Corny jokes - Page 8

Candelion · 04-08-2014, 08:25 PM

I got in a fight one time with a really mean girl. She said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I told her she would be sorry. She said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well....you won't be able to get into the corners very well."

ksrainbow · 04-09-2014, 04:58 PM

A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm and says to the bartender, "I'll have a shot of whiskey and beer for the road."

ksrainbow · 04-09-2014, 05:17 PM

The one who invented the door knocker got a No-bell prize.

Happy_Go_Lucky · 04-09-2014, 05:41 PM

Candelion · 04-09-2014, 07:26 PM

I met a French guy on holiday and he forced me to start drinking and smoking. Bloody Pierre Pressure.

Candelion · 04-11-2014, 04:03 AM

My hamster died from lack of exercise. He didn't have the wheel to live.

Happy_Go_Lucky · 04-11-2014, 06:32 AM

Candelion · 04-12-2014, 02:05 PM

I surprised my girlfriend during sex the other day with a little move I like to call 'coming home early'.

Happy_Go_Lucky · 04-12-2014, 05:16 PM

How do you make a tissue dance?

Put a boogie in it.

Happy_Go_Lucky · 04-13-2014, 05:31 AM

Could be a part of my unexplored side but....have always had a warm and fuzzy spot for nuns.

Candelion · 04-13-2014, 12:28 PM

I walked up to reception in the hotel and said, "Sorry, but I forgot what room I'm in." "No problem, ma'am. This is called the lobby."

Happy_Go_Lucky · 04-13-2014, 04:05 PM

Candelion · 04-14-2014, 11:27 AM

I went to the zoo the other day, but all I saw was a dog in a cage. It was a shih tzu.

Happy_Go_Lucky · 04-14-2014, 04:42 PM

Happy_Go_Lucky · 04-14-2014, 08:18 PM

Candelion · 04-15-2014, 07:44 AM

I decided to take an aerobics class. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for half an hour. But by the time I got my tights on, the class was over.

Happy_Go_Lucky · 04-15-2014, 08:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Candelion

I decided to take an aerobics class. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for half an hour. But by the time I got my tights on, the class was over.

This jazzercise girl has such a blank look on her face, one would never realize she was experiencing wardrobe issues.

Happy_Go_Lucky · 04-15-2014, 08:58 AM

Heavenleahangel · 04-15-2014, 02:54 PM

Per my son who is almost 7:
What happened to the mouse that fell into the bath tub? He came out squeaky clean!

Why did the cookie go to the doctor? He felt crumby!

Candelion · 04-16-2014, 12:24 PM

Old aunts used to come up to me at family weddings, poking me in the ribs and telling me, "You're next!" They stopped after I began doing the same thing to them at funerals.

04-09-2014, 04:58 PM	#142
ksrainbow Member How Do You Identify?: Valued Relationship Status: UNO Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Kansas Posts: 773 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,759 Thanked 2,197 Times in 573 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	LOL... A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm and says to the bartender, "I'll have a shot of whiskey and beer for the road."

04-09-2014, 05:17 PM	#143
ksrainbow Member How Do You Identify?: Valued Relationship Status: UNO Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Kansas Posts: 773 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,759 Thanked 2,197 Times in 573 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Ding Dongless... The one who invented the door knocker got a No-bell prize.

04-09-2014, 05:41 PM	#144
Happy_Go_Lucky Member How Do You Identify?: OFOS Butch who desires femme company. Preferred Pronoun?: Handsome devil you. Join Date: Nov 2012 Location: Anywhere I want to be Posts: 677 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,203 Thanked 3,362 Times in 627 Posts Rep Power: 21474849	__________________ Hair Pulling...... not just for preschoolers.

04-11-2014, 06:32 AM	#147
Happy_Go_Lucky Member How Do You Identify?: OFOS Butch who desires femme company. Preferred Pronoun?: Handsome devil you. Join Date: Nov 2012 Location: Anywhere I want to be Posts: 677 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,203 Thanked 3,362 Times in 627 Posts Rep Power: 21474849	__________________ Hair Pulling...... not just for preschoolers.

04-12-2014, 05:16 PM	#149
Happy_Go_Lucky Member How Do You Identify?: OFOS Butch who desires femme company. Preferred Pronoun?: Handsome devil you. Join Date: Nov 2012 Location: Anywhere I want to be Posts: 677 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,203 Thanked 3,362 Times in 627 Posts Rep Power: 21474849	How do you make a tissue dance? Put a boogie in it. __________________ Hair Pulling...... not just for preschoolers.

04-08-2014, 08:25 PM	#141
Candelion Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: she/her/you Relationship Status: He can till my field. Join Date: Jan 2014 Location: Canada Posts: 1,317 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,396 Thanked 4,031 Times in 896 Posts Rep Power: 21474849	I got in a fight one time with a really mean girl. She said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I told her she would be sorry. She said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well....you won't be able to get into the corners very well."

