Important things I learned from past relationships

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by Mike

when its over, its over move on

Exactly.....

[femmedyke]

Might sound silly but my past relationships taught me how to love; both myself and another. Deep thoughts for a girl under the covers with her kindle

[bright_arrow]

Despite how miserable we were together, we each deserve our own happiness.

Just because someone treated you one way, whether good or bad, does not mean the next person will, so do not hold them to standards they don't know exist, and don't blame them for someone else's faults.

I learned erasing handles and making a new e-mail and a new handle help put a lot of the past behind you, instead of constantly being bombarded with it - especially helpful if you hold grudges/were very invested, and have trouble being civil to them LOL

[Gráinne]

*You can learn a lot about your love interest in the first hour of the first date. If you're out for a meal, pay attention to how they treat the waitstaff.

*Don't shackle yourself to someone who doesn't make you laugh, and definitely, 100% not with anyone who makes you cry.

*If it feels wrong, it is wrong. Don't make excuses or second-guess yourself.

*You attract what you think you deserve, even unconsciously. The healthier you are, the better partner you will be, and you will attract healthier people.

*Accept the other person as they are that very moment. They're going to change over a years-long relationship, sure, but not on your schedule and not always the changes you want.

*Don't get into a relationship for the wrong reasons (which is just about everything except that you are full of love and health and want to share that with a special person). That includes pressure, horniness, guilt, or even boredom with your life. BTDT, all of them.

*A relationship doesn't always end because the love ends. Love can't fix everything.

[LadyHilary]

Originally Posted by QueenofSmirks

I learned to trust my own gut instinct.

I learned what it felt like to ignore my gut instinct.

I learned how to compromise myself.

I learned how to be afraid.

My true nature is one of positivity, and with that, I know so much more of who I am now, I know that I may not compromise my core, because it is beautiful and true, I know how very strong I am and I will go down fighting to protect myself, my self preservation is intact. And I know to trust that inner voice.

and the crazy thing, I miss the good parts, I miss the potential of what might have been...old fashioned Catch-22

[Nomad]

Originally Posted by guihong

*You can learn a lot about your love interest in the first hour of the first date. If you're out for a meal, pay attention to how they treat the waitstaff.

*Don't shackle yourself to someone who doesn't make you laugh, and definitely, 100% not with anyone who makes you cry.

*If it feels wrong, it is wrong. Don't make excuses or second-guess yourself.

*You attract what you think you deserve, even unconsciously. The healthier you are, the better partner you will be, and you will attract healthier people.

*Accept the other person as they are that very moment. They're going to change over a years-long relationship, sure, but not on your schedule and not always the changes you want.

*Don't get into a relationship for the wrong reasons (which is just about everything except that you are full of love and health and want to share that with a special person). That includes pressure, horniness, guilt, or even boredom with your life. BTDT, all of them.

*A relationship doesn't always end because the love ends. Love can't fix everything.

such a great point. sometimes you arent on the same page or right enough with yourself to be right enough with someone else even if you do love them.

there's always something good in you and in the person you love even when there's something not working in your behavior choices. i learned that self-respect and having loved one another for so long means you can find a few small ways to be kind to one another during a breakup. there's nothing more representative of honest love than watching the person you broke up with try to be sweet to you or watching them struggle to respect your decision. there's a lot to admire in someone when you're breaking up with them and they still find ways to love you while helping to dismantle the world you made together. i learned that i never stopped wanting the best for them and always wished there was a way i could have said "i'm still on your side". even now, when i have small victories or do things that i couldnt have done in the past, i wonder if they would be proud of me because i really always wanted them to be proud of me.

[KayCee]

Originally Posted by Nomad

i learned that i never stopped wanting the best for them and always wished there was a way i could have said "i'm still on your side". even now, when i have small victories or do things that i couldnt have done in the past, i wonder if they would be proud of me because i really always wanted them to be proud of me.

This really touched my heart Nomad. It's so sweet but also kind of sad....but I know exactly what you mean.

[lilapache]

that all the amount of words are nothing... unless they area shown also...

[Syr]

Never, ever go back.

[laruss]

Some things I have learned from past relationships...

