PTSD and Trauma recovery

[Princess4u]

Originally Posted by Goofy

Just a thought for the group chats...

I attend group sessions for PTSD at the VA. One of the rules of the group is that we don't tell "war stories" that might trigger other participants. What we DO do is discuss how we are doing in our daily lives and triggers we may face and what we can do to help each other and ourselves through the rough times.

I've found that, almost more than anything else, is that there are other folks out there that are going through the same types of things. Much of what I see happening in this thread.

Goofy, you are soooo very right!! I think all too often it isnt about telling "war" stories but needing to compare and see who suffered worse trauma...sad thing is that nothing is won w the proverbial "pissing contest" everyone has suffered isnt that sad enough....why keep reliving it....lets help eachother to move forward not backwards and be a SUPPORT not a demon to one another....I am so glad you pointed this out and have the professional background to support it..that means a great deal....thank you

[Dragonfly]

Originally Posted by Goofy

It's true that triggers come from what happened, and that's why we're there in the first place. In my group, many triggers involve anniversary dates of an event, and we bring that up as such. Like, "I have an anniversary coming up and I've realized I'm more anxious, quick to anger..." etc. Others involve situations, smells or events. We bring those up in the same sort of ways, without revealing details. It's kind of difficult to explain the exact "how's" of how we get around it, but we do.

My PTSD stems both from childhood trauma and a situation I was in while in the Army. Since it's a VA group, it's much easier to not reveal histories of situations related to the military because, to some degree, we all have a similar experience. But I've also found that those folks are pretty accepting of non-military related triggers. Once, someone brought up a subject that was a trigger from my childhood. I started to twitch, literally. I told him it was a trigger for me; that it was something that happened when I was young. That's all I needed to say. No one questioned me as to what happened or why it was a trigger. We talked instead about *now*; how it presented itself (anxiety, anger, etc) and how to deal with that.

I bring all of this up because I know that when it was suggested that I start attending the PTSD group that I'm now a part of, that I had so many reservations. I didn't want to tell my stories to a bunch of strangers, regardless of whether they had been through similar situations or not. I didn't necessarily want to hear anyone else's story, lest they trigger me. I've been in the same group for almost a year now, and most days it's a life line. I feel sane, despite the insanity.


I'm not sure if this makes as much sense to you, or anyone else, as it does in my head. But I hope it clarified a bit.

Yes, total sense.... except the part where "a subject came up". Thats the part I meant when I asked how do you discuss triggers without triggering someone accidentally.... Not meaning telling your stories, or asking each other why what happened, but I meant like a guideline maybe for avoiding the subjects completely so as to NOT trigger someone.

And wow, I dont want to have anyone sharing personal stuff to be viewed as a 'pissing contest' to someone else, that must have been a terrible experience to feel like someone wanted to "top" how bad their experience was and compare themselves to others. Now I am really leary to join a support type group other than the one I have already participated in online.

I hope there are clear guidelines for the PTSD room. Sadly my craputer isnt as compatible with the chat here as I'd thought it was at first. It freezes and crashes. Hope there will be after thoughts that make it to the forums for us readers.

Peace and Healing thoughts for all...

[Andrew, Jr.]

It never crossed my mind that our "war stories" were pissing contests. Is this a military thing? I just don't see it at all. To me, pain is pain. No matter the origin.

[Apocalipstic]

Very respectfully,

To be honest, I feel like the tread I started has been hijacked. There is now a trauma group on chat I don't have access too, and guidelines on what we can discuss.

I know everyone means well, but I need this and I feel like it is being taken away and I am being chastised for wanting an open space.

I wanted a place we could share day to day stuff that freaks us out due to PTSD and trauma. I don't think it helps anyone for us to share in secret, I go to therapy for that.

I wanted people not to feel so alone, and now I feel incredibly alone. Nauseated in fact.

Is there something better I can name a thread that is open for us to discuss daily stuff where people who are not comfortable to actually share can at least know they are not the only one. I hate the idea of a secret password.

I need a thread for discussion and support and this one seems to have been led in a completely different direction.

Seriously, if you need this thread to be a private group chat 2 hours a week, great, but help me know what to name a thread that those of us who are past being afraid or just don't care can use.

[Butterbean]

Bellruth Naperstek has a guided mediation CD on PSTD that is amazing. An MD told me about her work. It's available at health journeys online and I'm assuming bookstores too.

[layla]

time time helps... everything fades away with time... nightmares... memories.... time heals everything....
it's a process...a slow one... but time takes care of everything...

[Liam]

Apocalipstic, I'm sorry you feel like your thread has been hijacked. The reality is that there isn't a trauma group in chat yet. Jewel is trying to organize one. I think your intention to have this thread is quite similar to a support group, with the exception that its all out there for everyone to see.

