Scaring straight women.. rawwrrr... lol

[Merlin]

Woops you took me the wrong way,that was meant for other butches,not the femmes.

I stand by what I put as my first post. No offence meant.

[Mister Bent]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

I never said it was a pissing contest.

This is the FEMME zone, so it's intrusive to have butches/guys shame us on our experience. This was supposed to be space designed where Femme's could come and discuss their trials and tribulations in the world, with one another, etc etc.

...and where butch/trans support of femme needs to be more evolved than cheering all the ways femmes support us, which still only views femme as an identity in relation to butch.

Hey, I own it, I had to get schooled on that, too. I may still not be getting it right, but I know my participation here is secondary and the experiences being discussed don't belong to me.

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by Mister Bent

...and where butch/trans support of femme needs to be more evolved than cheering all the ways femmes support us, which still only views femme as an identity in relation to butch.

Hey, I own it, I had to get schooled on that, too. I may still not be getting it right, but I know my participation here is secondary and the experiences being discussed don't belong to me.

Yeah I am not a fan of placating. It's oogie and it take away from the convo, I don't need a pat pat soothe from someone cause of their *feelings* as an ally, reading and listening and understanding is enough support for me.

Calling out the isms and crap against us says more to *me* than the pat pat you're so cute admiration.

*shrugs*

[Chancie]

Originally Posted by Heart

<snip>

This is curious as I assume they'd go for more "butch" women.

<snip>

Why would you assume that, Heart?

[Heart]

Goooooood question Chancie. Hmmmmm....

I guess I assume that straight women are attracted to masculinity and would therefore gravitate towards butches.

Plus, I recall my own experience years ago as a straight-identified woman fascinated and attracted to masculine women.

And I think I've also internalized the whole straight woman/butch thing. You know the one I mean... how butches get hit on by curious straight women all the time and/or how butches are interested in "conquesting" straight women. (This aspect of femme invisibility is actually a very tender spot for me on a personal level). How many threads have we seen about butches and straight women? This is the first I can recall about femmes and straight women.

Anyway... I was surely making big assumptions. Thanks for calling me out on that.

Heart

[Quintease]

Originally Posted by Semantics

Sometimes I scare straight women and sometimes I just scare their husbands.

That.

Whoever said 'Welcome to the world of butch', erm.. welcome to my world and I'm not the slightest bit butch.

All my life I've attracted straight women, men and couples. I don't know what it is but I seem to have 'Fck Me I'm Easy' written all over my forehead. Which is ironic as I'm not into straight women, men or heterosexuals couples.. but they don't get it. The mere fact that I'm breathing means I'm interested, no?

I've also had the horrorhorror. The "oh my god!!! You want to sleep with me don't you? Well you can't! I like CCK! I don't do pussy! Don't come near me, I know you're going to leap on me as soon as I turn my back."



Actually I'm not interested in you, you're perfectly safe with me.

"What? You don't think I'm sexy??? How dare you!!!!"

Actually I'm exaggerating. Usually they don't speak to me ever again. They just ensure they keep their back to the wall whenever I'm around, and there's a door nearby

[LaneyDoll]

Originally Posted by dixielady

I had a woman stand up in my social diversity class the other day when we were talking about folks who pass,etc and say "omg, every lesbian I've ever met wants me!" I'm sitting behind her, once again trying not to punch her in the back of the head (because she says stupid crap constantly). I interrupted her long enough to say "Darlin, trust me. I'm queer and wouldn't give you the time of day." (Which was much more polite than what I wanted to say.) The cute butch sitting next to her agreed my statement.

Now she's all pissy at us, and keeps asking "What, am I not pretty enough?" *blink blink* Seriously??

OMG, something close happened to me! I was in a training class for my club and we went to eat lunch the last day. I was at a table with a visiting girl and her friend (a guy) and when she found out I was a lesbian she said "All lesbians tell me they can change me, that I would be one too, are you going to do that?" And I said "No, honey IF I wanted you, I would have had you by now." Her friend almost choked on his drink but it really did break the tension.

[Soon]

I can't believe this just happened to me about three or so weeks ago. I have been trying to put it words.

I am out to only a select few (LIKE TWO) people at work for various reasons.

So, when I came out to my friend about four or five months ago...she seemed to handle it ok. She had been involved in LGBT initiatives in our workplace etc...

About a month ago, I am talking to her about her wedding. She has been WAITING (ahem) for over three years for this dude to propose to her. So, here I am, all getting into it for her--talking about locations, dresses, etc. She really appreciated it b/c many friends were lost during a certain time in her life...enough said on that.

Anyway, we are driving in her car and I just HAPPENED to ask about her fiancee's roommate--I asked nothing except, "Oh, how does she feel about the wedding; did you and your fiancee tell her that she will have to move out? " etc. etc.

OUT OF THE BLUE: She says to me, "Well, I would introduce you to her (I DID NOT ASK TO BE!), but she is ...ummm....pause...."

My mind was at a loss.

Then it hit me.

I said to my friend, "Oh, is she a lesbian?"

Friend: (verbatim practically!): "Yes, and I wouldn't want to be the one who destroyed your marriage."


