What Cracked You Up Today? - Page 39

PaPa · 02-15-2013, 09:33 AM

cinnamongrrl · 02-16-2013, 11:29 AM

This did! And Teddy wonders why I want a baby elephant so badly...

http://screen.yahoo.com/baby-elephan...231138164.html

bkisbutchenuff · 02-16-2013, 02:20 PM

..... The drive - thru....

jac · 02-16-2013, 08:26 PM

So it appears my grandson has a problem

A phone chat between my daughter and I this evening....
her: mom, we took the baby gates down four nights ago but have to put them back up for a bit longer.
me: why is this?
her: it appears julian has an addiction and he acts on it at around 4am every morning... unless the gates are up.
me: ummmm okay, so what is his addiction?
her: he goes downstairs and gets into the snack (raisins, crackers, chocolate, and milk) and veggies out on the couch with his movies.
me: ahahahahaaaaaaaaaa

her: no mom it's not funny!!
me: I was worried it was something worse. do you have proof?

her: yes!! he's passed out on the couch with all the packaging, chocolate on his face, crumbs all over the place and the remote in his hand.
me: lmaoooooo

sorry but I'll need proof to believe this story.

her: *sigh*

jcisbutch · 02-16-2013, 08:57 PM

revisiting a funny conversation from last night....still was hilarious this morning and still funny almost 24 hours later....

Miss Scarlett · 02-16-2013, 09:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bkisbutchenuff

..... The drive - thru....

TheMerryFairy · 02-16-2013, 10:57 PM

I was out for an evening of live music and during the meal I had several people offer to accompany me , since I was by myself. Later on I joined my boss and his family. All night one person was trying to pick me up, offer me his coat, insisted on escorting me to the taxi, etc.

I found it so funny because the woman sitting at the table across from me had eyes on him all night and he didn't seem to get the hint. I guess that was a common theme for him tonight.

I had a great time by myself and I had to laugh when I saw the look on his face after I declined to share dessert with him moments earlier and then I was found sharing dessert with my boss (not on the same plate). Maybe the wine made it appear more funny?

Blade · 02-17-2013, 04:38 PM

A friend of mine plays Farm Story on his phone and he has made friends with some of his neighbors on the game. One neighbor he was having a conversation with ask him about his weekend. He said he had been at the beach and was going to stop by Krispy Kreme, but the Hot & Now sign wasn't on.

Chuckles....when he checked his messages again, he had been moderated and told that what he said was inappropriate. He of course was perplexed by this and didn't understand why he was moderated. I on the other hand about died laughing Krispy Kreme is in 39 states, I guess where ever this moderator was from didn't have Krispy Kreme, or they'd never heard of it.

Just so you know the best time to stop at Krispy Kreme is when the
HOT & NOW sign is on.

StrongButch · 02-17-2013, 04:43 PM

A guy trying to hit on me at flea market. I am so butch guess he likes tough women. (lol)

~ocean · 02-17-2013, 05:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by StrongButch

A guy trying to hit on me at flea market. I am so butch guess he likes tough women. (lol)

tooo funny strongbutch lol. ~ maybe he was gay ? soo many times that happens to butchs .

maryam · 02-17-2013, 08:04 PM

I was doing a training shift at a Big Box store today. I had to go through Mobile, Apple store and Computers and train peeps on some new devices my company is offering. So we're all hanging out for a bit mid afternoon (me, a manager, and three employees: two male college kids and one mom.) and we're talking about dinner.

Mgr: I'm going to stop at Chipotle and get a box.
Mom: whatever my husband fixed, probably spaghetti.
Kids: pizza, and/or fruit loops, and red bull.

(They have a long night of dragon slaying planned tonight.)
Me: pot roast with steamed asparagus.
Mgr: You gonna eat at midnight? that takes forever!
Me: Nope! I put the roast and veggies in the crock pot before I left. I'll get home about an hour before the Spousal Unit so I'll have time to steam the asparagus. Then I just have to make the gravy.
Mom: you can put the asparagus in the top of the crockpot for a bit and steam it.
Me: but then it'll taste like pot roast instead of asparagus.
Kid blurts out: But that's a good thing! I'd eat asparagus if it were meat flavored!

