I live. It is, in fact, ridiculous for me to think that will be my truth. I am a human being and I am going to eat cake and steak and drink beer and eat ice cream. I'm going to do all those things and I'm NOT going to feel shame about it or guilt and I'm CERTAINLY NOT going to punish myself when I do eat those things.

We're good people! We deserve cake!

What we also deserve is to eat that piece of cake WITHIN REASON and treat that piece of cake as the wonderful treat that it is and not a requirement for happiness.

So yesterday? I ate the cake. It was a small little piece and it was so delicate and fluffy and had this amazing cream cheese icing and almond fondant. I ate it. Unapologetically and without guilt. I STILL don't feel guilty. It was worth it. I counted it in my WW points like I should and was thankful for having the cake.

I felt so happy last night because that terrible weight of "I have an emotion of shame around eating the cake so now we must commence with a 4-hour binge that will leave us feeling like SHIT" was GONE. I am still happy today because eating that cake without shame was a victory for me. It was a victory over those bad, ugly thinking patterns where shame and guilt are the driving force for sabotage of health.

I encourage each of us to remember that birthdays and weddings and random cakes will happen. It's OK for us to eat small portions and account for those portions in our food plan. It's OK to enjoy eating that stuff! It's OK to be regular, normal human beings who occasionally eat cake or pie or potatoes or whatever your vice is. It is OK because that piece of cake does not mean that our entire day or week or month of working toward health is blown up.

I did the above overshare to kinda show how Im working through my process of recognizing what my triggers are and WHY I overeat. Figuring out those triggers and being able to say "Oh ok, this is one of those things" when it happens means that I have a name for that emotion. So I can name it and think about it rather than eat it.

If you stuck with me this long, thank you. Again, pardon the overshare. This thread has been an amazing support and I appreciate each and every one of you tremendously.

[little_ms_sunshyne]

Medusa~ I appreciate the overshare I try to remind myself all the time that I am allowed to treat myself. When I post in here that it is a life style change and we do this in real life, well I post it as a reminder to myself lol I talk my way through it!

My sister shares in this struggle with me. When we hang out...it is a DISASTER. Once I have one deliciously terrible meal, it is like I have unleashed something in me. The domino effect strikes and I feel like I am back at square one.

I have been feeling a little emotional lately and trying at all costs to avoid the binge. Why is this so hard? And Why is it such a comfort? Self-Soothe is the perfect way to describe it because it is. The worst part of it all, if I do over eat then I feel twice as bad. I feel sick and ashamed. Blah! Learning to be able to treat myself without over doing is a battle. But acknowledging that it can be done is helping.

Glad we are here to lend an ear (or eyes for reading) and I am glad that there are people out there that share in our struggle. The world is not that lonely anymore

Sorry, thinking outloud. But it helps me to verbalize this all because I relate and for the first time I have found people that understand.

Again, thanks for the overshare! It hit home.

[Medusa]

I totally get what you mean about it being a disaster when you and sister hang out!

I have a couple of girlfriends who would totally be my "eating buddies" if we were both so inclined. It's like having someone to do your addiction with, similar to crackheads finding someone to smoke with. That way you have not only a witness but a cohort. Someone who will enable or support your "habit" so to speak.

In the past, I have chosen to either insulate from these friends or tried to get them to do my eating plan with me. I'm at the point now that I accept that I am in control of me and that I don't really need to worry about what my girlfriends are doing. It's hard. SUPER hard. That food bonding is a "warm comfy" for me and it's hard to isolate my stuff around food from other people. It's hard to keep that stuff to myself and have to hold that bag of bullshit because it means I have to sit with the feelings and that shit? IS NOT COMFORTABLE sometimes!

I'm glad we all have each other. We can create new food bonding moments over finding fun ways to make our favorite stuff healthy and celebrating our victories. WOOT!

[Nina]

maybe it's not 'over share'...maybe it's a freeing part of the process of integrating ourselves...the divide between who we are and our body can be huge and impacting...

maybe as we learn about the disconnect...as we learn how and when we have spent years numbing our feelings with food and all else, when we can identify it, and see it with compassion, we speak of it to take it out of darkness and shame...we share it because it frees us from the emotions and reactions that keep us tied to fear and hurt...

I don't know...it seems like when we define what we do as 'over sharing' there is, intrinsic in that phrase a judgement which maybe we don't need to put on ourselves...

I am tired right now...I would probably not post this otherwise, but I am going to do so anyway...I admire you all for what you're doing to find a path to more balance, and a way to cherish the vessel which houses the You...I struggle with it, I think many of us do...and I am in awe at how this space is becoming a space of courage, and love and throwing off shame and wrong messages and helps us move into a space of love and of pride...

[JustJo]

I'm with Nina....overshare sounds like a bad thing...and I think freeing up and speaking about who we are and how we feel is good, good, good.

So...yes, let's talk about emotional eating.

Mine goes back so far it feels like part of my DNA. Food was always the way to smooth over the gaps and the pain in my life as a kid and especially as a teenager. It was always there, right? That Ding Dong didn't insult or bully or leave me feeling unimportant or left out or, or, or.....it just sat there full of creamy filling and chocolate, all wrapped up (then) in a neat shiny little foil package, whenever I wanted it (or could get my hands on it....another story).

