Grieving

[Scota_Parisi]

One week ago, today - The storms and terrors were too much for my boy. His hips had been bothering him and we were trying new meds. But all the overnight pacing and panic with those bad storms on Tuesday - he couldn't walk Wednesday morning.

From a six week old fluffball with blue eyes to a huge 90 pound horse/dog - he was something else. He was my friend, sidekick, grandpup, a sibling to my kids, snack loving, cookie thief, houdini dog, sammich grabbin', white hair sheddin' hound. We sang songs about him and quite often he sang with us.

The kids didn't live with me as they were growing up. And he loved their visits, evident by the way he would practically recline on Brandon or Dani any chance he could. You could tell he wanted to keep them - just by his facial expressions. "Mom, can we keep them? Pleeaase?"

Oh... and he was a back talker, especially at bedtime - fussing back at me with the kids laughing as I would shoo him downstairs. And being a houdini hound he quite often found his way back upstairs with them.

He would sit on the couch curled up with me after they went back to their Dad's in Wisconsin. Sadness shared.

Anybody that met him, couldn't help but like and/or love him. His size intimidated people, but it didn't take long to see beyond it.

Almost 13 years of memories, stories, lots of laughter and lots and lots of love.

His last few years were more quiet, tried to keep things comfortable for him. And being an elderly boy, he slept a lot.

More than a dog, way much more than a pet - he was a beautiful Being.

And Lord, how the house - is so empty.

[naturlover_52]

Scota and others....

I know what is to lose someone that means A LOT to U....

this last Nov 2 I lost my Momma...she was a great woman and very very special to me. She wasn't just my mom..and now I am slowly losing my Dad too. He has was diagnoised w/ alzheimer's about 2 yrs ago and he is slowly going down hill and it is very hard to watch a man who for 22 yrs taught Honors biology at the local high school. Now I have to repeat things to him over and over and over again. Like just now he couldn't remember what month we are in and this is a Great sadness to me. I live w/ him and help him. I know that this is a continuous down hill and MORE to come. IT is just very hard to see.

sooo thanks for letting me post

[ruthie14]

Just talked with my former stepfather. My stepsister passed away today. We were never real close, but we have known each other since we were 4 years old. Had our first day of school together. Such a shame. Her children are in their late 20"s... too young. Can't help but cry.

[JustBeingMe]

It's been 9 months since my step father passed and I still have not had time to be able to grieve over his loss. He is a great person that I love very dearly and I miss him. Maybe after next week's crap is over and done with, I can finally take a deep breath, get on with my life, and grieve at this time.

Ruthie, I am sorry for your loss. I wish you healing and comfort.

[naturlover_52]

Ruthie....I understand that....what UR going thru....and I am truely sorry for UR loss. I am grieving all the time about MY mom....she was my biggest ally and the glue that held OUR family together. And yes.....it will take a while for the hurt to lessen....JUST take care and take the time to grieve

[Scota_Parisi]

What a day. Four months ago, today.

I know, he was old. And I know he is at rest and at peace and all that blah blah blah. Damned if I'm not angry though. Want him back. Give anything to hear his big feet stomp through the house in the middle of the night.

And that I made that choice.. to end it for him. Hurts.

Remember my daughter saying that day that it felt like her brother had died. And I told her, "far as I'm concerned, he was your brother."

Some days it just.. hits me.

Sucks, sucks, sucks, sucks.

[asphaltcowboi]

[QUOTE=JustBeingMe;192689]It's been 9 months since my step father passed and I still have not had time to be able to grieve over his loss. He is a great person that I love very dearly and I miss him. Maybe after next week's crap is over and done with, I can finally take a deep breath, get on with my life, and grieve at this time.

Ruthie, I am sorry for your loss. I wish you healing and comfort.[/QUOTE

please allow yourself to gieve soon. its something that will eat at you until you do.. it did me, no mater how hard i tried to step past it. sorry for you loss as well as the others that have lost a close or loved one its never easy even when you know its coming

[Mtn]

I lost my oldest daughter, 2 days before her 32nd birthday, to ovarian cancer, about 4 months ago, and I am deep in the grief right now....Grief can take one's breath away like nothing else can I have learned....I DO NOT LIKE IT.....

[LipstickLola]

I've read through several of these posts and want you to know how incredibly touched I am right now with the level of sharing and the out pouring of your grief. While I realize that there truly are no words that can ever take away this type of pain, I want to say that love lives on, it's the bridge between us and our loved ones that we will see again one day.

Huge hugs to each one of you. How long you grieve, how you grieve is a highly personal thing, if writing helps you, please do so, there is always someone here to read!

((((())))

[socialjustice_fsu]

When the heart grieves over what is lost, the spirit rejoices over what is left.

[AtLast]

I am told that I have undergone more than "the norm" of grief of in losing significant loved ones starting fairly young. Have no idea if that is true as I know others that have had rapid-fire, multiple deaths in their lives.

