Are butches really a dying breed?

[Toughy]

Originally Posted by mariamma

I like your definition of a butch Breathless. They do exist but in too few numbers IMO Some are ID'd as queer/bois/etc. now and will bust out that shell as they evolve in life. Some current young butches will evolve into queer/studs/etc. Still not enough dashing, charming, gentlemynly butches in the world for this sensual, curious, complimentary femme. Won't someone tell the straights to make more butch babies

I'm telling you .............you are not looking in the right places......

they/we/us are out there..........and to you and me/us open your eyes and see what is around you

[Toughy]

Originally Posted by Christy51274

@Dancer:

I'm so glad you've brought this up. Whenever I go out, femmes are the majority. I live near Baltimore and haven't checked out the D.C. scene yet, but butches, FtM trans guys, etc. are rare indeed! Oh well...I'm not really seeking them out, but would be nice to see more of them around.

actually I am tired of this....

stop looking where alcohol is prevalent and the music is so loud you always are saying 'what...huh....what" as you look around for the maybe next not perfect one standing at the bar who is bar dancing sexier than the one you thought might be a butch you want..........

please......

[AlexHunter]

I do agree with the other posters - whether butches are a dying breed may depend upon where you are. I lived in DC for eight years and there were lots of butches. The butch-femme dynamic was a relatively common thing, especially the pinup femme + dapper butch pairing. Butch on butch was equally common.

Here in Houston, TX, butches seem to be much less prevalent, though not completely extinct. From my observations, there are plenty of people here who I'd say were somewhere in the middle.

I also agree that self-identifying as butch is not as common as it used to be. The butch-presenting people of my generation (I'm 28) have many more words to describe themselves. Terms like "stud," "boi," "genderqueer," and "androgyne" were not around for the generations before me. Some of the people who identify as the aforementioned terms also identify as butch and some people can find a version of the dynamic without the label.

However, I have met several masculine-of-center folks who have a deep aversion to the word "butch" despite looking the part and oftentimes "playing" it, too. They seem to dislike the implications of the word or feel it's not quite their word for some other reason.

I personally embrace the term butch (as well as genderqueer/transgender to represent my alternate gender identity and androgyne - by the dictionary definition - to describe my physical appearance) because I am a queer history buff and I appreciate the path the butches of old paved for the butches of my generation to be more readily accepted and because butch means masculine, which I am.

I (and plenty of other butches, I'm sure) have sometimes felt femmes were a dying breed. This has caused me to date my share of feminine-looking women who are usually bisexual and don't actively claim the term "femme" even if they mesh well with me.

I am more than a little old fashioned in some ways and the complete opposite of traditional in others. When it comes to the dynamic I have with a femme, I am what some would define as an old school butch and I definitely try to be a gentleman...

[SugarFemme]

Toughy, I TOTALLY agree with you on this. If someone is saying that want a relationship, bars typically are not the place to look for one. Between the music, the inherent issues with alcohol consumption and the all around "pick-up" attitude at a bar, chances are you are not going to find the "one". With that said, when I was 21 and just coming out, that was where I drifted to. Now, at 50, I have no interest in that type of environment for finding someone or really even to hang out in. If one looks, unless you are in BFE, most metropolitan cities have a variety of clubs, interest groups etc which do not include bars.

Originally Posted by Toughy

actually I am tired of this....

stop looking where alcohol is prevalent and the music is so loud you always are saying 'what...huh....what" as you look around for the maybe next not perfect one standing at the bar who is bar dancing sexier than the one you thought might be a butch you want..........

please......

[SweetJane]

Originally Posted by Toughy

I'm telling you .............you are not looking in the right places......

they/we/us are out there..........and to you and me/us open your eyes and see what is around you

Toughy, you all may be out there but it's very hard to find you. I have done the meetup groups, the clubs, the lessons, etc. and I only seem to find gay women who aren't butch (or femme, for that matter). The one or two I've seen are partnered, too.

I do things I like to do, go places I want, I talk to all sorts of people, and try to find our community among them. Still looking. I just want to have a conversation with my own kind. Thinking of dating you strong butches may become more fantasy than reality in my region.

Part of the problem where I am is that the gay community has become so blended with the hetero world that we are everywhere and nowhere. It is just hard for us to find each other.

[Chancie]

Sweet Jane, I think I understand what you mean. I often think of the difference between the melting pot and the tossed salad metaphors for places that are racially, culturally, and linguistically diverse. I mean, we are talking about femmes and butches and other queer identified people, I know, but is it better to fit in or to maintain a separateness to protect one's own culture?

This digression is brought to you by the letter q and the number 17.

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by Chancie

Sweet Jane, I think I understand what you mean. I often think of the difference between the melting pot and the tossed salad metaphors for places that are racially, culturally, and linguistically diverse. I mean, we are talking about femmes and butches and other queer identified people, I know, but is it better to fit in or to maintain a separateness to protect one's own culture?