Smiling · 02-17-2013, 11:33 PM

This guy cracks me up. As I understand it, he spends most of his days riding around trying to make a citizen's arrest on cops who violate traffic laws.

lol

StrongButch · 02-18-2013, 08:28 AM

Listening to 20 messages on my machine left in an 10 hr period. Time to change number again.

bkisbutchenuff · 02-24-2013, 09:50 AM

bgp's Macaroni and Cheese ....LMBO....

Blade · 02-24-2013, 12:10 PM

There is never a dull moment at my church Preacher Randy can tell the best stories. Thing is he was a cop for 25 yrs and the stories are real.

TheMerryFairy · 02-24-2013, 12:15 PM

Kids and the way they think

It's really cute sometimes - until you have to do the cleanup.

StrongButch · 02-24-2013, 04:20 PM

Talking to a sexy woman on phone and she was talking about sex with me at 80. I put on Can You Handle It-Usher (rofl)

Hollylane · 02-24-2013, 10:27 PM

Gaige and I were just chatting during her break, about our high school days. She said she would have dated a flag captain (yes, I was the marching band flag captain ), and the conversation went something like this...

Me:
"Baby, you were a jock, you wouldn't have dated the captain of the flag team. You've seen that picture, and I was a dork! You would have been dating a cheerleader."

Proof, as a blonde, and with a mullet :

Gaige:
"Yes I would have dated you, and you would have been cool with me, wearing my letterman jacket. Hey! I thought that you said you were a rebel in high school."

Me:
"I was, after my freshman year as captain of the flag team. We would have never dated in high school. Baby, I was like Ally Sheedy after my freshman year, and you were like Emilio Estevez. That would have never happened."

TheMerryFairy · 02-24-2013, 10:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hollylane

Gaige and I were just chatting during her break, about our high school days. She said she would have dated a flag captain (yes, I was the marching band flag captain ), and the conversation went something like this...

Me:
"Baby, you were a jock, you wouldn't have dated the captain of the flag team. You've seen that picture, and I was a dork! You would have been dating a cheerleader."

Proof, as a blonde, and with a mullet :

Gaige:
"Yes I would have dated you, and you would have been cool with me, wearing my letterman jacket. Hey! I thought that you said you were a rebel in high school."

Me:
"I was, after my freshman year as captain of the flag team. We would have never dated in high school. Baby, I was like Ally Sheedy after my freshman year, and you were like Emilio Estevez. That would have never happened."

Ally Sheedy is still a crush of mine. Oh John hughes references! You completely made me swoon there

maryam · 02-24-2013, 10:48 PM

I had to do store calls again today, so I was in a BigBox, demonstrating a brand of computers. So a family comes in, two dads and a kid about 5. They're shopping for a new computer. So I start with the "qualifying questions". What do you use it for? Will this be for business or home use? What happened to your last computer? I find out that it's a home computer, mostly used for surfing the Internet, and their old one died from a virus. When we're at this retailer, we're supposed to suggest add ons, like Tech Support and stuff. (I know it's a pain, guys, but we have to do it. Especially when the store manager is lurking around the Vendor Reps like me, watching us work!) So I was all "Oh, that's too bad. You know, sometimes we can save those systems. Did you bring it in and have Tech Support look at it?" Dad number one says "No, no, that's okay, it was old anyway so it's time for an upgrade." I was like "okay, cool, well, let me show you what I have. And then if you want to bring the old one in anyway, they can refurbish it for the kids to use as a home work computer or something." The kid says "That's okay, Miss, I don't want to use it. It has all these pictures of naked people kissing and stuff like that on it."

