Important things I learned from past relationships - Page 9

ReDo · 11-29-2012, 08:24 PM

never cheat
if they lie within the first week keep walking
if they make promises that you know can't happen don't wait for them to
if you do leave never look back, don't go back there was a reason you left
don't go to bed angry it isn't worth the sleepless night
think before you react
money isn't everything and it doesn't buy happiness

Darbonaire · 12-01-2012, 08:24 AM

absolutely true....walking away is VERY hard to do but, in the end self-preservation of mind, soul, & spirit is what you HAVE to do.....you're the ONLY one responsible for your happiness & sanity. Hurt like hell or not......walk away & move forward !

DamonK · 12-01-2012, 08:32 AM

Don't forget your dreams trying to help them reach theirs.
Ultimately, it is your life, whether or not you share it with another, so do what you need in order to be happy.

Glenn · 12-01-2012, 08:45 AM

I've learned, before you get too involved, to choose wisely when you learn what their visions and goals are for their future, because you will become a part of that.

I've also learned if you leave them alone too long, they will be gone.

Blade · 12-01-2012, 09:07 AM

I've learned to steer clear of brickmasons, someone who builds brick walls. If I have to climb a brick wall take a few strides and climb another hurdle get almost to the top and falter. I've taken two steps back and have to begin climbing again. For some it's a never ending process. You might have a long term relationship but a person who builds walls, and you accept that in them, will always build walls. Relationships should have boundaries not walls.

Deception, well that speaks for itself. I'm a trusting soul until I'm not. I'll even give someone several chances to right themselves. Once I put all the pieces together and figure out the game, I'm done. This works equally in romance, friendship, coworkers.

"Oh what a tangled web we weave, When first we practice to deceive"

Canela · 12-01-2012, 08:36 PM

I learned that lies of omission are still lies.
I've learned to cut my losses, no matter how difficult.
I've learned to think/see thru the facade.
I've learned that if I'm expected to make sacrifices to be with him, he should be willing to make some too.
I've learned to value myself by the same standard (or better than) he had for himself.
I've learned to let go.
I've learned that not everyone is who they portray themselves to be, online and in real time.
I've learned to take responsibility for my part in things and be honest about it.
I've learned not everyone thinks like me regarding all the above.

mustangjeano · 12-01-2012, 08:44 PM

At least half the disfunction was MY issues....

Nomad · 12-03-2012, 12:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mustangjeano

At least half the disfunction was MY issues....

Miss Scarlett · 12-03-2012, 05:41 AM

Communication is important. If you feel as though you are losing, or have lost, your voice, speak up. The other person can't read your mind and nobody is going to speak for you...

morningstar55 · 12-03-2012, 06:15 AM

...... that somtimes 2 GPS 's are better then1 ........ lol

Nomad · 12-12-2012, 10:32 AM

"it is better to light a single candle than to sit and curse the darkness"
Confucius

clay · 12-12-2012, 10:39 AM

Every journey has its stepping stones...step for the good...

DamonK · 12-12-2012, 11:04 AM

Have sex. And often. Very. If you can predict when and how and how long, there is something wrong.

kittygrrl · 12-13-2012, 10:02 PM

there is no such thing as too many of his kisses

Guy · 12-13-2012, 10:33 PM

If something seems like it's not right, it probably isn't.

Kobi · 12-14-2012, 12:51 AM

~if it doesnt feel right, there's a reason

~if there is not a plausible explanation for things, there is a reason

~if things change and not in a good way, there is a reason

~you have gut feelings, for a reason

~not trusting your gut is self defeating

Those I have noticed.

What I have learned is, my natural curiosity aside, the reasons behind any of those seldom matter. Ignoring any of them guarantees they will come back to bite you in the hiney.