This digression is brought to you by the letter q and the number 17.

I would suggest both have benefits. Separately for cultural reasons and assimilated for political (and other) reasons.

I believe that in our desire to earn our "equal rights" that we have forgotten the importance of the former. Perhaps this is a function of the younger homosexual/queer population being accepted into mainstream society, so they don't need to make their own spaces. However, being in a gay/queer space feeds my soul in a way that I would never want to be without.

The younger generation say they are lucky to have been born in a time when "we" are more accepted. In some ways, yes. But, I wouldn't forego my experiences of discrimination that forced the creation of separate spaces for a more "comfortable" public life, ever.

[SweetJane]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

I would suggest both have benefits. Separately for cultural reasons and assimilated for political (and other) reasons.

I believe that in our desire to earn our "equal rights" that we have forgotten the importance of the former. Perhaps this is a function of the younger homosexual/queer population being accepted into mainstream society, so they don't need to make their own spaces. However, being in a gay/queer space feeds my soul in a way that I would never want to be without.

The younger generation say they are lucky to have been born in a time when "we" are more accepted. In some ways, yes. But, I wouldn't forego my experiences of discrimination that forced the creation of separate spaces for a more "comfortable" public life, ever.

Dapper and Chancie, you both make strong points. I think this has been what the black community is dealing with today, meaning younger people looking for a black cultural identity. However for them, it's easier to find their community members. With us, we blend in very well or are accepted....though there are regions in the country where very strongly male ID'd butches are still marginalized.

For me, though, finding community is hard because I don't fit in with the wider lesbian group, though they may think I belong there just because I'm gay. I need to be with my own kind for validation--at the least--and companionship--if that's even possible.

[Curley]

[quote=ruby_woo;555602]There were a ton of butches when I lived in San Francisco, but there seem to be only about 10 of them in Vancouver- and most of them are quite a bit older than me (I'm 29). Probably the whole dying-breed thing depends on geography, and maybe generation.

Luckily for me I like older butches.

Ruby woo
I'm in Vancouver too and yes butches seem sparse but I have the opposite problem. The ones I see are all way younger I'm 55' maybe we need to hang out in each others turf. Lol

[tara_kerrie]

Im butch. In my state there arent many femmes. And it seems like i all attract are bi-sexuals who wanna have a 3-some
With their bf

[Shadownthemind]

Originally Posted by musicman

I don't know about any other butches but I do know this butch is very much here and alive. I'm not going anywhere.

And this butch is here and not going any where

[clay]

as is this one...present & accounted for....grins

[Finn]

I thought I'd ad to this post as well.. I am an Old School Butch/Daddy so talk about few and between.. .. I'd love to find an Old School Femme/Babgirl,, ,,or a nice down to earth Femme to share my life with.........Lord knows I've tried...... We are out there Ladies,, ,,never give up.. I certainly won't ..

[StrongButch]

No we are not. But many things have changed in this community I want to say I am an older butch (58) There are now many more labels. Another thing that has also happened alot of butches including myself date other butches or tombois. As well as femmes dating other femmes. I wish all of you luck in finding that butch but they are out there.

[Sky_femme]

Yes.. I think all butches are in the US! I find it so hard to meet someone in the UK, and I am in the capital!

[sarahwho]

"If" they are in Ohio, they aren't near me...."if" they are near me, they are hiding under a rock.

[SweetJane]

Originally Posted by sarahwho

"If" they are in Ohio, they aren't near me...."if" they are near me, they are hiding under a rock.

I hear you Sarahwho! The butches who may be where I am are hiding, too. Maybe it's because my state doesn't have large metro areas. The three major cities here seem to absorb the gay population. We're all well accepted but we can't find each other as a community---only at major GLBT events such as Pride. And even then the butch-femme representation is quite small.


Sigh. Sarahwho, maybe we need to make a pilgrimage to a large b-f gathering just to be reassured that butches actually exist in real time.

[tazz]

i agree with sarawho... i am having Zero luck with coming across a butch here in Cali...

[aishah]

apparently all the butches are hanging out in airports

i was on 6 flights in four days earlier this week and i spotted several butches in the chicago and atlanta airports...made me swoon every time.

[Leigh]

Originally Posted by Toughy

actually I am tired of this....

stop looking where alcohol is prevalent and the music is so loud you always are saying 'what...huh....what" as you look around for the maybe next not perfect one standing at the bar who is bar dancing sexier than the one you thought might be a butch you want..........

please......

I've never been a bar person; your lucky if I have 2 drinks a year, so the bar has never been a place for me. I'd rather find someone who I can talk with, who isn't drunk and that I can connect with on a deeper level than what any bar could ever offer. If I find someone, it certainly won't be anywhere that I'd have to deal with a drunk person!