Dad and Dad turned BRIGHT RED. One of the other Vendors choked and had to "go get a drink". The Manager found himself elsewhere FAST. I didn't laugh, I demonstrated what we had and sold them a computer. With Kaspersky Anti-Virus! Then I was all, "I'm taking a break" and rushed off to the break room. Whereupon me, the manager and a bunch of the Computer peeps rolled laughing.

02-16-2013, 02:20 PM	#763
bkisbutchenuff PPoA - Southern Gentle Butch How Do You Identify?: BOI/Butch/Daddy Preferred Pronoun?: she, her, he, him, handsome, Daddy Relationship Status: Single. 😉 Join Date: May 2011 Location: GA Posts: 2,398 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 14,071 Thanked 10,845 Times in 2,247 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	..... The drive - thru.... __________________ BK "We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand." Randy Pausch.

02-16-2013, 08:57 PM	#765
jcisbutch Member How Do You Identify?: just JC Preferred Pronoun?: hy Relationship Status: the hardest to learn was the least complicated Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: NE Ohio getting ready for a move though Posts: 412 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,681 Thanked 1,157 Times in 318 Posts Rep Power: 13500136	lol revisiting a funny conversation from last night....still was hilarious this morning and still funny almost 24 hours later.... __________________

02-17-2013, 04:38 PM	#768
Blade Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: TG Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: once in a while someone amazing comes along...and here I am! Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Down on the farm Posts: 5,492 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,850 Thanked 14,404 Times in 4,050 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	A friend of mine plays Farm Story on his phone and he has made friends with some of his neighbors on the game. One neighbor he was having a conversation with ask him about his weekend. He said he had been at the beach and was going to stop by Krispy Kreme, but the Hot & Now sign wasn't on. Chuckles....when he checked his messages again, he had been moderated and told that what he said was inappropriate. He of course was perplexed by this and didn't understand why he was moderated. I on the other hand about died laughing Krispy Kreme is in 39 states, I guess where ever this moderator was from didn't have Krispy Kreme, or they'd never heard of it. Just so you know the best time to stop at Krispy Kreme is when the HOT & NOW sign is on. __________________ Yeah so what if I'm triple dipped in awesome sauce? The best way to predict the future, is to create it.

02-17-2013, 04:43 PM	#769
StrongButch Member How Do You Identify?: I see the world thru a lens Preferred Pronoun?: Yes Boss Relationship Status: Chillin out with awesome women Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: San Francisco Posts: 1,376 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,018 Thanked 4,184 Times in 1,179 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Cracked me up A guy trying to hit on me at flea market. I am so butch guess he likes tough women. (lol) __________________ Life is like music,so it can be played in many different styles.

02-17-2013, 11:33 PM	#772
Smiling Senior Member How Do You Identify?: with a distinct flair Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: somewhere else Posts: 1,852 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 7,623 Thanked 4,383 Times in 1,009 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Citizen's Arrest This guy cracks me up. As I understand it, he spends most of his days riding around trying to make a citizen's arrest on cops who violate traffic laws. lol

02-15-2013, 09:33 AM	#761
PaPa Senior Member How Do You Identify?: GQ Butch Daddy Relationship Status: A Very Protective BIG Daddy... Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: Pennsylvania Posts: 2,657 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 7,597 Thanked 5,873 Times in 1,530 Posts Rep Power: 21474853

02-16-2013, 11:29 AM	#762
cinnamongrrl Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: cleverly disguised as a responsible adult* Preferred Pronoun?: wild woman Relationship Status: No, thank you. Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: in my heart I'm going to Carolina...but I'm in MA for now Posts: 7,593 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 14,969 Thanked 27,462 Times in 6,892 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	This did! And Teddy wonders why I want a baby elephant so badly... http://screen.yahoo.com/baby-elephan...231138164.html