KCBUTCH · 02-02-2013, 11:46 AM

I am still freshly single- what I've learned so far is
-I Loved with all my heart-but my heart cannot get through closed doors
-I learned just because it didn't work out doesn't mean I did anything wrong
-I am learning some days are better than other and she still sneaks into me by surprise and that may take along time to heal
-I learned that I am capable a loving immensely
-I learned what sacrifices can be endured out of Love
-I am learning no matter what I think - I cant think my pain away
- I am learning how not to go run amuck to try to fix and shut out the pain, I can feel it and it will go away.
-I am learning-I HURT just as deeply as I loved and it's very draining
-I learned I dont have to stop loving others EVER.

oksoftbutch · 02-02-2013, 11:55 AM

Communication is paramount.
If that first kiss doesn't spark something for both of you, chances are there will be nothing.
I am sure there is much more....just what I learned from the last short lived one.

AzAshburn · 02-07-2013, 05:15 AM

The most important thing that I have ever learnt from my last breakup which was three years ago is to love myself more than to love anyone else. I have learnt that I should have some self-respect and do not be so gullible when it comes to love because people can change fast, so does the heart. I have also learnt that what doesn't kill me makes me strong and I should be thankful for the breakup as it has made a stronger and better person. I have learnt to let go if they refuse to stay, because you can never hold on to something that does not belong to you anymore. I have learnt that you can't make someone loves you if they don't feel the same way.. and I have learnt that I should prioritise my own needs and goals to gain happiness and attain success...

I have learnt that a breakup doesn't mean it's the end of the world..

DaddiBear · 03-04-2013, 01:11 AM

What have I learned?

Most recently, I learned that I deserve to be more than just an option...I deserve to be the only one. Before that, I learned that I will not be held captive by guilt, chemical dependency, and no one will put their hands on me in anger and not pay a price. Along my journey, I have learned many valuable lessons, many of which I cannot directly identify individually because they have become such an integral part of who I am today. What I can say is that I am a better person now because of the lessons learned along the way. I hope that in some way, I have left each person I have had a relationship with a little better, too.

MamaBear

11-29-2012, 08:24 PM	#161
ReDo Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: her Relationship Status: I am the treat to your trick Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Florida Posts: 129 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 265 Thanked 883 Times in 93 Posts Rep Power: 9521535	never cheat if they lie within the first week keep walking if they make promises that you know can't happen don't wait for them to if you do leave never look back, don't go back there was a reason you left don't go to bed angry it isn't worth the sleepless night think before you react money isn't everything and it doesn't buy happiness __________________ Always remember, tomorrow is another chance for a great day.

12-01-2012, 08:24 AM	#162
Darbonaire Timed Out How Do You Identify?: MALE Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Working on myself, thank you Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Virginia Posts: 186 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 343 Thanked 552 Times in 145 Posts Rep Power: 0	Don't go back absolutely true....walking away is VERY hard to do but, in the end self-preservation of mind, soul, & spirit is what you HAVE to do.....you're the ONLY one responsible for your happiness & sanity. Hurt like hell or not......walk away & move forward !

12-01-2012, 09:07 AM	#165
Blade Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: TG Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: once in a while someone amazing comes along...and here I am! Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Down on the farm Posts: 5,501 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,855 Thanked 14,414 Times in 4,058 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	Beware of walls and deception I've learned to steer clear of brickmasons, someone who builds brick walls. If I have to climb a brick wall take a few strides and climb another hurdle get almost to the top and falter. I've taken two steps back and have to begin climbing again. For some it's a never ending process. You might have a long term relationship but a person who builds walls, and you accept that in them, will always build walls. Relationships should have boundaries not walls. Deception, well that speaks for itself. I'm a trusting soul until I'm not. I'll even give someone several chances to right themselves. Once I put all the pieces together and figure out the game, I'm done. This works equally in romance, friendship, coworkers. "Oh what a tangled web we weave, When first we practice to deceive" __________________ Yeah so what if I'm triple dipped in awesome sauce? The best way to predict the future, is to create it.

