Things you should never say on a date.

[*Anya*]

Met for coffee and this is a true story- who could possibly make this up:

"I haven't dated very much since my girlfriend of 5 years died of a heroin overdose and I had no idea she was an addict".

Stupefied me on so many levels.

Not the least of which was what the hell do you say to that besides "I am so sorry".

[JAGG]

The waitress just called you sir, doesn't that bother you ? You know you should let your hair grow out a little. Maybe wear some earings. You would look cute.

[Slowpurr]

I don't think there is anything, based on the answers I have read, that you should not say on a date. A date is the place to present yourself, as you are. The information is helpful to both individuals in the dating process.

Maybe there are things we may not want to hear...

[cinnamongrrl]

bumping the thread....its a favorite of mine

[Breathless]

'Its a shame, you have such a pretty face'

And because I am just too sarcastic perhaps.. My reply was..

'And it's a shame, your personality went from an 8 to -5 so fast I think I have whip lash' .. Done

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

[ShyViolet]

"My ex has locked herself in the bathroom and is threatening to kill herself, so can we stop by her place first?"



After about an hour of sitting outside, I asked one of the responding policemen for a ride back to my car.

[Mel C.]

Nothing from my own experience comes to mind (i don't date often), but keep the pointers coming.

[starryeyes]

"I want to go talk to that girl sitting over at the other table" and then get up and leave.

Yeah that happened!

Dating sucks!!

[imperfect_cupcake]

the first date I went on after my exwife left, was pretty awful. It started ok until I mentioned I was friends with X. She got very excited and said she had a huge crush on X and that X was her physical ideal. X is short, slender with long brown hair and dark eyes.
I'm tall, pixie blonde hair, pale blue eyes and very buxom and rather chubby. ok. so, like, the opposite of me. that's nice.

[MysticOceansFL]

Never talk about your ex's

[imperfect_cupcake]

Originally Posted by MysticOceansFL

Never talk about your ex's

Actually, for me, this isn't true. I'm extremely interested in knowing about peoples past relationships. Especially the first time we hang out. I was told I "track" people. In other words, I watch and listen very carefully. If I watch you order a beer, and talk to you about it a bit, I will always be able to order your beer for you. You never have to tell me twice how you take your coffee. I note the kinds of foods you order, the levels of spice and types of flavours in them. hearing about ones past relationships tells me heaps about who you are. Talking about your exes tells me how you pick people. How you deal with them. What hurts you. How you cope with that. What's important to you. How you learn.

So with me? Please tell me all about your exes. All of them. I want to know.

[*Anya*]

I think the OP wrote "things to never say on a first date" or perhaps that's my take on it.

My examples were from very first dates, first face-to face meetings.

For me, on that first date: please do not tell me that you are mainly attracted to Latin girls (I had a couple of pictures with my dating profile); please don't tell me that I am attractive because you are not attracted to thin girls (WTF) or an extensive story about your GF of 5 years heroin overdose, when you had no idea (and you lived together) that she was an addict.

One of my most classic first dates was with a psychologist and the PhD told me that he knew I wanted to sleep with him because of how my pelvis was tilted towards him on the chair, facing him. This was before I dated women but the principle is certainly the same.

Don't tell me shit like that.

A first meeting (always for coffee, meeting you there so that I could bring my get-away car) should be to see if there is any kind of emotional connection and sexual attraction.

Keep all of your deep, emotional "truths" until you know if some kind of connection is present. Then, as we trust each other and know that it is safe and the other is receptive; slowly bring them out- not all tumbling out the first time I meet you at Starbucks.

Otherwise, I felt as though I were at work, listening to a client with deep emotional needs, trying to figure out a treatment plan for that person. Not a love connection.

PS: Sometimes, now, when my girl-friend is watching some kind of romance show (she would kill me to know that I wrote that ) I tell her how glad I am, that I never (god willing) have to go out on a first date ever again.

[lamuymuyfem]

You look better than your picture….

(my internal monologue….

because I look so awful in the picture?
you mean, I'm almost presentable?
why do you want to date me if the picture was not that great?)

[Queenie]

Yeah um... do you want to pay for half of the dinner bill?....

[imperfect_cupcake]

What the hell is a deep emotional truth? - sincerely. I have no idea what this is.

[Contessa]

So this hot looking nurse had been hitting on me for a week while I was visiting a relative in the hospital. She finally asked me out. I agreed to meet her for lunch. We met at her apt parking lot first as she wanted to "show me" something..I was a bit concerned but went anyway..with pepper spray. lol I get there and she starts excitedly showing me all of these LARGE toys & bondage equipment in the bed of her filthy, greasy truck..mixed in with her tools, etc. (kid you not). She said "Wanna play with these later?" I suddenly got an "emergency text" and had to leave...

[*Anya*]

Emotional truth

Verbalizing (or writing about) a current or previously felt state of joy, sorrow, anger, envy, hostility, love, hate, misery, jealousy or happiness.

I am a psychiatric RN, so I deal with folks sharing their own deep emotional truths every day.

I did not expect it on a first meeting with someone on a very casual coffee date.

It can be any medium, however.

Wiki has the following descriptor of a guitarist performance:

The album is produced by Andy Tommasi. One reviewer wrote, "…Campilongo plays like he’s engaging in a long, very personal conversation: It ranges from heated to relaxed, angst-ridden, and even a little flirty—but it’s always fluent, spontaneous and full of nuance, texture, and emotional truth." [7]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jim_Campilongo

[imperfect_cupcake]

I still don't get what one is...

But that's ok.


For me, if the first meeting is fluffy and I don't hear anything connecting, like being emotionally open and connecting with me like... I dunno... I ask people what their first memory is. From that info I ask about their relationship to that. I'm socially promiscuous. I like gritty emotional connections with people. But I'm also a die hard extrovert and people are my books so I may differ from others who don't like connecting with strangers. Without pay lol.

This is why getting to know people is a good thing, right? If someone doesn't open up on the first meet, I think "too difficult, emotionally closed. No thanks"

I like hearing about someone's relationship with their dad. It's fascinating. Good stuff.

But you get that stuff daily. So I can see why for you, it would be a drag.

[*Anya*]

Originally Posted by honeybarbara

I still don't get what one is...

But that's ok.

I like hearing about someone's relationship with their dad. It's fascinating. Good stuff.

But you get that stuff daily. So I can see why for you, it would be a drag.

Ouch.

That feels almost insulting-maybe you did not mean it that way.

I love connecting personally emotionally with people but yes, I did draw the line at hearing for 20 minutes straight about the girlfriend that used IV heroin in the bathroom and how she had to call paramedics when she found her dead and how she did not understand that she never saw all the track marks until the open casket funeral...

Just a really out there example but I make no apologies for wanting a little more "fluffy" until, oh, maybe the second meeting.

Healthy emotional boundaries are important to me.