02-16-2013, 08:26 PM	#764
jac Timed Out - Permanent How Do You Identify?: butch stone Preferred Pronoun?: masculine ones work best... Relationship Status: ♥ engaged to spritz ♥ Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: bangor, maine Posts: 3,344 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 20,720 Thanked 16,492 Times in 2,972 Posts Rep Power: 0	So it appears my grandson has a problem A phone chat between my daughter and I this evening.... her: mom, we took the baby gates down four nights ago but have to put them back up for a bit longer. me: why is this? her: it appears julian has an addiction and he acts on it at around 4am every morning... unless the gates are up. me: ummmm okay, so what is his addiction? her: he goes downstairs and gets into the snack (raisins, crackers, chocolate, and milk) and veggies out on the couch with his movies. me: ahahahahaaaaaaaaaa her: no mom it's not funny!! me: I was worried it was something worse. do you have proof? her: yes!! he's passed out on the couch with all the packaging, chocolate on his face, crumbs all over the place and the remote in his hand. me: lmaoooooo sorry but I'll need proof to believe this story. her: sigh

02-16-2013, 10:57 PM	#767
TheMerryFairy Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Pansexual/Sapiosexual femmey dyke who likes to crossdress now and then Preferred Pronoun?: She/her OR ze if I'm crossdressing Relationship Status: Floating and walking My path, happy in life. Join Date: Dec 2012 Location: On my Merry Fairy way! , Canada Posts: 3,630 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 8,727 Thanked 8,694 Times in 2,987 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	I was out for an evening of live music and during the meal I had several people offer to accompany me , since I was by myself. Later on I joined my boss and his family. All night one person was trying to pick me up, offer me his coat, insisted on escorting me to the taxi, etc. I found it so funny because the woman sitting at the table across from me had eyes on him all night and he didn't seem to get the hint. I guess that was a common theme for him tonight. I had a great time by myself and I had to laugh when I saw the look on his face after I declined to share dessert with him moments earlier and then I was found sharing dessert with my boss (not on the same plate). Maybe the wine made it appear more funny?

02-17-2013, 08:04 PM	#771
maryam Member How Do You Identify?: femme-ish Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: taken Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: somewhere, out there.... Posts: 263 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 675 Thanked 795 Times in 231 Posts Rep Power: 4979163	I was doing a training shift at a Big Box store today. I had to go through Mobile, Apple store and Computers and train peeps on some new devices my company is offering. So we're all hanging out for a bit mid afternoon (me, a manager, and three employees: two male college kids and one mom.) and we're talking about dinner. Mgr: I'm going to stop at Chipotle and get a box. Mom: whatever my husband fixed, probably spaghetti. Kids: pizza, and/or fruit loops, and red bull. (They have a long night of dragon slaying planned tonight.) Me: pot roast with steamed asparagus. Mgr: You gonna eat at midnight? that takes forever! Me: Nope! I put the roast and veggies in the crock pot before I left. I'll get home about an hour before the Spousal Unit so I'll have time to steam the asparagus. Then I just have to make the gravy. Mom: you can put the asparagus in the top of the crockpot for a bit and steam it. Me: but then it'll taste like pot roast instead of asparagus. Kid blurts out: But that's a good thing! I'd eat asparagus if it were meat flavored!

02-18-2013, 08:28 AM	#773
StrongButch Member How Do You Identify?: I see the world thru a lens Preferred Pronoun?: Yes Boss Relationship Status: Chillin out with awesome women Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: San Francisco Posts: 1,376 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,018 Thanked 4,184 Times in 1,179 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Cracked me up Listening to 20 messages on my machine left in an 10 hr period. Time to change number again. __________________ Life is like music,so it can be played in many different styles.

02-24-2013, 09:50 AM	#774
bkisbutchenuff PPoA - Southern Gentle Butch How Do You Identify?: BOI/Butch/Daddy Preferred Pronoun?: she, her, he, him, handsome, Daddy Relationship Status: Single. 😉 Join Date: May 2011 Location: GA Posts: 2,398 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 14,071 Thanked 10,845 Times in 2,247 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	bgp's Macaroni and Cheese ....LMBO.... __________________ BK "We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand." Randy Pausch.