With the exception of professional facilitation, support groups generally do not focus on the events which led to/created the trauma, but focus on the current experiences of their members. They are not therapy groups, people who feel a need to tell their story, would best be served seeing a therapist. Support groups are about receiving validation and sharing coping skills, resources and information; they are about empowering each member and helping each other find the capacity to trust people once again, as well as fostering a sense that one is not alone. I think facilitating a PTSD group is a huge responsibility, and one not to be taken lightly, I would prefer to participate in such a group in real time, not online.

Andrew, you are absolutely right, pain is pain, and it is the pain that must be dealt with, not the sordid details from which it sprang. We can't change what has happened to us, we can only change how it has effected us.

[Apocalipstic]

So is it or is it not OK for us to have a thread where those of us who want to discuss or vent can do so?

I do see a therapist, BTW.

I am not trying to facilitate a support group, just have a thread where if I want to discuss symptoms, fears, meltdowns I can.

I am really bothered by the exclusive secret password thing. Who gets it, who can be private? and why on my thread?

[Selenay]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

So is it or is it not OK for us to have a thread where those of us who want to discuss or vent can do so?

I do see a therapist, BTW.

I am not trying to facilitate a support group, just have a thread where if I want to discuss symptoms, fears, meltdowns I can.

I am really bothered by the exclusive secret password thing. Who gets it, who can be private? and why on my thread?

I don't think the chat is meant to be a substitute for the thread, perhaps a suppliment?

And, I think the password is meant to protect the privacy and safety of those who go--though, if you want my opinion, I think it's oppressive--why should people need permission to go, before they join? Why should it not be open?

I think that perhaps the common courtesy of asking if it was okay to advertise the chat in your thread would have been polite, but I don't think anyone is trying to take away from what the thread is, just broaden it into chat, as well.

[Liam]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

So is it or is it not OK for us to have a thread where those of us who want to discuss or vent can do so?

I do see a therapist, BTW.

I am not trying to facilitate a support group, just have a thread where if I want to discuss symptoms, fears, meltdowns I can.

I am really bothered by the exclusive secret password thing. Who gets it, who can be private? and why on my thread?

Apocalipstic, I think you have a winner of a thread here, and I think folks are venting and discussing as they wish. I was not pointing my finger at you. I was not saying you were facilitating a support group, rather pointing out the similarities between this thread and a support group.

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by Selenay

I don't think the chat is meant to be a substitute for the thread, perhaps a suppliment?

And, I think the password is meant to protect the privacy and safety of those who go--though, if you want my opinion, I think it's oppressive--why should people need permission to go, before they join? Why should it not be open?

I think that perhaps the common courtesy of asking if it was okay to advertise the chat in your thread would have been polite, but I don't think anyone is trying to take away from what the thread is, just broaden it into chat, as well.

Thank you! I was just not getting it. You explained it well .

I really have thought about it and I agree that the permission to join and password thing is not what I was going for. It seems elitist.

Secrets are one of the things that fuel PTSD for me, I don't want any more secrets or permission to share.

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by Liam

Apocalipstic, I think you have a winner of a thread here, and I think folks are venting and discussing as they wish. I was not pointing my finger at you. I was not saying you were facilitating a support group, rather pointing out the similarities between this thread and a support group.

Ah Thank you for explaining!

I am not a mental health professional, so I would not want to be seen in any way as a facilitator...just a friend discussing with anyone who wants to.

[Princess4u]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

Ah Thank you for explaining!

I am not a mental health professional, so I would not want to be seen in any way as a facilitator...just a friend discussing with anyone who wants to.

Apocalipstic, I think sometimes....a true friend can be better than any mental health professional...at least in my experiences. Keep on trucking sista...and thank you for this venue to see that...we arent alone (sadly) bc that means we have all been thru devestating events in our lives.... But knowing we have eachother, someone who can understand where we are without the need to explain..is what keeps us going from day to day and sometimes second to second....thank you! And if this thread get highjacked...many of us will go along with it as well...! Dont fret dear

[Kenna]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

Very respectfully,

To be honest, I feel like the tread I started has been hijacked. There is now a trauma group on chat I don't have access too, and guidelines on what we can discuss.

I know everyone means well, but I need this and I feel like it is being taken away and I am being chastised for wanting an open space.

I wanted a place we could share day to day stuff that freaks us out due to PTSD and trauma. I don't think it helps anyone for us to share in secret, I go to therapy for that.

I wanted people not to feel so alone, and now I feel incredibly alone. Nauseated in fact.