What grief has become for me is a passage to strength and will that I don't believe I would have experienced at such levels in my life without these losses. And being able to say no to the endless trivia I often see keeping people back from exercising the control we really do have over our lives. When I begin to think about changing something in my life and begin with the thought "I can't because....."- I know I need to ask if that "because" is really all that insurmountable- it usually isn't, just not easy to rid myself of or deal with directly. I am simply going for what might be easier rather than what is best.

Grief must be allowed to run its course and is difficult, yet, has been a catalyst for taking better care of myself emotionally and not taking things for granted that I have been blessed with. Separating what does and does not matter.

[MsTinkerbelly]

I lost my Mother in May of this year. I used to call home and check in with her every day at 10am when I had to work. Now, 10am comes and I sit quietly remembering the loss.

I wish I could explain grief so that those that have never faced it would know the devastating SORROW you feel in your very soul....the ache that is never gone, only dulled with time. Flying home from Europe planning what pictures I was going to show her, and what to tell her about the wonderful places I had gone, and then, remembering.......breaking out in tears....sitting on a plane being held by my spouse.

Someone told me that they understood someone leaving him that could not take his grief and responsibilities....it takes someone strong and loving to be there day after day with someone so preoccupied....if they can leave so easily, what does that say about when things REALLY get tough?

Sorry, rambling a bit....

[Andrew, Jr.]

Everyone grieves at their own pace. There is no exact time for anything. I know that I am still working on the loss of my sister (skin cancer) and brother (suicide). Their birthdays and the anniversary of their deaths...some go by fast, and unnoticed, and others drag by so slowly.

Cleaning out their rooms, packing away certain items of theirs for later on, or giving things of theirs to a charity...devistating. It rips your heart and soul out.

I went to a grief support group called Grief Share. It is a world wide Christain organization. I highly recommend it. It helped me, and so many others. With the holidays coming up, depression and suicide seem to jump according to the statistics. I don't want anyone to suffer like I have. Suicide is no laughing matter. Some folks change up their rituals of having a huge meal, or watching parades on TV. For example, I go and feed the homeless and poor in Balto. City. There is a woman at Grief Share who goes to Florida on vacation. She is divorced, and her only child (a daughter) died from meningitis (sp??). The loss was so great that she had to change the holidays and rituals. She goes with her parents (she is an only child as well), and they travel to various parts of Florida. It is how they cope with the loss.

[ravfem]

At the age of 16, i got pregnant for the first time. At my 6 month check-up, they put the monitor on my tummy so we could all hear the heartbeat, as usual. Only, this time there was none detected. The nurse assured me this was common and he probably was just situated so that it wasn't easily detected. The next morning i went for an ultrasound. my mama was with me. They let me watch the screen, and as soon as they started the test i could see him, and i fell in love. i was crying with happiness. But everyone else was quiet. The dr kept moving the thing around, and began poking my tummy harder & harder.

Finally, he looked at my mama and said, "he's dead....he's not alive."

i was in shock. i started crying and i heard my mama tell the dr that she had lost her first baby too (i had had no idea before then).

They sent me to the dr's office to have seaweed sticks inserted to begin dilating my cervix. While there, a nurse talked to me about what i could expect and all the emotions i would go through. i don't really remember much of the talk.

my mama took me from there to the hair stylist's to get my hair cut (i had to be presentable for the hospital stay). The girl doing my hair was making small talk.... "do you know what you're having??". i just mumbled, "no" and was quiet.

The next morning, i was admitted and started on an IV to induce labor. 12 hours later, i delivered my baby boy, Michael, alone in the room by myself. (it hadn't been too long before that they'd checked my progress and i sent my husband to go get the nurse when i felt him actually crown).

As she did the cord cutting and wrapping him up in a blanket, i had my head turned and my eyes shut tight. i felt numb. She gently asked if i would like to see him or hold him. i shook my head no, imagining a monster.... She took him away and my family came in a few minutes later.

They put me in a private room at the end of the maternity ward. i heard babies crying, parents celebrating.... and i cried. my milk came in and they gave me a shot to dry it up.

3 days later (this tells you how long ago it happened....3 whole days i stayed in the hospital!) the dr came in to discharge me. At the end of the visit, i told him how much i regretted not holding Michael. He pulled out a small picture from the breast pocket of his shirt and handed it to me.... it was my baby, perfectly formed. He weighed 14 ounces.

When i got home, my husband tucked me in bed and brought a briefcase in to me. Inside were the hospital bracelets for Michael, along with his footprints, the card announcing his birth weight & name, and the hospital blanket. i added the picture, and after the graveside services held for him, the guest book.

i carried that briefcase with me through my many moves for over 2 decades. An ex had a friend who worked for a gravestone maker, and asked her to make a small granite marker for me, with his name & the date. i moved that each time too.