12-01-2012, 08:36 PM	#166
Canela Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Queer Stone Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Babe, she, her, ella Relationship Status: Well loved… Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Texas Posts: 2,375 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 10,643 Thanked 6,515 Times in 1,697 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	I learned that lies of omission are still lies. I've learned to cut my losses, no matter how difficult. I've learned to think/see thru the facade. I've learned that if I'm expected to make sacrifices to be with him, he should be willing to make some too. I've learned to value myself by the same standard (or better than) he had for himself. I've learned to let go. I've learned that not everyone is who they portray themselves to be, online and in real time. I've learned to take responsibility for my part in things and be honest about it. I've learned not everyone thinks like me regarding all the above. __________________ . . . . . Happiness is like a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you ~Nathaniel Hawthorne

12-01-2012, 08:44 PM	#167
mustangjeano Member How Do You Identify?: old school stonebutch, Queer TG butch, ranch hand Preferred Pronoun?: he Relationship Status: single, not looking Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: Northern Ca. Posts: 1,088 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,459 Thanked 1,029 Times in 361 Posts Rep Power: 15314316	At least half the disfunction was MY issues.... __________________ "Your outlook affects your outcome". John Paul Warren

12-01-2012, 08:32 AM	#163
DamonK Senior Member How Do You Identify?: . Preferred Pronoun?: . Relationship Status: . Join Date: May 2010 Location: . Posts: 2,199 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,527 Thanked 7,762 Times in 1,881 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	Don't forget your dreams trying to help them reach theirs. Ultimately, it is your life, whether or not you share it with another, so do what you need in order to be happy.

12-01-2012, 08:45 AM	#164
Glenn Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Dear ol butch bones. Preferred Pronoun?: Old G Relationship Status: Too old to play. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: :rolleyes: Posts: 1,547 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,601 Thanked 3,730 Times in 1,095 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I've learned, before you get too involved, to choose wisely when you learn what their visions and goals are for their future, because you will become a part of that. I've also learned if you leave them alone too long, they will be gone.

12-03-2012, 05:41 AM	#169
Miss Scarlett Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Relationship Status: . Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: . Posts: 5,530 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,478 Thanked 12,947 Times in 3,419 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	Communication is important. If you feel as though you are losing, or have lost, your voice, speak up. The other person can't read your mind and nobody is going to speak for you...

12-03-2012, 06:15 AM	#170
morningstar55 Senior Member How Do You Identify?: femme,she Preferred Pronoun?: she,her, Relationship Status: very single Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: western NY Posts: 3,809 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,280 Thanked 4,240 Times in 1,845 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	...... that somtimes 2 GPS 's are better then1 ........ lol __________________ -------------------------------------------- life is to short to wake up in the morning with regrets so love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who dont, and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance take it... if it changes your life let it.

12-12-2012, 10:32 AM	#171
Nomad Timed Out How Do You Identify?: stone femme Daddy's girl Preferred Pronoun?: she/her Relationship Status: disinterested Join Date: Jun 2012 Location: in my head Posts: 991 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,848 Thanked 3,745 Times in 734 Posts Rep Power: 0	what i learned "it is better to light a single candle than to sit and curse the darkness" Confucius

12-12-2012, 10:39 AM	#172
clay Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Butch (Silver Fox) Dom Daddi Preferred Pronoun?: 50 Shades of Clay Darker & Deeper Relationship Status: married to my forever Join Date: May 2011 Location: salt air & sandy beaches Posts: 13,136 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 97,015 Thanked 31,679 Times in 7,748 Posts Rep Power: 21474864	Every journey has its stepping stones...step for the good... __________________ To find someone who will love you for no reason, and to shower that person with reasons, that is the ultimate happiness. ~Robert Brault

12-12-2012, 11:04 AM	#173
DamonK Senior Member How Do You Identify?: . Preferred Pronoun?: . Relationship Status: . Join Date: May 2010 Location: . Posts: 2,199 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,527 Thanked 7,762 Times in 1,881 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	Have sex. And often. Very. If you can predict when and how and how long, there is something wrong.

