OFOS Butches & Femmes

[Miss Scarlett]

Originally Posted by claybaby

My "OFOS" will never go away..it is ingrained into my soul and fabric and being.
I understand what OSB is saying...using those letters to describe oneself..well...sometimes is viewed in a negative way.
BUT what I have inside of me..doesn't ever leave..it is as deeply a part of me as is my heart and my blood...it is vital to who I am..and it doesn't have to be visible for it to be present..and my OFOS femme does indeed "feel it", sense it, and reap that energy from me...
For me, OFOS is not a part of the "good old days" or the 50's or about a woman being "less than" in MY world...it IS about being with manners, courtesies, respect, considerations, cavalierly manners, equality, voice,and many other things that will always be a part of my fabric and morals and has been part of me from my earliest days of being....just my .02.
I do like to open doors, pull out chairs, walk with my arm in small of her back, help her don/doff her coat, and walk on outside of her with elbow cupped in my hand..among so many other things...this is just what is part of me...my personal stuff I own...so much more to share BUT I do have to be in bed now..and up early....have a greta night...

Honey, this is one of the many things i just love about you...these things make me feel special, important and uninvisible...it reinforces the respect you have for me...yes, i do indeed "feel" it even when we're just sitting together...my inner OFOS feels and responds to your inner OFOS and quite often they communicate with each other without saying anything...

[bigbutchmistie]

Wanted to say hello to everyone. I havent posted here in a while.

[OS Butch]

Originally Posted by Firedance

I almost had a little heart attack there! So, to clarify, have you almost stopped using the term, "OFOS", or have you almost stopped using the manners that OFOS refers to?

... Please, please tell me it's the first, and not the second option!

LOL! OFOS is very much a part of me and that will not change....I just am more likely not to use it as an identifier. Femmes know it when the see it

[Firedance]

Originally Posted by OS Butch

LOL! OFOS is very much a part of me and that will not change....I just am more likely not to use it as an identifier. Femmes know it when the see it

Phew! I didn't want to lose another one of you because you were unappreciated!

And yes, we DO know it when we see it. But like you said, those manners aren't always welcomed.

My question is, is there anything about a Femme that tells you one would welcome that part of the dance?

[ruffryder]

Hello everybody! I consider my self an old fashioned kinda guy. I guess I was taught this growing up with my grandparents. It's a part of who I am and some girls appreciate that. I don't do it for show. I don't feel it makes me any better than anyone or is the best way to be. It's best for me and what I know. Some girls like when I hold the door open for them, take their hand in mine, walk hand in hand, walk on the outside closer to the road to assure her safety, put my arm around her or on the small of her back and guide her, message or call her just to make sure she got home safely, offer my jacket if she's cold. I do all this for my girl and I will do some of this for other women of all ages and hold open doors for anyone.

Now how to tell an OFOS femme.. I guess I can tell by the way she smiles and sighs and genuinely I can see in her reaction and face that she appreciates me the way I am. Sometimes I have to run ahead of her to get to the door as she's my lil energizer bunny rabbit and always on the go. Sometimes I just let her get to it first. *shrug* lol

I think all OFOS relationships are different but there is the main qualities and character of respect, admiration, adoration, and knowing someone has your back.

There are some OFOS relationships where the femmes want to do all the cooking or home chores while the butch / guy takes care of the auto duties and lawn. I was kinda in something like that in the past but I've always helped with cooking and cleaning. I for one like to be the one to take care of the lawn and outside. I enjoy stuff like that! I don't want her getting sweaty and dirty unless she really wants to. She loved her flowers and garden though.

Anyone can choose how they want their relationship to go. With mine I go with what works for both of us and still hold on to my OFOS values and beliefs that I was taught being a bit flexible and making sure she's happy too.

Thanks for the questions Firedance and I hope to see more interaction here!

Originally Posted by Firedance

Phew! I didn't want to lose another one of you because you were unappreciated!

And yes, we DO know it when we see it. But like you said, those manners aren't always welcomed.

My question is, is there anything about a Femme that tells you one would welcome that part of the dance?

Originally Posted by Firedance

So I have a question for ya'll.

As a Femme, I know OFOS when I see it. But I've been wondering how my counterparts recognize an OFOS Femme when you meet one?

~Fire.

[diamondrose]

this dynamic speaks to my soul.. just saying

[Jess]

There is a way she moves that with no effort, parts a sea of bodies to make way for her safe passage.
There is a way she breathes in the scent of a flower or a spice she is trying to identify.
There is a way her hand moves slowly over a favored fabric.
There is a way she will look once at me then take a second look holding her stare until I know she sees not only into me but through me.
There is a smile that radiates the room then upon realizing her own power will glance away with a soft knowing blush.
There is a way she will trace the line of her jaw with a rose petal.
There is a way she will begin to sing softly to her favorite song when she thinks I can't hear.

There are ways between us that have no language or need of it. There is a dance that while I may ask for, she has already chosen the music for.

Yes, there are things that let us know she is OFOS. These are a few of what I recognize.

[OS Butch]

Originally Posted by Firedance

Phew! I didn't want to lose another one of you because you were unappreciated!

And yes, we DO know it when we see it. But like you said, those manners aren't always welcomed.

My question is, is there anything about a Femme that tells you one would welcome that part of the dance?