02-24-2013, 12:10 PM	#775
Blade Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: TG Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: once in a while someone amazing comes along...and here I am! Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Down on the farm Posts: 5,492 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,850 Thanked 14,404 Times in 4,050 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	There is never a dull moment at my church Preacher Randy can tell the best stories. Thing is he was a cop for 25 yrs and the stories are real. __________________ Yeah so what if I'm triple dipped in awesome sauce? The best way to predict the future, is to create it.

02-24-2013, 12:15 PM	#776
TheMerryFairy Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Pansexual/Sapiosexual femmey dyke who likes to crossdress now and then Preferred Pronoun?: She/her OR ze if I'm crossdressing Relationship Status: Floating and walking My path, happy in life. Join Date: Dec 2012 Location: On my Merry Fairy way! , Canada Posts: 3,630 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 8,727 Thanked 8,694 Times in 2,987 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	Kids and the way they think It's really cute sometimes - until you have to do the cleanup.

02-24-2013, 04:20 PM	#777
StrongButch Member How Do You Identify?: I see the world thru a lens Preferred Pronoun?: Yes Boss Relationship Status: Chillin out with awesome women Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: San Francisco Posts: 1,376 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,018 Thanked 4,184 Times in 1,179 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Cracked you up Talking to a sexy woman on phone and she was talking about sex with me at 80. I put on Can You Handle It-Usher (rofl) __________________ Life is like music,so it can be played in many different styles.

02-24-2013, 10:27 PM	#778
Hollylane Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: . Preferred Pronoun?: . Relationship Status: . Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: . Posts: 11,495 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 34,694 Thanked 26,372 Times in 5,877 Posts Rep Power: 21474861	80's people...:) Gaige and I were just chatting during her break, about our high school days. She said she would have dated a flag captain (yes, I was the marching band flag captain ), and the conversation went something like this... Me: "Baby, you were a jock, you wouldn't have dated the captain of the flag team. You've seen that picture, and I was a dork! You would have been dating a cheerleader." Proof, as a blonde, and with a mullet : Gaige: "Yes I would have dated you, and you would have been cool with me, wearing my letterman jacket. Hey! I thought that you said you were a rebel in high school." Me: "I was, after my freshman year as captain of the flag team. We would have never dated in high school. Baby, I was like Ally Sheedy after my freshman year, and you were like Emilio Estevez. That would have never happened."

02-24-2013, 10:48 PM	#780
maryam Member How Do You Identify?: femme-ish Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: taken Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: somewhere, out there.... Posts: 263 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 675 Thanked 795 Times in 231 Posts Rep Power: 4979163	I had to do store calls again today, so I was in a BigBox, demonstrating a brand of computers. So a family comes in, two dads and a kid about 5. They're shopping for a new computer. So I start with the "qualifying questions". What do you use it for? Will this be for business or home use? What happened to your last computer? I find out that it's a home computer, mostly used for surfing the Internet, and their old one died from a virus. When we're at this retailer, we're supposed to suggest add ons, like Tech Support and stuff. (I know it's a pain, guys, but we have to do it. Especially when the store manager is lurking around the Vendor Reps like me, watching us work!) So I was all "Oh, that's too bad. You know, sometimes we can save those systems. Did you bring it in and have Tech Support look at it?" Dad number one says "No, no, that's okay, it was old anyway so it's time for an upgrade." I was like "okay, cool, well, let me show you what I have. And then if you want to bring the old one in anyway, they can refurbish it for the kids to use as a home work computer or something." The kid says "That's okay, Miss, I don't want to use it. It has all these pictures of naked people kissing and stuff like that on it." Dad and Dad turned BRIGHT RED. One of the other Vendors choked and had to "go get a drink". The Manager found himself elsewhere FAST. I didn't laugh, I demonstrated what we had and sold them a computer. With Kaspersky Anti-Virus! Then I was all, "I'm taking a break" and rushed off to the break room. Whereupon me, the manager and a bunch of the Computer peeps rolled laughing.