Is there something better I can name a thread that is open for us to discuss daily stuff where people who are not comfortable to actually share can at least know they are not the only one. I hate the idea of a secret password.

I need a thread for discussion and support and this one seems to have been led in a completely different direction.

Seriously, if you need this thread to be a private group chat 2 hours a week, great, but help me know what to name a thread that those of us who are past being afraid or just don't care can use.

I certainly want to show my support and appreciation for you starting this thread, and for making me feel like I am not alone, that I have open space. Sadly, I'm not quite ready to share some of my experiences or causes to my PTSD... they are very extensive and painful. But because of your thread and support I have found here at BFP, I am more willing to face my fears instead of hiding them and making them worse. For right now, until I get a bit more courage, I wanted to thank you. I am sorry I didn't do so earlier, my deepest apologies.

[Princess4u]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

Ah Thank you for explaining!

I am not a mental health professional, so I would not want to be seen in any way as a facilitator...just a friend discussing with anyone who wants to.

Originally Posted by Andrew, Jr.

It never crossed my mind that our "war stories" were pissing contests. Is this a military thing? I just don't see it at all. To me, pain is pain. No matter the origin.

That is my point Andrew...but what I am saying is that there are those out there who feel validated for some reason...thinking they have suffered worse...there is no "worse" its all worse....!!! I suppose to me what is boils down to...is how one copes with things...and we all have coping issues...or we wouldnt be here..and we need support and friends not to feel minimized or degrated. Sorry if that wasnt stated more clearly....I guess I see us as a community who needs to sticky by one another not push us apart. If we didnt need support, again we wouldnt have reached out to this thread. Again, I thank those who started it and who post here...becase it is a horrible place to be when you feel alone, as we all have experienced.

[Apocalipstic]

Saying what actually happened to us is difficult, and in many cases, like mine...it is not one thing, it is an array of "Lifetime" movies and I doubt anyone wants to hear about it. Laugh!

Last night, when I was spinning out, it meant so much to me to have a place to post about it, ridiculous as it was.

I was torn as to where to post....Mental Illness? ? Neurodiversity? Did I need to start a new thread, now that it seemed this one was going in a different direction?

I don't know. Now apparently because I am disgruntled the group is not going to happen?

I just want a place where we can share. I am not trying to start a war....just maintain an open space with no secrecy. Where everyone is welcome.

[Apocalipstic]

Sorry if I hurt feelings by feeling like the thread was hijacked. I was not pointing fingers in any one direction, just feeling at a loss as to where to discuss, if this is not a viable place to do so.

Secrets and excluding people is not what I am about right now. I have snuck around all my life and I refuse to be that person any more.

[Andrew, Jr.]

I have been always been open and honest. Others I cannot speak for. I can only speak for myself. I am not comfortable in discussing my personal pain and suffering any longer.

I never have been on the chat, and have no clue as to how to even use the chat.

I wish everyone here peace. I hope you all find your joy in life, and inner peace.

Much love,
Andrew

[Canela]

Okay, I think we are aaaalllll way off subject here...I was sooooo excited to hear of the PTSD chat room. I thought and still think, it is a good idea...however, I hope you will receive this with the respect and love it is written from.

I think--before I say this know that this is only my opinion--The chat room was a branch off this thread, another type of sharing if you will, about the things that we suffer PTSD from. Yes, there does need to be a password, because people who lurk here well, that's okay, but as we have seen, we have NO WAY of knowing what will be discussed or "touched on" and well, those aren't for just any lurker. There needs to be a "safe place" away from prying eyes and curious souls, for participant's protection.

I think the purpose you created this thread for, Apocalipstic is very appropriate for as you put it, "posting and sharing day to day things" as they happen. I know that to some, "triggers" may occur even upon reading what someone writes in this thread but how can I/you/anyone be responsible for something we share about ourselves and our experiences that hurts someone else? I don't mean I don't care, please everyone I don't mean that, what I do mean is that when this thread was created, I don't think it was ever with any intention of "triggering" anyone, but of sharing what A was feeling and going thru and then opened it up to the rest of us who wanted to participate and share, too...Correct me if I'm wrong, A, but that's how I understood some of your previous posts...(sorry if I got it wrong).

And I realize some group therapy does not speak in specifics and does or does not do certain things--but this is new to all of us. Perhaps we should not speak in specifics to avoid triggers and such...perhaps. But if we can't be honest here, in a thread or a chat where we all share commonalities regarding PTSD and its residual effects, where can we be? We just have to figure out the best course of action for those who truly are interested in participating, sharing, and shaping this new branch of support...