So..............b/c she found out I was queer, ANY woman was suspect--that I would FALL into bed with them and she would be responsible!

I can't even tell you how I reacted at this point except to say...I DIED. AND TRIED to make her understand...it goes on from there...

yep. as soon as i come out to ONE person, that is what happened. nice.


--------------------------

[starryeyes]

Originally Posted by HowSoonIsNow

I can't believe this just happened to me about three or so weeks ago. I have been trying to put it words.

I am out to only a select few (LIKE TWO) people at work for various reasons.

So, when I came out to my friend about four or five months ago...she seemed to handle it ok. She had been involved in LGBT initiatives in our workplace etc...

About a month ago, I am talking to her about her wedding. She has been WAITING (ahem) for over three years for this dude to propose to her. So, here I am, all getting into it for her--talking about locations, dresses, etc. She really appreciated it b/c many friends were lost during a certain time in her life...enough said on that.

Anyway, we are driving in her car and I just HAPPENED to ask about her fiancee's roommate--I asked nothing except, "Oh, how does she feel about the wedding; did you and your fiancee tell her that she will have to move out? " etc. etc.

OUT OF THE BLUE: She says to me, "Well, I would introduce you to her (I DID NOT ASK TO BE!), but she is ...ummm....pause...."

My mind was at a loss.

Then it hit me.

I said to my friend, "Oh, is she a lesbian?"

Friend: (verbatim practically!): "Yes, and I wouldn't want to be the one who destroyed your marriage."


So..............b/c she found out I was queer, ANY woman was suspect--that I would FALL into bed with them and she would be responsible!

I can't even tell you how I reacted at this point except to say...I DIED. AND TRIED to make her understand...it goes on from there...

yep. as soon as i come out to ONE person, that is what happened. nice.


--------------------------

Sorry you had to experience this from a friend. They are supposed to be the people that you trust, and it obviously backfired! This is ridiculous. From what I have gathered, people get afraid and go into "protection" mode because they do not understand.

I have even done this in my community... specifically with a butch who was into the leather community (something I knew nothing about!). I did some of the same things as stated above, asked stupid questions, was guarded, etc. It wasn't until we talked about it more, understood that she wasn't going to whip me, or force me into some satanic play (lol) that I realized I was just judging her off assumptions. Now, I have met one of the most wonderful, caring, sweet and amazing butches ever!! I am glad she didn't write me off immediately and gave me a chance! Education and conversation are definitely important!!

Just my thought for the day!

[smouldering]

This has happened to me a few times... As soon as a straight woman or a guy finds out that I am queer.. suddenly I am either a "challenge" or the woman is offended im not attracted to them or in one rare occasion I suddenly felt like a stripper pole ..
the only people who seem to know that I am queer are Butches.. but that may have something to do with the "hungry like a wolf" look I give them? *laughs*

[little_ms_sunshyne]

I once had to share a hotel room with a married woman while at a conference(wont get into the specifics). Half of the night she asked me what I thought was hot about her (oh yes) and the other half was asking me how I thought her ass looked. You can imagine I was not thrilled to answer these questions. I avoided them as best I could by giving generic answers like "yup, its ok" We had a few drinks...ok who are we kidding a whole bunch of drinks and before you know it she was trying to seduce me AS IF I was interested.

Ummmmm...I tucked her into bed and told her she would regret it in the morning

Funny how straight women just assume I am interested once they find out I am a lesbian...I have standards...SHEESH!

[starryeyes]

Originally Posted by smouldering

This has happened to me a few times... As soon as a straight woman or a guy finds out that I am queer.. suddenly I am either a "challenge" or the woman is offended im not attracted to them or in one rare occasion I suddenly felt like a stripper pole ..
the only people who seem to know that I am queer are Butches.. but that may have something to do with the "hungry like a wolf" look I give them? *laughs*

LOL!!! love it.. :-D I know the feelings... butches... rawwr... Maybe us femmes can start scaring some butches.... in a good way, of course!! LOL

[princessbelle]

A long time ago i was in Gatlinburg with a bunch of people, some friends and some friends of friends. It had been brought up by one of my "friends* that i was gay and had been a topic of the day. The....what do you do when you have sex, if you like them butch why not just have a "man", where you born "this" way, were you abused as a child, on and on, the typical crap questions that most of us roll our eyes to and pray they end quickly.

We had decided to get one of those old time pictures made and 3 of us went into the dressing room at one time. I noticed two of the girls, i didn't know that well, were with me and were sorta huddled together in the corner of this big room where we dressed. I just thought, well they are sorta odd.

It did not OCCUR to me until DAYS later what they were probably thinking....i would galk at them or admire/want them cause i'm "gay". They were definately uncomfortable with me in there with them. When i figured out this was more than likely the reason for them acting so strange it hurt my feelings so bad and made me sick.

You know sometimes i still feel like an alien on this planet. Like someone that once it is "out" that i'm gay i am then some wild animal after anything in a skirt and will stop at nothing to get it.