04-09-2014, 07:26 PM	#145
Candelion Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: she/her/you Relationship Status: He can till my field. Join Date: Jan 2014 Location: Canada Posts: 1,317 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,396 Thanked 4,031 Times in 896 Posts Rep Power: 21474849	I met a French guy on holiday and he forced me to start drinking and smoking. Bloody Pierre Pressure.

04-11-2014, 04:03 AM	#146
Candelion Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: she/her/you Relationship Status: He can till my field. Join Date: Jan 2014 Location: Canada Posts: 1,317 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,396 Thanked 4,031 Times in 896 Posts Rep Power: 21474849	My hamster died from lack of exercise. He didn't have the wheel to live.

04-12-2014, 02:05 PM	#148
Candelion Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: she/her/you Relationship Status: He can till my field. Join Date: Jan 2014 Location: Canada Posts: 1,317 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,396 Thanked 4,031 Times in 896 Posts Rep Power: 21474849	I surprised my girlfriend during sex the other day with a little move I like to call 'coming home early'.

04-13-2014, 05:31 AM	#150
Happy_Go_Lucky Member How Do You Identify?: OFOS Butch who desires femme company. Preferred Pronoun?: Handsome devil you. Join Date: Nov 2012 Location: Anywhere I want to be Posts: 677 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,203 Thanked 3,362 Times in 627 Posts Rep Power: 21474849	Could be a part of my unexplored side but....have always had a warm and fuzzy spot for nuns. __________________ Hair Pulling...... not just for preschoolers.

04-13-2014, 12:28 PM	#151
Candelion Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: she/her/you Relationship Status: He can till my field. Join Date: Jan 2014 Location: Canada Posts: 1,317 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,396 Thanked 4,031 Times in 896 Posts Rep Power: 21474849	I walked up to reception in the hotel and said, "Sorry, but I forgot what room I'm in." "No problem, ma'am. This is called the lobby."

04-13-2014, 04:05 PM	#152
Happy_Go_Lucky Member How Do You Identify?: OFOS Butch who desires femme company. Preferred Pronoun?: Handsome devil you. Join Date: Nov 2012 Location: Anywhere I want to be Posts: 677 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,203 Thanked 3,362 Times in 627 Posts Rep Power: 21474849	__________________ Hair Pulling...... not just for preschoolers.

04-14-2014, 11:27 AM	#153
Candelion Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: she/her/you Relationship Status: He can till my field. Join Date: Jan 2014 Location: Canada Posts: 1,317 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,396 Thanked 4,031 Times in 896 Posts Rep Power: 21474849	I went to the zoo the other day, but all I saw was a dog in a cage. It was a shih tzu.

04-14-2014, 04:42 PM	#154
Happy_Go_Lucky Member How Do You Identify?: OFOS Butch who desires femme company. Preferred Pronoun?: Handsome devil you. Join Date: Nov 2012 Location: Anywhere I want to be Posts: 677 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,203 Thanked 3,362 Times in 627 Posts Rep Power: 21474849	__________________ Hair Pulling...... not just for preschoolers.

04-14-2014, 08:18 PM	#155
Happy_Go_Lucky Member How Do You Identify?: OFOS Butch who desires femme company. Preferred Pronoun?: Handsome devil you. Join Date: Nov 2012 Location: Anywhere I want to be Posts: 677 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,203 Thanked 3,362 Times in 627 Posts Rep Power: 21474849	__________________ Hair Pulling...... not just for preschoolers.

04-15-2014, 07:44 AM	#156
Candelion Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: she/her/you Relationship Status: He can till my field. Join Date: Jan 2014 Location: Canada Posts: 1,317 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,396 Thanked 4,031 Times in 896 Posts Rep Power: 21474849	I decided to take an aerobics class. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for half an hour. But by the time I got my tights on, the class was over.

04-15-2014, 08:58 AM	#158
Happy_Go_Lucky Member How Do You Identify?: OFOS Butch who desires femme company. Preferred Pronoun?: Handsome devil you. Join Date: Nov 2012 Location: Anywhere I want to be Posts: 677 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,203 Thanked 3,362 Times in 627 Posts Rep Power: 21474849	__________________ Hair Pulling...... not just for preschoolers.

04-15-2014, 02:54 PM	#159
Heavenleahangel Member How Do You Identify?: OFOS Femme; Earth bound Angel and Babygirl; Preferred Pronoun?: She, Angel, as long as it's respectful Relationship Status: Waiting for the One who can complete me Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Albany, NY~but originally from Georgia Posts: 562 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,257 Thanked 2,069 Times in 468 Posts Rep Power: 18675554	Per my son who is almost 7: What happened to the mouse that fell into the bath tub? He came out squeaky clean! Why did the cookie go to the doctor? He felt crumby! __________________ Sweet Georgia Peach

04-16-2014, 12:24 PM	#160
Candelion Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: she/her/you Relationship Status: He can till my field. Join Date: Jan 2014 Location: Canada Posts: 1,317 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,396 Thanked 4,031 Times in 896 Posts Rep Power: 21474849	Old aunts used to come up to me at family weddings, poking me in the ribs and telling me, "You're next!" They stopped after I began doing the same thing to them at funerals.