Why can't I.....

[tantalizingfemme]

Originally Posted by Medusa

Back in the old days on the Dash site, there was a Bash in New Orleans in 2003 (I think?).

Well, I went downstairs to the room where they were having the Meet and Greet and saw like 20 people filing out of the room. I thought for a split second that I had missed it but quickly realized when I entered the ballroom that someone had farted and done that "crop-dusting" thing where they had spread it all around the room.

lol and I bet the culprit filed out first.

[nycfem]

I have a double standard when it comes to farting. We live in a small NYC apartment, and farts linger. I ask BB to stand outside the apartment door if she has to fart, preferable outside the door of the Kluger's, the neighbors I don't care for who live adjacent to our apartment. BB grumbled about me being too neurotic but would open the door part way and gas towards the hall. Unfortunately, then when she'd close the door, half of it seemed to come right back in, propelled with vigor by the closing door! When I pushed the issue, I was accused of being anal and BB yelled that she'd be damned if she was going to go out in the hall, especially in only her underwear at night, just to do a fart ("What if someone happens to get off the elevator?! You're crazy!". Like the crafty femme that I am, I knew to let the issue go a bit and then approached her with the offer that after a total of five farts were done sufficiently outside our apartment, she would receive a present. I wish I was making this up, but I'm not. She perked up, and we had a deal. I ordered some crap from her Amazon wish list and like a child on Christmas, after her fifth fart outside the apartment, she eagerly tore into her present. If only this is where it ended. Our one bathroom is directly to the side of our bedroom. In other words, the two small rooms are connected by a door. While BB was sitting on the toilet I heard the tiniest of farts and said admonishingly in a low tone, "B...B..." (drawing out the "B"s). BB said, "What?! I am on the toilet! Who are you?! The fart police?!" Sadly, while I am controlling about her farts, I think I can be slick. I try to keep them quiet and use tricks such as quickly pulling up the blankets, off-handedly mentioning that one of the cats just used the litter box, or letting just a bit out at a time (when possible). Even sadder, I am told now and then by BB that I am certainly not fooling her. She just isn't as controlling when it comes to a partner expelling gas in the home, though one time she let out a primitive cry, like "Whoooo!" when I released a particularly foul one.

[SugarFemme]

I am so shy about the bathroom "stuff", I have been reading this thread wanting, no DYING to post a funny experience but can't LOL. That's how bad I am, Tantalizing

[tantalizingfemme]

Originally Posted by nycfembbw

I have a double standard when it comes to farting. We live in a small NYC apartment, and farts linger. I ask BB to stand outside the apartment door if she has to fart, preferable outside the door of the Kluger's, the neighbors I don't care for who live adjacent to our apartment. BB grumbled about me being too neurotic but would open the door part way and gas towards the hall. Unfortunately, then when she'd close the door, half of it seemed to come right back in, propelled with vigor by the closing door! When I pushed the issue, I was accused of being anal and BB yelled that she'd be damned if she was going to go out in the hall, especially in only her underwear at night, just to do a fart ("What if someone happens to get off the elevator?! You're crazy!". Like the crafty femme that I am, I knew to let the issue go a bit and then approached her with the offer that after a total of five farts were done sufficiently outside our apartment, she would receive a present. I wish I was making this up, but I'm not. She perked up, and we had a deal. I ordered some crap from her Amazon wish list and like a child on Christmas, after her fifth fart outside the apartment, she eagerly tore into her present. If only this is where it ended. Our one bathroom is directly to the side of our bedroom. In other words, the two small rooms are connected by a door. While BB was sitting on the toilet I heard the tiniest of farts and said admonishingly in a low tone, "B...B..." (drawing out the "B"s). BB said, "What?! I am on the toilet! Who are you?! The fart police?!" Sadly, while I am controlling about her farts, I think I can be slick. I try to keep them quiet and use tricks such as quickly pulling up the blankets, off-handedly mentioning that one of the cats just used the litter box, or letting just a bit out at a time (when possible). Even sadder, I am told now and then by BB that I am certainly not fooling her. She just isn't as controlling when it comes to a partner expelling gas in the home, though one time she let out a primitive cry, like "Whoooo!" when I released a particularly foul one.

I can't breathe.... lol

[tantalizingfemme]

Originally Posted by OneOfAKind

I am so shy about the bathroom "stuff", I have been reading this thread wanting, no DYING to post a funny experience but can't LOL. That's how bad I am, Tantalizing

Sharing is caring. We won't judge you!!

[nekohl]

Geez, I really need to go to bed but this thread is cracking me up! I can't stop

[tantalizingfemme]

Originally Posted by nekohl

Geez, I really need to go to bed but this thread is cracking me up! I can't stop

Me too. I keep looking at the clock.

[Medusa]