Well, that brings to mind a very funny story. I once dated a gal that was not an OFOS Femme. She very much enjoyed my type of OFOS. I would go get the car from the parking lot and pick her up at the door, even if it wasn't raining. She would allow me to open doors and pull out her chair and help her with her coat and many other things.
One day she was at a seminar for work. She had driven by herself. Later that evening she call to tell me what had happened after the seminar....
She left the seminar and was standing at the entrance....waiting for me to pick her up! She had forgotten she had drove herself!
For me, I don't necessarily look to see if a Femme is OFOS. It is more important to me that I be respected and allowed to be who I am and do the things I love to do...The manner in which that I show respect for a lady, Femme, Butch or purple people eater.
Admittedly though, it is much easier to be me with an OFOS Femme because they already know how i move in this world.

[MrSunshine]

Originally Posted by Firedance

My question is, is there anything about a Femme that tells you one would welcome that part of the dance?

Yes. I have met femmes that say " you don't have to do that" or " I can get the door myself ". Then there's the femme that flashes a slight smile, drops her gaze and eyes just a bit then stands aside while I hold the door. So, yes.

[easygoingfemme]

Just popping in to swoon.
Carry on.

[deb0670]

It does a girls heart good knowing Chivalry is not dead, but still alive and well in the wonderful OFOS Family.. it really means a lot. OFOS P/people have away of standing out from the crowd, without even trying.

[Leigh]

OFOS is something in a partner that I've always been attracted to ~ that essence of a butch or FTM simply makes me weak in the knees *sigh*

[Dance-with-me]

Originally Posted by MrSunshine

Yes. I have met femmes that say " you don't have to do that" or " I can get the door myself ". Then there's the femme that flashes a slight smile, drops her gaze and eyes just a bit then stands aside while I hold the door. So, yes.

Yes indeed.

Then again there are the butches who simply click the car door unlocked and walk to their side, walk through the door ahead of me and maybe just hold the door until I grab it, hand me my coat, etc. I'm perfectly capable of handling those things myself, and those are not deal breakers if, say, we're running errands to Lowes or something, but in a date? Most likely a deal breaker. And here's the thing: if it's done as a special, and it's clear that this is an act someone is putting on special for the date, that shows. It equally shows if it's as natural and automatic to the butch as breathing.

[GraffitiBoi]

Just thought I'd give this thread a little bump in case any of the many new people here are also OFOS.

I love being an OFOS butch/FTM. I get great enjoyment out of doing things for my femme that seem to have been long forgotten in today's world. When she smiles, I smile. When she's happy, I'm happy.

[MaggieBluIze]

I this thread.
Thank you for bumping it.

[CharmingLee]

Just wanted to say Hi to everyone. I am old school butch for sure, being 48, I have had my fair share of experience dating and being in relationships with wonderful femmes. I enjoy being the gentleman, opening doors and spoiling my partner in general with flowers and small gifts. I actually got my nick name of "Charming" from the wonderful femmes I have encountered in my life. Here's to keeping the traditions alive.

[little_ms_sunshyne]

I absolutely love all the sweetness that comes with being OS. I am not always used to it, but when a kind butch offers to carry my bag, opens a door, offers me hys coat if it is cold...SWOOON! Gives me the butterflies in my tummy and my face burns pink! Must be the hopeless romantic in me...some days a girl just needs to be wooed (spelling?)

Anyhow, just thought I would stop by and share my appreciation

[MaggieBluIze]

OFOS has just always been a constant in my life, at some level ...
I never knew how much I and truly "need" these things in my life,
until I did not have them while with someone.

I adore having my door opened for me.
Being put on the inside of the sidewalk.
Your hand on the small of my back.
Pulling out my chair and waiting to scoot it back in.
Getting the car door for me.
Newly experienced, even opening the car door to get out.
(I didn't know I would like that so very much )
I will gladly tell you what I want to order, if you would like to tell the waiter for me.
Being dropped off at the door because it is cold or raining.
Waiting for you to get the car, for same reasons.
You insisting I wear your jacket since you know I must be chilly or getting damp from the rain,
even thought I did not say a word.

I when you truly listen, pay attention to all that is said and done ...
Seeing proof of this with special little surprises that reflect that you truly heard me.
The sweet words of appreciation and sincerity whispered, texted or just make me weak in the knees.
Being touched when you walk past me, just cause you want to.

These are all things I miss so very much.
I now know I need these things from the person I am with.
I ache for them and do not feel complete without them.

Of course these are just a few of the things I appreciate and cherish.
Most likely, though out the day, things will trickle into my mind of what I forgot or missed.
These are just forefront in my mind.

Thank you for still carrying on these OFOS ways that are so very cherished, adored and needed ...
At least, in this femmes life.

I did not realize how very long this turned out to be ...
Guess it's something I feel strongly about and miss so very much!!

[Heavenleahangel]

Being a southern girl from Georgia, I am OFOS and absolutely love all aspects of being with someone who is OFOS and knows how to treat a lady/woman. I will post more of my thoughts on this later, but am glad this thread is back up and posting again!

[Dance-with-me]

It doesn't get much better than what I've found.

A huge smile and even an occasional "thank you" every time I wait for a moment so that she can get the door or my car door for me, and yet with a deep and sincere enthusiasm for my strength and independence.

Gently pointing out that clearly no one before her knew how to help me on with my coat, as I always awkwardly reached up at shoulder height instead of holding my arms down and back so that she can easily slip my coat onto them.

So many little things - the touches on my back as we walk, the way she leads me while dancing (not just that she leads, but the little things that make it a true OF butch style and not just a set of practiced steps and gestures), putting her jacket around my shoulders even though she is from year-round warmth and hates the cold.

Buying me a bunch of little gifts for our first Valentine's day that reflected so very well just how much she'd been paying close attention to who I really am and not just her idea of what a femme should want - including a bucket tool caddy and a ultrasonic pest repellant. (and yes, those were GREAT gifts for me! But definitely not the only ones.)

And all these things and more are just as natural to her as breathing. I think I've met my match.