It was years before i finished my grieving process for him. But i finally did a few years ago. i got rid of the briefcase & marker. i realized no longer needed them, and that ridding myself of them had nothing to do with my remembering him.

i still occasionally think of him. Wonder what he'd be like today, at the age of 26. i have my living son Tony to compare him to, although logically i know that the 6 years between their births made a huge difference in their non-comparable upbringings.

Each year on his birth day, i send him kisses & hugs.

i no longer feel sad, because i know that Mama Nature knew what was best for him, and for me.

i learned, because of Michael, that no one in the world has the right to tell you how long your grieving should last, or that they know what you're going through because they've been there too. They may know some similarities.... but they are not me and therefor they do not know how i felt.

i also learned that i did indeed have to let go. That it was not healthy for me to hang on to him or to my life at that time. The guilt i felt for what i may have done to cause his death was only killing me slowly....there was no purpose for it. It happened as it was meant to happen....Mother Nature knows best.

[chefhmboyrd]

I lost my Da October 1st of this year. Mam gave me some of his things, hat, clothes etc..
I still reach in the closet and put my face into the shirt was wearing the day before. Smells like him, and I try not to cry, but sometimes I do. Even now just the thought that I will never see him, hear his voice, or hug him, just hits me and I feel myself falling apart.
He was all I ever hoped to be.

I miss you Da!

[Mtn]

[QUOTE=MsTinkerbelly;230550]I lost my Mother in May of this year. I used to call home and check in with her every day at 10am when I had to work. Now, 10am comes and I sit quietly remembering the loss.

QUOTE]

I can really relate to this, when my daughter was sick, even when I was at work, if noone else was answering the phone I would walk over and check the caller id and answer it no matter what if it was her number, I still do this,her yahoo email has recently started sending out spam, and it gets me everytime I all of a sudden open my mail and there is one from her addy. makes me shiver...

[Mr. Moon]

[quote=Mtn;230613]

Originally Posted by MsTinkerbelly

I lost my Mother in May of this year. I used to call home and check in with her every day at 10am when I had to work. Now, 10am comes and I sit quietly remembering the loss.

QUOTE]

I can really relate to this, when my daughter was sick, even when I was at work, if noone else was answering the phone I would walk over and check the caller id and answer it no matter what if it was her number, I still do this,her yahoo email has recently started sending out spam, and it gets me everytime I all of a sudden open my mail and there is one from her addy. makes me shiver...

I lost my brother last week. I'm just beginning this process. I get what you're saying about emails, because facebook keeps popping up with his icon. It takes my breath away.

Hang in there everyone.
-Mr. Moon

[JakeTulane]

I think the hardest part is that I feel like time does not ease the pain. I lost My Dad.. 3 years ago and it still feels like yesterday. I was going through My email folders and found the one that I made that carries his obituary and notes from friends, co-workers, etc and the pain just comes flooding back in.

I can remember thinking when I was younger that I wished I had no memory.. because I did not want to remember certain things that had happened in My life.

Now, I am forever thankful that I have one.

As Mr. Moon said.. hanging in there.. and talk to others about the loss if you can.. because that is the one thing that I find that truly does help.

[CherylNYC]

I lost my partner in an accident in 2003. I still miss her, and I still catch myself thinking about how much better everything was when she was here. I was so overwhelmed with grief for the first few years that it seemed like it would never get better. It did, but I was changed in many ways.

I lost my next girlfriend in Dec of '08. We had 8 1/2 days notice this time. I spent all of '09 crashing every vehicle I could get my hands on, some of them multiple times. I walked away from all of them. I spent all of this year getting moving violations, but I'm no longer crashing.

My friends are nervously waiting for me to find some other way to grieve. I stay very, very busy. I've been funneling my energy into a motorcycle advocacy organisation that I started in the spring of '08. All my time is now occupied doing useful work, which was my goal. I may be a bit too busy and stressed out, though. I recently developed shingles. Ach!

I'm approaching the second anniversary of my gf's passing, and this May will be my late partner's ninth anniversary. It still feels raw and fresh. I wish I could tell everyone how easy it becomes, but that would be a lie. It may not become easy, but eventually the grief becomes a part of your life, rather than your whole life.

Take care of yourselves this Holiday season.

[Sam]

as i sat here reading all 6 pages, i feel for each and everyone of you.

i lost my mom 17 years ago this month, my dad june 06. i havent lost
anyone that close to my heart until today.

we lost my sons grandmother to cancer. she has had it over the last 20 years,
she turned 77 on nov 3rd. she had gone down hill this year, but nothing like the last 30 days. its a mean disease.

i truly dont know how kelle will grieve, but it scares me to death.

Kelle's mom was a great woman, she was standing across from me when kelle gave birth to Avery. it is something that i will never forget. although kelle and havent been together, we share a son, and her family is like my own.

i know we will grieve differently, but i will keep grandmama alive in my son's eyes for the rest of my life.

RIP Annie Ruth Milliken