Originally Posted by nycfembbw

I have a double standard when it comes to farting. We live in a small NYC apartment, and farts linger. I ask BB to stand outside the apartment door if she has to fart, preferable outside the door of the Kluger's, the neighbors I don't care for who live adjacent to our apartment. BB grumbled about me being too neurotic but would open the door part way and gas towards the hall. Unfortunately, then when she'd close the door, half of it seemed to come right back in, propelled with vigor by the closing door! When I pushed the issue, I was accused of being anal and BB yelled that she'd be damned if she was going to go out in the hall, especially in only her underwear at night, just to do a fart ("What if someone happens to get off the elevator?! You're crazy!". Like the crafty femme that I am, I knew to let the issue go a bit and then approached her with the offer that after a total of five farts were done sufficiently outside our apartment, she would receive a present. I wish I was making this up, but I'm not. She perked up, and we had a deal. I ordered some crap from her Amazon wish list and like a child on Christmas, after her fifth fart outside the apartment, she eagerly tore into her present. If only this is where it ended. Our one bathroom is directly to the side of our bedroom. In other words, the two small rooms are connected by a door. While BB was sitting on the toilet I heard the tiniest of farts and said admonishingly in a low tone, "B...B..." (drawing out the "B"s). BB said, "What?! I am on the toilet! Who are you?! The fart police?!" Sadly, while I am controlling about her farts, I think I can be slick. I try to keep them quiet and use tricks such as quickly pulling up the blankets, off-handedly mentioning that one of the cats just used the litter box, or letting just a bit out at a time (when possible). Even sadder, I am told now and then by BB that I am certainly not fooling her. She just isn't as controlling when it comes to a partner expelling gas in the home, though one time she let out a primitive cry, like "Whoooo!" when I released a particularly foul one.

BWWAAAAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAAAAHHAHAHHA!!!!


Have you ever tried holding one cheek of your butt up when you do it? It totally keeps it from making that clapping noise!!

[SugarFemme]

Your ass claps?? I must be doing it wrong LMAO

Originally Posted by Medusa

BWWAAAAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAAAAHHAHAHHA!!!!


Have you ever tried holding one cheek of your butt up when you do it? It totally keeps it from making that clapping noise!!

[Medusa]

Originally Posted by OneOfAKind

Your ass claps?? I must be doing it wrong LMAO

Anal applause!

[SugarFemme]

See now, I think you might have sumthin there. For women that are attention whores and cannot poop in front of partner or in public bathrooms, just think, everytime they poop, they get applause and adulation LMAO

Originally Posted by Medusa

Anal applause!

[nekohl]

Originally Posted by Medusa

Anal applause!

My mother did this the other day. Lol next time I'm gonna tell her it was a lovely applause.

[firegal]

Originally Posted by Medusa

BWWAAAAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAAAAHHAHAHHA!!!!


Have you ever tried holding one cheek of your butt up when you do it? It totally keeps it from making that clapping noise!!

There is something wrong with you!

Too funny

[nycfem]

I do that like, allllll the time, and thank goodness BB's mind just doesn't conceive that such weird, contrived things like this go on in the world, so she just sits reading her Kindle beside me in bed, oblivious, as I pull up the covers, roll onto my side, slowly put my hand on my hip like a model, lift an ass cheek and gracefully expel a thick yet silent stream of steaming hot gas beneath the covers. And most embarrassingly, I am sometimes so proud of my feat that I can't resist sticking my head under the covers to get a whiff of what I just pulled off! All I can say is I sure am lucky that BB spends all her time in the BFP arcade and wouldn't roost on a thread like this in a million years!

Originally Posted by Medusa

BWWAAAAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAAAAHHAHAHHA!!!!


Have you ever tried holding one cheek of your butt up when you do it? It totally keeps it from making that clapping noise!!

[Corkey]

I'm dying..........

[Medusa]

Originally Posted by nycfembbw

I do that like, allllll the time, and thank goodness BB's mind just doesn't conceive that such weird, contrived things like this go on in the world, so she just sits reading her Kindle beside me in bed, oblivious, as I pull up the covers, roll onto my side, slowly put my hand on my hip like a model, lift an ass cheek and gracefully expel a thick yet silent stream of steaming hot gas beneath the covers. And most embarrassingly, I am sometimes so proud of my feat that I can't resist sticking my head under the covers to get a whiff of what I just pulled off! All I can say is I sure am lucky that BB spends all her time in the BFP arcade and wouldn't roost on a thread like this in a million years!

AHHAHAHAHAH!!!

I have TOTALLY done the hand on the hip trick too!!!

Like, "Look how sexy I am!"......ssssssssttt!

[LaneyDoll]

Aside from that fact that this thread has had me laughing so hard that I started to choke, regained my composure only to start laughing (and choking again) I have to say that MY FAVE thing about this thread...

is that everyone is getting along and no one is arguing at all. It is really nice to see

[Medusa]

Originally Posted by LaneyDoll

Aside from that fact that this thread has had me laughing so hard that I started to choke, regained my composure only to start laughing (and choking again) I have to say that MY FAVE thing about this thread...

is that everyone is getting along and no one is arguing at all. It is really nice to see

Bodily functions are universal!!

And it's even better when people admit that it's FUNNY!

I am 35 years old and I laugh every.single.time. I hear someone fart.

[Parker]

Originally Posted by Novelafemme

OH NO YOU DI'INT!!!!

OH...OH....hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Oh yes I do!! Friends teased me in the past, until they really thought about it - then they wanted to borrow my spray!

Also - my bathroom is right between the 2 bedrooms, but it's the spare room - my office - that stinks after someone is done in my bathroom, so I dont just light incense in the bathroom, I like one in the office as well. I take care of that shit (pun intended)!

Originally Posted by princessbelle

Maybe we could form a support group and get each other's phone numbers and call for back up.

Like...say i call Novelafemme

"Hey this is belle i gotta do the dirty and Bully is in the living room watching TV and i'm stressing out"

Novelafemme could say something like...

"It's ok, just wait until a good part of the ballgame comes on as a distraction and sneak off to the bathroom".

Then i say...

"I CAN'T WAIT. I'M CROWNING. I NEED HELP."

or something along those lines.

I think you all should have a phone tree - then when one of you needs to visit the head, you can call someone on the phone tree and she can call your SO and keep them occupied while you are ... well, occupied! lol

[Medusa]

Do you all observe "poop stall" etiquette when in public restrooms?

(The poop stall is the one that is furthest from the door!)