Patience.
To be true to myself.
Pay attention to the Red Flags in the beginning.
Be open to what can happen.
Compromise.
How to live well with others.
How important it is to be heard.
If it feels right do it, if it doesn't then don't.
Sex is way too important, not a place I am willing to compromise, sexual compatibility is a must.
Don't marry a gay man when you are in love with a woman.
Life always moves forward.
And most importantly... To Love fully, no matter how much it might hurt when they are gone.

[~SweetCheeks~]

I leanred a lot from past relationships and yes it's true not all lessons in life are learned the easy way.

I am worth a whole lot more than I let myself settle for in the past.
I am a heck of a lot stronger than I ever thought I could be.
To really listen in the beginning if they are a good match you will know.
To see the relationship for what it is not what I hoped it would be.
Never stay because you feel obligated to.
That through all the hurt and pain, I still wish the other person happiness.
When your intincts say something isn't right listen.

I am sure I learned a lot more but these are some important ones for me.

[Ginger]

I learned that break ups bring out the worst but also the best in people.

When N and I broke up we had a house and an apartment and ten years of shared stuff. There was not one moment of haggling or fighting over assets. It went like this:

You take it. You always loved that thing.
No, you take it. It meant so much to you.

I spackled the holes in the wall from framed prints I removed, and touched up the paint, then moved furniture around so it wouldn't look so empty. She mailed me a huge box of Christmas presents, because she knew I was alone that first year, in another state.

We might not have been in love, but we trusted each other. That's what got us through the divorce.

From other breakups, I've learned:

If it isn't real, the pain will disappear fast.
If it is real, if there is love, it might take longer to get over, but the lessons will be deeper.

Honestly though, I'm a slow learner in all things, especially those involving my heart.

[Apocalipstic]

I've learned that I am very different from who I thought I was.

I've learned that I don't have it in me to be everything for someone. I get overvigilant and weird.

I've learned that expectations just ask for dissapointment.

I've learned that Thanksgiving alone is not so bad, especially when you are allergic to turkey.

I've learned that sleeping with someone can often take away objectivity. For ever.

[weatherboi]

i learned if coming home to no furniture happens...don't believe em when they say they ordered new stuff. verify verify verify!!!

[Blue_Daddy-O]

Keep Loving.

[Ginger]

Originally Posted by Blue_Daddy-O

Keep Loving.

I guess that's the ultimate lesson.

I think we live longer when we love other people, too.

[Blue_Daddy-O]

Originally Posted by IslandScout

I guess that's the ultimate lesson.

I think we live longer when we love other people, too.

Yes, I believe so. I don't know about living longer. LoL. I have never wanted to be the one left behind and when my health goes I hope to go quickly instead of lingering on. But, definitely happier while alive. When our hearts are full of love there is less room for anger, for sure. Although, I do stay angry about worldly issues.

[Breezy]

Forgive everything, this includes me and the other person.

Always love with an open hand.

Always show/share love. Each relationship is never with the same exact individual over and over again. It is a new love, a new person and another chance to give and receive love.

Overlaying the past upon the present is unproductive, useless, negative and gauranteed to doom a relationship.

Stay in joy. Seek joy. Give joy.

Have lives which include shared and sepearate interests.

Making love is important.

[2qt]

Most important was to value myself a little more and know my needs and wants are equally as important in the relationship....

To not have the expectation that they can read my mind and know what I am thinking no matter how many years we have lived together......

To keep the value of friendship, take the time out to visit them, have that girls weekend away, or just a girls night out so they never feel lost in the transition of my relationships......

To let the past go and not bring it into my today so my future partner will never feel that they are like them or simply not good enough as the last......

To never go to bed on an argument always let them know they are loved as it might be the last night you sleep in the same bed together....

To not focus on those small nitty gritty annoying things that are in the end not that important....

To say I am sorry when I know I was wrong without putting up my walls......

And to not rush love, if it's meant to be it will happen naturally without forcing it......

[NorCalStud]

My perspective...when that changes...I am in trouble. Im learning to control my outlook with what comes up. It becomes a filter. Can groove with anything if ya got a good perspective