I've always been heavy...some times heavier than others....but I was never the athletic type (even though I rode horses and swam like a fish) or slim. I weighed 130 lbs and wore a size 12 when I was 12 years old...then kept growing. At my heaviest I stopped weighing myself or buying clothes and became of a fan of the mu-mu/caftan/long, loose and swishy stuff that didn't make me beat myself up with the knowledge that I had gone past size 24.

At one point in my late 20s I resolved that I was going to change, and never look like that again. I was dating a man that was into body-building. We lived on broiled fish (no butter or oil) and salad with a squeeze of lemon....not kidding....that was lunch and dinner. We went to the gym every day and worked out for 3 solid hours. I ached. I felt starved and hungry and deprived every waking moment. I was angry at the entire world and everyone in it that could eat a cheeseburger and still look "normal." I got down to a size 14, and weighed 155. People told me I looked fantastic. I loved hearing that (since I never had), but hated every other moment and myself for having to live such an austere and unpleasant (for me) existence in order to look "acceptable."

Needless to say, I fell off the wagon (and broke up with the body-builder too).

I gained weight....up and down a little....hovered around 200 lbs. most of the time, for years but felt like myself. Gradually it crept up, and up....

I weighed about 245 lbs. when I was diagnosed with diabetes...and it scared me to death. My aunt died the most awful death imaginable from diabetic complications. Mine was showing mostly in my eyes....diabetic retinopathy...and a firm message that, if I did not get my blood sugar under control, I would go blind. Turns out, based on the damage to my eyes, that I probably was an undiagnosed diabetic for about 20 years....back to my early 20's....maybe earlier.

I went on the diabetic diet, walked an hour a day....and lost 50 lbs. That helped, but it wasn't enough to control my blood sugar. They added meds....lots of meds....but thankfully not injected insulin. As needle-phobic as I am, that would be a disaster on too many levels to even think about.

I measured fats in teaspoons, weighed my food, counted my food....hated my food. I developed an intense depression....once again hating a world where "everyone else" could eat normally, or whatever they wanted, or *fill in the blank* and be normal and attractive and relatively healthy....and my body sabotaged me. Honestly, the only thing that kept me from being suicidal was my son. Rooster was 6, and I wanted to live long enough to see him grow up....and I wanted to see him, too. I couldn't let this thing make me blind. I also couldn't continue to live the way I was. I needed to find that happy medium...that place that Medusa describes...where I could have cake if there was an occasion for cake, or even just a strong desire for it....where food became just food...and not my enemy...where my body became my friend, and not my saboteur.

That was about 8 years ago.

I've regained a little of the weight I lost. I'm working on losing it again.

I've also accepted the fact that I am diabetic, and that (unless there's a miracle) won't change. I need to find a way to live with it, and not let it take me out.

I also have to be able to live my life...eat food...have pleasure.

I have to strike a balance.

[Zimmeh]

Growing up, I was a very active child. I was still *chunky* as the pictures show from that time. When I was 15, I was hit by a car coming home from school. It nearly broke both of my legs, caused my L5 and L6 vertebrae to become fused and threw my hips off a little; also watched my parents marriage fail and was taking out of my comfort zone to Michigan; a place where the other students made fun of me because of my Southern accent. As a result of the accident, I couldn't walk without a limp for a long time and I still do. I found that food was my only friend and that it wouldn't like Jo Jo said, make fun of me. Before the accident, I weighed in at 110lbs on a 5'0" frame. After the accident, I weighed anywhere from 150lbs to 210lbs<as of January 2007> on my short body. I did the whole yo yo diet and kept falling off of the wagon. My family didn't eat healthy and it was hard to watch them eat, fried chicken, red meat, and other unhealthy foods and not want to have some.

I've also had to come to terms with a lot of emotional stuff that I had stored in my head. Stuff that everyday, when I look at myself in the mirror, and I say outloud, you won't control my life anymore. I have also kicked all of the negative people out of my life and replaced them with positive people...

I have found that since I took control of my life in January 2007 and made the decision, that I wasn't going to pass away at the age of 47, like my dad. I have taking every measure that I can to loose the weight and if I gain back a few pounds, then I say ok, "what can I do to loose this weight?" I have learned that emotionally kicking my own ass isn't a good thing and I am trying to stop this. Once my health insurance kicks in mid August, I am going to see if a Dietician and Nutrionist is covered and I will be going to them. I have been able to keep 45lbs of the original 60lbs off. My friend says, that I have such a strong will power and that I can avoid consuming food that isn't good for me. Yes I still eat my chocolate and ice cream, but I always either end the day or start the day, with a nice long power walk and I always run up the stairs once I am finished.

We can overcome what emotional shit lies underneath our *over eating* and we can and will show the world, that it truly is mind over matter...Maybe one day, we can help other people out; people who don't have access to Weight Watchers or other weight loss groups. I know, I am one of those people and I have found, this thread, to be the best!

Thank you Jo Jo for starting this thread,

Zimmy