What is on your mind

[little_ms_sunshyne]

My plans for the weekend...How come I don't have any?

[bigbutchmistie]

I know how Cody feels. I do that most nights. Ive been single for so long. Ive dated but no relationship for a few years now. There are some days harder than others. Most when I just wanna kiss and cuddle. And I physically ache for someone special. Others I want her here because I feel Ive accomplished so much and have no one to share my life with. Friends are great but they dont keep you warm at night..

I learned after my last one that no matter how much I ache to be coupled I will not settle. It never works, and its not fair to either party. I'd rather spend the rest of my life single and alone than spend a lifetime with someone who doesnt truly love me. So I will continue to wait, until I have just what I want.

This has been on my mind today....

[bigbutchmistie]

Originally Posted by little_ms_sunshyne

My plans for the weekend...How come I don't have any?

Neither Do I... Dont feel bad.. Its that way every weekend

[RockOn]

Today I was busy rummaging through the sale boxes up near the cash registers at Office depot, muttering to myself. I looked up and there was a butch femme couple about my age right there beside me with their buggy. I grinned, asked them how they were doing - being friendly ... said something about trying to find a particular flash drive in that bin. They both spoke. The femme was very friendly and chatty but when I tried to say more to the butch, I got that "wary eye" look of someone who maybe has been burned. Everyone knows what I am talking about. I continued to speak only to the butch looking at her eye to eye as I spoke but could never get anything friendly going.

Later, it made me remember I have been that same way when a lone, random butch we did not know tried to be friendly with us in passing. Though I have not been able to get a sample in years and years of how I would react now because of singledom ... I do hope I have changed to the point that I don't feel so territorial ... or jealous ... or protective ... or ...what ever along those lines. I know when I think about it, I do not like having been that way in the past ... it is embarrassing to tell this on myself in an open forum ... but what the hell ... the truth is the truth.

[Jet]

Originally Posted by Brock

territorial ... or jealous ... or protective ... or ...what ever along those lines.

its always that shit. I've only met about two butches in my life who weren't insecure.

[Spirit Dancer]

The saying
Fool me once shame me
Fool me twice shame on you.

[Kätzchen]

My truth is that I am a woman who seeks stability in the eye of the storm: I am grateful for the friends I have in life and I strive to be worthy of the friendship, love and care that my family of friends offer to me.

[Miss Scarlett]

Still trying to figure out why when my Dad remarried, he decided that the family he had with my Mom (as in my 3brothers, their families and me) ceased to exist. This was brought on after a conversation I had yesterday with my stepmother. I called to see what the family plans were for Thanksgiving this year - she and Dad are going out of town to spend the holiday with some of her family. Later in the day I spoke with my Dad about coming over and getting some photos (my counselor wants to see some photos from my childhood). At first he was "Sure come on over" only to call me back later to tell me that he needed several days to get all the photos together. When he started dating my stepmother, Dad put away just about everything having to do with us . There is not a single photo anywhere on display in his house of my side of the family; not even his 9 grandkids. Plenty of my stepmother's but none of Dad's.

[cuddlyfemme]

Originally Posted by Miss Scarlett

Still trying to figure out why when my Dad remarried, he decided that the family he had with my Mom (as in my 3brothers, their families and me) ceased to exist. This was brought on after a conversation I had yesterday with my stepmother. I called to see what the family plans were for Thanksgiving this year - she and Dad are going out of town to spend the holiday with some of her family. Later in the day I spoke with my Dad about coming over and getting some photos (my counselor wants to see some photos from my childhood). At first he was "Sure come on over" only to call me back later to tell me that he needed several days to get all the photos together. When he started dating my stepmother, Dad put away just about everything having to do with us . There is not a single photo anywhere on display in his house of my side of the family; not even his 9 grandkids. Plenty of my stepmother's but none of Dad's.

My dad did the exact samething when he started dating and then married my step mother. He doesn't have anything to do with his 3 kids and grandkidsd although he spends alot of time with my step brother. I haven't heard (letter, phone or anything) from my dad in over 10 years. I used to try to initate coversation with him but he was never interested so I stopped. I'm not sure if this is my dad's doing or my step mother telling him that he can't have anything to do with his kids and grandkids

[cuddlyfemme]

Whats on my mind is a phone call that I had last night with a close friend

[Softly]

It's really only 730am? really?!
I want to go home

[JakeTulane]

Friends, acquaintances, people that are there and say just the right thing when you need it the most and least expect it.

[JustLovelyJenn]

I am making myself take time for ME!!! Tomorrow I am going to go bum around downtown in Olympia. I love that town, and I know I will enjoy an afternoon of slow casual fun.

[Kenna]

Will I get to spend Christmas with my beautiful nieces? Time will tell.

[adorable]

Thank you daddy.

Whew!

[little_ms_sunshyne]

Kinda disappointed. Oh well, I tried.

[Oiler41]

What is on my mind today, is the same thing that has been on my mind for the last two days, one of my guys at work, Lupe (Loopay) L. I had the day at work that as the manager of health and safety for a business, you think about, train for and mull over in your mind what could happen and how you might respond. On Thursday morning at approximately 9:30 a.m., Lupe was found on the floor in his work area. He was not breathing, he had no pulse and he had lost all bodily functions. Two things had happened; the first that we suspected but were not sure of at that moment, was that he had a massive heart attack. We later found out at the hospital that the main artery to his heart was 100% blocked. The doctor termed it "sudden death" because of the blockage. The second thing was that when the heart attack hit him, he had a mouth full of food and subsequently sucked that food into his throat so we knew he had choked. We didn't know how long he had been down, and we still don't know.