12-13-2012, 10:02 PM	#174
kittygrrl Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: 'dark matter' Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: near the wild mushrooms Posts: 9,319 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 21,565 Thanked 21,925 Times in 7,058 Posts Rep Power: 21474861	there is no such thing as too many of his kisses __________________ "MAKE AMERICA THINK AGAIN"

12-13-2012, 10:33 PM	#175
Guy Senior Member How Do You Identify?: . Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: . Posts: 1,858 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,258 Thanked 2,574 Times in 889 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	what I have learned If something seems like it's not right, it probably isn't.

12-14-2012, 12:51 AM	#176
Kobi Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Biological female. Lesbian. Relationship Status: Happy Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Hanging out in the Atlantic. Posts: 9,234 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,840 Thanked 34,654 Times in 7,652 Posts Rep Power: 21474861	~if it doesnt feel right, there's a reason ~if there is not a plausible explanation for things, there is a reason ~if things change and not in a good way, there is a reason ~you have gut feelings, for a reason ~not trusting your gut is self defeating Those I have noticed. What I have learned is, my natural curiosity aside, the reasons behind any of those seldom matter. Ignoring any of them guarantees they will come back to bite you in the hiney. __________________

02-02-2013, 11:46 AM	#177
KCBUTCH Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Undaunted QUEER Dom, Daddy Preferred Pronoun?: MYSELF, Syr, Hy, or friend prefered Relationship Status: Cautious, indifferent... Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Below the foothills above the beach Posts: 1,848 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,240 Thanked 3,305 Times in 884 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	I am still freshly single- what I've learned so far is -I Loved with all my heart-but my heart cannot get through closed doors -I learned just because it didn't work out doesn't mean I did anything wrong -I am learning some days are better than other and she still sneaks into me by surprise and that may take along time to heal -I learned that I am capable a loving immensely -I learned what sacrifices can be endured out of Love -I am learning no matter what I think - I cant think my pain away - I am learning how not to go run amuck to try to fix and shut out the pain, I can feel it and it will go away. -I am learning-I HURT just as deeply as I loved and it's very draining -I learned I dont have to stop loving others EVER. __________________ "If you want to know the secrets of the Universe, think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration"-Nikola Tesla Last edited by KCBUTCH; 02-02-2013 at 12:00 PM.

02-02-2013, 11:55 AM	#178
oksoftbutch Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Soft butch Preferred Pronoun?: whatever floats your boat as long as you don't mistake me for a femme. Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: oklahoma Posts: 54 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 214 Thanked 119 Times in 39 Posts Rep Power: 1040008	Communication is paramount. If that first kiss doesn't spark something for both of you, chances are there will be nothing. I am sure there is much more....just what I learned from the last short lived one.

02-07-2013, 05:15 AM	#179
AzAshburn Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Show me how to fix my broken heart? Join Date: Feb 2013 Location: Somewhere Over The Rainbow Posts: 12 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6 Thanked 45 Times in 11 Posts Rep Power: 1549795	The most important thing that I have ever learnt from my last breakup which was three years ago is to love myself more than to love anyone else. I have learnt that I should have some self-respect and do not be so gullible when it comes to love because people can change fast, so does the heart. I have also learnt that what doesn't kill me makes me strong and I should be thankful for the breakup as it has made a stronger and better person. I have learnt to let go if they refuse to stay, because you can never hold on to something that does not belong to you anymore. I have learnt that you can't make someone loves you if they don't feel the same way.. and I have learnt that I should prioritise my own needs and goals to gain happiness and attain success... I have learnt that a breakup doesn't mean it's the end of the world..

03-04-2013, 01:11 AM	#180
DaddiBear Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: A gentlemn Relationship Status: Single and looking Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Louisville, KY Posts: 23 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2 Thanked 44 Times in 16 Posts Rep Power: 1385378	What have I learned? Most recently, I learned that I deserve to be more than just an option...I deserve to be the only one. Before that, I learned that I will not be held captive by guilt, chemical dependency, and no one will put their hands on me in anger and not pay a price. Along my journey, I have learned many valuable lessons, many of which I cannot directly identify individually because they have become such an integral part of who I am today. What I can say is that I am a better person now because of the lessons learned along the way. I hope that in some way, I have left each person I have had a relationship with a little better, too. MamaBear