Again--my opinion--but in my opinion, what you have started here in this thread for yourself (Apocalipstic) and others has grown in different directions. We know as adult learners some of us learn from different sources, different methods. And I feel like that's what's happening to us now--where we are growing in our needs to discuss and share and deal.

I love everyone who has poured out their hearts and fears and love and support here, and I want you all to know that each of your input is valid and valuable, but as the outpouring of support for this chatroom says it should be a go, we should give it a go. I hope that you will all find it in your hearts to try it, like we have everything else...

I am sorry if I derailed your thread even further. I just wanted you to know (Apocalipstic) that the way I saw things was that you did an awesome thing stepping out like you did and starting this thread. Now someone else wants to take it one step further, and I like that growth too. And yes, privacy is needed in a real time chat conference or group, because there is no telling what will come up.


One last thing. This site, this thread, this chat room and all the friendships forged here are not NOT by any means meant to take the place of any therapy or healing practices anyone is involved in.

I am not a professional, unless being friends and being there for others is a profession.

Just my humble opinion...

[Apocalipstic]

I appreciate your answer!

When you look at chat, you can see who is in a group....then if you try to log on the the PTSD group it asks for a password. That is not safe to me. Safe is no one know I am even there. NO one seeing my name at ALL.

I do not want anyone ever to feel left out because they can't log in. They would be able to see us there, but not join in. I hate that idea.

Secrets and exclusion are triggering for many people.

Also, I do not feel like I am qualified to be a facilitator, nor have I seen anyone post who is. If there is a therapy group, then we need a therapist. I did not set this up as a therapy group.

Do whatever you want, start whatever you want, but I would like to keep posting in my own thread about things I find important and helpful. If a moderator tells me to stop then I will...but thats pretty much it at this point.

That someone else who wants to take things in a different direction towards secrecy is more than welcome to start their own thread and go from there.

I picked this website for a reason, to be open and honest. That is what I am looking for in life.

If I have to sneak around about bad things that have happened to me and be encouraged to feel shame about them and hide them for other member's safety then have not my abusers won?

Originally Posted by LittleShug

Okay, I think we are aaaalllll way off subject here...I was sooooo excited to hear of the PTSD chat room. I thought and still think, it is a good idea...however, I hope you will receive this with the respect and love it is written from.

I think--before I say this know that this is only my opinion--The chat room was a branch off this thread, another type of sharing if you will, about the things that we suffer PTSD from. Yes, there does need to be a password, because people who lurk here well, that's okay, but as we have seen, we have NO WAY of knowing what will be discussed or "touched on" and well, those aren't for just any lurker. There needs to be a "safe place" away from prying eyes and curious souls, for participant's protection.

I think the purpose you created this thread for, Apocalipstic is very appropriate for as you put it, "posting and sharing day to day things" as they happen. I know that to some, "triggers" may occur even upon reading what someone writes in this thread but how can I/you/anyone be responsible for something we share about ourselves and our experiences that hurts someone else? I don't mean I don't care, please everyone I don't mean that, what I do mean is that when this thread was created, I don't think it was ever with any intention of "triggering" anyone, but of sharing what A was feeling and going thru and then opened it up to the rest of us who wanted to participate and share, too...Correct me if I'm wrong, A, but that's how I understood some of your previous posts...(sorry if I got it wrong).

And I realize some group therapy does not speak in specifics and does or does not do certain things--but this is new to all of us. Perhaps we should not speak in specifics to avoid triggers and such...perhaps. But if we can't be honest here, in a thread or a chat where we all share commonalities regarding PTSD and its residual effects, where can we be? We just have to figure out the best course of action for those who truly are interested in participating, sharing, and shaping this new branch of support...

Again--my opinion--but in my opinion, what you have started here in this thread for yourself (Apocalipstic) and others has grown in different directions. We know as adult learners some of us learn from different sources, different methods. And I feel like that's what's happening to us now--where we are growing in our needs to discuss and share and deal.

I love everyone who has poured out their hearts and fears and love and support here, and I want you all to know that each of your input is valid and valuable, but as the outpouring of support for this chatroom says it should be a go, we should give it a go. I hope that you will all find it in your hearts to try it, like we have everything else...

I am sorry if I derailed your thread even further. I just wanted you to know (Apocalipstic) that the way I saw things was that you did an awesome thing stepping out like you did and starting this thread. Now someone else wants to take it one step further, and I like that growth too. And yes, privacy is needed in a real time chat conference or group, because there is no telling what will come up.


One last thing. This site, this thread, this chat room and all the friendships forged here are not NOT by any means meant to take the place of any therapy or healing practices anyone is involved in.

I am not a professional, unless being friends and being there for others is a profession.

Just my humble opinion...