The emergency call came out for me. When I got to him, two employees were trying to do what they could; Jose was periodically rolling him up on his side cleaning out his mouth and laying him back down and Roman was doing chest compressions on him when he was on his back. There was no doubt that his airway was obstructed and he was dead. His face was blue. I immediately started trying to simulate a Heimlich maneuver while Lupe was on his side. Martine, who is a very large, robust man, got there and we stood Lupe up and Martine performed an upright Heimlich maneuver; the blockage still wouldn't come out. We put him back on the floor and I tried twice more to dislodge the obstruction and it finally came out. It seemed like an eternity had passed but all of this happened rapidly. Lupe needed air.

Roman continued the chest compressions and I started artificial respiration. In all honesty, I didn't know if I could do it. The employees who were helping, and all the bystanders just couldn't go there and it was damn well one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. I gave Lupe two breaths and the color in his face momentarily came back, but then he turned blue again. More chest compressions, more breaths. Then the EMS people arrived and took over. They had a hard time getting the tube in Lupe's throat so they could bag him with air. They suctioned his mouth trying to help get the tube in and it finally went in. They jump started his heart twice on the scene and then quickly loaded him up headed for the hospital.

The HR manager and I went to the hospital to meet with Lupe's family. He was still alive, blood flow had been restored to his heart, and he was breathing on his own, but he was on a ventilator just to give him help. The concern was how long had he been without air. They started a hypothermia protocol to lower his body temperature. The doctor said that now we had to wait. 24-72 hours. We are almost at the 48 hour mark as I write this.

Fast forward 24 hours from when we found him; they tried activating his gag reflex manually; no response. They poked his eyes; no response. He apparently has enough brain function left to breathe and pump his heart, but all indications so far are that there isn't much else there. They started bringing him out of the hypothermia encouraging everyone there with him to talk to him to try to bring him out of it. Around 4 p.m. yesterday, Lupe had another heart attack while in ICU; the hospital staff made everyone leave and then called his family back in and they called for a Priest to administer Last Rites. I called this morning; he is still listed as critical. His eyes are open, but there is no reponse; there is no withdrawal to pain stimulation. Unless something really drastic happens today to turn things around, I don't see much hope for recovery.

I've been struggling with this since it happened. I know that we did all that we could to save him before EMS got there; I know that EMS did all they could to save him on the way to the hospital, and I so had hoped after listening to the doctor, that Lupe might make it through this. On some level, I still have hope now. As I've replayed the whole scene in my mind, I can't really think of anything I would have done differently or could have done differently. Time was apparently not on our side from the start, and the difficulty dislodging his airway obstruction just made things worse. The brain can only go 6-9 minutes without oxygen before severe brain damage occurs.

So today, I have a different perspective on this. 31 years ago I got the call about my brother; not that he was in the hospital, but that he was dead. 25 years ago, my father died in a similar fashion as to what has happened to Lupe, literally just dropping dead. I didn't get a call that my dad was in the hospital; I got the call that he was dead. So I can only take some comfort in that at least all of his children, his wife, nieces, nephews and grandchildren get to see him, albeit in a difficult way. They are having the chance to see him and likely say goodbye, and to follow their religious belief of Last Rites; all a part of closure and the grief process.

There is some advice I want to offer up. Go learn CPR; you never know when you may need it. When the HR Manager tried to reach his family, the contact information on file was no good. The only way we were able to reach a family member was because another employee's wife worked with Lupe's niece so she got the call. Make sure your emergency contact information at work is good. Update it when things change. Don't use a home phone number of someone who works the same hours you do. In most cell phones, numbers appear before letters so put a contact in your phone with the name "4Emergency Contact" so that it will be the first item in your cell phone list of contacts.

This has been one of the toughest moments in my career. We train, we plan, we act. Sometimes that just isn't enough if the circumstances just don't go exactly the way we would hope they would go or the way we need them to go to achieve a different outcome. I'm thankful that after this event I was able to come home to my wife to tell her that I love her. She is my anchor and has certainly been here to help me work through all of this. Sorry for the long post, but I needed to write this all down and this community has given me a place to feel safe in doing so.

Glynn

[asphaltcowboi]

im wondering...... sence the doc has me grounded (no motorcycle) due to a herina does it also mean no hump day for me? then if it does am i on a six day week? hmm better get some more coffee befor having such deep thoughts

[friskyfemme]

Originally Posted by cody

im wondering...... sence the doc has me grounded (no motorcycle) due to a herina does it also mean no hump day for me? then if it does am i on a six day week? hmm better get some more coffee befor having such deep thoughts

((((Cody))))

Sweetie, sorry to hear you're 'grounded'. Know it must be tough for you. As for the 'hump day' ...we-l-l... I am more concerned with your ability to 'perform' on hump day vs a midweek break.

Get well soon.

[WolfyOne]

Just got off the phone with a manager from an Auto Zone thanks to one of my friends I'm staying with right now. Anyhow, we chatted briefly about my auto parts experience and it peaked his interest. He's going to see if he can pull up an old app I put in online from where I used to live. I would, however have to wait until next Friday or Saturday to sit down and have a real in your face interview because after today, he'll be out of town until then. This job would be right up my alley and put me in my comfort zone. I want a job asap, but sometimes good things are worth the wait.

The only other job I applied for that really peaked my interest was Home Depot and they called me yesterday. We did a phone interview and perhaps that will lead to a store interview. With Black Friday upon us, some of these big chain stores will be scurrying to put their help in place.

I have no doubt that this move was good for me for more reasons than just being able to find a job in a bigger town. I still have my good days and bad days, but in time the bad will fade and all my confidence will be back.