I get so frustrated and shocked at how *some* straight people still see us. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

[starryeyes]

Originally Posted by little_ms_sunshyne

I once had to share a hotel room with a married woman while at a conference(wont get into the specifics). Half of the night she asked me what I thought was hot about her (oh yes) and the other half was asking me how I thought her ass looked. You can imagine I was not thrilled to answer these questions. I avoided them as best I could by giving generic answers like "yup, its ok" We had a few drinks...ok who are we kidding a whole bunch of drinks and before you know it she was trying to seduce me AS IF I was interested.

Ummmmm...I tucked her into bed and told her she would regret it in the morning

Funny how straight women just assume I am interested once they find out I am a lesbian...I have standards...SHEESH!

yuck! That is so gross....

[Martina]

generally, i get the "oh i can see it now" when i come out to people because i am not that feminine. i don't do my nails, wear makeup. When i was thinner, i wore heels, and i do prefer skirts, but i am still very low maintenance. i do pass however.

But when i come out, they accept my identity. i don't get that stuff about something bad happened to me as a child or i just haven't met the right man.

i think there is enough andro in me that their gestalt shifts, and they say, "Ah. i see it now." i have a low voice too.

Anyway, you all online may find this hard to believe, but people tend to like me. And i do see people sort of grieve the person they thought i was. Usually i come out pretty fast, but sometimes for whatever reason, i get to know someone a litte before she learns i am gay. It's weird sometimes witnessing that sense of loss. i guess they can't be friends with a lesbian. Or drop their guard enough for whatever reason to be comfortable around one.

On the other hand, i have a great straight woman friend. She has other lesbian friends. i also have a good friend whose wife's best friend is a dyke. i feel super comfortable around her. i like the company of women. It's sad to feel cut off from that when they can't deal with the fact that i am a dyke.

[LaneyDoll]

Originally Posted by princessbelle

They were definately uncomfortable with me in there with them. When i figured out this was more than likely the reason for them acting so strange it hurt my feelings so bad and made me sick.

You know sometimes i still feel like an alien on this planet. Like someone that once it is "out" that i'm gay i am then some wild animal after anything in a skirt and will stop at nothing to get it.

I get so frustrated and shocked at how *some* straight people still see us. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

That sucks!!! But laugh about it, you are not the one with a closed mind

~taking a moment to be thankful that most of my female friends are bi AND in some form of alt lifestyle~

[smouldering]

Originally Posted by starryeyes

LOL!!! love it.. :-D I know the feelings... butches... rawwr... Maybe us femmes can start scaring some butches.... in a good way, of course!! LOL

I am totally game!! lol

[swan]

One of the funniest/saddest straight moments for me was when I accidentally came out to a friend of mine. We weren't super close friends, but we're okay. You know, wouldn't invite her over for movie night, but we hang together sometimes when we see each other at work functions and friend's parties and such. I was out with a couple of my gay male friends and went to a drag queen show at a gay bar. When we left the bar and were walking down the street the car, I hear "Swan! Hey Swanee! Hey Swan!" and I look up and here she comes.

She hugs me, gets all gushy and then she says "I wasn't sure it was you because I saw you come come out of That Bar with the guys!" I introduced her around and she realized all the men in the group were queer.

The next day at work, she says "It was weird seeing you with all the gay dudes, how come they let you hang with them?" I said "well, I checked "other" in the Penis box on my application and they let me in. They don't care, as long as you're still queer."

She looks me up and down and says "But you look like a girl! I would've never guessed you're a lesbian."



Really? Girly girls can't be gay unless they're Femmy Gay Men? We have to all be KD Lang or Ellen types?

She's nice enough and not intentionallly offensive, just kind of ignorant and she has a faulty brain/mouth filter, so she asks the most outrageously funny/weird/sad questions about "What it's like to be one of you". I find myself avoiding her sometimes because I find it difficult to deal with her when I have to be the Tour Guide on the Gay Safari Tour of Planet Gay. I wish she'd just forget about my sexuality and go back to being her ditzy clueless self. When she realized I was avoiding her, her feelings were hurt. She couldn't decide if it was because I wanted to date her or not. When I explained to her that I generally don't go for the Girly Girls, and I NEVER go for straight ones, she wasn't offended or anything. She just said "yeah, it's easier to get a date when you stick with your own kind." Again, not intentionally offensive but I couldn't believe that came out of her mouth. She's one of those people who's going to be a teenager until she's 80.

[Starrynightaw]

I think the scariest moment to me was when I told my best friend at that time I was Queer. She seemed completely okay... til she realized what it meant. You would have thought I saw I slapped her mother how she acted. Now I realize it was fear, for her to not know anything and never be around anyone other than straight friends she had no idea how to handle what I said. Now when I tell someone, I am sure to explain anything so we both don't freak out.

[TxBelle]

Originally Posted by swan

She looks me up and down and says "But you look like a girl! I would've never guessed you're a lesbian."



Really? Girly girls can't be gay unless they're Femmy Gay Men? We have to all be KD Lang or Ellen types?


.

I get this all the time! But you look so 'normal'. I do my nails, have long hair, often wear make-up, and dresses... I am normal, I just happen to normally like butches!